You think your parents suck...

By TheFilthyMudblood

545K 10.1K 1.8K

Mia Cullen is a half human half vampire hybrid, adopted by Carlisle Cullen in 1800 after she was discovered... More

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"If we're perfect for each other than so were Hitler and Stalin."
"I'm sure Mark Zuckerberg enjoys porn too."
"I am not pinky promising you in McDonald's car park."
"I'd rather take on Big Foot"
"Little elves that clean up after drunk people"
"If we go to a Vampire wedding, will there be sausage rolls?"
"Before I blind you with a spork"
"Why do you want a dog you have Jacob?"
"Finally okay"
"I bet Jacob ate my sandwich again"
"Doing crack and playing strip poker"
"Oh God, here comes the Mom patrol"
Epilouge

{22}

10.7K 219 26
By TheFilthyMudblood


"These heels are going to be the death of me"
Bella groaned loudly as she was trying to take a few steps in her newly bought wedding shoes.

"That's what you get for agreeing to let Alice plan your wedding." I smirked sitting on the step below, braiding my hair. Bella and Edward where getting married tomorrow, months had flown by and Alice had planned the entire wedding. Everyone was coming, from all our friends at Forks to our family up in Alaska. The only thing that was missing according to Bella, was Jacob.

I thought that it was a wedding favour but she disagrees. Nothing ruins a wedding more then the smell of wet dog in my opinion.

"Do you think she would notice if I didn't wear these heels tomorrow?"

"Don't even think about it." Alice's voice came from behind causing Bella to jump and for me to smile "you just have to break them in that's all!"

"I've been breaking them in, for 3 days. Can I not just go barefoot?" Bella asked Alice causing me to snicker loudly.

"Good luck with that" I said under my breath.

"No! Absolutely not!" Alice said firmly.

"I just think it's a bit much, you know? The shoes, the dress, all of... this" Bella gestured to our now decorated back garden. It was no longer just a forest, my family were moving benches and tables and hanging up fairy lights. It looked like a woodland wonderland and it was beautiful.

"No! It's exactly enough, tomorrow will be perfect" Alice assured Bella.

"Where do you want them boss?" Emmet asked Alice as he carried a log 3 times the size of him.

"On either side of the aisle." Alice turned back to Bella.

"What aisle?" Rosalie asked following Emmet with another log. I swear Alice literally stomped her foot in frustration.

"Does no one have vision?!" She stomped down the stairs to give direction to my family. I turned to Bella.

"Quick, the shoes I'll hide them." Bella wasted no time, kicking the shoes off and passing them to me, a grateful smile on her face. I sped upstairs to my room and hid them under my bed and sped back down in a second, as Bella was putting her old shoes on.

"You." Alice was back "go home and get lots of beauty sleep." Bella nodded and headed out with a wave "now you" she turned to me and glared at me "shoes back now."

"I don't know what you're talking about" I batted my eyelashes innocently, "what was that Jasper? You need my help? I'm coming!" I yelled at my brother who clearly had no idea what I was talking about.

"Amelia I've seen where you hid the shoes!"

"No you don't cause I keep changing my mind on where's the next place!" I hid behind Jasper "save me before your wife kills me."

Jasper laughed out loud, placing down two benches in a neat row.

"You're messing with her? Now? Are you seriously signing your death warrant?"

"True. Sorry Bella you're on your own" I muttered "in my room!" I yelled back at Alice. She nodded and sped off upstairs to retrieve said stolen items. "Well, that's me done! I'm gonna head over to pick Tristan up." Jasper nodded and I ran into the house, grabbed my car keys and headed into the garage and got into the car. I drove to Tristan's quickly, knowing I had to get back soon to help with last minute set ups and of course, get some sleep. Plus Tanya and the other Denali's were arriving later tonight and I wanted to see them.

"Hey babe" Tristan said getting in my car after he put all his bags, including his suit in the trunk. He leaned over and kissed my cheek "how's the house looking?"

"Props to Alice, it looks banging."

"Banging. Really."

"What? I'm no English teacher" I said as I reversed out of his drive way "you're gonna meet our cousins tonight, the ones from Alaska."

"Oh right, the one with the electric touch right?"

"I dare you to touch her" I smirked, knowing full well what Kate's powers were like.

"Yeah, Jasper already warned me you or Emmet would dare me and told me not to take the bait."

"Damnit Jaz!" I scowled "okay he has replaced Edward at being the least fun brother." Tristan laughed and took my hand that was resting by my side and squeezed my fingers gently. I pulled into my garage and helped Tristan take his bags to my room.

"Is that your dress?! Damn you're gonna look good tomorrow!" Tristan whistled causing me to grin. I have to admit, Alice picked pretty well. It was a shoulder length, deep wine coloured chiffon dress which fell to just above my knees. The middle wrapped around me and it was backless.

"Yeah, Alice knows how to pick a dress." I smirked, my hearing focused outside as I heard a car pull up "come downstairs, the Denali's are here!" I smiled taking his hand. As we came down the stairs, our cousins were being greeted by everyone else.

"Mia!" Kate shouted and I sped over to her, hugging her tightly "it's been way to long girl! You're looking good! How are you? And who is that hottie by the stairs." She muttered the last part in my ear quietly looking back at Tristan, I grinned as he slowly walked over.

"It's so good to see you! You're looking incredible!" I took her at arms length "and this, is my boyfriend Tristan Hart."

"Nice to meet you." Tristan smiled "I've heard all about your, talent."

"You wanna test it out pretty boy?" She smirked.

"Nah, he's too chicken" i grinned at her.

"I'm not!" Tristan glared "fine, I'll try it."

"Low setting" I mouthed to Kate and she gave me a slight nod, holding out her palm to him. Tristan hesitantly lifted his fingers to touch it, and as soon as he did, his knees buckled and he yelled as he hit the floor.

"Kate I said low." I told her rolling my eyes helping Tristan up, his arm went around my waist and pulled me into his chest.

"That was low" she laughed "but you're still human so no wonder it kicked your ass."

"Never mind Kate showing off again" Tanya sighed "I'm Tanya, and this is Irina." I smiled at Irina and just got a glare back, someone clearly wasn't happy being here.

"I'm Carmen and this is Eliza" my Spanish cousin introduced herself and her husband "it truly is an honour to meet you. We though Mia would never be tied down."

"It's great to meet you all too." Tristan smiled back causing my heart to flutter a little bit. I truly did love this sap.

"Well now introductions are done" Emmet clapped his hands grinning "we have a bachelor to abduct for his bachelor party."

"Oh that we do" Jasper smirked back, kissing Alice on the cheek.

"Boys" Esme warned "behave."

"What? Us? Mom have a little faith." Emmet smiled innocently "actually no scratch that, have no faith." And with that he jumped out the window, Jasper shrugged and followed causing us all to laugh.

"Shall we all convene to the living room?" Carlisle asked holding his hand out. The fireplace was lit. Tristan and I sat on the edge of the couch, his arm over my shoulder my leaning into his chest, a blanket covering us both. We spent the rest of the evening with my family, talking about the past and about tomorrow. When Tristan began to yawn, we excused ourselves and headed to bed, both falling asleep as soon our heads hit the pillow.

*                                   *                                    *

"Okay, your hair is done! Bella will be over in a while and you can help!" Alice declared sliding the last hair grip in my hair. It was in a loose bun, with waves falling down framing my face. She had finished my make up earlier, again not adding much. I just had a little bit of eyeliner on with a sharp ass wing, with some highlight and lip gloss.

"Okay, Tristan is with the boys right?"

"Yep, and Carlisle. They're both gonna head down and start greeting people soon." I followed Alice into her bathroom which was filled with beauty products. Bella arrived after, with huge dark circles under her eyes.

"What did I say about beauty sleep." Alice gently scolded, placing primer on her face with a sponge."

"Sorry, bad dream. Wedding gitters." I smiled gently at her, pulling her hair out of her face. Shoes clicked down the hallway and we heard Rosalie come in.

"Do you need some help? I can help with the hair." She asked softly, her hair and make up already done like me.

"Really?" Bella asked surprised, Rosalie smiled and walked behind her next to me.

"Please. I'm not offended by your choice of groom."

"Just my lack of respect for my mortality."

"Essentially." Rose smirked. Alice grinned at us all, pulling us close in together.

"Weddings! They bring everyone together!" Causing me to laugh. Alice carried on with her make up as Rosalie and I started on Bella's hair, twisting it into a low bun with braids braiding into it. When we had finished, Bella's parents came into see her, passing us a hair clip to place in her hair. Things got a little tense when Renee mentioned family heirlooms and passing it on to her daughter.

"Okay! Time for the dress!" Alice shrieked allowing Renee to cheer, I smiled at them both, Rose and I taking our cue to leave. I headed back to my room and got changed into my dress, putting my black heels on and headed down the stairs. I quickly found Tristan stood next to all our friends.

"Hey guys!" I smiled.

"Hey Mia! This place looks incredible!" Angela gushed, holding Eric's hand.

"Yeah, it's, it's something" Jessica said trying to smile.

"Thank you, Alice was a complete dictator about it all." I laughed.

"Oh my god who are they?" Mike asked causing me to turn around and grin when I saw him staring at my cousins.

"Oh, those are my cousins from Alaska!"

"No way. You guys have such a good gene pool." Mike whistled out.

"You know, you have a little drool right there." Jessica mocked wiping her face causing Mike to blush. Tristan smirked, taking my hand.

"If everyone would like to take their seats" Carlisle voice rang through "the ceremony is about to start." Tristan and I headed to the front row with my family. Renee and Charlie sat at the other side. Soon enough music started to play and we all stood up, watching Bella and Charlie walking down the aisle. I had to admit, she looked absolutely beautiful. They said their vows and kissed, causing us all to clap and Carlisle to kiss Esme on the cheek as we stood up, applauding the couple.

The reception began and everyone was drinking, I caught up with everyone. Tristan mainly either followed me or hung around with his friends. I spoke with Kate for a while, both of us eyeing up some guys she could possibly find attractive. When they went over to meet Bella, I headed back over to Tristan and his friends.

"Mia I'm just gonna have to ask" Jessica started as soon as I headed over "is Bella pregnant?"

"Jess!" Angela exclaimed loudly.

"What?! We're all dying to know!"

"No Jess, she is not pregnant. You have to have sex to get pregnant." I muttered swiping a glass of champagne from the waiter and taking a large swig, instantly regretting it and spat it back in the glass, "god who willingly drinks that stuff?"

"Come on, we have to take our seats the speech is about to start." Tristan quickly directed me over to our table where my family was sat, Carlisle and Esme were sat at the head table with Bella, Edward and her parents.

"Excuse me, uh is this thing on?" Emmet asked tapping the microphone, I wolf whistled loudly causing him to grin "uh I'd like to propose a toast to my new sister. Bella, I hope you've got enough sleep these last 18 years, cause you won't be getting anymore for a while." He laughed at the end causing me to laugh at his little inside joke. I noticed Charlie take a big swig of his drink.

"Well Bella was just like everyone else, totally mesmerised by Edward. Or the hair as I like to call him" Jessica began.

"It's all hairspray don't believe it!" I yelled out causing people to chuckle.

"And then suddenly, Edward is all about Bella! Even though she's not the captain of the volleyball team. I'm just kidding I'm just kidding... or the president of the student council."

"Dear lord who thought it was a good idea to let her speak?" I muttered to Rosalie next to me "I've seen ex wives less jealous then her."

"Edward will be a good husband. I know this because I'm a cop. I know things. Like, how to hunt somebody to the ends of the earth" Charlie began, being totally serious but everyone thought it was a joke "and I know how to use a gun."

"I'd like to thank Renee and Charlie, for bringing such a wonderful person into the world, and into our lives. We will cherish and protect her forever." My mother smiled sweetly after our speech, I made eye contact with Emmet and he grinned nodding.

"Yeah!!" He hooted loudly as we stood up and clapped "that's our mom!! You go mom!!" Rosalie quickly pulled Emmet down by his arm cutting him off and Tristan did the same to me, but we sneakily fist bumped first.

"Ow! Rosie damn! I was showing family support!"

"Yeah well don't." Rosalie rolled her eyes, but smiled softly. Emmet leaned over and kissed her quickly. Jasper did the same to Alice and Tristan did the same to me. I smiled and gently took his hand placing it to my face. This was the happiest I had felt for a while, I had everyone around me who I deeply loved. The music began to pick up and everyone started to dance. Of course my entire family were fantastic dancers, I danced with Tristan first, laughing at how terrible he was. I danced with Jasper and he span me around the room and dipped me quickly. He had the biggest grin on his face and it made my heart swell, it was so rare to see him let go and be totally happy without worrying he was going to loose control. Alice quickly replaced me and they both sworn the night dancing tightly together.

"Now I know it isn't your wedding" Carlisle murmured to me taking my hand "but I would love a father daughter dance right now" I grinned as he twirled me onto the dance floor.

"Thank you" I muttered, feeling my throat clog up and tears in my eyes.

"For what sweetheart?"

"For saving me. For giving me this life, for raising me, for being the best father I could ask for." I looked up at my dad and he had the biggest smile on his face, he kissed my forehead and pulled me a little bit closer.

"I am so proud of who you are and who you have become. Nothing makes me happier than seeing you happy. Your mother and I are so proud of you." I leaned up and kissed his cheek.

"Thank you daddy." I smiled as he twirled me and we carried on dancing. When we had finished, Esme quickly walked over to me hugging me tightly, obviously hearing our conversation.

"Group hug!!" Emmet yelled, pulling us both into his arms causing us to laugh "cullen clan get over here!" Soon enough, everyone was in on it, all squeezing each other tightly, even Edward joined in at the end.

Soon enough it was the end of the night and Bella and Edward had changed and were heading to the car, they both quickly hugged me and Tristan as they walked to their packed car. We all threw rice at them as they got in and cheered as they slowly drove off, waving at them. Tristan arm firmly wrapped around my shoulder grinning as the car sped off.

"Okay" I groaned leaning down and taking off my shoes "I am done, these are more painful than standing on a Lego brick."

"well if I can be of assistance." Tristan grinned and literally swept me off my feet, carrying me close to his chest causing me to shriek and laugh. He bent down and kissed me, it quickly escalating into something else.

"Dude! How many times do I have to tell you quit with the porno!" Mike sighed loudly causing us to pull away.

"Mike you're a great guy, but do me a favour? Piss of. Our house, we can do what we want." Tristan said, then quickly kissed me again, causing people around us to cheer and laugh "let's go to bed."

"Gladly" I smirked as he lead me up the stairs to my room.

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