Clarke
Raven, Mom, Kane and I had already discussed the plan. It was sloppy and last minute, but at this point, it was all we had, Lincoln and Octavia wouldn't know until it was too late. They couldn't. Brave Lincoln or Octavia would try to get rid of Pike themselves if they knew. They'd want to do it on their own, where no one else would be in danger.
I saw Bellamy sitting at a table, eating alone. He would've been surrounded by his friends and family before Pike. He was loved.
I walked over and sat next to him. He glanced up at me, and then back down at his food. I searched my head for some way to start a conversation, but nothing came to mind. There wasn't much to talk about.
"What do you want?" Bellamy grumbled. That's one way to start it off.
"I want you to talk to me." I said.
"About what?"
"Anything. Tell me about Gina. What was she like?" I asked. I hoped I wasn't hitting an uncomfortable spot.
"She was great. Simple. And then Lexa killed her." Bellamy spat.
I tried to ignore every ounce of anger in me. Lexa wasn't involved with that. Her enemy was. Hell, Lexa was there when we found out about Mount Weather being blown up. She was just as surprised as the rest of us.
Bellamy looked up at me. "What, you're not going to defend her?"
I swallowed. "No." I would defend her until my last breath, but he couldn't know that.
Bellamy seemed intrigued. "And why not?"
"Because I'm done with her." I said shakily. "She just wanted to make sure I was okay when she called, and then she said that she was tired of trying to excuse Skaikru. She says that us being in the Coalition will remain intact, but separated. There won't be an Ambassador for Skaikru, and limited contact."
Bellamy looked confused. "She can do that?"
I nodded sadly.
"Well..." Bellamy said, trailing off. "I...I didn't expect her to do that to us. To you."
I shook my head. "Me neither. But she was always thinking politically and thinking of her people."
Bellamy hesitated a second. "I'm sorry."
I smiled sadly. "Don't be. I'm starting to realize who really has my best interests at heart."
And then I did it. I reached forward and grabbed Bellamy's hand, holding onto it and smiling up at him. I didn't think I could drop anymore hints than this.
But it all felt wrong. Bellamy's tough, cold hand was like ice on my skin. His fingers were too big to loop with mine. This should be Lexa.
"I'm sorry for wasting so much time. I'm sorry for leaving when you needed me the most." I said, continuing to hold onto his hand.
He nodded. "Thank you. It was hard without you."
Lexa wouldn't have said thank you. She would've understood. I smiled and he smiled back. I shouldn't be doing this.
"I got the poison." Monty said, lifting the vial and tossing it towards me.
"Hey, easy there." I said, barely catching it. This vial was pretty much the entirety of our plan. Everything depended on it, and if it we failed, we failed.
He smiled and moved to the table, cleaning all the beakers and test tubes and herbs.
"Thank you for this." I said.
He turned and nodded.
"I'm glad I could help."
"So...you're sure Pike won't notice anything is gone?" I asked, looking around the room. It was filled with all kinds of lab and agricultural equipment.
"Yeah. Most of this was my family's, passed down from generations. The Ark didn't have a record of this stuff, so there's nothing that was gone in the first place."
I nodded. "Okay, good. That's good."
Monty glanced over at me, sensing my worry. "It'll work. I promise."
"I know. I don't doubt your skills." I said, rolling the vial around in my hands.
"Then what do you doubt?"
I sighed. "Myself, I guess."
Monty waited for me to continue.
"I'll be putting the poison in Pike's food. I'll be killing him." I said.
"That bastard deserves it."
"It doesn't change the fact that I'm doing what I thought I'd never do again."
"I mean...I could do it."
"No. No, this is my responsibility. It was my plan."
"Okay, but if you change your mind..." Monty said, wiping off the table with a towel.
"I don't think I will, but thank you."
Monty smiled. "Anytime."
I spent more time with Bellamy over the next day. We ate together and walked around Arkadia together. And every moment I was disgusted of myself. Partly because this felt like being disloyal to Lexa (all though I could name a time where she was disloyal to me) and the other part because I was playing with Bellamy's head. He would never forgive me for this if he found out.
"I'm starting to think more about what Pike's trying to do." I said, staring down at my feet.
"Yeah?" Bellamy questioned.
"Yeah. I know that he's just trying to protect us. And while I don't think he needed to kill all those people, I understand why he did it."
"I agree." Bellamy said. "I'm not proud of what I did. I'm just trying to keep my people safe."
"I don't know what I was ever thinking with Lexa..." I choked out.
I felt like I was betraying her when I talked like this. She didn't deserve this. She didn't even know what was happening. She thought Octavia and Lincoln were still going to kill Pike. And every minute more I talked about her negatively, it was one more minute I wanted to die.
"Hey, stop beating yourself up for that. It's Lexa who I blame. She took advantage of you when you were the most vulnerable."
She healed me when I was most vulnerable.
"She made you stay as an Ambassador and took you away from people who needed you."
She let me stay as an Ambassador and kept me near the person I needed.
"She put you in danger there. She puts Skaikru in danger."
I put her in danger. Skaikru puts her in danger.
He was so wrong. But I couldn't say that.
"You're completely right." I murmured. I couldn't look at him. Then he would've seen how hard it was to say that. "Thank you."
"You're welcome, Princess."
"We can do it tomorrow." Mom said. "That's our window. Then Pike might try to plan something else, and we can't afford that."
I nodded. I would kill another person tomorrow.
"How is this going to work?" I asked, shaking my head. This plan was absurd.
Mom sighed. "It will. I told you before the poison will just look like something that wasn't picked or cooked properly. No one will suspect foul play."
I nodded.
"Lincoln and Octavia are supposed to kill him in two days. Will a day be enough time for the poison to set in?"
"It should be over in a few hours. It'll be quick and painless, I promise." Mom said, grabbing my arm and trying to comfort me. "I can still do it if you'd like."
"No. It won't work with anyone besides me."
Mom nodded. "Get some sleep. It's going to be a long day tomorrow."
Later that night I visited Octavia. I was supposed to cry on her shoulder, and be upset about her and Lincoln's departure.
She packed a bag full of black clothes as I sat in her chair.
"Lincoln said that maybe we could go to the Boat Clan. He knows a girl named Luna there. We were going to go there after the Grounders attacked the dropship." Octavia said.
I nodded. "That sounds nice."
Octavia smiled and nodded. "Yeah. It does." She glanced toward me and stopped packing. "Oh, c'mon, Clarke. Stop being so sad. This is actually good for me. I'll be glad to rid myself of all this. Live a more nomadic life. I'm excited Clarke."
I looked up at her and narrowed my eyes. "You have to kill someone to do that."
Octavia sighed and nodded. "Yes. We do." She folded a shirt and placed it in her bag before moving back to the closet.
"And?"
"And nothing, Clarke. Innocent people have to die everyday. It won't be an issue to kill a guilty one."
I stood. "How can you say that?"
"Clarke, I don't have to explain this to you. You're not a warrior. You haven't taken lives." She realized what she had said and looked up at me.
"I've taken the lives of innocents. Children."
"Clarke, I-"
"Don't you dare tell me that I don't know what it's like. And don't you dare pretend that it's not a big deal." I spat.
I couldn't look at her anymore. She reminded me too much of Bellamy, and that was a whole other problem I didn't want to deal with.
So I turned and left.