[a/n sorry this took so long, i haven't been in a very good place. i know that's not a very good excuse because most writers aren't ever in a good place but i'm just sorry. tbh i don't think i'd be able to write this story if i was always happy considering ashton is depressed and my characters have to some how have a bit of my personality in order for me to write them. i'm not saying i'm depressed, because i'm not. it's just that i'm not happy all of the time. ANYWAY on a better note, LOOK AT CALUM LOOKING AT LUKE IN THAT GIF ASDFGHJKL. ok you can read now]
After Luke and Ashton's conversation on Friday, the curly-haired boy decided that he'd have a talk with Calum to try and make him tell Ashton what was going on with him. He didn't know if Calum would even tell him anything. However, Ashton knew how much Luke cared for the boy, so he would try and get him to talk for Luke's sake. And also, thinking about other people's problems distracted Ashton from his own.
Ashton was awfully surprised at how well Friday night went. Him and Luke got on really well, which was strange. Ashton even helped him with his homework and it made him feel good, mainly because the blonde said that he was the only one who could make him understand. It felt great to help someone for a change. Luke helped Ashton in a way by keeping him distracted. Meaning that for once, Ashton didn't feel like hurting himself. Perhaps that's all Ashton needed to be happy.
The weekend went by really slowly, much to Ashton's dismay. Luke left on Saturday morning and Anne Marie had the weekend off so therefore, Ashton was stuck with her. And of course she wouldn't let him go anywhere due to still being overprotective. She thought that she was being a good mother by not leaving him alone, but it just made him feel suffocated. The fact that she had absolutely no idea of how depressed Ashton was just made the boy want to laugh. She was fully unaware that he was getting worse and worse each day that passed.
It was now Monday morning and Ashton was currently waiting for Michael to come over so that they could drive to school together. Ashton stood in front of the mirror and stared at the reflection looking back at him, seeing his dark under eyes. He looked how he always did; Tired. The boy took his gaze off the mirror and rolled up his sleeves, examining the severe scars that remained on his wrists. Although his cuts were healed, the scars would always be there. He used to be so afraid of having scars, afraid that people would see. But now, he didn't care one bit.
Ashton was cut out of his thoughts when he felt a pair of familiar arms snake around his waist. He smiled slightly, feeling Michael leave kisses on his neck and he tilted his head to the side to give him further access. The sweet sensation of Michael's lips on Ashton's neck gave him goose bumps, however it didn't last long before the coloured-haired boy turned him around.
"Hey gorgeous," Michael greeted and kissed Ashton's lips.
"Hey yourself," Ashton said.
"Are you ready to go?" Michael asked and Ashton scoffed.
"I'll never be ready for school."
"True." He agreed, but they made their way down the stairs anyway. Before they could get out the door, Anne stopped them and Ashton huffed in annoyance.
"Do you guys want breakfast before you go?" She offered.
"No." Ashton said bluntly and Anne frowned, though she tried not to show her disappointment. "Sorry, I— we need to go to school." Ashton corrected himself and grabbed Michael's hand, pulling him towards the door.
_
When the boys finally arrived at school, Ashton parked his car and they made their way towards the entrance. Ashton quickly grabbed his phone out and sent a text to Luke.
[To: Luke]
Hey, I'm here. Do you know where Calum is?
Ashton stopped walking right as they reached the stairs and he moved to the side so that he didn't bump into anyone entering the school, Michael noticing how he kept checking his phone every few seconds and looking around.
"What's wrong?" Michael asked him.
"Uh, nothing, I—" Ashton paused when seeing Luke walk out the door.
"Michael! I've been looking everywhere for you!" Luke yelled and it was completely obvious that he was faking being surprised. The red-haired boy gave him a weird look.
"You wanna slap me again?" Michael questioned, Luke rolling his blue eyes.
"Okay, that was one time. Let it go. But seriously, I need your help with something." The blonde said and Michael sighed and kissed Ashton on the cheek before following Luke inside. A few seconds later, he received a text.
[From: Luke]
Check around the side of the school
Ashton pocketed his phone before doing what Luke said and checked around the side of the school. The curly-haired boy's mouth dropped open when seeing Calum sitting against the brick wall, cigarette between his lips. Ashton felt the need to turn around and walk away, but he remembered why he was there. He needed to do this for Luke. And so, he took a breath and walked closer to Calum.
"Luke told you didn't he?" Calum said abruptly and Ashton pursed his lips, sliding down the brick wall and sat next to him. Ashton didn't say anything, just nodded in response.
"I wish he'd mind his business." He retorted. Ashton furrowed his eyebrows and watched as Calum took another puff of the smoke.
"He cares about you; why do you not understand that?" Ashton asked, clearly irritated.
"If he cared, he'd back off."
Ashton shook his head in disbelief saying angrily, "That's so fucking stupid and you know it!" Calum said nothing and continued puffing on his cigarette.
"What's going on with you?" Ashton asked quietly.
"Nothing."
"Bullshit." He hissed.
"It's really none of your business anyway." Calum stated, sounding calm and Ashton had no idea how since he was practically fuming.
"Remember when I barely knew you and you asked me to show you my cuts?" Ashton reminded him. "That wasn't your business either but that didn't stop you."
"So I'm a nosy fuck. What of it?" Ashton gritted his teeth, wanting to punch him.
"I'm not leaving here until you tell me—"
"Why do you cut?" Calum cut him off and Ashton could've swore his heart stopped beating for a few seconds at the question.
"W-what?" Ashton stammered.
"I'll tell you what's going on with me if you answer the question." Ashton really didn't like talking to anyone about self-harm since it often made him triggered. However, if Calum told him what was going on then he'd take the chance.
"I cut because..." Ashton paused, thinking about it. "Because it distracts me from my emotional pain."
"How?" Calum asked, looking confused.
"I don't know, it just does."
"Wouldn't it only make the pain worse?" Ashton stayed silent and looked at his hands. He really didn't want to talk about this anymore.
"Smoking is sort of my distraction." Calum said, gaining back Ashton's attention.
"Why do you need a distraction?" The raven-haired boy took a deep breath, taking the smoke out of his mouth before throwing it on the ground and grazing his shoe over it to put it out. He couldn't believe that he was actually going to tell Ashton this. And he knew that once he told Ashton, he'd probably go and tell Luke. But maybe that was for the best.
"Okay..." Calum said slowly. "You should know that this is really hard for me to say."
"Take your time," Ashton told him and he took another breath, thinking about what he was going to say. He looked at Ashton's awaiting expression and he knew that what he was going to say next would most likely make the boy feel guilty.
"Well, ever since you tried to kill yourself I've been—" Ashton's head dropped and he squeezed his eyes shut. Calum sighed, knowing what Ashton felt.
"It's not your fault, Ash."
"You can't stop thinking about it can you?" Ashton asked, tears brimming. Calum stared at him for a few seconds before shaking his head slowly.
"How long has this been going on?"
"A few weeks." Ashton's mouth dropped and he looked away before looking back at Calum.
"Calum..." Ashton spoke sadly. "Why didn't you tell anyone? Why didn't you at least tell Luke?"
"I was afraid of what he might think, but now he knows and I've basically fucked everything up."
"He fucking loves you, you should've told him what was going on." Calum looked away and thought about it. He didn't know what he was thinking keeping something like this from his best friend. It was stupid and he needed to fix it. And so, the boy grabbed his bag and took out the packet of cigarettes.
"Here, I'm done with this." Calum said, passing them to Ashton. Ashton smiled, putting the smoke packet in his bag. He'd throw it out later.
"Hey, I get it you know." Calum looked into Ashton's hazel eyes, seeing the sincerity in them. "We're all addicted to something that takes the pain away."