Summer thunder clouds gathered overhead, swallowing the moon and stars driving the prairie into complete darkness. Jagged streaks of lightning flashed in white slashes, followed by rumbling thunder that shook the earth. The wind picked up force, driving everything along before it, howling through the tall grass. My long hair whipped in black curtains around my face, blinding me, getting tangled around my ears and neck. The mare stopped, her tail instinctively to the wind as she prepared to wait out the storm but I urged her on. We could not stay in the open, but she would not be moved.
Sliding from her back, I took the rifle and slapped her haunches, sending her trotting reluctantly ahead of me. A violent crack of thunder followed half a dozen strikes and the horse jumped, shying away before bolting for home. She was soon lost to the darkness of the storm and dancing shadows from the inky black clouds. Buffeted by the winds, I stood calmly, my eyes closed, listening to the mighty roar of the thunder as it voiced its strength directly above me. Vibrations shook through my body, buzzing with the unbridled energy of the storm all around. Dropping the rifle from my hands I folded my legs and sank to the earth, sitting unprotected in the raging tempest.
Alone, abandoned, with nothing and no one to distract me, my thoughts began to flow in an unbroken line. How many times had I been told to choose the life I wanted, and then I would know peace? It had never made sense to me, and I'd walked with a foot in each world, treading an uneven line that led me along a trail to misery and trouble. I'd lived as a Lakota woman among a town of whites, and had walked a path of strife and loneliness, was there another way? Silent tears formed beneath my lids, whipped painfully from my eyes by the raging winds.
"Papa..." it was ripped from my lips, the name swallowed by the storm. "Papa help me."
'Why are you afraid, Little Butterfly?' the memory of his voice surfaced in my mind. I recalled clinging to him as the lodge we lived in trembled from the force of the gale.
'The storm,' I'd whispered, afraid. 'It's so loud.'
'We have nothing to fear, child,' his hand had caressed my back, soothing. 'I am at your side, just as you are at mine.'
'Are you afraid too?'
'Not this time," I had heard the smile in his voice, the love he felt for me. 'I protect you, as you do me, as our people protect one another. Sometimes we are there simply to guard against shadows that carry no real threat.'
'I love you Papa.'
'I love you too, Little Butterfly, and I will always be with you, watching over you.'
'Always?'
'Always.'
I recalled feeling so safe, knowing that Napayshni was with me, his might, strength, and wisdom by my side. I'd fallen asleep in his arms. When had I felt like that since? Had I ever- My eyes snapped open as I stared into the eye of the raging storm. I had felt that way...in Frank's arms! Hadn't he loved me, comforted me, guided and protected me since I was a child whether I wanted him to or not? Napayshni had never left me after all, he'd simply reappeared in another form. Suddenly realizing I'd never lost him made hope burst forth inside me, everything I'd been feeling falling clearly into place. That included Wind Runner.
Wind Runner meant more to me than my past life with my father, he somehow brought my best traits into focus, loving and accepting me as I was. Yet that was not enough to complete me...I also needed my family, those that had seen my worst, and still loved me. Isn't that what I'd wanted all along? If I had courage, I could find my way, I could walk the path my father had laid out for me, but I would need more than courage, I would need acceptance, patience, and trust. What I needed now was a chance for forgiveness.
Could I make amends for my actions? Would it be enough to save myself from a life of banishment? I knew Frank, understood him, and amidst the roar and chaos of the storm I found my respect for him deepening. He would know that sending me away would force my thoughts into logical, rational order. My father knew that I would not be able to help thinking of how this had all come about, and what I could do to atone – and so I was. My only recourse was to go home, and ask for forgiveness.
Somewhere in the midst of the storm I passed out, for when I woke it was utterly still, the sky just beginning to lighten with the coming sunrise. Some sound had pulled me from unconsciousness, a whisper of noise. Sore, stiff, body aching, I sat up from where I'd crumpled over and brushed bits of grass and dirt from my cheek.
"Kimimela."
It floated around me, a whisper of sound that played with the hazy edges of my mind. For a moment I thought it was the soul of my father calling to me, but the notion faded immediately as my mind turned to another memory of warm, loving eyes. I whispered his name, remembering the glassy pain filled orbs, the flowing blood. Gravely wounded yes, but dying? The coyote, the owl...had he survived? Pushing to my feet, heart thumping hollowly, the golden blades waved as I sought to recall the eerie summons from the night before. Had it been Wind Runner? There was a growing certainty within me that it was, but I had no idea which direction to try, or where to begin looking. Frustration built swiftly, anger at my stupidity and continued failing to recognize what should have been important.
Frank's words came back to me, forcefully. I had been reckless, behaving without thought or concern, and now I was paying for it. Shame, anger, sorrow, and bitterness welled up inside me. With one selfish act, I had thrown away everything. Tilting my head back, I opened my mouth and let out a loud, long wail that echoed across the grassland, screaming until I had no more air in my lungs. Sagging to my knees, I knelt there, tears dripping down my face utterly spent.
"Who in blue blazes you hollerin' at?"
The voice whipped me around, and I came face to face with none other than Al Baily. He was sitting on his horse, staring down at me with a frown.
"I swear you is the worst pain in my- I mean, I just brung you home! Why in the Devil's fire pit are you out here alone screamin' your lungs out?"
"What do you want?" I was dizzy from surprise, trying to slow my heartbeat. Al spat into the dust.
"I seen you leave last night, thought at least you'd have sense to hole up durin' the storm."
"You followed me?" Instant suspicion formed in me but Al shook his head.
"Your pa sent me to fetch you back."
"I don't believe you." Hope flooded me but mistrust held it at bay.
"What's that to me?" He shrugged carelessly, sitting up as he walked his horse closer. I hurriedly backed away, my face twisted into a scowl.
"Did he really send you?"
"What, you think I'd waste time on your trail if I had another choice?"
"He sent me away, why would he ask you to come? Frank is just as angry with you and Toby as he is with me."
"I heard," Al stared at me, apathetic. "I wasn't really expectin' you to blab what I tol' you to your pa...what can I expect from a half breed anyhow? You got no sense at all."
"Why did you come, instead of him?"
"He didn't see fit to fetchin' you back hisself, an' your ma ain't a hand for trackin', so that left me. He warned I was to walk soft, an' treat you with kid gloves." Al said it flatly, as though the words were bitter on his tongue. "I figure I owe you somethin' for lettin' me even my debt to Toby, but that don't mean-"
"You don't owe my anything, Al Baily." Realizing what he was trying to say I stopped him. "I want as little from you as you want to give, so feel free to leave me alone. If Frank really wants me home, he should have come."
"Nope," he walked the horse forward then suddenly leaned down, catching tight hold on my arm. In a powerful move, he lifted my feet from the ground plopping me into the saddle in front of him.
"Your pa said to fetch you home, so that's what I'll do, then we're square."
"You put me down!"
"Shut up and hold still."
"Let me go! Why is it always you? You don't even like me!" I tried to wiggle free but he wrapped an arm around my waist to hold me in place.
"You keep fightin' me an' I'll tie you across my saddle like hunted meat, squaw, now I ain't foolin'."
"You wouldn't!"
"Try me." He said it shortly and I went suddenly still, feeling that Al Baily would indeed tie me across his saddle like a trumped up hunted deer dressed for dinner. Then he added "It ain't about me not likin' you, never was."
So what happened to so suddenly change Frank's mind? Why is Al still on the Colter ranch? What is he going to reveal to Jaynie about why he doesn't refuse to help her when Frank asks?
~Sara