Do I know this place at all? I wish I could remember, the only reason my butt is stuck inside this chair in this big office is because my notifications that are followed by alarms let me know that I better come here every day.
"How are you Lauren?" So that's my name! My legs are jumping up and down nervously, my eyes focused on the little dog on the desk whose head is bouncing up and down distracting me from thinking.
"I've had better days." I let out anyways, she follows my eyes and puts her hand on top of the toy, throwing it inside her drawer afterwards.
"How is your girlfriend? Your son?" I look away through the window nervously, now that the toy is gone I don't know where to look. "I know that look, what's going on?"
"I don't," I grip the chair harshly, my nails digging into it, "I don't remember her. I woke up not knowing where I was, or who I am for that matter."
"And I suppose you told her that?" My therapist asks hopefully, but yet again I'll have to disappoint her.
"No. I went out and found our picture inside our car. I came back two hours later with a Christmas tree." I can see her nodding and it makes me wonder why? Why is she doing that? I close my eyes for a second the memory of our morning rushing into my head unexpectedly.
It was about 10 am when I brought the tree inside the living room surprising my little family with it. We've been working on it since then, I pass y/n to get another box accidentally touching her.
"Did you just touched my butt?"
"What? It was in my way baby, now focus on your tree." I smirk her way only to find her smirking back at me.
"My tree? You're the one who brought it home."
I roll my eyes stepping behind her, my arms sneak around her belly gently, "anything for you, my little dork."
"I see. We talked about this before, nobody is pushing you, especially not her, but you'll have to trust me on this one, talk to your girlfriend about it." That's easier said than done.
"It was different this time, I didn't freak out, I had this feeling inside my stomach as I passed her by on my way out that maybe this is my life, maybe this is where I'm supposed to be. What hurt me the most is the look she gave me, like she knew, like she just rolled with the punches I provided, like she said, yeah well my girlfriend doesn't remember me today, better luck tomorrow." I sigh disappointedly, only to see her writing things down. Does this help me at all? If I really do come here every day, does it change anything? Because I don't feel like it does.
"Did she say anything?" I shake my head tiredly.
"No. She was making breakfast for our son, when her eyes met mine, at first they were hopefull, full of passion and happiness, not even a second later she stopped the giggling, focused on me and looked at the door, she just nodded, just like that. Doc, how many times have I done that?"
"In the past week?" I nod as she scans the notes inside her lap, "six times."
"So basically everyday? She deserves better."
"Maybe, but she wants you. You'll have to understand that every time she has a choice, a choice to leave or hold on, as far as I know she has been doing a pretty good job at holding on."
"She has. Excuse me, would it be wrong if we cut this short? There is somewhere I'd rather be right now."
"It's alright Lauren, you're free to go." I nod shaking her hand and running out afterwards with only one thought stuck inside my head.
As soon as I step inside our house I run towards the kitchen she has been stuck in for the whole day.
"Hey baby," I pull her in, my lips gently brushing over hers, "adult content, guys stop!" Dinah yells entering the kitchen. I look at my girl confused silently asking what's going on as I notice our friends occupating our couch and she starts giggling.
"Don't look at me, you called them." I did? When? Why?
"Yesterday dumbass, you said something along the lines, my baby girl misses you, she needs her friends to help her deal with me, come and make her happy because I am doing a pretty shitty job at it." Dinah husks looking at y/n, stealing some food my girlfriend is making.
"Dinah! Don't say shit like that! You know that's a lie babe right?" I stay frozen, my hands on the counter as I think about it.
"Lo?" I hear her beautiful voice, but I seem to be unable to move, it is the truth, I know Dinah is just messing around, but what she said burns in the worst way possible. I feel warm fingers on my cheeks, she makes my body turn around to face her, bringing me into the warm embrace, I nuzzle my face into her neck, bringing my arms around her waist.
"I'm sorry," I sob out quietly.
"I'm out lovebirds, fix my friend y/n, I'm sorry for this though, I was just playing around." Y/n mumbles something that makes Dinah run into the living room.
"Look at me baby," I hear her whisper quietly, "Lo please, I need to see those beautiful eyes, come on baby girl, look my way." I do it eventually, she wipes the tears away from my face and for the first time I notice that she has been crying with me or for me, I'm still trying to figure it out.
"I don't know if you noticed, but since the day you walked into my life I've been the happiest idiot walking this planet. Lauren I'll always be here no matter what, I am not going to deny it, it hurts, it burns like hell when the one person you love with all of your heart doesn't know who you are to them in the morning. But it doesn't matter because I see that little something inside your eyes, I see us, no matter how bad it is I know that you'll remember our love story."
"And what if one day I won't?"
"Then we'll make another one."
"You make it sound so easy, you make it sound like I am not hurting you. You're trying to be strong, be real with me, just this time baby girl, be honest," I whisper inside her ear and almost regret it a minute later when she pulls away from me, bites her bottom lip nervously, looks around the kitchen, her eyes dancing, her tears burning their way across her cheek and onto her shirt, her hands shaking, "I'm scared," she whispers so quietly I can barely hear her.
"I'm scared I'll lose you one day. I am not afraid to pick up the pieces Lo, I'll always do it for you, for the three of us, but I'm afraid that one day that won't be enough, I won't be enough."
"Angel, you're more than enough, you're extraordinary. Come here," I let out hugging her tightly once again.
"Talk to me," I smile nervously looking everywhere except her, God forbid I look into her eyes I might shatter right in front of her.
"It's just," I start, "it feels like, you know," I sigh carrying on after a little pause, "like I'm suffocating all the time. It's like I'm drowning and as soon as I find my way back up to the top something pulls me back down again. And I'm just tired. I'm always so tired. I want to be normal again, I don't want to live in fear I'll forget my own family someday."
"Normal is overrated Lauren, you're extraordinary and I wouldn't want you any other way, this is you, the real you, the you that made me fall in love, the you that I can't imagine my life without,-" I hear screams interrupting us.
"Mommy! Dinah wants to eat me, don't let her," Noah screams loudly hidding behind my legs, his eyes begging me to pick him up and I do it in a heartbeat, y/n kisses his cheeks sweetly, "baby boy what's up?"
"I want mommy to protect me from Dinah." Y/n chuckles and I fall in love all over again, I missed this, us, as a family, we probably had our little moment yesterday too, but the thing is I don't remember, that's why this one seems so precious and I am holding onto them both tightly.
"I am protecting you," y/n whispers and Noah shakes his head, "you to mom," he whispers into my hair and y/n smiles at us like this is something ordinary, Noah calling me his mom, I guess it happened before? I sob loudly unexpectedly surprising us all.
"I'm calling it, this family is fucking weird, come Noah I'll show you fun," Dinah yells taking our son away from us, "party time, Camila put the cartoon in already, let's go find our Nemo."
They leave but Dinah turns around once again, "quick question, why didn't you named him Nemo? I mean you two did found your way to him!" I slap her shoulder as she leaves the room laughing histerically.
"She's such an idiot." I nod my head at my girlfriend, resting my head on her shoulder as she turns around to prepare the rest of the dinner. I'm observing her quietly, gently kissing her neck from time to time, my eyes land on something I haven't seen there before, I turn her around, my fingers stuck on the diamond ring.
"What?" I hear her giggle as she brings my hand up to my face as well pointing at the ring on it, "how did this come here?" I blurt out quietly, y/n looks down sadly.
"No, don't do that, baby sorry, I just, are we?" She nods quietly, "yeah engaged, you asked me to be yours forever two months ago." I start giggling at myself, "every day I come up with a little plan to do this, I was searching for the ring today, thinking I've lost it, but now I see that it reached its final destination already. God, I love you."
"I love you," y/n lets out pecking my lips, "now go bore someone else, I need to cook and tell Camila I need her assistance."
"I see how that is, how about your fianceé? She can't help you?"
"Lauren, get out," she throws a little napkin at me, I shake my head on my way out towards the living room, my eyes land on a dancing queens and my king. They look like they're having the time of their lives. Camila is dancing with my son inside her lap and Dinah is watching them with adoration.
"One day," I say quietly, her eyes shot up to meet mine, "what?"
"One day you'll have a little Camila running around the house, she'll annoy your ass daily and I'll laugh at it, but somehow you'll always love it. Somehow you'll love both of them so much you'll think your heart won't be able to survive it." Dinah nods, her lips forming a little smile in the process.
"I'm sorry Lo, about earlier you know? You make her happy, don't ever doubt that alright?" I smile nervously not really believing it but nodding either way.
"Can I ask you something Dinah? I need a little favour."
"Dear lord, do I even want to know?" Dinah asks furrowing her eyebrows together, I giggle at the faces she is making.
"Can you tell me about our engagement night? What happened?" Dinah sighs sitting down onto the couch, signaling me to sit down as well, I see saddness inside her eyes, pity, fear, " you're so strong Laur. If I was the one losing my memories I wouldn't be even able to fight it."
"I'm not really fighting it you know?"
"Oh, but you are. The doctor said something inside you wants you to remember her, something brings you back everyday, but it sounds so tiring."
"The thing is Dinah, even if it is, I don't know it and she is worth it. Now tell me about that night."
"It was beautiful, everything about it. You were still you, you know? The old you, the one with the memories."
"I'm still me Dinah. Do you really miss the old me that badly?"
"Sometimes," she looks away with tears inside her eyes, "I get excited about things and one minute you're there talking to me about it and the next it's like your mind has been deleted. Your mood changes, your smile fades away and you look at me like I am someone who is trying to hurt you, then you back away slowly and disappear into your room. I never knew that watching someone walking away from you could be that painful. It's like you're watching your friend fade away, everything you thought you knew about them is suddenly gone, it's like you're this new version of yourself daily."
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Not really satisfied with this chapter, but it's been way too long, so here you go 😊