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"Forgiveness is the final form of love"
~Reinhold Niebuhr
Connor
My eyes fluttered open and a plain white ceiling came into view.
Where was I?
I tried to shift and move but I couldn't feel anything. My entire body felt numb and sore. I attempted to move my left hand but it only shot a burning sensation down my bandaged arm. I pushed myself up, making sure I didn't move my left arm; it seemed to hurt the most.
I sat straight up on my bed stretching my backbone. There was slight headache that faded once I took in my surroundings.
I was in my room.
Rubbing my eyes, I stared around. My eyes landed on my antique white desk and side tables. Instantly, a smile spread across my lips. My tables, they were covered in all kinds of vibrant flower bouquets, presents and cards.
How beautiful.
A huge gift box labelled 'From Kimberly' sat in the middle and a few other presents from my friends sat beside it. Close next to it, lay Alberto and Gina's flower bouquets. Around them, there were flowers from my relatives and neighbours.
And then there was Damon's card that said 'I'm sorry I'm broke and I couldn't get anything for ya, so here's a flower...' followed by a smudged drawing of a sunflower.
Shaking my head, I giggled. They were the best, the happiness in my life. They were all what made me complete.
And I needn't change that.
I loved who I was.
Carefully pushing my blanket off of me, I got off my bed. I almost tripped and it hurt little at first but then I started to get used to it. Walking upto the window, I pushed the panes open with my right hand.
It was a scorching afternoon. Had I slept for that long?
And then I realized - Cal would be home from school anytime now. Should I talk to him about last night?
I had a lot of doubts. I had no idea who brought me home, who bandaged my wounds and most of all, how did they find me?
I wore a loose-fitting white T-shirt over my bandaged chest and walked out of my room, admitting that I was asleep for way too long.
As I was exiting, my eyes landed on Caleb's room. The door was wide open, letting his entire room clearly into view.
What shocked me was the fact that his room was surprisingly clean. His books neatly placed in the shelf, his bed tidily made and there were no clothes or unfinished food strewn around.
I let out a laugh. What had gotten into him?
And then I spotted something else.
There was a package, almost the size of my hand, kept in the corner of his matt black desk, shoved in the shadows. It was wrapped in light grey paper and twined with parcel knots.
Something got into me and I strode up to that package. It looked suspicious. Silent, careful steps. I picked it up and untied the parcel knots.
My breath hastened as I got closer to finding out what was inside it. When I finally reached inside, my eyes widened and my breath caught in my throat. The package slipped from my hand and dropped on the floor, all of its contents spilling everywhere. I started to back away from it.
Was it what I thought it was?
The slight ache in my head intensified, tears pushing their way through my eyes. I gulped and covered my mouth with my hands and kept on backing away till I reached the doorstep.
"Con?"
I turned around and my gaze met with the most beautiful brown cat eyes "Kim?" For some reason, I was intensely pleased on seeing her. Her presence...it calmed me.
"Con..." she repeated "What're you doing out of your room?" her eyes were sore and her face was reddened as if she had been crying and her voice full of worry.
"Oh Kimberly..." I choked on her name "...I thought I'd never see you again" I whimpered and walked upto her, taking her in my arms.
She hugged me back, caressing my head and kissing my cheek "You're the strongest person I've ever seen, Connor"
I looked into her eyes "And you're the most beautiful"
"How are you feeling now?"
"Almost as if I was hit by a truck, dragged roughly down a massive flight of stairs and then thrown from a skyscraper"
She smiled "Legit..." placing a kiss on my lips and got back to staring at me "What were you doing in Caleb's room?"
I didn't say anything. I just whirled around and pointed at the fallen package.
Instantaneously, she covered her mouth with her hands "Oh my God...are those...are those...drugs?"
"Sure looks like they are" I replied, almost feeling as if I was at fault.
She trotted into the room and examined the fallen pills closely "Caleb...is..." she stuttered "...he's doing drugs!"
I stood beside her, glaring angrily at my clenched fists. I never knew Caleb would come this far.
I started to feel guilty. Was I the reason for this?
"...Connor you need to do something..." Kimberly was saying.
I breathed in heavily and ran my hands through my hair. My brother was doing drugs, because of me.
...because of me.
Tears stung my eyes, coaxing me to let them spill. I bit my lip hard.
It's all my fault.
Kimberly hugged me and for the second time that day, I broke down into her arms.
"Oh God" I cried, burying my face in her neck "what have I done?"
"You didn't do anything!" she half-yelled, her voice muffled "It wasn't you fault Connor...please..."
She placed a kiss on my forehead "What matters is what can be done now. And only you can fix this Connor"
"Elaborate?" I asked, wiping my tears and she smiled through her tears.
"Caleb is too stubborn, he won't accept his mistake. But he's burning from the inside...he's dying...and only you can get him back"
"H-How?" I asked.
"I think..." she smiled placing her hand on my chest where my heart was "...I think that deep inside, you know exactly what to do. You need to end this idiocy...it's gone too far"
I did...
I knew what to do.
**********
Caleb
I took heavy steps up my porch. Alberto, Damon, Gina and all of Connor's friends followed behind me.
"There" I exclaimed.
"You're not coming in?" Damon asked.
"No..." I replied, smiling "I'd rather stay far away from him"
I walked away without turning to see what their expressions held. Connor needed to have a good time with his friends and I didn't want to ruin that with my presence.
I roamed around on the streets for long. Staring into emptiness; glaring at the happy couples; looking at squads of friends having a good time.
I missed all of that.
Once, I used to be one of those people and then shit happened and I lost it all.
A homeless man was playing a guitar on the side of the street. I took a seat beside him, had a little chat and gave him some money. It was fun - him telling me how beautiful his life was.
I was surprised at this man's happiness. How could he be so gleeful? He had nothing.
And then he said "Sometimes you needn't have a huge house or tonnes of money to be happy. I'm happy because I have all that I need..." he pointed at a lady that sat a few metres away from him.
"My wife" he smiled.
The look in his eyes was unforgettable.
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I returned home at around 6pm, silently slipping into my house so mom wouldn't notice. I jogged upstairs to my room.
I turned the doorknob and shoved the door open. My jaw dropped when my eyes met with the last person I wanted to spot me.
"Welcome back" Connor sat on an armchair in the middle of my room, taking a sip from the cup of coffee he held.
I gawked at him for what felt like forever, speechless.
"Cat got your tongue?" he asked, raising one eyebrow. He stood up, placing the coffee cup on my desk "Aren't you gonna ask me what that phrase means?"
He looked different. He looked powerful, brave, even in those thick layers of bandages. Steadily, he walked upto me until he was very close and whispered "I mean to ask...why aren't you speaking?"
I didn't say anything to him.
I couldn't.
"Alright" he nodded after sometime "Let me show you something" he used my T.V remote and switched on my television. A video started playing on it.
I stopped breathing when I saw the video.
It was the five-year-old me and Connor, singing a nursery rhyme.
"The wheels on the bus go round and round.
round and round.
round and round"
The two boys sang, taking turns in running behind with one another, playfully pushing and tickling eachother.
It was almost as if I didn't recognise that it were us. Who were they?
"Remember that?" Connor asked, rubbing his eyes, his voice very low.
Of course I did.
Switching the T.V. off, he looked straight into my eyes; it held pain and wounds of months. That was how much he had suffered because of me.
"Look at us" he whispered "What're we doing?"
We stood there, looking at each other for a long time, just reflecting about what was going on with us. Why were we doing this? A kind of silence surrounded us, the kind that holds a lot of secrets, a kind that has a lot of misery, a kind that kills you from the inside.
Connor broke the silence with a scream "Are you going to say something at all?" he yelled with all his might.
All the hair on my arms stood from the sudden shock. Connor had never spoken to me like that in a long time. The intense wave of emotions came striking again. Again.
If only he knew how much I missed him, how much I regretted hurting him.
"I..." I tried to speak but all that came out was "I...I'm sorry"
Connor's eyes snapped up at me, probably shaken by the words that had left my mouth. He looked back at me with those gentle and loving ocean-blue eyes, I broke down. I started crying out loud in front of him.
I had attempted so much to not cry in front of him, but I couldn't hold it in...and I let it go.
I let it go because that was the right thing to do.
"I'm so fucking sorry!" I cried louder.
Without another word, Connor wrapped his arms tightly around me and it joined all my broken pieces together "It's okay..."
I hugged him back, tighter.
I was complete.
I was happy.
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My heart......Tissues?? Where are the tissues???? T_T
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