I've never been a very superstitious person.
Paranoid, yes. I've always been very paranoid. But, I never let things like black cats or stepping on cracks on the sidewalk haunt me. Luck had nothing to do with the problems in my life, everything that happened to me had to do with the decisions I made.
I chose to ask Louis to adopt me, I chose to live with him, to love him. Every day I chose to stay with him and look what happened.
But, I also chose to move here. I chose to work at the café, to speak to Harry, to be with Harry. Every day I choose to heal and look what happened.
Luck was always irrelevant to me.
But, today, that outlook changed.
The coin that had been lodged into the golden toad's mouth since I received it had fallen out this morning.
It was the smallest clinking noise as I was making some tea before work and yet it grabbed my full attention. That small sound was practically deafening.
The beady eyes of the toad seemed to laugh at me as I just continued to stare at the fallen coin that many consider a horrible sign, not quite sure what to do. The golden coin falling from the Lucky Toads mouth is considered an omen for hard times ahead in many cultures. It is very unlucky.
I'm not quite sure if I'm a believer, but it certainly doesn't make me feel great.
In fact, it just brings out the paranoia in me more than ever.
This toad that Betsy gave me, so similar to the one I had in New York with Louis, finally drops the coin like a final nail in my coffin, essentially sealing my fate.
Isn't that ironic?
I'm not quite sure what you're supposed to do with the statue after it damns you, but, I choose to do what I have been aching to do to it since it came in that stupid velvet purple box.
I dump the thing in the trash.
I feel partially bad about it considering it was a very thoughtful gift from Betsy, but I just won't tell her I got rid of it. And if she asks I'll tell her someone broke in and stole it.
Not my iPod or t.v. or the wad of money stashed behind my toilet. Nope, none of that, just a fake golden toad.
I'm sure she'll believe me.
Despite the potential bad luck that toad just cursed me with, finally dumping it in the trashcan certainly did put a pep in my step.
The similarity to the one I had in New York, the one Louis gave me, was a constant reminder of the life I left behind.
And it honestly just gave me the creeps. I've been waiting for an excuse to toss it, and the coin falling was a perfect one.
With that, I leave for work -the toad in the bin, much lighter than before.
I've been trying, really trying to move on from all I left behind and I don't want any reminder of that life. Those dark times.
The night at the bar –forgetting my unborn child's birthday, getting wasted, fighting with Harry... it was so ugly. So not who I want to be. It was a side of me full of pent up aggression and bitterness and a side of me I never want to revisit.
That night was the wakeup call I needed.
I don't want to live in the shadows anymore, it's time I step out into the light.
That's been my resolve for a while now, but I was always too afraid to move forward, never fully willing to forget about Louis, about the abuse, about everything I had been through. I wanted to go back to the girl I used to be.
And it feels like something inside of me has cracked open, has been shaken loose -just enough to let the sunshine in.
Because I'm not the Scarlett I was before I met Louis, I'm someone completely different –someone reborn.
I'm Layla.
I may still get scared and paranoid every now and then. And yelling still frightens me and my nightmares still visit me every night with a vengeance, but I don't let them affect me.
I don't let them sway my disposition.
It's easier to smile now, easier to laugh. Touching and being touched doesn't make me flinch. Being in a room alone with a man, smiling at a stranger... it doesn't feel daunting anymore.
I no longer have to look over my shoulder in fear and it feels so great to just let go.
My scars will always be here literally and metaphorically, but I am no longer ashamed of them. They're proof that I have survived. And I will keep surviving.
For the first time in a long time, I feel safe. I feel happy.
And I won't let a little coin ruin that for me.
By the time I make it to the cafe the stupid toad is forgotten and Eliza is chastising Harry. He is bent over the counter like a kid getting punished for stealing a cookie and she is wagging her finger at him like an angry mother.
"If she-" she stops when the bell jingles, making eye contact with me and raising her brow at Harry, "Well, speak of the devil. Why don't you tell her what you almost did."
Harry swivels in his chair to face me and his hair is up in a bun and his eyes are tired and he looks like he hasn't slept at all. I am still frozen at the entrance, completely confused as to what I just walked in on.
He chews on his lip anxiously, running a hand down his face, "It's really not that big of a deal! I couldn't even do it."
"Then tell her, why don't you?"
Eliza looks much too smug for my liking and I know it has to do with the fact that despite my lecture to Niall and despite his claim that he was going to her place, he actually didn't go see her last night.
Coward.
Harry turns to glare at Eliza before letting out a heavy breath and looking away from me, talking so fast I can barely make out the words.
"After you went home last night I called my boss to try and stop your paintings from being sold, but the payment had already gone through and the paintings were picked up this morning and it was too late... So there, no big deal, nothing even happened, Eliza."
He glares at her and she sticks out her tongue at him and I really did a bang-up job in choosing whom to befriend in this town.
I blink a few times to process what had just been said, but come out more confused than ever. I don't think I can be mad because they are his paintings and he can do what he wants, but if he did it for my sake then, hell yeah, I'm mad.
But, last night, despite a bit of hesitance, he seemed totally fine with selling the paintings once he knew I was okay with it.
"I don't get it..." I trail off, finally walking towards the duo and facing Harry, "I thought we talked about this?"
He rubs his neck uncomfortably, fidgeting in his sit under my watchful stare and Eliza's looming presence.
She's usually very good about minding her own business, but considering the fact that she's been uninvolved in her own relationship for the past two weeks, maybe she needs to be involved in someone else's.
"We did, but... I thought about it some more after you left and I just wasn't feeling right about it, is all."
And he is fidgeting around so much you would think that I'm his mother and he just broke a vase and is lying about it. I feel like I should be angry with him by his reaction and Eliza's scolding glare, but I'm just confused is all.
"This isn't about me right? I told you I was fine with it?"
He shakes his head adamantly, "No, I know you were cool with it and I appreciate that, but I just felt weird about it.... But, it doesn't matter now because it was too late anyway."
His teeth are gnawing on his lip so hard I am sure that he is drawing blood and I get the feeling that he isn't telling me something. He has got zero poker face and he can't even meet my eyes and I can tell something more is bothering him, but what that could be I'm not entirely sure.
And even though I want to press the issue... Well, how can I when he never pressed me to tell him about my issues.
He was always so patient with me and it's about time I return the favor.
Eliza huffs, a completely different person now that Niall and she are on the fritz. She's past the sad stage and went straight to bitter resentment in two days flat.
I can't imagine what she would be like if the two actually broke up.
"I can't believe you would try to back out of this sale once you committed to it," She scoffs shaking her head, eyes distant, clearly not thinking of the issue at hand, "Men. You're committed to someone - I mean something, and you're in it for the long haul and one slight hiccup or feeling and you're trying to get out of it... No resilience, no loyalty."
Harry's eyes meet mine in slight amusement, but mostly concern as we listen to Eliza obviously rant about Niall. She shakes her head, scoffing as she continues.
She is the storm cloud on my sunny day and I love her I do, but I don't know how much longer I can continue to give her and Niall advice that they both ignore and then come back and complain about the same issue the next day.
So, I ignore her babbling and focus on the issue at hand.
"You can always paint more, Harry... I'm not going anywhere," He smiles at that, dimples deep and eyes light and I return the smile, "Don't stress about it, I'm sure the buyer is fine. He might just be a collector of portraits and you're helping him build his collection."
That idea is a long-shot but Harry nods his head, smile strained, as he pretends to acknowledge that it might be true.
His eyes roam over my face leisurely, as if painting a new portrait in his mind as we speak and a fond smile is curling up his plump lips and we are having a moment here and Eliza is still ranting.
He leans over, placing a tender kiss to my cheek, loving and warm and lingering. My cheeks flush at the action and when he pulls away I send him a cheeky wink.
Eliza pretends to gag from behind the counter.
"You two are disgustingly cute, please stop."
Harry chuckles at this, stroking my arm as I leave his side to join Eliza behind the counter and grab a one of our pink apron to add some color to my outfit.
"Whatever, you're just jealous."
And he doesn't think before he says it given the situation, and the sneer that was on Eliza's face fades and her dark eyes cast down.
I send a glare towards Harry, who grimaces when he realizes his insensitivity. The room grows heavy with tension, Eliza wiping down the counters as Harry and I glace around nervously, not knowing if and how we should broach the subject.
But, I've never been very good at uncomfortable silences and I know Harry would only make it worse, so I blurt out the first thing that pops into my head.
Which, you know, is always a good move.
"Did you know that every square inch of the human body has roughly 32 million bacteria covering it?"
It was something I had just recently learned watching some discovery channel on Netflix that I stored away for later use, but this moment probably wasn't the right time to unleash that little tid-bit. Harry shakes his head at me in shame and Eliza glances at me in disgust and I'm not very good at breaking tension.
"What?" I laugh uncomfortably, shrugging and scratching my head, "I thought it was interesting..."
"I usually appreciate your quirky little encyclopedia brain, but please don't tell me things that make me want to light my skin on fire." She raises her brow and her bitter attitude is back, but at least she isn't sad anymore.
"Noted."
But, my little fact does it's job and it's a comfortable silence that follows our exchange as I serve a guest that walks in, Harry sketches furiously in his notebook, and Eliza counts the money in the till.
Though, I notice both of their eyes shifting over to their cell phones more times than not, both trying to be inconspicuous about it for different reasons.
I don't tell them about the coin for fear that it might make me sound like a crazy person and also because they've got enough on their plates. They've dealt with my issues long enough.
It's time I start dealing with theirs.
"Harry," I snap and his head shoots up from his phone instantly, cheeks heating in guilt, "Stop checking your phone. Your boss isn't going to call and Mr. Shepard isn't going to cancel. It's too late, get over it. It's less than a dozen paintings and you have over a dozen more. You're doing this for your mom, so commit."
He swallows, shocked by my assertive tone, but nods his head shakily in agreement. Then I turn to Eliza, who is already watching me in half shock and half admiration.
"And you, Eliza. You need to suck it up and go over to talk to Niall. This has been going on long enough and the two of you-"
But, my uncharacteristic outburst is cut short by the door banging against the wall, the bell almost coming off entirely by the force of it.
Despite my now usual calm resolve, the abrupt noise has me jumping a mile high and almost ducking in shock. Even Eliza and Harry startle a bit as the door swings open, a gust of the crisp winter air blowing into the shop.
And in walks a short, blonde Irishmen whose hair is tousled, nose is pink, and bags under his eyes dark enough to look like bruises.
But, there is something different about his face from the last few times I have seen him.
Gone is the insecurity, the rejection, the uncertainty that had ailed him just yesterday. No, that Niall is completely gone.
In his place is a Niall with a fire in his eyes and a storm in his heart.
Determination.
He strides into the café like a bull, nostrils flaring and chest heaving. His eyes dart to Eliza, then Harry, then me. Back to Harry, then Eliza, then Harry again. We all watch his eyes ping-pong in silent surprise as he gathers his thoughts.
His head swivels around the empty café before landing on the chalkboard full of odd scribbles, but he's not really looking at anything. It looks as if he is contemplating something.
Harry scrambles from the stool when Niall begins to pace the entryway, glancing between the fighting couple in distress.
"N-Niall... I thought you would be at work... I just wanted to stop by to see Layla and grab some coffee, not to see Eliza. I-I didn't even talk to her, nope.," He is rambling, thinking that Niall is mad at Harry for fraternizing with the enemy and Eliza scowls at him, "Completely ignored her, actually. Was just about to call you to see if-"
"Shut up, Harry." Niall snaps, halting his hurried steps and Harry just nods his head, sitting back down before standing up again.
"Yup, good call."
Eliza's face is a mask of neutrality as Niall turns towards her. Their eyes lock, hard and stern, and the air crackles with tension.
I wouldn't be surprised if they got into some kind of brawl right here with the way they are staring at each other.
Harry's eyes meet mine, screaming for help, but I am just as trapped in the middle of this war as he is.
I hate that it makes my stomach churn and my hands shake.
Finally, Niall breaks the tension with one deafening word, like a clap of thunder. Like an old western showdown, Niall reaches for his gun –metaphorical of course.
"Eliza."
She slings her pistol around her fingers, "Niall."
Then silence. A tumbleweed drifts by as they wait for the signal to shoot, and I hear the old western music building and I really have to stop watching John Wayne movies to fall asleep.
And then Niall whips out his gun, aiming, "I'll ask you one more time. Move in with me."
But, it's Eliza that fires the first shot.
"And I'll say it one more time... No."
Bullseye.
Even I flinch at the harsh tone of her voice and cringe at the slump of Niall's shoulders. He has been shot, bleeding out on the floor as Eliza blows the smoke off her gun, victorious.
Though, I doubt either one has won in this duel.
The determination that Niall sauntered in here with dims a little, but I can tell he is not backing down by the set of his jaw, the clench of his hands. Harry's fingers twitch and I bet it's because he wants some popcorn to chomp on while watching the rematch.
"I don't get it... Why are you being like this?"
He runs a frustrated hand through his hair and when he is this angry his accent is thicker than ever. I can barely make out a word he is saying, but Eliza can just fine because she is scoffing, shaking her head.
I'm amazed at how they're so comfortable fighting in front of their friends, not the least bit embarrassed at how uncomfortable Harry and I are.
I feel as if we should leave the room, but for some reason... my feet stay rooted in place, wanting to mediate this battle.
"I've told you a hundred times, you never listen," She waves her hands around in frustration, but Niall is already shaking his head, "My parents would never approve, they would never speak to me again! You know how religious they are! My Gran would nearly have a heart attack!"
Their fight has begun to make me a bit panicky, not liking the raised voices and harsh words and I shrink away from Eliza. Harry notices, slipping between the quarreling couple to stand at my side.
I take deep breaths, not allowing myself to panic and Harry runs his hands down my arms soothingly.
His touch alone calms my storm.
"So, we'll talk to them! We'll make them see that we're different and responsible!"
And Niall must really want to live with her because he is not letting this go, adamant about sticking to his guns and getting Eliza to cave.
Though I'm not quite convinced it has anything more to do with his desire to live with her than it has to do with his need to win. And she is so adamant on saying no because she wants to win too.
But, they are both losers to me.
"Please! You know that would never work, even bringing it up would be blasphemous! Say goodbye to my cell phone, my car, my café... I'd lose everything!"
Niall shakes his head somber, "Not everything, Eliza."
And Eliza snaps out of it at once at that, realization dawning in her eyes, "I didn't mean it like that... I just... I don't know if I'm ready to give all this up. I love you and-"
But Niall holds up his palm, silencing her instantly and her eyes are welling up in tears at their crossroads and I really feel like I shouldn't be witnessing this, but it feels like it's a little too late to leave.
Niall takes a step closer to the counter, sucking in a deep breath, the glint back in his soft baby blues.
"I love you, I have been in love with you for all the years of my life that matter. I want to wake up next to you, to cook you breakfast every morning, to fight about decorations. I want to take the next step in our lives together... Don't – don't you want that too?"
Now it's Harry's turn to fake gag and when I elbow him in the ribs he splutters out a cough, but we may as well be invisible they are so focused on each other.
Eliza's eyes have welled up at Niall's speech, but she still looks conflicted and her teeth are gnawing on her lip and when she speaks again her voice is strained.
"Of course I do... But, my parents... I can't move in with someone without being married first and-"
Niall cuts her off, voice strong and sure.
"Then, let's get married."
The Earth stops spinning for a second.
That is the last thing I would have ever expected to come out of Niall's mouth after that heated argument and their weeks of silence and I know I'm not the only one who's shocked.
Harry's jaw is touching the floor and he is looking at Niall as if he is certifiable. And Eliza... Well, she looks like she's just been electrocuted.
No one says anything for a bit and her mouth opens and closes like a fish as she thinks of something to say, before swallowing harshly, finding her voice.
"Wh-what?"
Niall steps right up to the counter, no regret in his eyes as he takes Eliza's hands in his own, "Let's get married... Not even just to move in together, but because I haven't imagined myself with anyone else since I met you. I already know that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with you, so why wait?"
Still, she looks to be in shock, jaw agape and eyes opened wide.
All of the bad vibes that had just been filling the room dissipate and my heart is hammering iny chest as I wait for Eliza's reply and seriously, they are both crazy.
Only one of their fights would end in a marriage proposal.
A small laugh escapes her lips, though it sounds more like a wheeze. She is searching his eyes as if to make sure he is serious and I am at the edge of my seat waiting to see what happens next.
Then, slowly, a large grin pulls at the corner of her lips, her eyes light.
She reaches a hand out to stroke Niall's cheek, really laughing now, "What are you, crazy?"
"Probably, yeah, but I'm crazy about you... These past two weeks have been the worst of my life and I don't ever want to go through that again. I'm tired of fighting about something that should be irrelevant. I have always wanted to marry you, so why are we even arguing? I want to be with you, always... So, marry me, Eliza."
And their pistols have been put away and in the biggest plot twist in the century, the two duelers end up together, Eliza's answer echoing through the empty shop.
"Hell yes."
She is giddy with glee and Niall looks like he is about to cry and they are suddenly leaning over the counter with their tongues so deep in each other's throats that I have to look away.
It seems so out of the blue and random, but it's pretty unsurprising considering how in love those two are. They don't need grand gestures or a big ring.
They just need each other.
There is a firm squeeze of my hand and I glance up to see Harry looking down at me fondly, a love in his eyes so pure and true that it actually makes my chest ache.
Yeah, I can't help but think, giving Harry a soft kiss on his lips, I get that - this is all I need. Right here.
________________________
It's much much later in the night that I come stumbling in through the lobby of our apartment building.
After that iconic proposal in the café we all went out to celebrate, the last two weeks of hell completely forgotten as we popped open a bottle of champagne and celebrated love.
The new –Harry and I- and the old –Eliza and Niall.
I've never been very good with alcohol, which is clear. But, surrounded by my friends and celebrating such a huge milestone, I made an exception. I really made an exception.
And drinking with friends: laugh and sharing stories and sitting on Harry's lap with Eliza and Niall argued about when to tell their families...
Well, I've never been happier to be normal.
But, the boys left the party early to share Niall's good news with their friends from the shop (they have other friends?) And left Eliza and I to gush over the romantic speech and how out of nowhere this all was.
She seemed happy, though. And that's all I really care about.
Four glasses of champagne and a whole lot of talk about ivory vs. white later and Betsy is helping me through the revolving doors.
"Must have been one helluva night." She laughs, holding me by the arm –I don't flinch!- as I dig through my purse for my keys.
I laugh at the statement and the irony of it all, "You have no idea."
She just shakes her head at me and she is such a sweet old lady who gave me this wonderful lucky toad and I realize that I never even thanked her for it! And it's probably the bubbly swishing around in my stomach, but I find now the appropriate time.
"Betsy! I never thanked you for the lucky toad you got me for my birthday!" I hiccup and her gray brows crease and it's really hot in here, "So... thank you!"
She has an amused smile on her wrinkly lips, but her stormy eyes are more confused than ever, "Lucky toad?"
I laugh, pointing at her as if what I'm about to say is her fault, "Yeah! But, the coin fell out of it's mouth today! That's very bad luck and you basically jinxed me!"
I pout aggressively, expecting her to laugh it off or tell me the myth is complete rubbish, but she doesn't do either of those things.
Her confusion only grows the more I speak, head tilted to the side as she asses my inebriated state. She almost looks a bit distressed, somewhat guilty for what she is about to say.
The lobby is spinning and my head feels heavy and I feel like there is a fog settling in my brain and this is why I don't drink.
Despite all of this though, I hear her next words all too clearly. My world shifting on it's axis at the revelation.
"I'm sorry, Layla, but... I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm afraid that I forgot to get you a gift for your birthday..."
It could be those words or the alcohol in my system, but the next thing I know, I am vomiting on the marble floor of the lobby and really, only two things can be certain.
1. Maybe that stupid coin really did jinx me.
2. He's here.
__________
Now that both of our main characters have realized that something isnt right here shit is about to go down! And there are only 12 chapters left of Savior, can you believe it!?
What did you think of Layla's growth? Harry's hesitance about the paintings? Niall's proposal? The ending? Predictions?
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