A team of make up artists show up along with Mac, who told me the day before that he would be watching me at S.O.Bs. To say that I was happy to have him there would be a lie because it only made me more nervous than I already was.
After soundcheck, the organizer of the show walks me backstage to a hallway with a few private rooms. I pass the first room which reads Bizzy, the second room reads Smooth and the third room which has Chanel in bold black letters. I smile and push the door open.
A neatly ordered room with a few snacks and water open up in front of me. A box that reads D'tello Delivery is on the floor and sitting on the couch is my black leather tube top with dad jeans and denim jacket. I shriek now, fully excited and begin putting on all of the clothes. Trisha turns her attention to the food.
The clothes fit absolutely perfect, exactly how I thought they would.
"Mmm, my baby daddy is talented." Trisha comments.
I look at her in disbelief. "Now Tello is ya baby daddy? What happen to Pookie?"
She giggles. " I cuh have them both."
I open the shoe box and sleek black D'tello sneakers are staring back at me.
"Oh my God, what the fuck?" Trish screams.
She frightens me and I wait for her to explain the reason for her outburst but I know it's the shoes.
"He gave you a pair of Hail Mary's? That's not fair!" She takes the shoes out of the box and kisses them individually then licks the bottom.
"Trisha!" I yell disgusted. "What is good with you?"
"I've wanted these since they came out." She exclaims.
I realize that there is another box under the pair of shoes she is licking. I wiggle the separate box from under Trisha who was now sitting on the floor with her legs crossed, cuddling the pair of Hail Mary's. I open the second box and it is another clean sleek black pair of the same shoes.
"Looks like that one is for you after-all." I laugh knowingly.
Trisha hugs the shoes and screams at the top of her lungs. I pick up a donut from the snack table and place it firmly into her mouth. She begins cackling but bites into the donut not complaining at all.
Everything smelled new, like they came right out of the store. When I take out the shoes to put them on, a card falls out from the shoe box.
It is from D'tello and it is neatly packaged in a black and red envelope. It reads:
Have an amazing show. Bring them all that love and positive energy
you beautiful black Queen.
Pleasure styling you.
D'tello
"Aww, D'tello is a cool dude." I say folding the card and putting it back into the box.
Trisha searches her own shoe box for a letter and sure enough she finds one.
"To my Fashionista wife. Keep em clean babe."
She reads.
Her mouth falls open and in that moment I know Trisha is ready to die.
"Better hide that card from Pookie." I warn.
"Who?" Trisha asks.
I look at her in disbelief.
There is a knock at the door from a small voice.
"It's your make up artist, are you decent?" The voice asks.
"Yes." I answer. The door eases open and a short lady with large breasts and perfect make up enters. She holds a large bag and sets them down on the table that holds the mirror.
I never imagined all this happening so soon. Being so taken care of by different people.
There is little to do as a soft brush pats along my cheeks, the quiet becomes deafening and I am suddenly consumed by my thoughts and nervousness.
"Can we put on some music or something before I lose my shit." I say out loud.
"Yea, there's a radio over here and an ipod port." Trisha says after looking around.
She turns on the radio and the Drake song 'Enemies' is playing.
"Thanks boo."
I sing along to anything playing, anything that can keep my mind off of Trev and the fact that he won't be at my first, second or third show. I've been avoiding his face in my thoughts since the visit to Rikers 2 days ago. It hurts less now that I know how he feels. I am glad he is mad.
I completely deserve his anger and hate.
If he wasn't angry, i think I would feel even worse.
I realize that even with the music, my mind shifts back to Trev.
I unlock my phone and realize the multiple missed calls and texts from Devin. Unlike every other young adult in the world, I was so separated from social media and text messages. I've also been preoccupied since I've been back home.
Devin seemed so far away and so unimportant.
I open his text message and he wishes me a good show, despite me not responding to his various texts. I hit the call button and he picks up on the second ring.
The make up artist looks annoyed that I am trying to have a conversation while she is working on strict time limits. I put the cell on speaker.
"Getting too busy for me already, huh?" He sounds sad but laughs at the end of his sentence.
"Yea, I was a little busy but I'm returning your calls now. I'm sorry. Is everything okay?" I ask in a sweet voice.
"Yea, I just missed you." He says effortlessly.
How could people so easily say such intimate things after such short times together. I didn't want to say it back because I didn't miss him as much as I thought I would. Maybe I only liked Devin while I was upstate. As horrible as that sounds, it's true.
He didn't matter when I was back home. Trev mattered to me most.
A part of me knows that Devin was a distraction but to admit that completely to myself would just mean that when I got back to Albany that I would have to end whatever we started and that was unnecessary.
"I haven't been gone long enough for you to miss me." I say annoyingly.
"Well I do." He responds consistent.
"Make a fish face." The make up artist orders.
I laugh. "What?"
She smiles and then sucks in her cheeks until she looks like a fish.
I do as told and she dusts the make up brush in a dark pink container and then brushes it on to my cheeks. I close my eyes as she begins to work on that.
"Hello?" Devin hums on the phone.
"Oh my God, I'm sorry Dev. I'll call you before I go to bed tonight. Stay up for me." I say sweetly, my eyes closed imagining him on the other end.
"Okay. Good luck on your show. Tell me all about it later." He says.
"I will. Bye."
"Bye."
The phone call ends and I sit in the chair for a few more minutes before my make up is done.
Someone else from Mac's crew comes in and starts on my hair which takes longer than the make up.
"Wow this is actually really nerve wrecking. Sitting here trying to keep still when you have to do your first show as a signed artist in literally an hour.
Trisha ignores every word I am saying as her fingers move along the screen of her phone.
"You're trending on twitter." She says.
"What does that mean?" I ask with very little interest.
"It means people are talking about you. Also Mac is here and everyone loves him so there are literally hundreds of people outside of S.O.Bs trying to get a glimpse of him. "
I laugh and relax slightly. "They are here for Mac, not me."
"Nope, they are here for the both of you and you are going to kill the show."
"All done." The male doing my hair turns the chair around and I stare at myself in the mirror unable to recognize this beautiful woman before me.
"Ayyyy!" I sing loudly. " I look odee fly right now!"
I turn my head to the side looking at the shimmer and glow the make up gives me. My eyes are smokey and my cheeks hold a tinge of pink from the blush. I am ready to dominate the stage and I had to really take a good look at myself before I knew for sure.
Trisha sprays me with some of the spray she stole off my dresser and I want to be mad but I can't because it comes in handy.
"Yaaaaaasss, bitch. You look amazing!" Trisha yells as she takes a step back and looks at me.
She takes my phone and unlocks it then clicks on an app.
"What are you doing?" I ask quickly. "And how do you know my password?"
"Snapchat!" She responds. "I made one and posted the username on twitter. You now have 45,000 followers.
"Ahh. That's not scary at all." I say looking at her wide eyed.
"Smile!" She says.
I do as told and the flash goes off.
"Okay, i'm going to do a video, you have 10 seconds to say what you want."
"Ten seconds? Why just 10 seconds?" I ask.
She rolls her eyes. " I don't have time to explain social media to you. Lets go. Ready?"
I nodd.
"Action!" She says.
"What's up y'all? It's ya girl Chanel. We out here at S.O.Bs about to kill this show." I smile. "Let's get it."
Trisha smiles proud of me and presses a button then closes my phone and hands it back to me.
"Very good job, your publicist is going to be very proud of your social media movements tonight, even though I'm the one forcing you into it."
There is a knock at the door and then a brown skin little eye peaking through. It's Blaco.
I give him a light hug. "Good to see you Mr. Manager." I say to him.
He laughs. "Great, I love the excitement. You still have about 30 minutes. I checked with the sound crew, all your songs are set and ready. It's looking like a good crowd so far."
"Thank you, Blaco. This is my best friend Trisha!" I say introducing the two.
"She has been micromanaging me when you aren't around." I say weary.
Trisha and Blaco shake hands.
"You're very attractive." Trisha says.
I glare at her momentarily.
"Girl, how many men you want at once?" I mumble so only she can hear.
Blaco shakes his head and exits the dressing room. He seems preoccupied with making sure everything goes as planned for me.
Today has been one of the busiest days of my life and as it all wines down to show time it only gets busier.
"Did you want to go over your 30 minute set again?" Trisha questions.
"God, no. I've practiced too much already, I don't want to get tired of it before I go on." I respond.
As I am exiting the dressing room to head to the bathroom backstage, I bump into Bizzy who is also leaving his dressing room. A strong smell of weed pours off of him and I feel high by contact within seconds..
He looks at me his eyes low.
He is a deep brown and his hair is shaved along the sides and back but somehow still tied into a man bun at the top. He dresses like D'tello in long shirts and jeans and his muscles create the form of the shirt. He is cute in a pretty boy way. Straight teeth and a nice smile.
"Yo, you Chanel." He laughs throaty.
"You bad as fuck." He finishes.
"Lyrically or in looks?" I question.
"Both, and I am proud to say that I struggle with deciding if you are more lyrically amazing or more attractive. I'm Bizzy." He sticks his hand out.
"I know who you are." I say taking his hand. "I respect your sound." He rapped a little like Trev. I hated that I made the comparison. I wonder how jealous Pookie would be that I was even having a conversation with Bizzy right now.
He caresses my hand as I pull away from his handshake. Bizzy continues to look at me in awe.
"Damn." He says again. Eyes low.
"You are so beautiful. I'm not even tryna gas you." He chuckles and seems to lean on the wall more to stable himself than to look cool.
"Thanks, Bizzy. Good luck tonight." I smile as I walk past him.
"You too Chanel, I see you out there." As I am almost out of the hallway he calls me back.
"Yo we turning up after this, going to the bars and shit. Bring your homegirl, it's going to be mad fun." He yells down the hallway.
"I'm not 21." I stop and yell back. The bars did sound fun but how would I get in?
"You good, you good. Holla at me after the show." He says with an easy smile.
"Iight." I shout back.
I get to the bathroom and I am smiling so wide, my face starts to hurt. I took the moment to pray to God. Pray that I remember my lyrics and bless the mic, give a good first impression. I look at myself in the mirror and go over a few lines of another freestyle I created specifically for the live shows.
After I feel ready, I leave back to my dressing room where Trisha and Blaco tell me it's almost time to go on.
I feel the little pang of panic in my stomach, that little ting of anxiety. But it's good, it feels good. I feel ready. Mac meets me back stage and tells me to kill it then kisses my cheek.
"I let the two girls in that we met yesterday. Camille and Tanya, they in the crowd." She says.
It warmed my heart. "Lit." I answer. But my mind is not on that now.
My mind is in performance mode.
A Dj opens up for me and gets the crowd hype. From backstage I can see the place is completely packed.
The Dj finishes his set, the lights dim and backstage there is a mini screen so we can see what is going on on the actual stage. A picture of me flashes twice then disappears and the audience roars in applause.
I am handed a mic and before I walk out, the very first beat from the Youtube video that went viral plays in the background and gets louder and louder.
I put the mic to my mouth and do a little laugh and the crowd roars again. I walk out sexy and slow embracing every scream.
"I love you Chanel!" A voice yells.
"New York?" I yell into the mic over the screams and Woo's.
"I'm so blessed to be here right now!" I pause for the noise to settle down.
The energy I am getting is invigorating.
"I don't know what other rap bitches ya follow on these social media sites but make some noise if you fuck with a real nigga flow!" The audience goes insane again.
"Shoutout to Mac on this one." The beat drops and the entire crowd raps my freestyle with me word for word.
On the punchlines, I hold the mic out to the audience and all I can hear is them screaming at the top of their lungs.
"Damnnnn." I say into the mic, sweating from the lights and jumping up and down. I was having the time of my life. My nervousness was out the window. It was just myself and my fans.
"Y'all know my songs better than me!" I laugh.
"Alright this next song is the first song I ever put out it's called the Pop Off-"
The audience interupts before I can finish.
"It's called the Pop Off Freestyle." I scream over them in laughter.
"I fucks with y'all. Ya lit."
The beat starts up and I start dancing the latest dances on the streets which makes the crowd roar even louder.
"Chiil, chill. My milly rock not sturdy yet."
They laugh.
The beat drops and I run to the front of the stage and freeze.
"I never been the type to fuss n start a fight wid a-"
"LAME ASS BITCH NIGGA!" The audience roars as I stick the mic to the crowd.
"Never caught a dub from a lame ass scrub, look around like-"
"WHICH NIGGA?"
I laugh cocky.
"Y'all some pretty lil hoes with ya fucked up edges and ya kickin ass breath though. " I continue.
I put my hand to my ears and the audience finishes the line.
"Dammmnnn keep it low, keep it low. I don't have the time to address you God knows!"
"I GET ALL MY TRACKS TO DISMISS YA EGOS."
"Sing it!" I scream.
"I GET ALL MY DABS TO DISMISS YOU, PLEASE NOTE." I dab one time and then cut the freestyle.
"S.O.Bs make some noise got damn!"
I reach out and grab a few of the hands reaching out to me.
The time seems to fly by and a few minutes pass before my set ends.
"I just want to thank y'all for rockin with me. I am so happy about all this love y'all showin me. If you from Brooklyn make some noise."
A large portion of the audience roars.
"Look, I don't care ya circumstances, you can make it out with hard work and dedication. You just gotta work for it. I'm out here representing one of the most violent places in the world, fucking Brownsville, New York born and raised."
The applause and screams are deafening.
"Believe in yourself. Thanks for fuckin with me y'all." I touch some more hands as I run off the stage.
Trisha meets me right as I exit and gives me a big hug.
"That was legit an amazing ass performance." She says into my neck.
Bizzy catches my attention and he calls me over.
"Alright you little firecracker. That was wavy." He dabs me up.
Mac and Flex are next in line and they both make an assortment of noises as they ruffle my hair and dust off my shoulders.
"Well shet!" Flex exclaims.
I laugh along with him.
Safe to say, it went well.