The only sound coming from the kitchen is the clatter of forks against plates. I tried several times to make conversation with people, but everyone gave me a quick answer, destroying the purpose of me talking to them in the first place.
“How was school, Beck?” I questioned, popping a forkful of food in my mouth. I’m not positive what I’m eating because Chloe likes to try different recipes all the time. She’s designated as chef and even if she comes up with the weirdest meals to try out, they always turn out great.
He looked up from his plate stuffed with food and gave me a death glare before continuing eating like I never spoke. Trying again, I went for a more reasonable approach. “I heard one of the football players broke his leg and won’t be able to play the rest of the season. They’re trying to fill the spot. You should try out, Beck. You used to play sports all the time.”
“It’s not football season, dumba*s.” He stated, rolling his eyes.
“Oh.” I puckered my lips and shrugged my shoulders, not at all bothered by his attitude. “Maybe it was soccer. Or baseball. Something like that.”
I waited a few minutes for him to say something, but after a while I realized he wasn’t going to. “Are you going to try out?” I asked gently, hoping not to get him agitated.
“Just stay the f*ck out of my business!” he snapped, causing me to jump a little due to the unexpectedness.
A fist slammed down on the table, causing everything to clatter and the table to shake. “Beck!” Jackson snarled viciously, the growl in his chest vibrating intensely. “Why do you have to act like a little b*tch every time she opens her mouth?” Jackson growled, standing up for me like he always did.
Beck grinned and at that moment I wished I could vanish in thin air. “Her mouth is always open. We all know how much of a whore she is. Dad, especially.”
“What the hell is your problem?! You know she-” Jackson started to yell before I cut in.
“Jacks, it’s okay.” I promised. “Don’t worry about it.” I picked up my plate and bottle of water and stood. “I’ll go eat in my room.”
I left the kitchen before he had the chance to tell me to sit down and entered my room, placing my food on the desk in the far right corner. What Beck said definitely hurt and I struggled not to cry at the memories bombarding me. He doesn’t understand what it was like for me and I know I should be considerate of how all of this has affected him, but it would be easier if he wasn’t as nasty.
I took out my sketch pad and flipped past my last artwork to a fresh page where my hand took over and began drawing. Time froze around me and I became so lost, I couldn’t even identify what I drew. My eyes were glued to the page and my head drifted into another world, allowing my hands to take over.
***
“Come in!” his husky voice called and I smiled widely.
I’ve never been in a guy’s room before and even if it’s my mate’s, it’s definitely something I’m not comfortable with. As the door opened wider and wider I was able to see my mate’s curious eyes. My gaze shifted from my mate to the half-naked girl straddling his waist and my eyes widened as I realized what I interrupted.
“O-oh. I’m s-sorry.” I stammered. It took all of the little strength that I had not to burst into tears.
“What do you want?” he snapped, rubbing his hand up the girl’s thigh, making her giggle.
I couldn’t take my eyes off the girl on top of my mate. Not even thirty minutes ago we were having a special moment in the kitchen. “Could we talk?” I asked lightly because my voice would break if I talked any louder.
He stared at me with no emotion for a minute before sighing and lightly pushing the girl off of him. The girl I’ve never seen before groaned loudly and stood up, crossing her arms and glaring at me. “Why are you even here?”
I open my mouth, but have no idea how to answer that question. I’m here to talk to Blake about the events that took place in the kitchen, but it’s not like I could tell her that.
“Just leave, Lizzy.”
“But-”
“I said leave.” He growled, authority lacing his words. Of course Blake has so much power and people automatically do as he says. He’s Beta and best friends with Jackson, the Alpha.
The girl rolled her eyes and put on her clothes even though they looked cut up to the point where most of her skin showed. The girl –whose name I assume is Lizzy- left and bumped into my shoulder as she walked out, cursing me under her breath.
I focused my attention back on Blake who got up, closed his bedroom door, and then sat back down on his bed.
“Are you going to say something or stand there looking stupid?” he barked. I flinched at his harsh tone and cruel words, but tried to look past it.
“I wanted to talk to you about what happened in the kitchen.” I replied, a smile lighting up my face at the memory of his soft lips on my cheek. “We’re mates and I figured-”
“I don’t want to be your mate.” He stated. His response sounded so confident and indubitable that it took me a minute to understand what he said. Each individual word felt like a knife slicing at me all over and the ache intensified when I saw the certain look in his eyes. He really doesn’t want me as a mate. A pain throbbed in the area where my heart was located and I wished so badly that this moment wasn’t happening.
“But what about our moment? You didn’t feel anything? At all?” I practically pleaded. Much to my protest a single tear slipped down my cheek. No wonder he doesn’t want me; just look how weak I am. And I can make a list to go around the world a hundred times of reasons not to have me as a mate.
“What moment? I didn’t feel shit.”
I gulped, hoping my tears would stay at bay until I could at least get outside to the field. I always went far away to an open field whenever I cry, so no one can hear me breakdown. “Y-you’re lying.” My voice quivered and no confidence coated my voice. He knows how much this is affecting me. Not just emotionally, but the pain is way worse physically.
He stood up, his posture stiff with his hands clenched at his sides. Blake walked up to me until our faces were inches apart and his minty breath blew across my face. The closeness and beauty of his face made me weak in the knees.
“I don’t want a retarted slut as a mate.” He snarled. His voice isn’t what caused my heart to crack. It’s that look in his eyes that tell me he isn’t changing his mind. “You’re worthless.”
My breath started coming out roughly and I looked at anything but his face. Those cold, dark eyes will be glued to the inside of my eyelids for the rest of my life.
“I understand.” I responded. If he doesn’t want me as a mate, there’s nothing I can do. There’s no law that states all mates should accept each other. “There’s not anything I could do?”
He rolled his beautiful blue eyes. My bottom lip quivered as tears raced each other down my cheeks. He’s my only hope to ever being loved. If he doesn’t want me, no one will. “No, because I hate you.”
My eyes widened in shock as I looked up at his tall figure. No pain compared to your mate saying he hates you. I’d rather go through what I went through in the eighth grade for every day of my life rather than have the guy I love say those three words. I wouldn’t be surprised if he heard the loud tearing of my heart. “I can change, Blake. I know you don’t mean any of that, you’re just embarrassed by me and-“
“Just get out of my f*cking room, you already ruined my night.” He snapped. I turned around, but he grabbed my elbow so roughly I yelped. I looked up at his lifeless eyes. “Don’t. Tell. Anyone.”
I nodded my head and darted out of the room, never running as fast in my entire life. I made it to the bottom of the stairs before choked sobs escaped past my lips. Once the first sob came lose, there was no stopping my tears and cries. The pain around my heart got worse as I left the house and headed further and further from my mate.
I dashed through the trees and protruding braches even though it’s not good for my health. I need to be alone in my personal space where I can let all my pain out without anyone witnessing.
Just like predicted, I made it to the opening in the trees and collided against the grass, letting all my pain out into the open air.
I jumped violently in my bed and then darted upright, bursting into untamable sobs as I realized it was just another nightmare. I shouldn’t really call it a nightmare though, compared to other nightmares this was a dream.
I heard footsteps trudging down the hall and knew immediately it was Jackson coming to check on me like he did whenever I had a nightmare. I turned my head to look at the alarm clock on the side of my bed and noted that it was two o’clock in the morning. I felt bad that I woke Jackson up at the same time every night. Sometimes I even woke Chloe up and they both needed as much sleep as they could get because they were always busy. Being Alphas took a lot of work and drained the energy out of them.
“Rain,” Jackson groaned and I turned in the direction of my door. It was pitch black and I couldn’t see him or anything, but I was too shaken up to turn on the lamp on my bedside table. “Can’t you go one night without a nightmare?”
“I’m sorry, Jacks.” I apologized. “You can go back to bed, I’ll be fine.”
He sighed and I could tell he was right next to my bed. “No, it’s fine, you can’t help it. I just wish you could go a night without waking up screaming. With your condition you can’t be missing out on sleep.” He mumbled sleepily so that I could barely understand what he said. “Move over.”
I slid over in the bed and sniffed back the tears that were threatening to spill. This is the first time I’ve ever had a nightmare about my mate not wanting me. All my other ones are about what I went through as a child and sadly, I’d prefer to have those nightmares than these. I got rejected once; I don’t want to go through it over and over again.
“You want to talk about it?” Jackson asked. He lifted up the blanket and then hopped in beside me. After trying to get comfortable for a few minutes, he stopped and faced me. The light coming from outside allowed me to see his worn out and concerned expression.
I thought it over a few times. Of course I wanted to talk about it; I talked to Jackson about all my problems. But this was something that I needed to keep to myself because he couldn’t find out about my mate rejecting me. He would be so ashamed and I already know how embarrassed he is to have a sister with so many problems.
“Not tonight,” I choked out, Blake’s cold eyes flashing in my mind.
I knew he was surprised because I always talked about my nightmares. Always. Mostly because he saw what happened when I was thirteen and is the only person to understand my story.
“You sure? I know it’ll make you feel better.” He urged. Jackson liked listening to me rant just as much as I liked to talk. I never understood how he could sit there and listen to me talk about stuff so horrid.
“Yeah, I’m sure.” I confirmed, nodding my head although he probably couldn’t see me. “Can you sing, Jacks?”
He groaned, pulling the covers over his head. “Please Rain. Don’t make me sing. I just want to sleep.”
“Alright, you don’t have to.” I replied. Secretly I wanted him to sing my favorite song because it helped me go back to sleep. But if he was too tired to, I wouldn’t make him. He needed his sleep just as much as me, if not more.
He sighed angrily and threw the covers off his head. “Fine. I’ll sing.” Jackson snapped in pretend anger. I knew he wasn’t really mad because he never got infuriated with anyone. Besides Beck, they always fight a lot. But that’s usually my fault.
I smiled and wiped away any tears that escaped without me noticing. I closed my eyes and waited for him to sing. As weird as it sounds, Jackson has an amazing singing voice. He only sang for me and Chloe though. He says it’s too embarrassing, especially since he’s alpha.
‘Close your eyes,
Just forget about it all.
Don’t you worry,
I’ll never let you fall.
Please don’t cry,
Wipe away all those tears,
I’ll protect you,
From all of your fears.
It’ll get better,
You wait and see.
Because together,
We will break free.
I hate to see you like this.
A broken girl with a broken wing.
Is there something I could do?
Say the words, I’ll do anything
For you.’
He continued to sing the rest of the song until he finished. I smiled and hugged him tightly. “Thanks, Jacks.”
Lazily he mumbled, “Umhm. Feel any better?”
I nodded my head and smiled up at my amazing big brother. “Yeah, I do.” I thought everything over for a second and my nightmare came flashing back, reminding me of why I woke up screaming. “Can I ask you something?”
“I can’t go to bed yet?” he groaned. I frowned, propping my head on my elbow. “Just kidding. What’s the question?”
Puckering my lips, I absentmindedly started playing with a loose string coming out of my blanket. “Are all mates supposed to love each other?”
The room then became quiet and I silently wished that he hasn’t figured everything out. A minute or two later I heard him sigh and then pull me into a big bear hug. “Are you scared your mates not gonna love you?”
His gentle voice brought tears to my eyes at the thought of how ashamed he would be if the secret ever came out in the open. Slowly I nodded my head. “Something like that.”
He sighed and shook his head, looking down at me with the pitiful expression. “Rain, I promise you your mate will love you no matter what. Your past and your health problems won’t scare him away, I promise. And you know what?”
I shrugged my shoulders as I felt a hysterical sob climbing up my throat. “What?” I croaked.
He laughed to himself and I already knew what he was going to say. “If he doesn’t treat you like a princess, I will break every f*cking bone in his body. That sound good?”
I laughed at how well my brother can lighten up such a serious topic for me and wiped away the silent tears that fell. “I love you, Jackson.”
He snorted, something that Chloe always found attractive. “What idiot doesn’t love me.” He teased and looked down at me, a serious expression masking his face. “Can I go back to bed with Chloe? Are you going to be alright?”
I forced a big smile on my face to show him that I would be fine. “Yeah, go head.”
“Alright, see you in the morning.” He mumbled and got out of my bed, trudging out of my room.
I sighed heavily, releasing the breath I had no clue I was holding and covered my face with a pillow. All mates were supposed to accept each other and love them for who they are? Then why was I rejected by the boy I’m helplessly in love with?