As much as I wanted to enjoy my birthday, I'd spent the entire day with my head hovering over the toilet bowl.
I felt bad because Jake was leaving tomorrow, but I was in no fit state to go anywhere. Not to mention that Alex was getting ready for tour.
I was miserable and they all knew it.
Jake sat with me most of the day, brushing his fingers through the short hairs that were already growing on my head. It helped me relax.
"Have you spoken to your girlfriend at all?" I mumbled, half coherent. He grinned.
"We email daily. Seeing as I can't text her without being charged a fortune." I giggled. "But yeah, we've spoken over skype as well. She wants to meet my little sister." My heart lurched.
Every time he called me that, I felt love for him, but I felt guilty for leaving him.
"I'm sorry I left." I whispered quietly. Jake shook his head, placing a kiss to my forehead.
"Charlia, I was so happy for you when Alex first suggested the adoption. At first, yeah I was jealous and upset because not only were you being adopted, but I was gonna lose my chance to look after you once and for all. But seeing you so blissfully happy with this huge family surrounding you, it reminds me every day that I made the right choice in no being selfish."
The guilt eased up slightly at his words.
If Jake could find it easy to deal with his little sister being halfway across the world, I could let go some of the guilt that ate me up for leaving him halfway across the world.
The next day Jake was gone. I felt put out that he couldn't stay any longer, but he reminded me that he still had to finish University.
I still went to school and All Time Low finally went on their European and Australian tour.
I seemed to survive okay on my own, but because he was gonna be gone for a good month and a bit, I stayed with my grandparents.
It felt weird calling them that, but both of them insisted.
Alex had been on tour for a week and before I knew it, Cass was helping me get ready for the Spring Dance. That was more weird than prom last year, but I put up with it.
They want to make the most of it in case you die. I shoved the sly thought from my mind as fast as it came.
Fletch was the perfect gentleman in front of the adults and then we were off to the dance.
The Spring Dance was okay.
Fletch and I goofed around a lot when I made my intentions clear that I couldn't really see him anything other than an annoying brother.
He laughed and told me that he had to make sure that I wasn't falling for his charms.
I hit him for that.
For some reason, I felt jealousy surge through me as I watched Callie with her date. I couldn't understand why I was so jealous at all.
Was I turning into one of those kind of girls? Jealous that her best friend can have it all?
The green monster slunk away when she rejoined our group, a huge smile on her lips, her arm looped with mine.
With a jolt, I realised that I wasn't jealous of what she had.
I was jealous of her date. I wanted to be in his place.
The minute those thoughts popped into my head, I tried to dispel them but I couldn't. They sat there, in the back of my mind every time she laughed at a face I pulled or held on to me.
Before too long, the dance was over and I went back home, telling my grandparents that Cass was there. It wasn't a lie, but Cass knew not to fuss over me.
So I cried as I fell asleep, feeling confused and scared for all these feelings bubbling up inside of me.
(Two weeks later)
I'd tried my hardest after the dance to act normal. But I couldn't help but smile more around her.
Still, as we looked through the photos from prom, my heart would drop at her date's arm around her waist.
I could feel my heart beating in my chest as I stared at Callie, trying to understand why I could feel my stomach clench at the sight of the photo.
My eyes snapped to the photo of her with her date from the other night and I could feel my heart pounding. And then realisation dawned on me as she went on about her date with this guy.
It took me a full minute to compose my face before telling her I didn't feel so good. I didn't even need to explain. My meds made me sick often and it wasn't uncommon for me to lie down in the nurses station or have to go home.
But I was trapped at her house and I felt dizzy.
"I need to go lie down, just, give me a while?" She nodded her head and followed me up anyway.
I could feel my heart in my throat as she lay next to me and I felt worse.
I was sure this was what falling in love with your best friend felt like.
Lay on her bed, with Callie facing me, I felt my breath come out shaky. Our eyes were locked and I could feel my nerves tingling. I didn't want to move away, but I was scared to move closer in case she rejected me.
She moved forwards but I was frozen.
"Kiss me." Was all she whispered and that was all I needed as I moved my head forwards and our lips met.
And in that moment I didn't care that she was a girl. I cared about the fact that I adored her with my entire heart.
We lay there for hours, making out and just giggling over the fact that we were in our own little world. We were away from everyone and everything.
My hands had moved to rest on her waist whilst she'd scooted closer, using our positions as an advantage to let her hands her hands wander my body. And I didn't stop her nor did I mind. It felt good and with each kiss, it felt satisfyingly right.
Finally, the bubble around us broke and her front door slammed shut. I shot her a panicked look and she was just so relaxed about it.
"So where does that leave us?" She whispered softly, and my eyes darted to the door as footsteps thundered up. She could see my panic clear as daylight and she sighed before rolling off the bed, rushing to the door and cutting off the loud knocking.
"Who's in with you Callie?" My eye snapped shut at her mother's words. They liked me well enough but I didn't want to talk to her parents right now.
"It's Charlia. She's resting." Callie snapped at her mom and I felt a strange fluttering sensation in my heart.
"Oh, well I just needed to check in and change my bags over, work have pushed the meeting over and want me back soon as. I told them I needed to make sure you were okay first." Callie scoffed.
"Phones are for a reason mom. I'll be fine. Is dad with you or?"
"He's still in Washington."
"How long?" I could hear her sadness. As much as she hated her parents for leaving her, she loved them a lot.
"Three weeks. Your dad will be home in two though."
"Oh."
My eyes remained closed, even when her bedroom door shut after a few more moments of uncomfortable silence, followed by a short 'love you' from her mom.
"You haven't really fallen asleep on me, have you?" I smiled at her words, hearing the light giggle as her lips touched mine and I quickly realised that all of this could go in different ways.
"Callie." I whispered and she shuffled closer. I jumped when a door from around the house banged, followed with footsteps and then the front door slammed shut, the car engine starting off loud and then fading to silence.
"Charlia." She responded evenly after a few moments of the silence.
"Where does this leave us?"
"We could be something for everyone, or we could be just us. It's up to you alien." I couldn't help it, I laughed.
"Can we just be us? I don't want to hide but I don't want-" Her lips covered mine and she smiled into the kiss.
"Just us. We don't need to tell anyone; we don't need to have labels. Hell, if you don't want to be exclusive, I'm okay with that."
"Really?" She nodded her head.
"We can stay friends and just have benefits with our friendship." A smirk filtered onto her lips and before I knew it her lips were at my neck and I felt my body shake with anticipation.
"Okay."
Between Alex being on tour, school and my project, the stolen moments we had over the next three weeks made me feel incredible.
The guys were okay with us being us in front of them. At least, more like ourselves but just with a few kisses exchanged as well. They teased us, but it was never anything offensive. Just the small jokes of 'And here Charlia comes to kiss her girlfriend again.' And even though we didn't correct them on the label of our relationship, I still blushed.
They helped us hide our relationship from others too, covering when we wanted a couple of hours to ourselves and hiding it from the adults.
I wasn't ready to face that backlash.
My hair had been growing more without the chemo causing it to fall out, so at this point, I was sporting a pixie cut. I still covered it with the beanie that Alex had given me on my first day, especially as I sat waiting for him at the airport.
Since I drove here in his SUV after passing my driving test, he was gonna drive us both home.
I greeted the guys with the usual hugs before latching onto Alex. He laughed at me.
"Anyone would've thought that I've been gone for years, not weeks." He teased me. I elbowed him in return.
"I missed you, dork. How was tour?"
"It was incredible. The fans were really nice and got so many gifts, some for you as well." I grinned as he rambled on about the different countries, laughing at the faces he pulled when demonstrating his reactions to trying out of the ordinary foods.
We settled back into routine fairly quickly, but I still snuck out and spent night at Callie's without really telling him.
Especially when her parents were away, I wanted to be selfish as anything.
I just didn't expect him to pull me up on my sneaking out a few weeks later.
"Sleep well?" Alex's question made me focus on him, and something was off. He was too still.
"Yeah, I guess."
"Better than I did, I'd imagine? Seeing as you were gone all night without telling me where the fuck you were?"
I didn't flinch, but I could feel the shame bubbling in my chest. My eyes dropped to the table top.
"I guess, I just wanted to be rebellious?" I offered as an excuse. The stern glare he gave me told me that he wasn't going to take that.
"Charlia, you're sick! How could you just wonder off at night, without even considering what might happen? And I wouldn't even know till the next morning!"
I couldn't look at him.
I knew he was disappointed.
"Why? Give me a damn good reason why you sneak out. And if you say for a boy I will flip. No boy is worth sneaking out right now." He snapped and I hesitated.
"You're gonna hate me." I whispered, my hands shaking. I finally lifted my eyes to his, and his stern glare softened considerably.
"I could never hate you little bird."
"Even if I'm different?" I hesitated, my words of choice confusing him now.
"Baby, what's happened? How are you different?" Fuck, how could I tell him without throwing up. I couldn't stop moving my fingers
He moved from the kitchen counter and stood in front of me, his calloused fingers taking mine and smoothing them out.
"Charlia, you can tell me." He murmured softly.
"Please, please don't hate me." Even I could hear the desperation in my words, but I couldn't tell him without knowing he wouldn't hate me. He nodded
"I can't hate you, even I tried." I tried to pull my lips into a smile, but they only trembled. My heart was going a mile a minute.
"I'm bisexual. But I'd rather be with a girl." The words tumbled from my lips, and I knew if either of us moved at that moment, he wouldn't have heard me. But he did.
"You're an abomination," I felt the dagger in my heart at those words, tears brimming in my eyes. Before I could pull away though, he pulled me into a hug. "You're such an abomination that I can't let you leave home ever. You're stuck with me for good and so is the girl who you decide to love."
I cried.
I hugged him back, tears falling freely as he comforted me.
"Who am I to judge who you love? Hell, half the fanbase ships Jack and I together. Why'd you think I'd be any different with you?"
"The attacks, I, I didn't want that to happen, not from you." My quiet response came and he understood instantly.
There had been so many attacks on the LGBT community, it was wonder I was scared to even admit to my adoptive dad that I preferred women.
But Alex took it in his stride.
"I want to meet the girl who's been causing you to sneak out at least." He commented once I'd calmed down and we had our bowl of cereal in front of us.
"Uh, you kind of already know her. It's Callie." I mumbled and he paused for a second before nodding.
"She's gonna be getting the talk from me still." He teased. I laughed and punched his shoulder. "Just, don't hide or lie to me about leaving the house Charlia. You're on the radiotherapy soon and I don't want to worry about you more than I already do."
"Isn't that part of the job description? Worry about your child until you go grey?" I teased and he stuck his tongue out at me.
"Shut up and get in the living room. Movie marathon today."
"Harry Potter time!" I shouted, ditching my empty bowl and racing Alex to the living room.
As we settled on the sofa and I was curled against him, I knew we'd be fine.
famous last words lmao. yeah i know i'm lame with my updates but i got here. so this chapter right here is dedicated to my lgbtq+ siblings. you are never alone and if you need a big sister then i'm here.
vote & comment!
peace, love n tiger stuff xo