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Okay, so it's been a few days since I last uploaded on this story and that was because it was very difficult to write this chapter. I simply had no idea what to do with it. You can call it writer's block. Ugh! I hate that thing. But I finally wrote it and think it came out alright and it's now posted. Obviously. Haha! :D So please show me you like this story by voting, commenting, and fanning! Thanks for reading and I hope you like it! (:
_____________________________________________________________________________To say I was shocked was an understatement. The adjective to how I was feeling at the moment was one I couldn’t grasp or even put a name to. There simply wasn’t any word to describe how I was feeling as I lay in my bedroom, staring at the ceiling in a new morning.
Yes, I had lived a day knowing that something was growing inside of me, something I didn’t want there. I felt sick and nauseated.
I had thrown up twice in a span of twenty four hours from the disbelief and overwhelming shock that had shaken my bones. Maybe it was a freaking symptom from being pregnant but I was pretty damn sure that that wasn’t the reason I had gagged and regurgitated any food that had been inside of me.
I was sickened at the unexpected turn of events.
God! Why the hell does everything happen to me? Do I deserve any of this? I turned to my side on the bed and began to reflect on my life. I wanted to be sure that I hadn’t done anything so horrible that I’d actually deserve all the shit that has happened to me.
I found nothing in the memories of my life that depicted all of these horrible turns my life had taken this year.
Sixteen doesn’t seem like a pretty number anymore and sophomore isn’t a nice word any longer either. I feel like hurling every time I come across those words.
If there were words that could describe my mood they’d be enraged and furious.
With all my rage and with all my fury, I swung my legs out of the bed and stood up.
I took the clothes I would wear for the day and went to the bathroom. There is no way in hell I’m going to school.
Unlucky could also be a term used to describe me. I was unlucky somebody up there decided to take out their anger on me because I had amber hair or whatnot. I was also unlucky that my mother had the day off today and I’d have to be avoiding her.
Its a monday, hospital people! Make your doctors work. I knew I should be happy for her that she could sleep in and enjoy but I was anything but happy. The other person with the ability of reading through my acts and lies was my mom and she’d definitely pick up on my strange behavior.
I couldn’t hide it from her. Any twitch of the face would be questioned by mother if she found something strange.
Maybe I can just lock myself in the room all day and avoid her? Nope. She’ll definitely know something is up.
Another fleeting thought came to my head. Abortion? That would get me out of this mess and I wouldn’t have to face reality. I could just pretend nothing had happened and move on with my life.
Yet everything I had once believed in had taught me against that alternative. Did I even believe in what I once had anymore?
I’m not sure!
I’m not sure of anything anymore! I wiped away a tear from my eyes. I had to get to the bathroom.
Once I was done using the bathroom I came outside into the house.
I would have to try my best to be normal. That was the only hope I had to avoid triggering my mother’s worry and curiosity.
In the kitchen, I put on enough coffee for two and sit down on the couch while I wait for it to brew. With the remote, I flipped the channel to fifty-seven and started watching the Travel Channel. Man vs. Food was on and I was glad that it was. The host of the show, Adam, could ease the tension in any room with his infectious and admirable personality.
There were subtle footsteps and even though a month had gone by since the incident, I jerked upright in the couch. I turned around to see my mother yawning in her yellow robe and walking towards the coffee pot.
I did something to take my mind off the startled beats of my heart and avoid suspicion.
“How come you’re up so early?” I ask. She had the day off and she hadn’t slept in.
“Early? It’s eleven thirty in the morning Evelyn. How come you aren’t at school?” She was in the middle of the question and looking right at me. I had no idea that it was almost noon. How come Jake hasn’t called or anything?
“I, um, overslept.” I lied. She scrutinized my face.
“Sure.” She dismisses it and reaches for the already brewed coffee. She’s onto you, Evelyn. I told myself.
“Come have coffee with me, sweetie.” My mom says and I get up to walk over to her and sit in front of her in the counter. What was I supposed to do? Say no?
The coffee that was in the mug on the counter was for me and it was already prepared with some hazelnut creamer; my favorite.
As I sat in front of my mother, I avoided her gaze. I knew she was studying me and I couldn’t bring myself to see her as she did so. It felt as if I was back in that police office a month ago where people had been studying and questioning me. I hoped with all I could that my mother would not question me...
“You’ve been weird lately.” She stated and sipped her coffee. I had assumed lately had meant yesterday and today. I knew I couldn’t escape her but I’d be damned if I didn’t try. Here comes the act...
I furrow my eyebrows.
“Really? How so?” I fake confusion and innocence.
“Cut the crap, Evelyn. There’s something wrong. You’ve been sulking since yesterday morning.” Well, she was accurate.
“No I haven’t, mom.” I denied her.
“Is something wrong with Jacob?”
“Nope.”
“Then what the hell’s the matter?”
“Nothing!” My voice had somehow risen.
“You’re giving yourself away right there, Ev. You never raise your voice at me.” Shit!
“Sorry.”
“Just tell me what’s wrong. I thought we had an agreement to tell each other when something has been bothering us. I can’t help you if I don’t know what wrong.”
“I have nothing to say, mom. There’s nothing wrong.” I felt a slight movement come from me.
“There goes another dead giveaway, hun. You just did your famous hand-through-the-hair lie shake. You. Can’t. Lie! It’s impossible for you to lie to me so tell me what’s wrong. Now!” She was frustrated and so was I. Couldn’t she see I didn’t want to talk?
I stood up and walked into the bathroom.
“Evelyn! Don’t walk away from me!”
In the trash can, carefully wrapped in toilet paper, was the pregnancy test. The result would be long gone but she’s have the idea. I wouldn’t have to tell her.
I wrapped my hand in paper and took the test out of the bin then washed my hand along with the test.
Then without thinking or giving it a second thought, I walked into the kitchen to find my mother fuming in her seat as she drank the coffee.
I placed the cursed thing in front of her and went to the couch. If there was something I wanted to do right now as block out any emotion. I wanted to remain in this La La Land for as long as I could.
The seconds seemed to tick my endlessly in a tantalizing and tormenting speed of zero. I pretended to watch the television and drown out my senses, to actually focus on what was playing. The truth was that every cell in my body was chronically and acutely aware of my surroundings. I could hear the uneven breaths of my mother as well as mine, I could feel her hand touching the test, I could see her subtle movements from the perimeter and vicinity of my eye sight.
I was too aware of everything to be able to relax.
“W-was it positive?” She choked. I saw her fingers fumble on the test.
“Yeah.” I refused to look at her and kept gazing at the T.V but noticed her hand cover her mouth. Was she holding back a scream? I know I was.
“Tell me it’s Jacob’s.” She whispered.
“It isn’t.” I stood up and once again refused eye contact. It seemed to energy consuming at the moment.
I twisted the knob of my door and went inside me room. I just stood there and thought of what I’d do next. I was in this state of shock that I couldn’t feel anything but that. Shock. I couldn’t cry, scream, or think. It seemed my head was blocking out any emotion and pain and I was very thankful that it was. I wanted anything but to feel pain at the moment.
Then a buzzing from my left made me jump and I walked to the desk to pick up my vibrating phone. I don’t even look at the contact.
“Hello?” I ask.
“Evelyn?” Jacob’s soothing voice calls out my name
“Oh, hey, babe.” I greet. I sounded pitiful to my own ears.
“Hey, love. I’m not going to school today... Or tomorrow. My dad’s making me go down to Miami for two days to see his mom who just came from Georgia. I have to go right now if I don’t want to live on the streets. Do you want to come with me?” He sounded pissed as he explained to me and his voice was hopeful and desperate when he asked if I would go.
“I would Jake but my mom needs me here to help her out with the house since she’s, um, working a lot this week. I wan’t to but I can’t. I’m sorry.” I lied. I knew I could go with him and I felt so guilty and worthless lying to him. I should go and help him out. I know how he feels when he’s with his dad and the family. Misplaced. I wanted to kick myself.
“Oh. That’s okay, Ev. I’d go over there to kiss you goodbye but I have to get going if I want to make it there before my dad’s mom.” It hurt me that he didn’t say grandmother.
“I understand, Jake. Don’t worry.” I sounded so weak.
“Alright. I love you, Ev. Don’t do anything stupid.”
“I love you too, Jakey. And I’ll try.” I chuckled.
“Bye, angel.” His voice melted me inside. So smooth and yet so strong. I wanted nothing more to be with him at the very second.
“Bye.” I blow him a kiss and hang up.
I suck! Why couldn’t I just be a woman and go with him when he needed me? Why do I have to be thinking about myself all the time?
I knew he would have wanted me to be with him but it would do him good if I wasn’t. Maybe when these two days go by I’ll learn to hide the pregnancy deal and hide it until I felt ready to tell him. No, he didn’t deserve that. He didn’t deserve any of this. He shouldn’t be with me! This will surely be too much for him. A pregnant girlfriend with a baby who isn’t his? I couldn’t expect him to be okay with that.
I want him to live his teen life without having to deal with this burden that is on my shoulders not his.
What if he leaves me? Then what will I do without him by my side? What if he stayed? Would I let him or would I make him move on with his life?
Would I push him away so that he wouldn’t have to deal with me and all the pain and trouble I cause?
That’s exactly what I am. I am a person that is packed with pain and trouble. I didn't want to cause him any of those two misfortunes.
I wanted him to be happy.
I want him to live life to the fullest because I love him.
That’s when I snapped and sunk to the floor. I encircled my arms over my knees and just cried and sobbed. I was out of the comforting state of numbness and shock and into the pain and hurt that followed.
What will become of Jacob and I? What will become of me?
The door opened with a loud bang and suddenly, a pair of arms wrapped around me.
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Yes, I know! Sad as hell! ): Sorry! But like I say, it will get better. Just so you don't quit on me now. Lol. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it! (: