*NOTE: Check out the Audiobook version of this chapter voiced by kaelking12 (Kristen M.)! Featuring music by Boys Like Girls, DJ Snake (Ft. Lil Jon), LMFAO, Conor Maynard (Justin Bieber), Zayn Malik, and Smallpools.
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Elias
By the time the three of us get inside, Roxy's too fucked up to care that we're late, and I'm too fucked up to care about much of anything.
Except for Jersey of course, who's too busy bolting towards the dance floor to worry about Roxy at all.
"Oh my gosh hey! I'm so glad you made it, Elias! Let's do shots!"
I turn towards the bar only to see Roxy the she-devil clomping towards me with two shot glasses in her hands. I hope she's ready to down it herself because I'm never drinking again.
Real talk.
"Thanks, but I'm good right now. I had something before I got here."
And by something I mean a lot of things, but details.
"C'mon, Elias. Just one? For me?"
She snakes her arm around my waist and runs her hand along the waistband of my jeans.
"No thanks, but I'm sure any of these other guys would be down to do shots with you."
I reach down and lift her hands off my pants as gently as possible. She busts out a pout the size of San Francisco like it'll change things. But it won't. Like I said, I'm a one woman man now, and while this woman's shoving shots in my face, my woman's halfway across the club dancing without me. Time to go.
"Um, that's not really how it works. I get the whole 'playing hard to get' thing, Elias, but at the end of the day, no guy ever turns me down."
She lifts herself up on her tiptoes and leans in close enough for her boobs to "accidentally" graze me. Right.
I back away 'til there's a good couple inches between us.
"Well, then I'm honored to be the first. Later."
I push past her and head straight for the dance floor. Roxy can pout all she wants, I'm never gonna be about her. Quote me.
I catch sight of Indigo standing in the middle of a blob of people up ahead. She's probably the only one in the crowd who's not dancing at all. Figures.
She waves over Jersey all of a sudden, and within seconds the two of them are huddled together whispering things I wish I could hear.
I pick up the pace until I'm only a couple people away from where they're standing. I can't see Jersey's face next to Indigo's, but whatever she's hearing has her dead still. A couple seconds ago she was dancing and waving her hands around like nothing could stop her. But Indigo has her frozen.
Shit.
If she just told Jersey what I told her earlier then everything's over.
Everything's--
"Yo! You're that King kid right?"
I whip around and find myself face to face with one half of the douchebag frat duo from the quad. The guy's a lot taller than I thought he'd be up close and clearly a couple shots over his limit.
I don't wanna talk to him. Or worry about him. Or waste my fucking time pretending to be friendly. I've got more important things to deal with right now, and he's not one of them.
"Yeah, sure."
"I'm Josh. Recruitment chairman at Sigma Phi Nu. Welcome to UCLA, man. Glad to have you. Just wanted to introduce myself so you know who's who in the quad."
He grabs my hand and shakes the hell outta of it before letting me have it back. Fucking meatheads.
"Nice to meet you, Josh. Sorry to jet, but is it cool if we catch up later? I gotta get back to my friends so--"
"Those friends, right?" He asks.
Josh nods over towards Indigo and Jersey, and my blood pressure spikes.
"Yeah, why?" I ask.
"I was gonna ask you about that hot little piece in the black dress. What's her deal? She's single, right?"
I square up and step in front of him to cut off his line of sight to Jersey, but he's got a good two inches on me so he keeps on staring.
"Nah. Taken," I say.
Josh slips into a smile and keeps his eyes locked on Jersey despite what I said.
"Never stopped me before."
I bite into the side of my cheek to keep from going off on him. I don't want him looking at Jersey, or talking to her, or going anywhere near her . I don't know what the hell he's used to, but she's not a Roxy. She's not gonna throw herself at him just cause he's got Greek letters on his fucking letterman jacket.
"Dude, she's off limits, okay? There's lots of other chicks who'd be down to kick it with you , but she's not one of them," I say.
"What are you her boyfriend? Or are you scared to share a good thing? I get it, dude, if I was fucking a girl like that, I'd be paranoid too."
Heat builds in my chest, burns its way through my bloodstream until my whole body catches fire.
I shut my eyes and shove my hands in my pockets, so I don't make the mistake of sending my fist straight into his face. I wanna beat the bullshit outta him, but I can't fight anyone else.
Even if there weren't any rules, and I could let loose on this guy the way I want to, it wouldn't be any different from punching a mirror.
I used to be a Josh.
I was the dude who'd show up to parties 3-4 times a week, get wasted, and find a chick to hook up with for the night. Didn't matter who any of them were. I just wanted to get laid. And I did.
Sex was about as good of a drug as any, and I lost control.
Until Lacey turned things around.
I don't know what it's gonna take for Josh to cut this hit and quit crap, but I'm not gonna let him treat Jersey the way I used to treat girls. It doesn't lead anywhere good.
"You really wanna know who I am?" I say.
I step to Josh, so he knows I'm not screwing around and he tenses up.
"Elias King. And if I wanted to, I could take home any girl in this room tonight--including your little princess over there."
I point to Roxy, and his whole face turns red.
"She's none of your business, bro."
"Yeah, but she could be. She's been on my nuts the whole night, so unless you want me to walk over there and take what's yours. Keep your eyes off of what's mine. Comprende?"
Josh open and closes his mouth a couple times before finding the balls to speak.
"Fine. But you better watch your back, King. Not everybody on this campus is a part of your fucking fan club. See you around, loser."
He crashes into my shoulder then cuts through the crowd back towards Roxy.
I flip him off and then head over to Jersey who's gone right back to dancing with Indigo like nothing's wrong. I try to focus on her, but I'm too pissed off about everything Josh said to think straight.
He's exactly the type of douchebag Indigo was talking about earlier.
The kind of douchebag Jersey will definitely think I am if I don't tell her the truth about everything.
I gotta set the record straight.
Or at least start the process. Sure, she'll probably hate me for a while, but then she won't.
At least, I hope she won't.
I'll just figure out what to say when I get to her.
Winging things never killed anybody.
I think.
I push through the crowd, eyes set on Jersey as she sways back and forth to the music.
Something in my chest snaps and suddenly my whole body's moving towards her like I don't own it.
My heart's leading the way--beating hard and loud in my chest, trying to get back to where it wants to be.
The longer she dances, the worse it gets. Every time she moves, I forget the rules, I forget the things I should and shouldn't be doing--even though I know I shouldn't be doing this.
Watching her.
Wanting her.
I shouldn't be anywhere near her, but I can't help myself.
At the start of the night, I thought I could stop things before I got to the point of losing control.
But I wanna lose control.
I want her so badly there's no point in trying to tell myself I don't. I can't force a body that's belonged to her since last year to stop wanting to find its way home.
So I let it lead.
I let go.
I stare at her through the violet lights, watching her slow dance to the music until I'm almost close enough to touch her.
Steps away from reaching her, the DJ throws on a new track and everybody on the dance floor goes crazy. The crowd surges and Jersey and Indigo drop out of sight. Panic rips through my chest, and I bolt towards the space where Alex used to be.
I crash through a pack of strangers smashed together in the dark, but the mob pushes back. The whole room's alive. Electric. Chaotic. The bass line buzzes through my bones as I stumble over my feet trying to find her face in the masses.
I catch sight of Indigo up ahead of me, and she points towards the floor, eyes wide and worried as the crowd carries her away.
I look down and find Jersey crouched in a ball, hugging her knees against her chest like she did back in the cab. I shove the people in front of me out of the way and throw my arms around her without thinking twice about it.
She looks up at me, black tears trailing down her face again. I catch them on my thumbs and brush them away from her eyes one at a time until they stop.
"What's a pretty girl like you doing all alone on the dance floor?" I ask.
She wipes her runny nose and smiles at me through the low lights.
"There were just--so many people, and I couldn't find Indigo, and I couldn't find you, so I just panicked."
"Well, don't. When I said I wasn't gonna leave you, I meant that shit, okay? C'mon, let's get you off the floor."
She laughs a quiet little laugh, and I take her tiny hand in mine and lift her up off the ground. Jersey stumbles to her feet and crashes straight into me but she doesn't step away like I expect her to.
She stays close. Pressed against my chest with her hand buried in my t-shirt.
"Indigo told me you were worried about me earlier--when I was on the phone," she says.
Jersey looks up at me and I half- smile down at her, a little embarrassed that Indigo told her I was freaking out. She doesn't seem to mind it though, which is weird 'cause usually she'd tell me not to do Kai's job in the worrying about her department. But she's different . Good different. I just hope I don't screw it up.
"Yeah, I mean it's dangerous for a girl to be on her own at night, and you kinda disappeared so--I guess I was a little freaked out, but you're okay now so that's all that matters."
She leans her head against my chest, and I breathe in the wildflower smell of her hair.
"I'm not okay, Elias. I'm so far from okay, I don't even know how to get back to that anymore."
I lift my hands to her shoulders and turn her around to face me.
"How 'bout a slow dance? I can't guarantee it'll fix all your problems, but word is, dancing with the one and only Elias King works miracles."
She smiles again, but there's barely any light left in it.
"I don't know. Isn't this song kinda upbeat for that?"
"Shh, this is the slow part. Just close your eyes and listen."
"Elias, I--"
"You promised me a dance, so it's time to pay the paper!"
Wait, that's definitely--
"It's piper."
Shit, I knew something didn't sound right.
"That's what I meant. Anyway, just turn your brain off, relax, and forget yourself for a little while. I'll be right here with you. Cool?"
"Cool."
Jersey breathes out into the dark and pulls me in so close that I can't tell where she starts and I end. Her hands find their way into the loops of my jeans, and she holds onto me without saying a word.
She leans into me till I feel her heart beating in time with the fast-paced rhythm of the drums and the racing synths.
She moves her body along with the sound, until the bridge takes her by surprise. The low hum of the bass guitar lifts her out of her trance, and she glances up at me and smiles.
"Beautiful," she says.
The neon lights dance across her eyes, and I stare straight at her, knowing that I'm probably not gonna be able to stop.
"See? Told you. But you gotta close your eyes for the next part. Otherwise you'll miss the magic," I say.
"Fine. But you go first this time."
Jersey reaches up and brushes her fingers against my eyelids till I do what she says. I wait for her hand to fall away from my face, but it doesn't. She slides her palm down until it's pressed along my jawline. Yep. Definitely should've shaved this morning.
"Sorry, I've kinda been turning into a cave man ever since I came to college. Scruffy right? I'll shave once I find my razor. Promise."
I stick out my pinky, but she stares straight past my hand and directly at me.
She tilts her head up till she's inches away from mine, and the whole world slows down. The dance floor freezes. The music fades, and I forget about everything except her.
"Jersey, what are you--"
"Forgetting myself for a little while."
And--
--she kisses me.
God, does she kiss me.
Her lips are warm and unsure.
Tense and terrified.
But I take her as she is.
I swallow her unspoken sadness and hold her steady while she caves into my arms.
I cradle her face in my hands and beg for forgiveness with my fingers.
I part her lips with my tongue and she tastes like salvation and damnation and every single mistake I've ever made.
And regretted.
I kiss her the way I should've back in Belmar.
I leave a year's worth of broken excuses on her lips, 'cause this is the only way I know how to say them.
This is the only way I know how to say anything.
Even though I shouldn't be saying or doing any of this at all.
I want to.
I want her.
And she--
--I think she wants--
--fuck, I don't know what she wants.
But, I don't think either of us have ever wanted or needed to make a mistake this badly.So we do.
God, we do.
And I'm so fucking sorry.
We're both sorry.
And sad.
And lonely.
And tired of lying about everything.
So, I tell her the truth with my hands.
I slide my fingers into her hair, steady the other on her lower back, and lift her off the ground.
I wait for her to pull back, but she doesn't cut me loose.
She presses her lips harder against mine, and I snap clean into a thousand confused and conflicted pieces.
But I don't need clarity right now.
I just need her.
I slide my tongue into her mouth, she tightens her legs around my waist, and we crash into each other until all our lies fall apart.
We should stop.
We have to stop.
But we don't.
And we won't.
'Cause for the first time in 365 days, we're finally being honest.
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(Thanks so much for reading guys! I hope you enjoyed the chapter & audiobook! Next update will be either this weekend or sometime next week because I still have to write it! I'll let you know when I do!)
BIG ANNOUNCEMENT:
I also wanted to take a second to thank every single one of you for reading & supporting my stories! They would not be here without you, and the amazing developmental editing, co-writing, and recording talent of my best friend kaelking12. Thanks to you guys I was officially verified on Wattpad as apart of the Wattpad Stars program yesterday! So thank you :).