My Nonexistent Love Life

By jellystar3409

8K 217 144

So.. this REALLY is where the girl will NEVER get the guy. How do I know this for sure, you ask? Why, becaus... More

To: Nothing. 8/19/11.
To: Those Who Have Faith. 8/25/11
To: Those Who Are Best Friends With Humiliation. 8/27/11
To: Those Who Believe In Double Duty. 9/3/11
To:Those Who Wish For A Werewolf's Life. 9/8/11
To: Those Who Are Fed Up With Supposed Best Friends. 9/30/11
To: Those Who Are Confused On The Keepers And The Chuckers. 10/3/11
To: Those Who Live In A Cliche. 10/16/11
To: Those Who Like To Hear That They're Not Alone. 10/25/11
To: Those Who Have A Place In Their Heart For Taylor 10/25/11
To: Those Who Need The Digits 10/26/11
To: Those Who Like Hysteria&Weird Creeps on Yahoo Messenger 11/3/11
To: Those Who Don't Even Know The Meaning. 11/8/11
To: Those Who Wish Dreams Could Literally Come True. 11/26/11
To: Those Who Hate Bipolar People. 12/7/11
To: Those Who Understand Love Bipolarness
To: Those Who Have Are Wondering What The World Is Coming To. 1/12/12
To: Those Who Wish To Know The Petty Things Relationships Don't Need. 2/1/12
To: Those Who Are Cursed With Family Genes. 2/6/12
To: Those Who Can't Snowboard. 2/19/12
To: Those Who Play The Game. 3/19/12
To: Those Who Finally Realize What Bittersweet Love Is. 5/5/12
To: Those Who Get Polar Opposite Signals. 5/21/12
To: Those Who Love Teacher/Student Romances and Hates Players. 8/27/12
To: Those Who Want To Know What Love Is As Of Now. 12/1/12
To: Those Who Think Love Is Ironic. 1/28/13.
To: Those Who Thought Love Actually Wasn't Too Bad. 2/25/13
To Those Who Thought it Impossible. 4/1/15

To: Those Who Are Sensible Enough To Wear A Jacket In The Winter. 1/1/12

222 6 2
By jellystar3409

1/1/12

FIRST OF ALL, happy new years everybody!

Second of all, HE'S NOT GOING SKIING WITH US ANYMORE!

Give me a second so I can flood the whole earth with my tears.

Enough about Logan, though. I think he thinks I have a thing with his brother, Julian, because I text him every day and we skype for hours.

But it's honestly because we're friends! Like I don't like Julian at all. I just want to be like LOGAN I LIKE YOU, NOT YOUR BROTHEr.

But of course I can't.

TIP NUMBER FORTY THREE-

Don't do something to make your crush think that you like their brother, or sister. Like.. that just totally ruins your chances because he probably wouldn't want to go after somebody who is buddy buddy with his little bro/sis. Like... I wouldn't even... yeah. hahaha

_________________________

Let's talk about someone new.

Let's name this one Woody.

He's really hot, korean/white. Total hottie.

Remember Phoebe, the girl that wasn't "long term" when we were discussing Logan? Well, she's going to be long term with Woody.

She and I had a sleepover and she was like, "I have a thing for sweet guys like Woody" and "he's so hot" and blah blah blah.

SHUT UP!

SHUT UPSHUT UP SHUT UPSHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!

No one cares.

Shut up.

Woody's mine, duuude.

We both play the electric guitar so he's MINE! Muahahahha!

Then, at the christmas eve presentation, he was like, "Kacie, it's okay. Just look at the clock, and if you mess up on a riff, worst comes to worst, play chords. Youll be fine."

And he kept looking at me and smiling.

That boy... Pheww!<3

And then the next day I saw him again and he was like, "Let's go to a room so we can watch the performance!" so we went into a room with a couple other kids and watched it.

He just kept talking to me the whole time and I was like well shucks, this rocks.

AHhhhh.

OKAY, so Logan was taking pictuers of his brother at the CHristmas eve presentation. His brother was behind me, playing the drums.

So he was right in front of me when we were playing. There was this one part where I couldn't exactly get, and he was helping me with it at practices. So like.. some how, I I met his eye and he nodded and helped me get the beat right by ticking his head.

Not that I matched my strum to his beat.

haha yeah, I was too nervous and aware that he was making eye contact with me.

Yeah,......... so there's this OTHER guy.

Okay guys, hahah just know that I feel really weird since I'm telling you boy after boy that I have a crush on, but just note that I'm no slut, I just... am attracted to these boys a little more then the rest, okay? hahaha

it's Trent. he plays guitar. There's this girl named Lanie, and hey! Whattaya know, great-singer-Phoebe is back in the picture too!

Who wants to help me ruin their lives? muahahahha!

They both like him, supposedly, and I didn't think I liked Trent.. until i saw them with him and I just had step in and kind of mark my territory. I'm posessive, I guess.. as weird as that is.

But like there are certain boys that I don't like seeing talking to other girls, like Logan and Woody and Trent!

ANYWAY, he's such a good guitarrist and everyone's telling him to go out with Phoebe but...

I don't know. I'm actually going skiing with him this week, I'll tell you how it goes.

We had a church lockin last Tuesday, and he like.. petted my head and stuff.

TIP NUMBER FORTY FOUR-

Okay, if your crush pets your head.........

I honestlydon't know what it means.

Either he/she wants a dog and has found you to resemble one, or he/she thinks your really cute and kiddish enough to pet you like "Oh, your so cute and adorable but so childish".

Don't you think they're accurate?

Yeah, exactly why I wasn't exactly thrilled that he did so but.. i was dancing a victory dance in my head when I saw Lanie glaring at me.

SCORE

___________________________

Guess whhat's not attractive?

Girls wearing shorts in the wintertime!

Okay, let me just embellish on this subject.

Like pleas,e I really feel like I have to.

I feel really bad for sluts, to tell you the truth. I mean, they must be SO intent on getting laid that they don't even realize they're going to catch a cold by wearing spaghetti straps and shorts in the middle of freaking winter.

Hm, does shorts and camis turn off your common sense? Like seriously.

It's not really attractive. Like when they get goosebumps, it'll look like shaver bumps and pimples on your arms and I honestly don't feeel any sympathy.

Guys don't like that! Have you ever heard of the quote, "Guys like to be teased" or whatever and the more you don't show them things the more they want them? Well yeah! There's a quote like that!

ANd it's damn true, dude!

If they see everything you have, sure they might toy with you a bit but have it last longer then Hannakuh? Not a chance.

Sometimes, sluts are so stupid.

And airheaded.

And ditzy.

Well, those are synonyms but whatever.

And I don't get why they talk about turning anorexic and stuff in front of boys. like, "Oh my god this has so many calories. I should just stop eating forever."

NO, you shouldn't! Freak, stop seeking attention.

I eat freaking.. pizza, water, a muffin, and chips every single lunch, so don't be giving me shit about how one puny grape is like 30 calories and that'll be the end of your life. Gees.

Guys, I want to grow old with a man, I don't want to die a nun.

Like nothign against nuns or anything. Like praise the Lord, sistah! But... I prefer dying on the porch with a half knitted scarf on my lap.

You know who I feel so so so bad for, no matter what they're doing, saying, or living? Fat black grandpas.

Oh my gosh. I'm not trying to be racist at all, I just love them so much and whenever I see one I just want to give them a hug and buy them lunch while saying, "It's okay."

BACK TO BOYS.

Boys are stupid. Remember Connor?

My best friend had a favor to ask me.

Well, first she was like, "Do you still like COnnor?"

and I thought she was going to tell me something really gross about him and stuff so I was like, "Psh, no. Why?"

"Can you do me a favor?"

"Uh, sure."

TIP NUMBER FORTY FIVE-

Don't ever do anybody a favor if it includes your crush in some way or another. Believe me, that's bad news. Because it could turn out like this....

____________________

"Since you don't like him anymore, can you set him up with Blythe?"

Cricket. Oh my God. Are you shitting me...

And of course, I did it. And they're going out now.

Yeah, you guys can laugh-_______________-

Like seriously, what are the freaking odds?!

This, folks, is going to be a new year. A NEW YEAR.

Now I just have to find out how to attract boys without walking into school butt naked.

Love sucks, dudetts, dudes, aliens.

+End Scene+

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