[EDITED]
"Have you calmed down a bit?" You flicker your eyes open, your eyes wondering around your surroundings, you found yourself in your bedroom. He gave you a warming smile, drawing small circles on the back of your hand with his thumb.
Behind the smile lays a concerned and perturbed boy.
Though his eyes showed the kind of gentle concern, Jiyeong used to have. Letting go of your hand, he laid his hand lightly on your shoulder, and instead of flinching like you usually did, you felt soothed by it. He left his hand there and spoke with such a soft voice you felt his words calming you even more by the way they were said than the actual words. It felt as if you were wrapped in a blanket of his caring.
How could you not consider your actions now, now that you could see how profoundly they effected him too.
"Better but still traumatised?" It was harder than expected but you managed to utter words. However it sounded more like a question than a statement, he looks at you confused, you sounded unsure and uncertain of how you currently felt. That was the first break up, and your first love had it destroyed.
He destroyed every little small bits of pieces left to keep you from shattering.
"Could you leave me for a while.." This time your voice had a stronger tone, like you wanted him actually out of your room. You still wondered why he was here watching you with worried eyes when you remembered he said he doesn't want to deal with you when you're hurt. Your face wore a puzzled expression and his reflected the same, the surging perplexity
Even though you called for him.
He nodded understanding you, he knew you needed space even though he didn't want to leave you, he didn't want to push it further. He stood up, his hands brushing against your cheek and went towards the door, exiting with a quiet shut. Once he was out he went downstairs and waited for you patiently, passing time on his mobile phone. He tried to distract himself from all the thoughts of you but you were still in the centre of everything.
You removed the covers that protected you from the cold and slid your warm feet in your house slippers. The coldness of the base of the slipper shot electricity and goose bumps all over your body, shivering from it. You weakly walked to your bathroom and slid the door open, the first thing you saw was yourself. Your weak and fucked up self in the mirror caught your attention, you came closer and touched your features with your fingertips.
Everything about you look plain-looking, almost hideous.
'Of course he would leave me.. I'm such a plain girl' You look fixedly at yourself, your eyes no longer had that crystallised glow, how your eyes used to reflect anything you see from how clear and bright it was, but that was when you were still happy with him.
How did everything change?
Why did it change?
And when did it change?
Three questions you've been asking yourself ever since you started doubting him. All three questions were still left unanswered and you will never get them. It's better to not know, for now. However the feelings and emotions were still present in your heart, everything played like a broken record, over and over again.
Like a horror movie it played again in your mind as if somehow your brain was unwilling to let the images go and in it's attempt to analyse them it made you see it all over again. You forgot what you had to do next, why you told Jeongguk to leave, everything slipped through your mind like so much sand in an hour glass. With the door open, you could see the reflection of the sky from your balcony through the mirror. You stared out of the window at the scudding white clouds and longed to be amongst them, soaring and carefree. You knew the more you tried to suppress it the more it would play again, but you couldn't help it.
You walked back to your bed, holding yourself against the wall, slowly making your way back under the covers. You checked your phone to see that it was already 16:04. You don't know how long you've slept or how long it's been since he came. You didn't want to remember, it was still painful, like a new open cut trying to heal but you knew it would leave a nasty scar forever.
-
"She told me to leave her probably wanting time for herself so I went downstairs. After an hour passed, I got worried as she didn't call for me so I went up and saw that she has fallen back asleep" A small smile spread on his lips while he admired you sleep comfortably on your bed. Your face nuzzled in his other free hand, thinking it was a pillow.
You had held Jeongguk's hand and brought it close to your face, your breath vented on his hand. Jeongguk didn't want to let go as it would wake you up or disturbed you from the good sleep you were having.
But what Jeongguk did not know was that, you weren't having a perfectly "good sleep"
You were having a nightmare and the reason why you grabbed his hand was to feel the comfort and safety of someone's presence. You acknowledge that you were holding onto his hand, you were aware of it but you secretly didn't want him to know.
"The rest are worried so we might come over later. For now please stay and watch over her" Taehyung who was on the other side of the call, spoke with a low voice. Currently seated on a high stool in the kitchen, waiting for Seokjin to serve dinner. It was already 19:18 and Jeongguk was starting to get hungry but you wouldn't wake up nor let him go.
"Says the one who said to stay away from her a few hours ago" Taehyung could feel the mischievous smile on Jeongguk's face behind the call. By the tone of the youngest's voice, he could determine that Jeongguk felt somehow fond of his words
"Yeah yeah, whatever kid" As soon as that slipped out of Taehyung's mouth, giving no time for Jeongguk to reply he hangs up and lets out a loud exhausted sigh, catching the attention of the 5 other figure in the room
"Let's eat up because I don't want my children to starve in a house that has everything but not food" Seokjin sarcastically mentioned and everyone nodded, thanking for the food and started happily enjoying the dish as an incomplete family.
-
You woke up a few minutes after he ended the call with your brother, not because he was loud but because you started feeling nauseous so you had to wake up otherwise you'll throw up on the bed. But once again you chocked on your own saliva but nothing came out.
You saw that you were still holding his hand so you abruptly let go, which made him quite sad as you could see his lips turn downwards and into a pout
"Jeongguk, why did you come back to me?" You decided to build up your courage and ask him what was those things he had said during the day
"Because you needed me and I'll always be there-" His brows knitted together as he tilts his head a little bit, confused as to what you were saying
"But you said you didn't want to deal with me if he hurts me"
"I never said that. Where does this come from Yumi?" You were hurt, why was he lying to you. But the real question was why were you this stupid to not notice he was speaking the truth. He didn't know what you were blabbering on about, it confused and hurt him so much to just hear you shout at him for something he didn't do
"You said it yourself, you cursed at me and said I was blind for not believing you! You said it yourself so don't act innocent-"
"Kim Yumi! I never said such things and would never. You know me, I'm going to joke around but never mean it in any hurtful way, so I don't know where you got that stupid idea but it was definitely not me-" He snapped, locking eyes with yours but then he suddenly thought of something which made him stop himself from continuing
"Wait a minute"
"Jiyeong" Both of you said in unison while still having a fixing gaze on each other. Both having a shocked expression plastered on their faces.
"This is why Taehyung didn't want me to see you.." He places his finger on his chin like he was thinking of something and mumbles softly but as it was too quiet in the house but you heard him clear
"What the- My brother did?"
"Only to protect you" He answered fast to avoid misunderstandings
"Jeongguk, come closer" Your eyes travel from his lips to his nose and to the scar. Something was definitely pestering you and you needed to clarify your doubts
"Huh?"
"Just come" Without him answering you back, he came closer to your face, his body inches apart from yours but it wasn't close enough to see the details of his features. You pulled him by the collar gently and stared at the scar on his cheek. You raised your other hand and brought it up to his face, he shuts his eyes thinking you would slap him but instead he just felt a soft cold finger on his cheek. You touch the scar, feeling how the skin sunked in forming a deflated bump. You heard him fake cough and then you remembered the proximity between both of you, so you excused yourself and let him go gently
"So this explains the scar on his cheek" The scar you saw on the supposedly 'Jeongguk' was on the right cheek but the real Jeongguk has his scar on his left cheek. This explains why it was pealing like it was dry, because it was makeup. Jeongguk's scar looked more deep, carved into his cheek.
'This guy really played me off today' You spoke with you teeth gritted and your jaw clenched