Breaking girl code

Brayden

"Get out!" Brayden screamed through his clenched teeth, you could tell he had been crying for a while. around his eyes were dark red, he was curled up in a ball on his bed. "Brayden, it's 3 in the morning, how are you still up?" I tried to change the subject, "I haven't been sleeping." he didn't look at my when he spoke, he stared straight forward. "you need to get some sleep, or at least try." I commanded but he refused, " don't you think I've tried, I cant, I lay there in pain knowing that it's my fault and I just can't sleep, and when I do finally cry myself to sleep the I have an anxiety attack and wake up unable to move for what feels like an hour, I can't do this!" he stumbles and lays his head on my shoulder crying, "it's ok, it's ok, it's not your fault, it's not anyone's fault, sometimes bad things just happen, it's ok." I put my hand on the back of his head and scrolled my fingers through his hair, I have to admit it, being there for him, it felt like home, I think Brayden is the love of my life, but, I don't know if he will ever feel the same about me ever again. all those years of her getting mad because I got him a birthday present and she didn't even know it was his birthday, they gone, I hated having to listen to her talk about how they will end up together, but now, I would give up the world just have her back. I loved her like a sister, but, I love Brayden too. I couldn't ever be with him though, because of syd. I had always been syd, she kept me from my best friend and from realizing that I love him, she would get mad when I would even say hi in the hallways, what kind of a best friend was she. if I had really spoke my mind all the time people would hate me, I would dis on syd and the popular girls would cry and say to stop because she was their bestie, which isn't true at all, even though those girls made fun of us Sydney still wanted to be one, too bad she had to die in order for that to happen. that night, me and Brayden spent all night just talking, we laughed about the memories and hugged when we remembered something sad, I'm pretty sure I got him out of his shut down. it had taken 7 hours to fix him from a 4 1/2 month break down, I'll consider that a victory in my book, especially since it took 3 weeks to fix the last one. I had missed him since he was, gone, and I'm glad that I came, there was a silence broken by his words, "look Quinn, I really need to tell you something, but, you can't freak out, just listen, don't talk." I nodded in agreement, "Quinn, I...... I love you!" the look on his face seemed worried about how I would react, but before I could, his dad burst into the room, i jumped up and swung myself out the window and ran, I could hear the yelling, but it wasn't his dad yelling at him, it was Brayden yelling at his dad, I ran and ran, until I was lost, after all that work, I don't know if Brayden will go back into shut down mode because of his dad finding me in his room or if he's fine, but either way, what the fuck am I going to say to him, I can't tell him I love him too, even though I do, I can't risk our friendship.