Kellin's Pov
I sighed and watched my foster parents clean up around the house, even though it was already as clean as it was going to get. They only stressed about how the house looked when my social worker was coming to check on me or if it had to do with the foster stuff in any way whatsoever. This time they were stressing because my foster brother was coming home.
"Kellin is your room cleaned up?" Jane- my foster mom- asked me.
"Yeah, it's clean. And yes I made sure Alan's bed was made and that his side looked nice too."
She let out a content sigh, "Thank you dear."
"It's no problem, do you need me to do anything else?" I asked moving to stand up when the doorbell rang.
"No just get the door for us."
I nodded and went to the door and opened it unable to hold back my smile when I saw one of my best friends staring at me with a scowl as he stood next to our social worker, Mary.
"Hi Kellin." Mary said with a smile, "How are you?"
"Doing just fine," I told her and backed up. "Please, come in."
"That's good. Where are Jane and John?"
"They're right this way," I told her before leading the two to where my foster parents were sitting in the living room.
"It's nice to see you two again. I wish it was under better circumstances."
"It's good to see you too Mary," John said with a fake smile before he looked at Alan. "Alan, how're you?"
"I'm fine." He said with annoyance.
"That's good, do you think you're ready to be back home?"
"Yeah I do."
"And you've learned your lesson from last time?" Jane asked him in a sickly sweet voice.
"Yes."
"Well I'm glad, now how about you and Kellin let us adults talk, Kellin show him to your room."
"Finally!"
"Alan," Mary said in a warning tone. "Don't be rude."
"I'm not being rude."
"Alan, just be quiet and come on," I said quietly before going to our room, pulling him behind me.
"I wasn't even being rude to her or anyone." He told me.
"I know you weren't," I laughed and fell on my bed. "So, tell me all about it!"
"It's just like every other time I've been there Kellin."
"Come on, something must have been different! I haven't left this place in years, I need something!"
"Well there isn't anything to tell."
"Alan you were gone for over a month, something exciting or interesting had to have happened. It always does!"
"Nothing did though. Nothing there happened. All that matters is I've changed, I'm not gonna whore around or do bad things anymore. That's all that matters."
"Promise?" I asked biting on my bottom lip a little, I really didn't want Jane and John to send him back to the stupid group home again, especially since they were starting to really get tired of him always getting into trouble.
"Yeah... I promise." He said and gave me a small smile.
"Good, you don't even want to know how terrible it's been around here without you!"
"It couldn't have been that bad."
"Oh yeah it could have, you seem to have forgotten how annoying they can get sometimes." I mumbled. "I got a B on a stupid test the other day and they asked if I started doing meth. Jane wanted me to do a hair follicle test."
"Oh man, she's a little crazy."
"A little is a bit of an understatement," I told him. "I missed you by the way."
"I missed you too. It was boring there without my best buddy." He said and laid on his bed.
"Oh yeah because I'm the life of the party huh?" I asked sarcastically.
"Well no, I just didn't make any friends. You know how I am."
I sighed, "Yeah I know. Part of me says you should try to open up to someone besides me but, the little selfish part doesn't want you to because I'll get jealous."
He chuckled, "I don't need anymore friends really or to really open up, it's stupid. Feelings are stupid."
"Don't get into this with me again," I muttered, rolling my eyes as I grabbed my pillow and hugged it to my chest. "Feelings are wonderful."
"No they're not."
"Yes they are, they're how you feel and experience the world. They keep you from being a bitter little poop like yourself."
"It's too late for me to care about that kind of stuff."
"It's never too late," I sang kicking my feet in the air behind me. "So- did you see any cute guys while you were gone?"
He hesitated, "No."
I grinned, "Oh my god, there was. Wasn't there!?"
He shook his head, "No there wasn't."
"Alright, sure. Whatever you say."
"It's true."
I let out a loud, overdramatic sigh, "I can't believe my own brother wouldn't tell me if he met a hot guy or not. How heartbreaking, what kind of world is this!?"
"Look I just don't want to talk about it!" He snapped, "Just drop it, okay?"
"Okay, jeez. I'm sorry," I said quietly, taken aback a little by his tone.
"Sorry. I just- I don't want to talk about anything that happened there."
"No, it's fine. I get it, I was being pushy again," I mumbled.
"I'm sor-"
"Alan can you come here please!?" Mary called.
Alan gave me a half smile before he left the room. I sighed and moved around on my bed so I was sitting up once more, something was different about Alan this time. Something seemed off kinda. No matter how much he didn't want to open up, I knew he would. He always did. So my plan was to just back off, he'd tell me in time, and until then I'd just be patient and be here for him until he did.
As much as I missed Alan while he was gone though, there was definitely going to be one downside to him being back home. My room won't be just my own, private little place anymore. Once again, I was sharing it with Alan, and there were certain things I didn't want him to know about just yet. I got off of my bed altogether and went to my closet. I opened the doors and moved things around until I found where I had hidden the few precious items that no one knew about, or would ever know about. I smiled as I ran a hand down the soft cotton dress I had bought at a flea market a few towns over last week. I'd have to be even more cautious when I would wear this. Along with the few other dresses, skirts and sweaters I had hidden in the far back of my closet behind old outfits I had outgrown and an old halloween costume that was just sitting back there for reasons unbeknownst to me.
I couldn't let Alan know about my liking for girlier things though, he'd probably just make fun of me like he does for a lot of the things I like. While he may be one of my absolute best friends, we were almost complete opposites aside from the fact that we've grown up together, whether it be here with our foster parents or, before Jane and John had decided to foster the two of us almost six years ago in the group home where we'd both grown up and the fact that we were both attracted to guys. I gave the dress one last longing look before I pushed all of the clothes back in place and went back to my bed.
"I can't stand any of them." Alan muttered walking into the room again, "Every time I come back from there it's the same stupid fucking questions every time and it's the same responses every fucking time."
"Well it's gonna keep happening if you keep getting sent back there and then one time they're not gonna take you back in."
"I don't need the talk from you too." He said wiping his eyes.
"Were you crying?"
"What? No!"
"Mhm sure."
"I don't cry."
"Were you crying?"
"Yeah, so what." He said and laid down, "It doesn't matter. I'm just gonna sleep for a bit, okay? I missed my bed and peace and quiet. It's not fun when you have to share a room with someone." He said and took a shaky breath.
"Okay, I see how it is," I mumbled. "I'll just go so you can have the room to yourself then." I said getting off of my bed once more and went to leave the room.
"Kel-"
"No, it's fine. You probably hate sharing a room, especially with me." I said, my eyes burning slightly. "I'll just stay out of your hair."
"Kellin I didn't mean it like that."
"No it's whatever." I said opening our bedroom door when I felt Alan wrap his arms around me.
"No, I missed you. You're not leaving." He told me and I giggled.
"One minute you want to be all alone, the next you don't. Make up your mind Al," I said and he let go of me. "I missed you too by the way."
"I know, you told me."
I went back to my bed and sat down cross legged, "Look, I'll be quiet so you can get some rest."
"Sorry I've been kind of an ass."
"It's fine, you just came back from that stupid home again and John and Jane are already bugging you," I said with a shrug. "It's understandable, and I'm probably not helping."
"You are helping though."
"How?"
"You're a solid distraction."
"A distraction?"
"Yeah from what happened there."
"What happened?" I asked curiously, "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." I rushed.
"Some stuff."
"Well you can always talk to me about it you know," I told him with a sad smile.
"I know I just don't know how to say it."
"Take your time then, just know that no matter what it is, I won't judge or anything."
Alan snorted, "Yeah I know, you probably don't have a single mean bone in your whole body."
"I could be mean, I wouldn't like it but I could be!" I whined before getting serious again. "But seriously Alan, whatever happened while you were gone; you can always come to me about it."
"If I ever see you be mean I'll end up questioning all of humanity." He muttered, "But anyway, I did meet a boy at the home."
"Oh tell me all about him!"
"His name was Tom."
"Okay, go on." I prompted.
"Well we kind of had this thing going and, uh, it was great for the first week."
"Then what happened?"
"Well- he got pushy."
"Pushy like he always wanted to be around you or...?"
"A little and he always wanted to have sex or do something sexual."
"So he liked sex almost as much as you?"
"Yes he did but a lot more. He was never not in the mood to fuck."
I scrunched up my nose, "Ew."
"I was okay with it for a while but it all started to become too much."
"And what happened?"
"It became- it started to become really... forceful. He was being really aggressive t-to me and he was my roommate s-so I couldn't get away. "
I moved to sit next to him, "Did he- you know? Like hurt you during it?"
He nodded, "Sometimes."
"You told someone right!?"
"No. I - just no."
I gave him a hug, "Well hopefully you never have to see that jerk again."
"I hope so." He said quietly.
"If I have anything to do with it you won't."
"Thanks but it's whatever. I can handle this. "
"You can't handle everything on your own."
"I do a lot though."
"I can help you, you know that."
"Yes I know."
"So you don't have to handle this on your own. You got me."
"But I don't like talking about this stuff cause then I start crying or-or freaking out and then I look stupid and p-people think I'm some weirdo. I don't do feelings about anything. I'm an emotionless asshole." He said before he started to cry. "I don't d-do this stuff." He cried.
I couldn't help but laugh as I pulled him to me and gave him an assuring hug, "Oh Al, I already think you're a weirdo! I know you're an emotionless butt hole but you don't have to act like that in front of me, you don't have to ever hide that stuff from me."
"I still h-hate it."
"I know you do."
He groaned and fell back on his bed. "Now I'm all emotional. Look what you did getting me to talk about my stupid feelings."
"Oh isn't it horrible?" I joked, "Opening up to me of all people!"
"Opening up in general is stupid."
"Sure it is."
"It is." He muttered.
"Whatever you say Alan," I sang.
"Mhm okay Kells."
I smiled and fell back on his bed and stared up at the ceiling.
"Sometimes I wish I could do something that would make them want to send me back," I said quietly.
"Why would you ever want to go back to that place?"
"To leave this one."
"I guess."
"Want me to leave you alone so you can get some sleep like you wanted?"
"It doesn't matter."
"Because if you do want me to, I'm going to go hang out with some friends. If not we can stay here and hang out. It's up to you."
"I think I want to sleep."
"Alright," I said and got off of his bed. "If you need me just text me." I told him as I went to get some shoes on.
"I will." He said getting under his blankets, "See you later."
"See you later," I said walking out of the room.
I shut the door behind me and went downstairs past the living room where Mary and my foster parents were talking.
"Uh Jane, is it okay if I go hang out with some friends?" I asked quietly.
"That's fine dear, just be home by dinner. Okay?"
I nodded, "Yes ma'am."
"What friend is it?" John asked me.
I shrugged, "It's just Austin, we're probably just going to hang out at his house and maybe play video games."
"Alright, you can go. Just remember what Jane told you."
"Yes sir," I said and told them goodbye before leaving the house quickly, trying not to worry about Alan too much. I think he might act better this time. Hopefully.
Alan's POV
I groaned when the light to my bedroom was turned on. I rolled into the pillows trying to hide.
"Alan get up and come downstairs for dinner." John told me before I heard his footsteps fade away.
I groaned again and didn't move, I did not want to go downstairs and be stuck eating dinner with them.
"Alan get down here!"
I sighed and got out of bed and trudged downstairs slowly. I went to the dining room and sat down then put my head on the table.
"Alan, sit up." Jane told me.
"Seriously?" I grumbled.
"We are eating dinner, if you're so tired, then when we're done you can go back to bed and stay there for the rest of the night. Until then, sit up."
"Why can't I just go back to sleep? I can eat later or something."
"No, we're eating together as a family. Besides, we haven't seen you in over a month." John said.
I sighed, "Well you wouldn't have had to not see me for a month if you didn't send me away again."
"So John, how was your day?" Kellin asked trying to steer the conversation away from the topic.
"We had to send you away! You were whoring around and we can't have something like that in this house!" John said ignoring Kellin.
"Well you could have just ignored it and let me be!" I said with an eye roll.
"Not when you're making this household look bad!"
"How about that weather?" Kellin said meekly.
"I was not making you look bad! Nobody knew about it!"
"The whole town knew about it! Did you not notice all the looks we got at church!?" Jane asked.
"I ignored the looks! I couldn't care less."
"Well we were tired of it! Now hopefully you'll be better this time around, hopefully you learned your lesson because this is your last chance."
"Mhm, sure. Wasn't last time my last chance? Haven't you said that before?"
"This time we mean it Alan, so don't push it."
"Whatever."
"Alan please don't," Kellin muttered.
"Can I just go to my room?"
"No!" Jane and John both shouted.
"Then can we just fucking eat?"
"We still need to say grace," Jane said.
"Then say it."
"How about you say it Alan?"
"How about I don't."
"Alright then," She sighed and looked at Kellin. "Will you please say grace?"
"Oh, sure." He said.
"Thank you dear."
Kellin prayed over the meal, kicking my leg under the table when he looked up to find me slumped in my chair staring at the ceiling. I scowled over at him. Once he finished he scowled right back at me.
We all grabbed some food and ate in a silence.
"So Kellin, have you brought that B up in that class?" Jane asked after a few tense minutes of silence.
"Yes ma'am."
"Good, I don't know what's been going on with you but you need to fix it."
"I will."
"Get off his back for once." I mumbled.
"Was I talking to you Alan?" She asked glaring at me. "Kellin has a lot of potential and that B could mess it all up for him."
"It's one B."
"Yes and it was messing up his perfect GPA."
"He doesn't have to be perfect. We're teenagers we're bound to fuck up sometimes."
"Alan it's fine, just be quiet, please." Kellin said quietly and looked to our foster mother. "Don't worry Jane, it was just a slip up. It won't happen again. I promise."
I groaned and crossed my arms over my chest after pushing my plate away.
"Alan, eat your dinner," John ordered.
"I'm not hungry."
"Eat."
"I ate before I came home. I'm not hungry."
John gave me a disbelieving look before rolling his eyes and went back to eating his own dinner.
I tapped my fingers on the table, "Can I go now?"
"Please, just go."
I got up and left the table going back upstairs and laying back down.
After about ten minutes the door opened and someone walked in.
"That wasn't needed you know," Kellin said and I heard his mattress creak.
"I think it was."
"It wasn't though. I was handling it."
"I was just trying to help."
"I know and thank you but you don't have to help when it comes to that stuff."
"Fine, I'll stop then."
"Thank you," He said.
"No problem."
Kellin didn't say anything else.
I sighed and rolled around on my bed a little, getting comfortable.
"Goodnight Alan."
"Night Kellin."
I closed my eyes to fall asleep as Kellin noisily moved around in his bed. Soon enough I was passed out.
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