Silence.
Silence claws at my mind.
My wolf does not allow anyone to communicate with me except for Andrew.
At the moment he is asleep at the foot of my bed. He refuses to leave my side.
Staring out the window I see nothing but darkness. The nights are the worse. Where you are meant to sleep and forget the world I lay awake and allow my pain to take its course.
The squeaky springs sound bounces off the walls through the room earning a snore from Andrew.
A strong pull pushes me to the window.
The leaves rustle in the wind as I slide my window open. There is a padding of footsteps as Marcus emerges from the trees. His eyes lock on mine as I stare down at him.
"How are you holding up?" This is the first time he has spoken to me since my father's funeral.
How do you think?
I refuse to answer him. Marcus swallows and his eyes dart around as if to buy himself some time.
"I know I screwed up," he starts his eyes still not meeting mine.
I snort. Screwed up is an understatement.
"Melany, I am sorry," he looks up at me.
My jaw clenches.
"Please, can we talk?" His hand gestures to the trees and I follow with my gaze.
"After what happened to me you know what is going through my mind," Marcus shakes his head. "Maybe I would have been better off mateless. I think I am strong enough to live as a Solus."
The hurt that flashes across his eyes disappears quickly.
"You don't mean that." He whispers and for a moment I do not know if he is talking to me or himself.
The mountain air twirls my hair. Like fire crackling my hair disperses in every direction. Marcus' hazel eyes flicker to my hair as I push it behind my ear.
He was the one that was supposed to be there for me. The one that had to look after me. Instead, I had my best friend to endure my pain. He is still here asleep at the foot of my bed making sure that I do not make any stupid decisions.
Would this be considered stupid?
Peering over my shoulder Andrew is curled up into a ball like a puppy. He is probably avoiding getting kicked.
"Stay there," I order Marcus as I push myself away from my windowsill and close it.
Andrew jolts but stays asleep at the sound of my window closing.
"I'll be right back," I ruffle up his hair and walk out of my room and out of the pack house.
Marcus opens his mouth when I make my way towards him but quickly closes it when he sees that I walk right past him.
His footsteps pad hard against the ground as mine seem to barely tap at the ground.
I decided that I will not give him the satisfaction of going to our spot. Instead, I take a couple of steps into the trees and turn on my toes.
"How can I help you," my eyes travel to his lips as they settle into a frown.
"Seriously," he whines.
"Consider yourself lucky that I even came out to see you," my wolf paces in my mind. She is just as hurt as I am. The difference between us is that she has no choice in whether to stay or go.
Marcus is wearing a white cotton tee with light washed jeans. Both look to have been unwashed and used for some time. He stands before me barefoot and there is a smudge of dirt on his cheek.
"I have been going insane Mel," he confesses. "You lost your father all because of me. Because I couldn't make it to you. Because I decided that I would rather disobey your father than stay home and be safe."
He is blaming himself just like I did.
"Marcus," I swallow, "that's not your fault. I am a grown up I can make my own choices."
He swallows. "It was because of me..."
"I was able to see my father one last time." He bites his lip, "If it wasn't for you I would have never gone to the forest. Never had the chance to see my father before those rogues got him. They were coming here for him even if I was out there or not."
I had nothing to do with it. His death is not on my hands. So why do I feel like it is?
"Melany," Marcus breathes through his nose. "Can we start over? A clean slate. I've been a horrible mate."
"A clean slate," I ponder over that for a moment. "Like we just met?"
He nods.
"I don't think I can do that," I confess. "You're asking for a do-over and I rather not."
"Okay. Then let's work through this."
"Work through your abandonment. Sorry mate, that is a problem you need to work through, not me. If the tables were turned I would have been there for you. I am lucky enough to have people in my life that stay when shit hits the fan."
"You are lucky. I never had that. I don't know what do to do when the person you love is hurting."
A chortle escapes me as I turn to walk away, "Here's some advice," I walk to the pack house, "you don't leave them to fend for themselves."
For the next few days, I stay locked in my room. Marcus or Andrew coming in to place a tray of food on my desk. Marcus stays on the seat next to my bed if I am asleep.
Dr. Graham wants to nourish me through an IV since I am not getting enough nourishment to my wolf and I.
Andrew is taking over the alpha duties for the time being and I know that he is stressed out of his mind. He was not trained to be a beta let alone an alpha.
"Mel," Andrew's puffy eyes stare at me, "I need your help."
I pull my legs into my chest as Andrew sits at the edge of my bed.
"I have families low on food, pups that need to be initiated into the pack, and the rounds are all fucked up."
Andrew is fighting to keep his eyes open.
"When was the last time you slept?" He gulps down.
"I don't remember." Releasing my knees I move to Andrew's side.
"Sleep my brother," I slowly help him into my bed and his eyes close before his head even touches the pillow. "This is my job."
Food.
Initiation.
Rounds.
Walking to the third floor where my father's office is I have a sickening feeling. I cannot be an alpha in his office. That is not my place.
I stare at the door for a moment. As if my father were to poke his head out and say what the hell was I doing.
I can be alpha but not in there.
It is high noon and there are people outside.
"Alpha Blake," a woman says as her eyes widen, "we haven't seen you since-"
"I know." People start gathering around as their new alpha has finally made her presences known.
In the crowd, I see some of the younger wolves that are around my age. I have yet to pick an omega but it seems that I have no one in mind. There is no one that I trust other than Andrew and he is already my beta.
Sam's head pokes out of the crowd.
"I have been made aware that there has not been enough food for my pack. I want to make it clear that my father's wishes are still in play. The pack house is open for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. You and your family can come and enjoy whatever the cook has made."
There is a wave of chatter through the crowd.
"Now for the initiation, our young pups need to be trained if they want to be part of guards and for that, I would like to have Sam train them." My eyes lock with Sam's and he nods.
"Any other problems should be reported to my beta but for the moment he is to be left alone." The crowd seems pleased with what was said and leaves without uttering a word to me.
There are a few men left along with a young female.
"I suppose you're here for the round schedule?" They nod. The men look at the girl as she stays in place and speaks up.
"I am."
"What is your name?"
"Feather," she answers confidently.
"I will be pairing you off. This means that you two will be looking out of one another. Your partner will be like your brother...or sister," Feather smiles.
Everyone is paired off. Feather is with Greg. They seem to hit it off nicely.
They arrange their own schedule. It is better that way. They all agree to have it down on paper and sent to me before the day's end.
The sun is setting when I finally make my way back to the pack house. Marcus is waiting at the steps.
"I heard that the alpha was getting work done," I nod.
"Andrew was working on my father's desk. He did not go out and talk to the people."
"Have you tapped into their mind links yet?"
I shake my head as I pull the door open, "Haven't even tried."
"The females are ecstatic," he nods his approval, "the males," he sighs, "the elders are convincing them."
The living room is empty as we take a seat on the couch. I ponder over what I need to do next.
My father would make sure that his orders where being met.
"Red," Marcus smoldering gaze envelopes mine, "can we talk?"
"You're talking. I would rather not be called that. Thank you," I stare at him waiting for him to speak.
"I mean talk about us," he gestures to the both of us and I fight the urge to roll my eyes.
"What about us?" I have too many problems and I don't have the energy to have a fight with my mate.
"We need to get over this. Let me have it. Tell me what you're feeling, say something," he urges.
"I have work to do," I state impassively.
"I know you do but this relationship needs your attention as well."
He's right.
My wolf agrees with him.
"What do you want to know," I have been avoiding this for some time.
"Are we okay?" Good question. A question that I don't have an answer for.
"I am not sure," that is true. My wolf wants to be close to him but my mind is not agreeing with her.
"I am truly sorry," Marcus' hazel eyes search deep into mine as if hoping to see another answer. "You're my mate."
"I never said I wasn't," I add quickly.
"I feel as if our bond could be stronger."
"It could," it could also be weaker.
"Why don't we complete the mating bond?"
Crap!
"You're asking me this, now," I growl at him, "you want me to get marked and mark you so that we have a stronger bond," there is no hiding my disgust.
"Yes?" He questions it because a normal mate would jump at the chance to be completed mated to their mate.
"No," I am not ready for that. Especially not now. Not when I am not sure how I am feeling about my mate.
The first step is to transition into your wolf form. Done.
Step two find your mate. Done.
The last step is to give into their mind, body, and soul. Pending.
"Red," he pushes himself up but I beat him. I am on my feet and walking away as quickly as possible.
He is about to get up when the word lashes out across my lips, "Don't call me that. Don't try to make me move faster than I want to." I give him the last glare as I push myself upstairs and away from him.
I am not ready to complete the final step and I will be damned if I get pushed into it.
Andrew's sleepy eyes are on me as I close the door to my bedroom.
"Mel," his sleepy voice brings a weak smile to the surface.
"How did you sleep?" I assess the bed. The pillow is on the floor and the covers are pulled off my bed. The drool stain on his cheek is dry as he shrugs at me.
"Shit," he looks out the window, "I had work to do." His palm presses hard against his forehead as if to press away from an upcoming headache.
"Don't worry I took care of it," I sit next to him and the look of shock that crosses his face makes me suppress a laugh.
"Really," he does not believe me.
"Yes," I nod.
After I talk it through with Andrew he seems relieved.
"You know that I was going to ask out Feather last week," his cheeks heat up as he looks away.
"And," I press from more information.
"I got into a fight," he sighs. My eyebrows etch together in confusion.
"You fought with her?"
"Hell no," he shakes his head frantically. "Fernando asked her out when I was going to make my move."
"I'm sorry, but why would you fight him. He took initiative first."
"I commence him for that."
"So?"
"I will never respect a man that will ridicule a girl. Sure, she rejected him but when he went after her I just couldn't stand by and watch."
"What happened?" I don't know Feather well but she is part of my pack and I need to make sure that she is okay.
"Fernando asked if she would like to join him and watch a movie. She said as friends that would be great. He said he liked her."
"Okay."
"She then told him that she liked girls. She was not interested in dating men unless her mate happened to be of the opposite sex."
Oh no.
"He was pissed that she rejected so he said that no one would approve of her sexuality. That you would kick her out of the pack when the alpha found out."
Fernando is Marcus' friend. I have seen them working out together.
"I then had to step in. I told him not to be speaking on the alpha's behalf. He wasn't happy. Feather said that she does not care if no one accepts her but she cannot change who she loves."
"Thank you. Rest up I have some business to take care of before I kick you out of my bed."
Andrew decides to head to his bed after he changed my sheets and showers.
I open my mind to my pack.
My wolf is excited. I zero in on Fernando's mind.
"Dude, she denied me because I'm a man." I push myself further into his mind and I see he is training with Marcus.
Typical.
Marcus chuckles and pounds at the punching bag before him.
Pulling away I am out the door and rushing downstairs.
Fernando is holding the punching bag for Marcus as I make my way into the small building my father decided to make into a gym for our pack.
Feather is making her way to the gym as well. I want her here as well.
"You called alpha," she walks next to me as we walk up to the boys.
"I did."
She nods and glares at Fernando as we get close to them.
"Hey asshole," I yell. There are a few people working out and as the words leave me, the gym falls into silence.
"Really Mel," Marcus stops the bag and turns to me. "We can talk about this in private."
"Wrong asshole." I stare at Fernando as he steps out from behind the bag.
"Me?" He questions and I nod.
"You see this girl." I point to Feather. His eyes move to her and then back to me. "Do you?"
"Yes alpha," he bows his head.
"Look at her," I snap at her. Feather shifts her weight to her other foot. "She is part of my pack. You understand."
He nods.
"She is one of my fighters, is that clear?"
"Yes," he breathes out.
"The next time your ego is bruised and you decide to go after her and speak in my behalf," I look at Feather and her eyes narrow. "I suggest you get your facts straight."
"Yes alpha," he swallows.
"Feather," Feather looks up at me, "I respect you. You should never worry about me kicking you out of my pack because of your sexuality. Love is love and you," I step up to Fernando, "better step up your game."
Feather has been making so much headway in the training ranking and is getting the attention of the elders.
Marcus laughs as he punches Fernando. Feather smirks at him as she glances over at me.
"Is that all? I have to do rounds."
"Greg is going, right?" She nods and a shy smile spreads across her lips.
Feather runs off and I decide to take a stroll through the town.
Marcus is by my side as we walk through the house that is scattered around. Peace fills my mind as I remember my father used to take me on these walks.
"The pack loves to see their alpha walks amongst them like any other person. Someone that they can have a normal conversation with."
Marcus links our hands as I breathe in the scent of fresh rain.
I allow him to hold my hand because it brings peace to my wolf.
The pack loves the scent as much as I do as I feel the weight of the world lifted even for just a moment. Slipping my hand out of Marcus' hold I run into the trees. Pressing my back against the tree I can sense Marcus' confusion.
"Andrew used to say that I was the best hide and seeker to exist."
Peeking over at Marcus there is a playful smile on his lips.
"Really," he challenges. There are a few people around and they stare at us.
I nod.
"Well back in my pack I was the best finder," he challenges me as he covers his eyes and starts counting down.