You spent so long
wondering
and asking
"How can anyone love me?"
and you counted your flaws
but didn't have any fingers left
for strengths
and when someone finally
said they loved you
all you could ask
was "Why?"
instead of telling them
that you loved then, too.
- AKR
The sound of water pounding on flesh could be heard from the next room.
Lizzy and Jane sat quietly together, for once the pair silent and lost in thought.
The silence was broken however by Jane's quick movement up from the bed.
"We need to help her," Jane said.
Lizzy blinked her eyes owlishly at her, trying to regain focus on reality. She had been so lost in thoughts of the past.
"How?" Lizzy whispered. She seemed to have curled up into herself, with eyes that were far away from the problem at hand. Jane knew what she was thinking of, and quickly gave Lizzy's shoulder a shake.
"We are focusing on Fayette right now Lizzy. Focus."
Lizzy nodded and her eyes cleared up. Whatever train of thought she was traveling, quickly abandoned her as she got up from the coach and followed Jane to the bathroom door.
"It's my fault," Lizzy whispered, as both girls leaned their heads in to hear better what was going on. "I told her to dance. To have fun. And now this happened."
Jane shuffled closer to Lizzy and rubbed their shoulders together. "Fayette is in charge of the choices she chooses to make."
Both girls looked into each other's eyes and gave a small nod. Slowly, Lizzy opened the door.
Steam clouded up the small room making it thick and moist. Lizzy left the door open as she and Jane traveled to the shower.
Drawing back the curtain, they saw a girl huddled in the middle, sitting down with her legs drawn up to her chest, as water beated onto her back.
She had been in there for almost an hour now.
They had put her there after the Ceremony, not knowing what else to do.
"FAYETTE!" Lizzy had screamed. Jane and her watched with eyes full of excitement.
Fayette, however, looked flustered and dazed after having run up the flights of stairs to reach the booth that controlled the lighting and music.
"I.....I......I ran......" Fayette fell to the ground and put her hands on her face.
Lizzy and Jane were immediately on her. "Fayette?" "Are you okay?" "Fayette?"
Fayette was shaking all over.
Something was coming over her. She didn't know what she had just done.
Then her words clicked in their heads.
"YOU DID WHAT?" Lizzy screamed.
Jane quickly shushed her and flashed her eyes at the callous remark.
"Fayette....what's wrong.....tell us please," Jane pleaded.
They both looked with worried eyes at their friend.
Fayette was taking short shallow breaths. Something felt stuck in her throat. Like she wanted to cry and throw up at the same time.
Her chest hurt.
And her heart wouldn't stop its stuttering pound rhythm.
And his name.
Ringing over and over within her head.
Alto. Alto. Alto. Alto. Alto. Alto.
"I met him," Fayette said.
The girls waited knowing she would say more.
"And then I ran away."
They both closed their eyes at the same time.
"Why?" Lizzy whispered out in a voice full of pain. "You found your life mate. You found what so many people are looking for Fayette. And you ran away from it."
"He....He....." Fayette tried to grasp her feelings and reasons. "He wanted me to be a Princess. He....the way he looked at me.....I don't think.....I couldn't......no one has ever....."
A single tear made its way down Fayette's face.
Lizzy and Jane watched it run down, not moving to stop it.
"I can't be what he sees," was all she whispered, before closing her eyes and hanging her head.
Lizzy and Jane said nothing. They had to get back to the light show and complete their job. All the while Fayette sank into her own darkness further and further.
The ceremony finally came to an end, and the King and Queen moved from their balcony to the door to wish people well as they left.
Jane and Lizzy grabbed Fayette as fast as they could and moved her to their shared bedrooms they had been occupying in their stay at the castle.
"Shower," Jane said.
Lizzy raced ahead to turn the water on.
The girls helped Fayette get out of her dress. They sat her down and wiped the makeup off her face and quietly took the pins out of her hair.
Fayette looked in the mirror and a sob escaped her mouth. Lizzy and Jane looked down in alarm at her.
"He would never have wanted me," she said.
Lizzy gave an impatient groan and stood in front of Fayette.
"What are you talking about?"
"Lizzy," Jane said in a warning voice.
"No Jane I'm tired of this," Lizzy said. She turned to Fayette and made sure she was looking into her eyes. "Fayette, embrace the glorious mess that you are girl."
Fayette's eyes scrunched a little at Lizzy's words.
Lizzy bent down and put both her hands on Fayette's knees.
"You. Are. The. Sun," she whispered, forcing each word out.
Fayette gasped.
She had forgotten.
How had she forgotten?
Every day of every second she said it to her soul.
She stood up making Lizzy and Jane slowly back away to the door.
Fayette turned to the girls and smiled the smallest of smiles.
"Thank you."
Then she stepped into the water and drowned underneath the torrent of scalding rain.
As the girls now watched the huddled figure sitting there, they saw all.
The red skin from the heat. The scars that scattered the body. How skinny Fayette was. Her wet hair that was thrown around her shoulder.
They saw someone who had been broken and glued back together. As her walls went up and her confidence went down
"Fayette..." Lizzy whispered.
Fayette raised her head.
"Too many thoughts are swirling in my head right now," she said.
The girls helped her get out of the shower. Helped her dry off and dress in fluffy PJ's.
Then they set her down on the bed.
"What was it like?" Jane asked Fayette, as all three girls sat together.
"It was terrifying and amazing," Fayette whispered.
"If it's both terrifying and amazing, then you should definitely pursue it," Lizzy said.
Fayette looked at her two best friends. Her sisters. They had done so much for her tonight.
"Can I?"
In that moment Fayette sounded like she had gone back to being nothing more than a small child. Uncertain, and questioning. Yet at the same time, a small part of her wanting. She looked at Lizzy and Jane and they both smiled and nodded to her.
"Make the choice you can live with Fayette," Jane said, patting her hand.
Fayette exhaled.
"Will he even want me after I ran away like that?"
"If he doesn't I'll kick his-"
"Lizzy," Jane cut in.
Lizzy gave a sheepish grin and smiled to Fayette.
"The best girl is the one worth waiting for right?" She said.
"I'm not sure that's true," Jane said with a sigh.
"Well, then the best girl is the one worth fighting for," Lizzy argued.
"Again Lizzy, not really helpful," Jane mumbled, before turning to a smiling Fayette.
Her friend's bickering had lifted her mood.
"You won't know until you try girl," Lizzy said.
Jane smiled and nodded.
"We have your back. You just have to be brave enough. And if he doesn't accept you for what you are, then he doesn't need you for who you are- which is an amazing, beautiful woman," Jane said.
"Heer Heer!" Lizzy yelled.
All three of them laughed.
"Here," Jane said, handing Fayette a phone. "Go ahead."
Fayette took the phone and scrolled until she found the number she needed.
Letting it ring, the phone finally connected and the familiar sound filled her ear as the voice of Alpha Bruno was heard on the other end.
"Alpha Bruno speaking."
Fayette let out a rush of pent-up air. "Alpha Bruno," she whispered.
There was silence on the other end of the phone and a shuffling noise was heard before Alpha Bruno said sharply, "Fayette? Is that you? Are you okay?"
"I'm fine Alpha Bruno. Something....Something unexpected came up.....I'm sorry to ask this Alpha...."
"Anything Fayette. Ask me anything," Alpha Bruno whispered.
"Can you please come? I'm going to need your help with something."
"Help?" Alpha Bruno asked.
Fayette released another breath of pent-up air and explained to Alpha Bruno the whirlwind of the events that lead to that moment.
There was a short pause.
"I'm on my way."