AN) Helloooo(: This chapter is set just after the last chapter, so it's still the same day in Delinquent Land ^.^
Boom, boom, boom! The drama is about to start in this chapter!(: ooooooooh!>.< Excited?;) hehe, i cannot believe how popular this story is getting! I'm honestly so greatful for all of you for voting, commenting, just reading in general!
It's amazing!:|
on a more serious note, this chapter lets you into Hunter's mind and you see just how scarred he is. I know that it's not the most interesting thing in the world, but you have to understand what goes on in his head....
I'm going to start writing the chapter now so....boom!
As always, 50 votes until the next chapter! BUT KEEP BRINGING THE 100 BABIES<3!
I'm going to start leaving QUICK QUESTIONS at the end because I always want to ask you guys something, but if I put it here, you'll probably have forgotten it by the end of the chapter! :L hehe, anyways!
I love you all so, so, so, so much! (I'm sorry if this is a bit messy, I'm a little bit tipsy on beer!)
<33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333
*Judge Ashley's Pov*
I handed the small book back to Lisa; absolutley horrified at the entries inside it. How could a boy go through so much pain and hold it in like that?
"So, can you do anything about it?" Lisa asked me.
I cleared my throat. "Well, there are many options. What would you like me to do about it?"
"Nothing." She replied. "I just showed you that to prove that my ex husband is an unfit Father and my daughter shouldn't be living with him."
"How does this prove that Mr. Taylors is an unfit Father?" I wondered.
"He knows the pain that Hunter goes through yet he doesn't do anything about it. If Kat attempted suicide even just the once, I'd have her in a psychaitric hospital. I'd have her in therapy for years. I'd get her proffesional help. But what does Chris do? He gets a couple of therapy sessions and brushes it all off."
"Lisa, you've even told me that the 1st time Hunter attempted suicide that Chris put him in a psychiatric hospital." I pointed out.
"Yes, but it says in that book that Hunter attempted suicide the day before his Dad took him. Chris has not done anything about it."
"So what do you suggest we do about it?" I asked.
"Send Hunter to psychiatric hospital for at least a year? Or a reform school? Anything to get him help."
I raised an eye-brow. "And you're sure that you're going this just for Hunter's sake? Not just because if Hunter's not there, there's a 50, 50 chance of Kat wanting to live with you?"
Lisa rolled her eyes. "What kind of women do you take me for?"
*Hunter's Pov*
Me and Kat had thrown our clothes back on as we heard Chris enter the house again. I felt kinda bad about getting Kat to stop, mainly because she seemed like she wanted to go all the way. I wanted to as well. She had no fucking idea how much I wanted to be with her in that way.
I couldn't though.
Because after, I'd feel disgusting. Yes, for a few minutes I'd feel amazing and I'd love Kat more than ever. But then I'd feel like I'd hurt her. Because it was no different from what happened to me. And if it hurt me, it would kill her.
Call me stupid, but I was confused.
And that was how I felt about being with anyone that way.
But, I still felt like a douche for chickening out with Kat. And the nightmare I'd had earlier was still in my head, scaring the shit out of me. The nightmare was making me think of my Dad, Dad was making me think of all the things he'd done to me, and that was making me think of how I was so stupid for not defending myself.
I took another drag of the roll of tobacco.
I was so fucking worthless.
Pathetic.
Stupid.
I was nothing.
"Hunter? Are you in there?"
Chris banged on the bathroom door, making me jump a little bit. I yanked my sleeve down, stuffed the broken piece of the razor in my pocket, and then jumped up. Urgently, I grabbed the deoderant and sprayed myself with it to get rid of the smokey scent. Then I dumped the rollie in the bin.
I slowly opened the door and popped my head out.
"Yeah?"
Chris reached forwards to touch my shoulder. "You ok? You look a little pale."
"I'm fine."
He nodded but didn't seem to believe it. "I need to talk to you. Can I come in? I don't wanna talk anywhere else in case Kat hears."
"Um...sure."
I stepped backwards so that Chris could come into the bathroom. I sat down against the bath and hoped desperatley that he wouldn't smell the leftover smokey scent.
Chris closed the door and leant back against it, crossing his arms and looking straight at me.
"We've got a problem..."
Shit.
Chris cleared his throat. "When Lisa came to the house the day you came back from the hospital, she took something."
"What did she take?" I asked quietly.
"Your journal."
Fuck. Oh fuck. Oh, fuck fuck fuck fuck.
"What the fuck?!" I demanded, slamming my fist against the bath. I angrily stood up and kicked the wall until I probably gave it a concussion. I didn't mind Kat reading the entries because I'd probably end up telling her anyways. But Lisa? The bitch? It just pissed me off so fucking much.
"Hunter, stop!"
I ignored Chris and punched the wall so freaking hard that an ache spread right up my hand and a small crack appeared on the tiles.
"FUCK!" I screamed, slamming my fist against it ever more.
Suddenly, Chris grabbed my arm and spun me around, facing him.
"Hunter, calm down-"
"Calm down? She fucking stole it! What did she do with it?!"
"She showed it to the judge that's deciding who gets custody of Kat."
"Why?!"
"To prove that I was an unfit Father."
"How the fuck does that make you seem like an unfit Father?!"
"Because Hunter!" He snapped, not in an angry way though. He just seemed naturally pissed off. "You attempted suicide less than a week ago! And what have I done about it? Nothing!"
"I didn't want you to do anything though!"
"That's not the point, Hunter!" He hissed. "You've got...issues."
"Don't you think I fucking know that by now?"
"Hunter, you need serious help!"
"I've already been to a fucking mental hospital! It doesn't help!"
"Well you're going back to one!"
At first, I was speechless. Chris was sending me back to a psychiatric fucking hospital? He couldn't fucking do that! I wasn't that bad! Then, after the speechlessness...of course came the anger.
"You can't fucking do that!"
"Yes I can!"
"NO!" I screamed, throwing my fists into the wall even more until my hands finally started to ache. I knew that I was only proving myself to be more prone to anger...but I was fucking angry.
"Please don't make me go back there?!" I begged desperatley. "Please?! I'll go to therapy! I'll stop drinking and swearing and anything! Just please don't make me go back?!"
"Hey, calm down." He murmured, taking my shoulders and gently sitting me back down against the edge of the bath tub. His fingers softly swept through my hair and I tried my best not to look down and freak out like I normally woud've done.
"Listen...I don't want you to go. But even you know that you have to. Besides, the court know about it now and they've said that you need the help. It was either the hospital about 30 minutes away from here, or the closest reform school with a suicide watch program. And that's 5 states away. I thought you'd want the closer one so you could still see Kat."
"No..." I whispered. "I don't want her to see me in that place."
"But Hunter...you have to go."
"No I don't! Stop saying that to me!"
"Hunter, it doesn't matter what you say. You're still going."
"How come it mattered when Kat got to say if she wanted to stay with you or Lisa?" I demanded. "Why did it matter with her and not me?!"
I was starting to absolutley freak out now. Was it Chris that wanted me gone? Did he want me out of the picture so that he could have a perfect, normal family and not have some fucking messed up son? Shit, he hated me. Didn't he? That was why he was doing this.
"Hunter..." he soothed, reaching his arms out to me.
I immediatley slapped them away.
He was pissed and angry and he wanted me gone. He'd hurt me. Just to get me to understand that he wanted me to leave.
Chris, being the stubborn man he was, reached his hand out again.
This time, I saw it connecting with my face. Only mentally though. Physically, Chris didn't touch me. He was about to put his hand on my arm, but I somehow mistook that for him trying to hit me.
I flinched back. "I'm sorry!"
He blinked at me in confusion. "You're sorry?"
"I'm sorry. Just...please don't-" I let my voice trail off. "Please don't..."
Chris already knew what I was going to say.
"It's alright. Look..." he gestured to himself and then walked back to press his back against the wall. "I'm not near you. I can't hurt you. Not only that, I would never hurt you. But if it makes you feel better, I don't have to stay so close. Is that alright?"
I slowly nodded.
"Hunter, you have no idea how much I wanna help you. You're my son. It doesn't matter if we're not related by blood. I took you in and cared for you and I love you. I will always think of you as my son. That's the only reason that I'm doing this. I just want you to be happy and healthy and I don't want you to go through any more pain. Do you understand that?"
I nodded again.
"Do I smell smoke?"
Another nod.
He sighed. "Kid, you've gotta stop that."
Then, even though he promised to stand away, Chris stepped forwards and then pulled me up by my shoulders. Deep down, I knew that he was only looking to see if I had more substances to smoke. But first, I thought that he was going to hurt me.
I flinched away as his hands reached over to my pockets.
"It's alright, I'm not mad." He promised. "Just let me check if you've got any cigarettes, alright?"
"No!"
"Hunter, I'm not mad."
"Stay the fuck away from me!"
"Hunter-"
"KAT?!"
"Shut up!" He hissed, grabbing my arms tightly and then shaking me.
I completely froze. No, there hadn't been much physical force. But I hated even the slightest shove and obviously, I didn't handle it well. I didn't lash out at Chris, I didn't push him away and run out the door. I just glared before screaming.
"GET THE FUCK OFF ME!"
And then his hand slapped against my cheek.
Chris had never actually...used a hard force against me before. Yes it was just a slap, but there was so much strength in it. The way the back of his hand pounded down the side of my face, I literally felt the anger burst off his skin.
And I froze.
I couldn't force myself to move even as his hands reached down into the pockets of my skinny jeans. I just stood there, completely still and unbreathing. His fingers then slipped inside the pocket of my hoodie and then he was the one to freeze.
Slowly, he pulled out the broken piece of razor.
I didn't dare look at his face.
What was he going to do?
The negative energy coming off him told me that he was going to use the blade to slit my throat.
Self consciously, I looked to the floor; blocking my neck from his reach. He wouldn't be able to get to me unless he grabbed my head, and if he did that then I would just kick him into the wall. I'd run out the door and leave.
As I felt Chris' hand touch my shoulder, I went into autopilot mode.
Following my plan, I kicked his legs and then as he stumbled back, I reached for the door.
I would've yanked it open, but his arms grabbed my waist and I sunk down to the floor.
Just hide into the floor and he wont be able to do anything.
Just hold yourself together and don't look at him.
He'll get weak if you don't look at him.
He only gets his strength by looking at your fear.
I pushed my body closer to the ground, pressing my face into the tiled floors. I tried to control my breathing but it was like light form of hyperventilation.
And as Chris grabbed my arms, it only became worse.
"Hunter. Come on, it's ok."
Don't listen to him!
I refused to answer, or open my eyes as I was unwillingly turned around to lie on my back. A shaddow formed over my body, and I slowly blinked my eyes open.
The razor was on the sink.
I was just in Chris' arms and he was looking deeply at me.
"Hunter, listen to me. Am I gonna hurt you?"
He shook me lightly when I didn't answer.
"Am I gonna hurt you?"
No answer.
"I'm not. I just need to check, ok?"
I remained completely still and silent as Chris' arms slid up to the top of my sleeves and slowly pushed them up to my elbow. I refused to look at the fading scars, they were disgusting.
Proved how pathetic I was.
But I could still feel the blood from the latest cut.
I hadn't turned to self harm in months. But the past few days had just been overwhelming and Kat wasn't enough to help me through it.
The cut itself wasn't that bad. It was approximatley 5 centimeters, hardly deep, going sideways across the top of my wrist; just underneath my palm. The skin was barely broken.
I was fine.
It would go in a week.
I expected another slap. Some violent gesture at least. But Chris didn't hurt me. He just gently took my arms, pulled me up and then sat me back down against the edge of the bath tub.
I dropped my wrists down as Chris opened the bathroom cupboard behind the mirror. He pulled out some disinfectant followed by a small plaster.
We both were completely silent as he carefully cleaned the cut. The disinfectant didn't hurt too much, it just stung a little at the start. But after the plaster was placed over the wound, it felt overall numb.
Chris leant back against the wall and I started to get myself worked up over what he was going to say. Was he going to scream at me? Hit me? Pick up the razor, slit my throat and scream 'isn't this what you want?'
Eventually, the silence was getting too hard for me to handle.
I couldn't breathe.
Literally.
I had to gasp for breath as my head began to violently throb. There was an ache, all over my body, and I physically felt as if I was going to die. What the fuck was happening?
WHAT THE FUCK WAS WRONG WITH ME?!
"Hunter, it's ok." Chris promised, knealing down to me and placing his arms at my waist.
Was he just saying that though?
Was he just saying that because he knew I was dying and he didn't want to do anything about it?
"I can't...I can't breathe." I managed to choke out.
He then pulled me in, and I didn't hesitate to bury my face in his shoulder. His hands gently rubbed up and down my back, as if he was trying to calm me down.
"It's alright." He assured me. "You're having a panic attack. It's perfectly normal, alright? It's just because you're scared and you're stressed. But it's fine because you're here with me and I'm not going to hurt you. It'll be ok, Hunter. I promise."
Though his words were reassuring, they didn't help.
"C-Chris?"
"Yes?"
"M-make it stop."
[ Quick Question!: What's been your favorite part in the whole boooook? O.o? ]