Of course, after I took Sharon, I headed home. I parked and got in our apartment and all. I didn’t really expect anyone until I saw my father when I got in. He was sitting on the couch and waiting. When he saw me, he smiled and stood. Of course, my blood boiled. The man who abandoned us was standing before me. I wanted to hit him, but I hit a guy in school already. I didn’t want to cause any problem.
“Liyah.” He said calmly like he was happy to see me.
“What are you doing here?” I crossed my arms and began to sound furious. “You must be needing something.”
“No, Liyah.” He continued with his calm voice. He never sounded like that before. He was always angry and bitter at us. I didn’t know exactly what he was trying to do, but I was sure I didn’t like it. “I just wanted to see you. I missed you.”
“Oh, wow!” I said sarcastically. “I missed you too!”
“Liyah.” He tried to explain. “I know I’ve made some mistakes, and I wish I could turn them around.”
“Oh, really? When you left us, you didn’t seem sorry for anything. You seemed so eager to leave that door.” I sulked, and I felt like crying. I remembered all those years that I was looking for a dad, but all I found was a man that left us in the air.
“I’m really sorry, Liyah.” He sounded sincere. Then, I felt my heart stop. I never thought I’d hear him say that. I felt like I wanted to cry, but I didn’t. I held it in. I wanted to keep sounding like I was angry. I wanted him to beg for my forgiveness.
“All this time!” I walked nearer to him and kept shouting like I was a mom lecturing her child. I started to feel the tears on my eyes. My voice started to sound sad. “My whole childhood, all I ever wanted was to have my family to be complete again! Every birthday that passed by was just another day that I wished my dad would be there, yet like the usual birthday wishes, they don’t come true. You didn’t even bother to greet me. You must have forgotten about it.”
Suddenly, I felt weaker. I wanted to apologize to dad even though I knew I wasn’t the one who was supposed to be apologizing. I don’t know. I felt like I suddenly wanted to make up with him. You know, I wanted my dad again. But I held it in. I wanted him to be the one apologizing. He already did. It actually warmed my heart when I heard him say sorry. I just wanted him to push it more.
“I didn’t.” he said.
“Yeah? When is it?”
He couldn’t answer. He tried humming and remembering, but he didn’t. It took him seconds until he answered, “It’s around in June.”
“Not even the right month, Ronald.” I said. “How many girls must have you fucked that you got mixed up with my birthday? Never mind… It’s not that you cared about me when you were still here.”
“I just want to be a better father.”
“You’re not in luck! I don’t need a father!” I shouted. I really tried to push him away though I was urging to hug him. “I needed a father years ago, and you weren’t there. It’s a little too late now.”
“I know.” He said, and I got caught. “Your mom told me you grew to be a feminist. PMS?”
“I’m not pissed at men.” I said. “I’m pissed at you.”
“I’m sorry about that.”
“I don’t really care anymore. If you wanted to apologize, apologize to mom who was the one who suffered most while you have sex with your fancy new wife.”
“I talked to your mom before coming here.” He said. “She said it was fine that I come here. She warned me about you being angry at me.”
“Mom’s really nice, isn’t she?” I tried taking it all out on him. “Yeah, it’s because she loved you for real while you toyed with her emotions.”
“Liyah, please.” He probably got hurt with my bashing. “I’m trying to make it all right.”
“Make it all right?” I shouted. “Look around you! Does this seem right? Do you think you’ll ever be able to take things back! Do you think you can still be the father that this family needs?”
“You have a brother.” He said out of the blue. I didn’t know why, but that got me stunned.
“A brother? You mean your son from your new wife?”
“Yes. Technically, he’s your step brother.” He said. I didn’t know why I didn’t feel angry or jealous that he started his own family. Instead, I felt calm, and I really didn’t know why. “He’s 4. I’d want you two to meet someday.”
“What for? To show us that you have a different family?”
“Your mom once told me that you’ve always wanted a younger brother or sister.” He said. “But I guess I made that impossible, so I wanted you to meet my son.”
“I wanted a brother from mom… not from prostitute.”
“She was a singer at the bar.” he pointed out.
“Oh, so were you planning to have sex with anyone in the bar before you met her, and she just noticed that you’re so horny that you cheated on mom?” I said with an angry tone.
“No. Your mom and I were getting far too distant and different.” He remained calm, like he was really sorry. “We didn’t know. One day, we just woke up, and we realized we were no longer in love.”
“Not in love?” I continued to shout. “Mom missed you every day! Even when you’re such a dick, she never speaks anything bad about you! She would have done anything to get this family back again, but you just made it impossible! How hard is it to even give her a chance?”
“I’m really sorry.” He was still calm and sorry.
“Whatever. It’s not like anything’s gonna change anyway.”
“I have changed, Liyah.” He pointed himself. Somehow, I wanted to listen. “And I want to change our family.”
“There’s no our family, Ronald.” I insisted. “It’s just me and mom. When you were gone, you were dead to me.”
“I’m sorry, Liyah.” He started to walk to me and tried to reach something from his back pocket. I didn’t have a clue what it was, but when he took it out, I saw that it was a letter, and he handed it to me. I stared down on the letter. It looked really old and wrinkled; it even was turning yellow. “This is all my fault. It’s my fault you had to go through this, but my mother wanted us to be a family.”
“Grandma?” I took the letter from him. I remembered Grandma. She was with us longer than my dad ever was. Even when dad decided to divorce mom, Grandma still visited us. We just haven’t heard from her for years. At first, I couldn’t believe that dad had truly changed, but after hearing that, I actually thought that grandma could’ve changed him. “How is she?”
“I know you loved her.” Dad continued with that sorry tone. “She showed love to you and your mom so much more than I ever did as a father, and I’m sorry I never realized that. She told me how much she loved you before she died, and she wanted to make things right.”
I was shocked. I didn’t know Grandma had already passed away. I wasn’t even able to say goodbye or even just thank her. “Grandma died?”
“Yes, about two weeks ago.”
“Oh my God.” I covered my mouth in shock. I felt the tears form.
“She loves you so much.” He said, and that triggered my tears to go down. I felt so down. I felt like I wanted to hug dad so badly. I wanted to forgive him already. I felt sorry for him. I didn’t know what it’d feel like to lose a mother. Deep in my heart, I knew I should forgive. Then, my heart felt a lot warmer.
“I love her, too.” I started to cry. “Why couldn’t I tell her before she died?”
“I’m sorry.” Dad went nearer and hugged me as I cried. I wasn’t supposed to accept the hug, but I felt like I owed this to Grandma. Dad just tried to cheer me up. “You didn’t need to. She knew you loved her. She didn’t tell you about her sickness because she didn’t want you to see her in that condition.”
“But I want to see her for the last time.” I cried on dad’s chest. “I don’t care if she doesn’t look good. I could have at least been there for her for the last time, like when she was there for me when you left us!”
“But I’m here for you now.” Dad said and tried to wipe my tears away, smiling at me. “Mom told me how important family is. Even if I have two, I love you both. Mom can’t be here now… but she sent me, and I’ll always stay.”
I just listened to dad’s words. Even if I hated him, I still felt that tender and warm love for him. The dad that I lost and always wanted was finally there for me. I held grasp of him like he held me. I didn’t know when dad started regretting what he did, since I shut him off my life for so long. I didn’t know how he really felt. I felt so guilty, but I smiled even with the salty tears on my lips. I finally felt that our shattered family will finally glue together again.
“It’s okay, my angel.” He brushed my hair as laid it down on his chest and hugged me. “Your dad’s here.”
I slowly said for the first time. My lips curved and stopped, but I slowly said. “Da… Daddy.”
It was the first time that I said the word daddy in my whole life. It was remarkable and warm that all I knew was I was being loved by my two parents.