Fresia was probably too hard on Bullet. He was trying to say sorry for something that isn't his fault. Alam niyang wala sa lugar ang galit niya rito. She overreacted. But she couldn't just take it back.
Nagulat siya nang makita niya ito sa apartment noong Lunes. She thought that he would give her some space, just for a few days. Pero nasa apartment niya ito kaagad nang sumunod na araw.
Eksakto namang first day niya noon. It's normal for her to be irrational and moody when it's that time of the month. At dahil si Bullet ang madalas mangulit sa kanya, ito ang napagbubuntunan niya ng inis.
Pero ngayong patapos na ang period niya ay kaya na niya itong patawarin. Maybe she'll say sorry too. Plano sana niya itong ayaing manuod ng sine, since she was a bit harsh to him the other night. So, she went home early that night... only to find the house empty.
Napaaga yata ang uwi niya. Wala pa ito sa bahay.
Inilagay niya ang gamit sa kwarto at saka naghintay sa sala. She waited for him until eight. Gutom na gutom na siya ay wala pa rin ito. Thinking that he might be coming a little late, she sent him a message. Tinanong niya kung anong oras ito pupunta. Kung sobrang late nitong uuwi, baka magsarado na ang mga mall.
She frowned at his reply. Sorry. Might not come tonight. I'm on a date.
There goes her forgiveness. Sana man lang ay nagsabi ito kaagad para hindi siya parang tangang naghihintay rito! Hindi pa siya naghahapunan. He should have known better! Gutom pa naman siya. Lalo tuloy siyang nayamot.
She tossed her phone somewhere and rummaged the kitchen for some food.
L Thankfully, may mga nakatabi pang ulam sa fridge. Nagsaing na lamang siya at saka iyon iniinit para kainin. Hindi na rin siya lumabas ng bahay para manuod ng sine. Tutal, marami namang movies sa USB ni Bullet. Ang mga iyon na lamang ang panunuorin niya kahit napanuod na niya iyon dati.
--
"She didn't reply," Bullet told Mickey.
Binigyan siya nito ng isa pang baso ng alak. "Ano ba'ng sinabi mo?" tanong nito.
Ipinakita niya ang text message niya kay Fresia. Umiling si Mickey.
"Dude, gago ka ba? Bakit ganyan ang sinabi mo? Who's your date? Me?"
Mickey doesn't understand. He wasn't there to witness how cold Fresia was towards him. He wasn't there when she rejected his invitation to go out and watch a movie. Masakit kayang ma-reject. Akala yata ng mga babae nakakatuwa silang amuin.
Palibhasa kasi, nasanay silang sila palagi ang sinusuyo.
He doesn't even know what he did to make her that angry. Biruin mo, apat na araw na itong galit sa kanya! He tried to apologize. He tried to appease her anger, but nothing worked. He needs a night off from Fresia.
He drank the liquor and raised his empty glass.
"Just give me another drink," sabi niya sa kaibigan.
Mickey obliged.
"Ano'ng plano mo ngayon?"
"Maglalasing."
"Tapos dito ka na naman matutulog?" naiiling nitong tanong.
"Don't worry, I'll take the couch."
Mickey lives at the bar. May kwarto ito sa itaas. It's actually just one room, with a mini-fridge, a TV, a toilet and a shower, a bed, and a couch. Kapag naglalasing sila ni Felix, sa couch o sa sahig sila nito natutulog. Mickey doesn't like them invading his private space but he has no choice.
He could take someone home tonight, but Fresia's messing with his head. Hindi mawala sa isip niya ang galit nitong mukha.
--
Fresia should be glad that Bullet has a date. At least, solo niya ang apartment niya. She can do whatever she wants without having to worry about him seeing her in her crazy state. And she should be glad that he's dating again.
That's what she should feel, but gladness was the opposite of what she's feeling right now.
Dalawang magkasunod na gabi itong hindi natulog sa apartment niya. He probably enjoyed his dates, literally and figuratively. Ano ba naman ang pakialam niya? Mabuti nga iyon para hindi ito punta nang punta roon. Iyon nga lamang, wala siyang tagaluto. Balik cup noodles at de-lata na naman tuloy siya.
When weekend came and she still hasn't heard from Bullet, she decided to go to Mona's cake shop to vent. Habang nagdi-decorate ito ng birthday cake ay ikinwento niya rito ang nangyari nang mga nakaraang araw. And since Mona's decorating table is part of the baking area, her staff couldn't help but listen. Ayos lang naman sa kanya dahil kasundo niya ang mga ito. Madalas kasi siya roon. Ibinibigay ng mga ito sa kanya ang ritaso ng mga cake.
"Why did you overreact in the first place? He's a grown man. Kayang-kaya nya naman 'yong ginawa nya."
"He could have died."
"He didn't."
"That's not the point."
"I know. The point is, you overreacted because you have feelings for him. Kung wala, e di sana wala kang pake sa kanya."
She frowned. "So ibig mong sabihin wala kayong pake sa kanya kasi hindi kayo nag-react?"
"Hindi naman sa ganoon. But notice that we showed our concerns in moderation. Ikaw, para kang biglang nag-explode, e."
"Because I don't want to see any of you get hurt."
Ibinaba ni Mona ang cupcake na hawak. Siya naman ay kumuha ng isa at walang sabi-sabi iyong kinain. Gutom na siya. Walang ma-meryenda sa apartment niya.
"Can I have this?" tanong niya sa kaibigan.
Mona looked at her blandly. "Kinagatan mo na, e. May magagawa pa ba ako?"
Mona's cupcakes are god-send. Hindi iyon masyadong matamis. Hindi rin sobrang dense. She likes its texture and the way it taste. Madalas nga siyang bumili ng cupcakes kay Mona. Kapag may nagbi-birthday sa mga consultants niya, isa iyon sa mga madalas niyang ihanda. But getting them free actually makes them taste better. Lalo na't iyong kagagawa pa lamang nina Mona. Bago makarating sa shelf, nakukuha na niya.
"Anyway, about Bullet..." Inilayo nito sa kanya ang isang tray ng vanilla cupcakes. "I think you just need to admit to yourself that you like him. Wala naman kasing masama, di ba? So bakit mo pinipigilan ang sarili mo? Saka lahat kami boto sa kanya para sa 'yo."
"Not my family."
"To hell with your family! Ano'ng saysay kung approved nga nila pero hindi ka naman masaya? Look at Richard, sobrang qualified sa pamilya mo pero hindi mo naman nagustuhan kahit tumagal kayo ng three years. Minsan nga naiisip ko na baka kaya mo lang sinagot ang gagong 'yon kasi gusto mong i-please ang parents mo."
She didn't deny it. Maybe subconsciously, she is trying to please her parents. Alam niyang simula bata pa lamang ay mahilig na siyang mag-rebelde, pero hindi rin naman kasi niya maiaalis sa sarili ang kagustuhang maging proud din ang mga ito sa kanya. Sino ba namang anak ang ayaw ang atensyon at pagmamahal ng magulang? Ni hindi niya naramdaman iyong saya na ipinagmamayabang siya ng mga ito dahil hindi pa iyon nangyayari.
"If Bullet gives you feelings that Richard didn't, if he can make you care so much, if he can make you feel love, if he can make you feel good, if he can make you love your life more, then go for him. YOLO, friend. Baka walang next life, hindi ka na makabawi."
She slumped on a chair. "Kung gusto ko nga sya, hypothetically speaking, then what if he doesn't like me?"
"Sus! Hindi ka pa ba gusto sa lagay na 'yon, e parang type na type ka nga! He wouldn't exert that much effort kung hindi ka nya gusto. 'Yong efforts nya these past few days, pang-boyfriend na. Hindi lang siguro nya masabing gusto ka nya kasi tinatarayan mo!"
"You think so?" Pero bakit naman ito makikipag-date sa iba kung siya ang gusto nito? He had dates for two straight nights! And she knew that he slept with his dates because he won't be able to sleep if he didn't. Hindi ba nga't sabi nito ay hindi ito makatulog nang walang katabi?
"Everybody here thinks so! 'Di ba?"
Everyone agreed with Mona.
"But he's dating other women."
"And you're dating other men! Does that mean that you like them? No! Nakikipag-date ka sa ibang lalaki kasi hindi mo matanggap na may feelings ka for Bullet. What if he's doing the same thing?"
The cupcakes suddenly felt heavy in her stomach. A part of her wants to think that Mona's right. The other half of her is still afraid to risk it. Hindi pa rin niya ma-digest na may gusto siya kay Bullet. It's only been two months! How's that even possible? Si Richard ngang ilang taon na niyang kilala, hindi niya nagawang mahalin.
"Don't overthink about it, Fresia," saway sa kanya ni Mona. Her friend eased the frown on her forehead. Kinuha rin nito ang natitirang cupcake mula sa kanya. "I'll give you a box of cupcakes. Give them to Bullet when you apologize."
"What? Now?"
"O, bakit? Kelan mo gusto? Next week? Next month? Kapag tuluyan na kayong hindi nagpapansinan?"
"Hindi naman. Pero pwede bang sa Monday na lang? Nasa lola nya kasi sya tuwing weekend. Monday night sya bumabalik."
"Gano'n? E di sa Monday."
"Pero bigyan mo pa rin ako ng cupcakes, ha."
--
Monday. Fresia went home early to rest and prepare herself for her apology and confession (maybe). Binigyan ulit siya ni Mona ng isang box ng cupcakes. It was free this time... but it's for Bullet. Chocolate cupcakes na may strawberry filling at decorasyong mga puso sa ibabaw. She almost vomits when she saw them. Pero sabi ni Mona, iyon daw ang pinakamabenta nitong cupcakes lalo na tuwing Valentine's Day.
Tumingin siya sa orasan. It's already almost eight. Usually alas siete pa lamang ay nandoon na si Bullet dala-dala ang pagkaing niluto ng lola nito. Hindi pa naman siya kumain dahil umaasa siyang darating ito.
She put the cupcakes in the fridge and watched TV while she waits.
Halos kada limang minuto yata siya tumitingin sa orasan. Nang isang oras na ang lumipas at wala pa rin si Bullet ay tinawagan niya si Mona.
"I don't think he's coming," sabi niya rito.
"Keep the faith alive! Ano ka ba!"
"Pero gutom na 'ko!" ungot niya.
"E di bumili ka ng kakainin!"
"Gusto ko ng luto nya."
"Ayeeee! Nami-miss mo, 'no!" tudyo nito.
"Tigilan mo nga ako, Monalisa!"
Humalakhak ito. "Ano ka ba! You're not getting any younger! Kung kinikilig ka, huwag mong pigilan! Masarap kayang ma-in love!"
"Love agad?!"
"Ano'ng gusto mo? Crush? Ano ka, teenager?"
"Bawal magka-crush kapag hindi na teenager? Ikaw nga, lampas trenta na pero pa-crush-crush pa rin!" she retorted.
"Ang sama mo!"
Napangiti siya. But one glance at the wall clock wiped that smile almost instantly. 'Yong totoo, darating pa ba si Bullet?
"Mona, what if he doesn't come tonight? Baka may date na naman 'yon."
Narinig niya itong bumuntong-hininga. "Then go to him. Para maiba naman."
"Ako?"
"Oo. Alangan namang ako, di ba?"
She ignored the sarcastic remark and said, "I don't know where he is."
"Ask his friends. Maybe they know."
"Okay. I'll do that." Nagpaalam na siya rito saka hinanap sa contacts ang pangalan ni Mickey. She decided to call him instead of Felix kasi madalas sa bar nito si Bullet. If there's one person who knows Bullet's whereabouts, it's probably Mickey.
Mickey confirmed that Bullet was there earlier. Pero saglit lang daw ito.
"Was he alone?"
"Yeah. He was alone when he left. Bakit?"
"Wala naman. Natanong ko lang. Thanks, Mickey."
She hopes that Bullet's still alone. Nakakahiya naman kung bigla siyang magpapakita sa bahay nito tapos ay may kasama itong ibang babae. That would be really embarrassing.
Nag-ayos siya at kinuha ang cupcake mula sa fridge. She'll just say sorry for now. Baka mabigla ito kung magku-confess sya.
She shook her head. No. She definitely won't confess. It's too early for that.
Lumabas siya ng apartment at tinungo ng kotse. Inilagay niya ang cupcakes sa passenger's seat saka niya pinaandar ang kotse. Wala pa mang isang metro ang naigagalaw noon ay muli siyang tumigil.
Shit! Where will she go? Ni hindi niya alam ang address ni Bullet! Ayan kasi, pangaral niya sa sarili. Sobra kang nag-focus kung may ka-date sya, hindi mo man lang inalam kung sa'n sya nakatira!
But Mickey must have anticipated that. He sent her Bullet's address via text.
--
She could not believe her eyes. He must be really rich to afford such a place! Lobby pa lang, sobrang luxurious na. Mahigpit din ang security. Dahil hindi niya alam ang floor at unit ni Bullet ay hindi siya pinayagang umakyat ng guard. They had to call him first.
Mabuti na lamang at hindi ni Bullet itinanggi na magkakilala sila. Matapos ng tawag ay pinaakyat na siya.
Huminga muna siya nang ilang beses sa harap ng unit ni Bullet bago siya nagkalakas ng loob na mag-doorbell. She readied her smile when she heard the click from inside.
Nang bumukas ang pintuan ay medyo naawa siya sa hitsura ng lalaki. He looks really tired. Parang gustong-gusto nang pumikit ng mga mata nito.
"Hi..." mahina niyang bati. "Can we ta-"
She yelped when he pulled her in. Muntik pa niyang mabitawan ang cupcake.
"Uy, teka..."
Bullet took the box from her hands and put it on a table. Maganda ang loob ng unit nito. Masculine ang kulay. Napakalinis din. She didn't get the chance to see everything because she was quickly whisked inside his bedroom.
Patay ang ilaw sa loob. Tanging ang lampshade lamang sa tabi ng kama ang nagbibigay liwanag sa kwarto. Kung ano ang ikinalinis ng sala ay siya namang ikinagulo ng kwarto nito.
"Bullet!" sigaw niya nang hilahin siya nito pahiga sa kama.
"Six days na akong walang matinong tulog, Fresia. Just let me sleep for a while, okay? We'll talk later."
Pagkasabi'y dumapa ito sa kama at pumikit.
"Kailangan talagang kasama ako?" pabulong niyang tanong. "Matulog ka muna. Babalik na lang ako bukas."
Bumangon siya at akmang aalis nang hawakan siya nito sa pulso. "Stay," he muttered.
Nakipaghilahan pa siya rito ng braso. But his grip was tight.
"Do I really need to be here?"
He didn't answer. Yumuko siya para matingnan itong mabuti. He really looks tired. Mukhang nakatulog na ito kaagad. Hindi ba nakatulong sa pagtulog nito ang mga naka-date nito nang mga nakaraang-araw? Six days na itong walang matinong tulog? Then why didn't he go to her apartment to sleep?
Nahiga siya sa tabi nito. Tulog na ba talaga ito agad? Kahihiga pa lamang nito.
She poked his cheek. He didn't even stir. Tulog na nga.
Sinubukan niyang tanggalin ang kapit ng kamay nito. It's already loose. She was able to free herself from his grip. Umuwi na kaya siya?
She got up and off the bed. That's when he moved. Not wanting to wake him up, she quickly went back to bed. Ibinalik niya ang kamay nito sa pagkakahawak sa pulso niya.
Hinaplos niya ang pisngi nito. "Goodnight, Bullet."