T I A N A ' S
"Should we lunch out? I am craving for pizza!" si Jana, nang lumabas kami ni Jerrod mula sa AVR.
Pareho kaming may free-cut tatlo kaya extended ang magiging lunch break namin. So we're thinking of going off-campus to eat and kill time.
"Sure, saan?" Jerrod asked while the three of us were walking towards the elevators. Noon break na kasi, so we'll need a few more minutes to wait 'til we can crowd in any of T building's three elevators.
"I don't know... maybe, Yellow Cab? Okay lang ba, Tia? Or you want something else?"
"I'm fine with anything," sabi ko lang, already looking forward to an almost empty lift.
At noong bumukas 'yon ay awtomatiko ang pagharang ng braso ni Jerrod sa elevator doors, so Jana and I could safely walk in. Nakarinig kaagad kami ng mga mahihinang pag-sipol mula sa loob, signalling a familiar crowd.
"Jerrod, Jana!" bati ng iilan na nasa loob ng lift, sabay humalakhak.
I am used to having strangers acknowledge the people I'm with, wherever we go. Jerrod may come off timid and Jana may be tamed, pero hindi naman makakaila na may kanya-kanyang social life ang dalawa. Unlike me, they have a lot of batch mates who also went to study here in the University. The siblings are also widely known for owning a well-established study hub even when they're still students themselves, while also being always present on party scenes.
Jana turned to them at nakipagpalitan na ng pinag-uusapan. Habang si Jerrod naman ay tipid lang na bumati sa kanila. Pasimple niya akong iginiya sa isang sulok nang nahinuhang magiging magalaw na ang kanilang mga kakilala. Walang imik din akong nagpatianod, before silently proceeding with staring at the steel walls. The enclosed space was giving me nausea, and the crowd was starting to make me feel uneasy, lalo na noong napansin na nila 'yong presensya ko.
"Abaaa! Jerrod, nakita ko 'yon! Sino 'yan?"
"Camille Irah's cousin, a blockmate, a friend." Jerrod answered hastily, pero mukhang ayaw pa siya tantanan ng mga kaibigan nila.
In fact, dahil sa sagot niyang hindi sigurado ay mas nag-ingay lang sila, more so when I felt Jerrod shielding me with his body.
Hinilig ko ang aking tagiliran sa nakapaloob na handrail nang magsimula na sila sa typical na pangangantyaw. There were still strangers inside the lift, but Jerrod and Jana's acquaintances were compelled with being rowdy. Kahit na nakatalikod sa kanila, ay na-iimagine ko na ang mga mapanlokong ngisi kasabay ng kung-anu-anong paratang nila sa amin. Naririnig ko rin si Jana na patawang pinipigilan sila, natatakot na yatang mapikon nang tuluyan ang kapatid.
The elevator stopped on every floor. Napapikit nalang ako doon, thinking being in this noise will probably last longer than anybody would want to. I should've been more persistent with convincing Jerrod on taking the stairs again, next time. We could've saved more time and energy from any means of human interaction.
Sa huling pagbukas at pagsarado noong elevator, ay unti-unti nang humupa ang ingay ng grupo. Siguro ay nagsawa na sa pagiging aloof ni Jerrod sa mga pang-aasar. Naisip kong kulbitin na si Jana at maghimutok, only to find them quietly talking beside me. Bigla naman akong nakaramdam ng pagka-lito nang mapagtantong, ibang tao na pala 'yong nakadikit sa likuran ko. My defenses had probably worn out over time, dahil hindi ko man lang naramdamang lumipat na pala si Jerrod sa tabi ko.
To appease my uneasiness, I took a meek step forward to create a bit of distance from the stranger. I mean, I was within a trusted University, but I just couldn't help myself. My forehead knotted when the stranger also took a step closer to me, too. His action would've sent me fidgetting, if it weren't for that particular clean mixture of fresh mint and herbal spices. A particular musk, I knew the first time, I'd go gaga over. Napatuwid ako ng tayo and threw a discreet glance at the man standing stiffly behind me.
I knew then and there, to whom the collective attention was suddenly locked onto.
I almost pouted at the dark gaze he was giving me, if it weren't for the incontestable awareness that sharing the tiniest of breathing space with Tram Vladimir Sylvan was actually considered big deal to those who do not see him as often. Mabilis akong umiwas ng tingin nang mas naramdaman ko pa siyang dumidikit sa akin.
"Pota, ang bango, bes... amuyin mo, dali!" I even heard someone whisper failingly behind us.
Natatawa nalang ako na naiiling, because it was very obvious who she was referring to. Narinig ko pang naghampasan at naghagikhikan ang mga kaibigan noong nagsalita.
Nakahinga na lang ako ng maluwag nang nakarating na ang elevator sa Ground floor.
Jana, Jerrod and I were walking towards one of the University exit gates nang banayad akong harangan ni Tram, which made Jerrod stop, too. While my eyes instinctly darted to the head-turns on our direction. On defense, I took a step closer to Jerrod before letting my eyes rest on Tram's face. With how he was glaring at me, I can practically hear him grinding his teeth.
"What," pabalang kong utas at nagpatuloy na sa paglalakad.
And while concentrating on my quick strides, I realized I was actually grouped with flashy people. I wouldn't have minded the random glances as intensely, if I weren't so guilty being seen with Tram Vladimir Sylvan.
"Where are you headed to? Don't you have class in 30 minutes?" nakasunod na tanong niya sa akin.
Kahit gusto, hindi ko naman siya magawang patigilin sa pagsunod, because I know we'd only make a scene on the streets.
"Free-cut," sagot ko nalang at pinansin ang suot niyang slacks. "Tapos na OJT?"
"Yeah, may pina-photocopy lang ako sa lib, and was on my way to fetch you," he muttered. "You did not text..."
"I forgot..."
Nagkatinginan ulit kami, pero wala na akong idinagdag sa sinabi.
"That's okay," he pacified. "What would you be having for lunch today?"
"Pizza daw, Yellow Cab."
"Hmm... You okay with that? Wala ka nang ibang gusto?"
"Wala naman," sagot ko habang lumilinga-linga na sa dinaraanan.
Medyo malayu-layo na kami sa campus, but we have to cross one more street to reach Jerrod's SUV. Kanina pa nga nagrereklamo si Jana patungkol sa pagiging kuripot ni Jerrod and why he was so against purchasing a semi-permanent parking space inside the University.
Hinawakan ni Tram ang kamay ko nang wala nang makitang dumadaang jeep, para sabayan akong tumawid. Na agad naman niyang binitawan nang nasa tapat na kami ng sasakyan ni Jerrod, to my disappointment. Napasimangot ako.
"May I eat with you guys?" he asked Jana, after he assisted me on climbing the backseat. "Saang Yellow Cab niyong balak kumain?"
"Uh, sure? Sa may IT Park siguro, sasabay ka ba sa amin... o ko-convoy?"
"Susunod lang ako," aniya bago ako binalingan ulit. "I'll just get my car. You'll ride here?"
Mas lalo lang yata na umasim ang mukha ko. Sa gitna ng maraming beses na nakukuha kaagad ni Tram ang gusto kong mangyari, ay tingin ko'y ngayon lang yata siya tuluyang pumalya. I opened my mouth to lash out at him for not wanting to ride with us, but immediately thought against it. Kaya napatuptop nalang ako ng aking labi and just nodded at him.
He gave me a small smile and nothing else, tapos ay nagpaalam na rin kina Jerrod at Jana na susunod nga siya. Lately, Tram has become very visible hanging out with us. At hindi ko alam kung papaano, but everyone was acting so blasé about it, like it was a natural occurence.
Or, so they make me feel.
Jana never asked—despite the quizzical looks she was throwing at Tram on the daily. While Jerrod, who seems very bent on trying to act all cool about it, was actually a visible help with my wanting to tactfully maintain the wholesome distance that Tram and I should keep. I do not know about certain audiences though, kaya as much as possible, I do not blatantly talk to Tram.
His and Mary Ann's break-up was still up on the grill, kaya hanggang ngayon ay may parte pa rin sa akin na kating-kati na tuluyang tigilan ang kahibangang 'to. Ngunit, aminado naman akong maraming pagkakataon din na hindi ko siya matiis, so I end up texting him constantly. To feel even a tad bit of his presence, kahit na inis na inis talaga ako sa kanya.
Like today, for example.
Tiana Taittinger:
Bakit susunod ka pa? Bakit hindi ka nalang sumabay?
Tiana Taittinger:
You have other plans?
Tiana Taittinger:
You don't want to be seen with us.
seen by Tram Vladimir
While he always ends up calling me anyway, tuwing sigurado na siyang medyo malayu-layo na 'yong mga hakbang niya mula sa amin
"Sorry, did you want me to ride with you?"
Nakaramdam naman ako kaagad ng inis sa naging bati niya sa akin.
"Why is this always on me?"
"Alin?"
"This!" I can't help but hiss at him. "Why should everything you do have to have my permission first?"
"Shouldn't I—"
"Ayoko! Naiinis ako!"
"Baby...?" he sounded confused. "Are you angry? Bakit? I'm sorry..."
"I am not angry," I growled. "I am annoyed!"
"I am sorry..." I heard him exhaling sharply on the other line. "What is upsetting you? Please tell me."
"I told you! I am not upset! I am annoyed!"
"Okay, baby, I'm sorry. Let me rephrase. What is annoying you?"
Napabuga ako ng marahas na hangin at napasulyap sa rearview mirror. Jana and Jerrod were on a heated debate about that song on the radio. They were busy enough to not actually hear any of my phone conversations, which I am thankful for, because as hard as I try not to, my brain was just all over the place these days.
Nilingon ko ang dinaraanan namin bago sumagot.
"Nothing," I sighed again. "Sorry, it is my hunger talking. Magkita nalang tayo mamaya..."
"Hey," aniya sa kabilang linya bago ko pa man maibaba ang tawag. "Can you tell Jerrod to pull over? Sa parking lot ng Victo? I'll park in front of that rundown crab shack..."
× × ×
One of the many perks of being cousins with the mayor's daughter is you get to be informed of the city holidays, weeks prior their proclamation. Kaya heto kami ngayon ni Camille—in our Gulfstream—on our way to a plotted week-long jaunt to Oslo, just because Camille's done imagining herself comfortably driving a Tesla around the city.
And Jack was going with us as the representative of Camille and my security teams. Since Camille chose that we bring only the mid-size aircraft, hindi na siya nag-abala pa na pumili ng personal favorites niya—from our security groups. She didn't like the idea of them crowding us, anyway. She also told me that Jack was also being a pest, kaya wala na siyang naging lusot nang magpaalam kay Tita Marían na magbabakasyon muna kami.
Ang hindi ko lang maintindihan ay kung bakit may bitbit pang crony si Jack, and that Camille is appearing fine about it. Even after how many hours in flight and even after secretly pinching Jerrod to death every chance I get, ay hindi ko pa rin maintindihan talaga!
"You did not tell me that Tram Sylvan was going to come with us!" I semi-hysterically hissed at her as she got out of the shower. "And, him? Of all people? Him? Talaga ba? What is happening?"
"Don't get mad at me, kanina ko lang din nalaman 'yan."
"But why are you acting so cool about all of this?"
"Babygirl, chill, we're on vacation!" my cousin subtly mocked me as she calmly applied pressure on my shoulders, habang tinititigan akong nakangiti.
She was looking like nothing shorter than my outburst could ruin her excitement and anticipation.
"Kay Mama nag-paalam si Jack, na baka daw may isasabay siyang magbabantay sa'yo. Akala ko naman isa sa mga ladies-in-waiting mo, so I didn't bother asking who," aniya at tinalikuran na ako to look for clothes inside her small maleta. "Huli ko na rin na-i-check 'yong passengers' info. I didn't have enough time then, to push the guy out."
She cocked her head to look at me with a raised eyebrow.
"Unless, you want him deplaned right this instant? That would still be possible," she mused to herself. "I think Sylvan's intellectually capable naman of navigating parachutes..."
Nanlalaki ang mga mata kong umiling. She shrugged at me, nagsisimula na sa pag-bihis.
"Anyway, Sylvan is also paying for fuel. Pagbigyan nalang natin, maybe he also needs a break..."
"Are you being considerate?" ngumiwi ako doon. "What are you planning, Cams?"
My cousin did not bother answering my questions. She was humming to herself as if it was the easiest thing to do, while brushing her teeth. I only understood the unusual sunny disposition when we got to Oslo at ang unang kinamayan sa pagbaba namin ay si Tram, then the old man looked like he recognized me at ningitian din ako. I was unsure so I had to reluctantly set my eyes on Tram, who took a step closer to me para bumulong.
"Doctor Kratholm..." aniya sa akin nang mahina, before the humble-looking doctor shook my hand too, and politely asked about Dad.
After that, the defenseless doctor was bombarded by Camille with her formal questions about the roadsters she'll borrow. Yes, borrow, because Doctor Kratholm didn't want money for it. Napailing nalang ako. Now I could stop wondering how Camille managed to finally put her recent daydream at work—and practically free, at that.
Tram seemed like an intentional middleman. Intentional, because the odds were just too slim for coincidences!
Now I could also stop thinking why my cousin had let Tram come with us peacefully. Naningkit ang mga mata ko. Or was this planned all along? And surely, not by Camille. A group outing would just be too shabby for her. So that would leave me with...
"Aray, Tia! Masakit!"
I gritted my teeth as I continued pinching Jack everywhere. Ayaw ko naman maniwala na talagang nasasaktan siya, dahil panay naman siya humahagikhik sa bawat pag-kurot ko. I don't even care if this man gets bruises after this. He was being insensitive to my feelings!
"Fine, Babygirl! Sorry na nga!" sabi niya sabay halakhak. "I thought you and Tram were being civil now, so I brought him with me, you know? To guard you, girls! Lalo na at magkaiba naman kayo ng itinerary ni Camille..."
He sounded so defensive, I had to glare at him some more.
"Besides, I cannot just magically be two persons whenever you decide to sight-see, while Camille would rather practice drifting on double doglegs."
I rolled my eyes at him.
"Oh, please! You can just say you would rather offer your undivided attention to Camille rather than waste your time walking around with me..." I spat. "That would be more believable, because that is the truth!"
"Wow, what a tumpak! Deduced like the book version of Sherlock Holmes!" may pa-kurap-kurap pa siyang nalalaman.
But I only snarled at him, na siyang tinawanan niya lang.
"Of all people..." I groaned. "Why him?"
"C'mon, Babygirl, Vladimir's not all that bad..."
"Wow, really? Coming from you?" I sarcastically retorted. "Whose side are you on again nga?"
He beamed at me.
"Pft, a no-brainer, on Camille Irah's, always."
I just shook my head at how proud he looked. Like being on Camille Irah's team was all he could ask for and was all he needed in this lifetime.
"You are crazy..."
He winked at me.
"Aren't we all?"
I sucked in air.
"That was...bad taste..." I muttered to myself and decided to ignore Jack, because I had made up my mind that, despite his relentless adoration for my beloved cousin, he had officially betrayed me on this trip.
I let myself be comfortable with my seat, and silently took in the beautiful natural scenery of the Oslofjord. Nang biglang bumukas ang pinto noong roof terrace, from my and Camille's suite. Pareho kaming napalingon doon ni Jack. Camille was taking a nap when I pulled Jack to hound him, so seeing an annoyed Tram glowering at us was a surprise.
"Kanina pa kita tinatawagan, Jack," pabagsak niyang utas. "I am done preparing, maligo ka na."
"May outdoor shower naman dito—kidding!" tumayo na si Jack mula sa katabi kong lounger at mukhang papasok na nga sa loob, before turning around again. "Alam niyo, kayong dalawa? Napansin ko lang, ang sa-sama ng mood niyo. Kulang yata kayo sa se— selfie!—aray!—sa selfie nga! Seriously!"
"Jack!" I practically screeched at him and was about to rip his hairs off nang takbuhan niya ako.
Humahakbang na ako para habulin si Jack, nang gapusin ni Tram ang bewang ko, just in time for Jack to slam the door behind him. Napirmi tuloy ako kung nasaan si Tram. I pushed myself away from him at ibinaling nalang sa kanya ang nagpupuyos kong damdamin. Ngunit, sa bigat noong tingin niya, ay tila ako naman 'yong may pananagutan sa kanya.
Oh, right, ako nga pala...
I winced at myself. I peered at him against the daylight, only to see him clenching his jaw, continuously glaring at me. Tinupok nanaman ng aking konsensya ang pilit na binubuong galit at disgusto para sa kanya.
I gulped as I realized how knitted his brows were while glaring at me. He was making sure I was seeing the heavy displeasure on his end, and it's funny how I think I deserve it all.
"It slipped my mind—" bulalas ko kaagad, but it only made my heart hurt seeing him know I was lying.
"It slipped your mind, but you do not want me here?"
"I'm sorry..."
He pursed his lips.
"You don't look sorry," matigas niyang utas. "You're only sorry you got caught."
"That is so cliché!"
"I call it, what I see it, Tia," he retorted, coldly.
I bit my lip. Yeah, okay, guilty as charged. I squared my shoulders despite the illogicality of my pseudo-bravery.
"Should I defend myself? Nahuli mo na ako, e... Congrats! You immediately caught up on my elaborate plan of ditching you again, do you want a trophy for that? Sure, why not? Ang katawan ko ba?" I didn't even blink, like I've rehearsed this sort of sarcasm, just to say it to him everytime I get caught up in my own fit. "That's why you're here, right? To fuck? Aren't we so extravagant, flying across the globe just to do the dirty?"
Just so he could see the extent of my nasty.
I gave out a bitter laugh. Bitter, because it hurt seeing him looking at me in disappointment. It hurt, but that's how it should be.
"Can you drop it, Tia?"
"Drop it? Drop what?"
"This!" he flailed his arms at me. "This is not you!"
"How would you know?" I snarled at him. "I could have been born with multiple personalities, hindi mo 'yon alam!"
"What is going on..." I heard him mutter to himself, taking a step towards me.
Before I could make another run for it though, his longer legs were at the advantage nang hawakan niya ang magkabilang braso ko. Hinapit niya akong muli. He stared at my face intently, emotionless. Habang nagngingitngit naman ang sinukli ko sa kanya.
Hinampas ko ang dibdib niya, so he could see that I am in deep disapproval of this hold. But the unfeeling brute merely raised an eyebrow at me.
"Can we please talk like proper civilians?" he asked, in a hoarse voice.
"I didn't know civilians converse like this..." I mused sardonically, but he once again chose to ignore it.
Pinaningkitan niya lang ako.
"Why are you so mad at me again?"
"Bakit ka ba kasi nandito!" I frowned. "You are being clingy, and I am not even your girlfriend!"
"I am being clingy, because you told me we'd probably meet some time this week. Yet, here I go hearing, you already made plans, miles away!"
"This is a family thing!" I exclaimed. "And I didn't know I was to inform you of everything I do!"
"A family thing, but you've brought Jack with you?"
"Wha— of course! Jack is practically family!"
He stared down at me for minutes, before carefully cupping my face, looking like he was trying to catch something on it. I breathed through my nostrils. Spitting fire at him sure was becoming exhausting. I should stop...
I exhaled sharply.
"Okay..." aniya, after a few seconds, as he laid his forehead to mine, nakapikit. "I'm sorry for coming here uninvited. I just really wanted to see you..."
Napadaing ako doon at hinawakan na ang isang kamay niyang nasa pisngi ko. His closeness felt like sitting across a fire place on a chilly evening, and I was feeling grateful. Because it seems like I have forgotten getting used to this type of cold, and suddenly his warmth was haven.
He opened his eyes to look back at me, and I can't help but re-evaluate myself whenever he looks at me so sincerely like this, in broad daylight—sans the passionate poundings.
"Don't worry. I'll book the earliest flight tomorrow. I just need to settle Camille and Jack's plans with Doctor Kratholm, after that ay aalis kaagad ako—"
I tiptoed to give him a peck, and another one, and another one. Kung hindi ko lang naisip ang mga CCTV, I would've pushed him on a lounger and have a full make-out session here.
"Am I forgiven?" he asked, against our parting lips
Umiling ako, hinahabol ang sariling kalabog. I fisted the front of his shirt.
Why is it always like this?
"No..." I whispered back. "But you might as well stay here and make yourself useful to me."
Shooing him away was the right thing to do, but making him actually leave feels a lot worse. So whenever being wedged onto the in-between's of feelings and reasoning gets too confusing for me, I end up choosing sex, because somehow that feels lighter. Sex with Tram Vladimir Sylvan; doing the deed with the man I should stop seeing, because today I feel liberated and because, tomorrow can just fuck itself.
"I am... at your disposal..." aniya, before pulling me again to another greedy kiss.
× × ×
"Ano nanaman ba— what is this?"
I immediately zipped open the vacuum insulated lunch bag he placed on my lap.
"I made you lunch this morning, kinuha ko lang sa office, because the fridge there was nearer."
Inisa-isa ko 'yon buksan. Colorful sandwiches, salad and fresh fruits. I looked at them heavily.
"This is too much..."
"Is it? We'll share, then."
"No, Tram," I sighed as I closed the lids of the lunch containers. "This, what you are doing for me, is too much. It feels so one-sided, and I feel awful, because it's unfair...for you. And it had always been like that. I am toxic, I cannot do anything right, I cannot even cook. What do you even want from me? I have nothing to offer—but sex, which I cannot have right now, because I am having muscle pain from stress and fatigue and—just—everything just aches!"
My eyes were starting to get watery.
"Hey, this is nothing. I like making food for you."
Umiling ako.
"Alam ko ito. This is all part of your panliligaw, right? At kung magiging tayo man, what then? We will break up eventually, I say maybe, after a month? Pagsasawaan mo lang din naman ako. Fuck-boy ka 'diba? You're only doing this, because the suspense turns you on. You only like me, because I am easy—"
"I love you," he cleared his throat. Napatanga ako. "Correction, I like you and I love you."
"Fuck?"
He chuckled.
"No, baby, I said... I love you."
I jolted, hearing it again, making a lunch box fall from my lap. Even in a state of mild shock, I still managed to think of grabbing the container before it reached the floor. Panicking, I ended up hitting my forehead on the dashboard as I blindingly try to grasp for the box. At noong iaangat ko na ang ulo ko ay tumama naman ang likod noon sa handle ng glove compartment. I had nothing else to do, but sob as I rubbed my head.
"Masakit?" he asked, kinukuha na mula sa kandungan ko ang mga gamit, and placed them at the backseat.
"Malamang?!"
I groaned in pain, sapo-sapo ang noo at ang likod ng aking ulo, but this man only chuckled and softly tugged at my arm to make me face him at pinatakan ako ng halik sa labi. His eyes were smiling as they looked at me, while I wanted to cry, hating the fact that I was really sensitive to headaches. I cannot endure them.
"I love you," he said it again. Ngayo'y nakapikit na, with a smug smile on his face.
Sikreto akong napahigit ng hininga.
Naiinis kong hinampas ang balikat niya and pulled my hand again to feel for that bump on my forehead. Tangina talaga nito!
"Stop saying that!"
Pinagtaasan niya ako ng kilay, still grinning.
"Why? I love you, and I mean it," sabi niya, dinidiinan ang panghuling mga kataga. "That I am courting you, because I love you. And I am willing to court you everyday for the rest of my life, if you let me."
Nakaramdam naman ako ng hiya at luminga-linga pa sa paligid. We were inside his Ranger, at an empty parking lot, but I was still scared someone might hear him say those words so boldly.
"You don't know that..." sabi ko sa maliit na boses. "And why are you even saying that when we aren't even dating? And while I'm in the middle of tormenting you..."
"I say it, because I mean it, Tiana." aniya, pressing the tip of his nose against mine. "I love you and I miss you always. I love you and I want you. I want you, fuck, I want you everyday..."
He gave me a chaste kiss on the lips. Napakagat ako sa aking pang-ibabang labi nang lumayo siya ng kaonti sa akin.
"I am doing all of this, because I am in love with you. I like making you happy. I like doing things that make you happy, and if it's not clear to you the first time, I want you more than I had ever wanted anything."
He held my face, making me stare at him, kahit na gusto kong umiwas ng tingin. I wanted to cover my face even—with the way he was looking at me. Deep, decided and determined, like he was so sure about everything.
Like he was that certain about me.
I felt my eyes stung with unshed tears. Was it because of the throbbing pain in my head? Or, the igniting pain in my chest? Hindi ko alam. All I know is that... something was hurting. Either of the two, I do not want any of them.
"Don't sound so sure... Sylvan..." I said shakily. You haven't seen anything, yet...
"I am sure," he breathe onto me as he gave me an open mouthed kiss.
Napakapit ako sa kanyang mga braso.
"Have always been so sure. Of you, of this, of us..." he leaned his forehead to mine. "Of whatever you want us to be..."
Napapikit ako ng mariin when I felt his lips grazing the bump on my forehead.
"I..." napasinghap ako, tightening my grip on his arm. "I don't want to say anything..."
He laughed under his breath as he kissed the top of my head.
"That's fine, baby." anito. "I just wanted to let you know."
× × ×
Pleasurable? Yes, definitely. Relieving? If that meant the numerous orgasms I can attain in rounds, then, yes. Therapeutic? For a short while? Yes. Do these things make me feel guilty? Yes.
If that's the case, then, why am I still doing all of this?
Napapikit nalang ako nang mas maramdaman siya sa aking likod.
"Fuck..." mahigpit ang kapit ko sa mga unan, binabaon doon ang aking mukha, to stop myself from screaming loudly. The pillows were my sanctum when Tram slowly pulled in and out of my behind, making me shiver as he gave wet, antagonzing kisses on my back. Kung hindi mahigpit ang kapit sa mga bewang ko ay matagal na akong bumigay. My thighs and knees were already aching from the position, but the subtle pain only made my releases more delicious.
He groaned when I sinfully gyrated my hips against him, habang ako naman ay kinakapos na sa hininga sa bawat paghalinghing. He was deep inside of me, deeper than we've ever allowed. And as if he was hitting something, my whimpers were embarassingly in tune with his every push and pull I had to bite on a pillow so Camille or Jack wouldn't hear us.
Alas-dos na ngayon sa umaga. I just woke up an hour ago after retiring earlier than everybody else. Tram went with me to our suite, hindi ko naman alam kung ano ang ginawa niya matapos noon, basta sigurado akong dumiretso ako sa pag-tulog. I woke up hungry, at si Tram ang ginising para umorder ng room service. We talked about random things while eating, then one thing led to another. I found myself pulling him to his connected room.
Now, here we are again.
Camille Irah:
Now at Rakestad. Enjoy your dates.
Napangiwi ako sa text ni Camille. I thought Tram and I were being quiet, but seems like Camille and Jack had full knowledge of what we were doing, because they didn't even attempt to wake me up.
"You wanna go to Hammerfest?" Tram asked, leaning over my shoulders. He snaked an arm on my bare waist.
"Fest?" Nagpanting ang tenga ko doon at bahagya siyang nilingon. "Ngayon na ba 'yong concert ng 1D? Their Norway leg is at June, 'di ba? I heard it from Jerrod's sister."
"1D?" Kumunot ang noo ng lalaking nakadikit sa akin. "Jerrod?"
"One Direction, the boy band!" sabi ko, turning my torso to face him.
"Boy band?"
"You know, like the... Raspberries? New Edition? Jackson... 5?" mas lalo lang na kumunot ang gwapong mukha ng kausap ko. I made a face.
This man looked more clueless than I was.
"Anyway, I just want take a look at this Harry Styles. Have you heard of their 2-day concert in Pasay? Jesus Christ, we just had to have them for two days," I giggled. "I mean, what was that all about? The band members are really that charming, huh? I think they're even bigger than The Beatles. I wanna see them in person!"
"Ano?" He snarled, unti-unting tumataas ang boses. "Harry Styles? Jerrod?! Who are these people?"
"Huh? Si Jerrod? Nakalimutan mo ba? You've met him. That one blockmate I am always with recently—hey!"
He didn't even let me finish nang hilahin niya ang duvet na tanging nakatakip sa akin, at bigla nalang akong pinaibabawan.
"You don't get to have these boys, Tiana!" utas niya, before sucking me to an aggressive kiss.
My arms were thoughtless when they crawled to his nape, but Tram pushed them away at mahigpit na idniin ang mga 'yon sa gilid ko. Hinabol ko ang mga labi niya nang bahagya niya itong ilayo sa akin. Napapadyak nalang ako nang panay niyang iniiwas ang kanyang mukha sa bawat pag-abot ko, matatalim ang mga tinging ipinupukol sa akin.
"What is your problem!" I growled at him as he looked like he was holding the heaviest grudge against me.
"I will be all the man that you need, Tiana Taittinger! he declared dauntlessly. "Ako lang!"
He recaptured my mouth with another primal kiss. Like that was the explanation I needed for his sudden rigidness. Wala man lang siyang pasintabi nang itulak niya ang mga hita ko, to gain access as he mercilessly penetrated me with his fingers.
× × ×
"Shit!" Camille was laughing through her curses nang ikwento ko sa kanya ang nangyari kanina.
Sinundo niya ako sa Yellow Cab, agad-agad after I texted her that I just finished eating. If she was surprised with seeing Tram sitting on our table, I was more surprised that we were sitting at the backseat. For some reason, she brought Tito's driver and a visible bodyguard with us.
"He confessed to you? Really?" aniya, before laughing again. I felt my cheeks flare. "Oh, God, that boy's got balls! What did you say?"
"Nothing. I didn't say anything."
"Oh, God!" Camille let out a cackle.
I pouted at her.
My doctor's appointment was scheduled today, na kung hindi lang tumawag si Camille ay hindi ko rin matatandaan. I was starting to feel sick when Camille grabbed my hand to pull me towards the employees' elevator.
"Your hands are clammy," Camille commented. "Don't worry, the gyno's really nice. Like, comfortable nice. She be looking at your vagina like she be reading a book."
I grimaced.
"That is disgusting metaphor..."
But my cousin only snickered at mas hinigpitan nalang ang hawak sa kamay ko.
Tram wanted to come along, or to just drive me here, but as always, binara lang siya ni Camille. Napaisip nanaman ako.
"Will Tram and you ever come in good terms?"
"Nope," Camille shook her head. "Never. Never ever."
"I still do not understand, do you have unresolved conflicts?" nanlalaki ang mga mata kong tiningnan siya. "Were you lying to me, before? When you retracted saying Tram was your ex?"
She acted as if she was gagging.
"Seriously, Tia?"
I narrowed my eyes at her.
"No, 'no! I just simply do not like him! Like I told you before, Sylvan was notorious for sleeping around. And that is all. I just do not like a lot of people, and Tram is people, simple. 'Wag ka ngang selosa, dyan! You're so obvious."
I scowled at her.
"I am not selosa!"
She rolled her eyes at me, sniggering.
"Sus, 'wag ako, Tiana."
× × ×
"My family... used to travel a lot, when I was younger. We've spent a weekend or two here, I think. One of my brothers also got married here..."
"Your brother married a Norwegian?"
"Nope," Tram grinned. "My brother was just being a sucker and married under the midnight sun, because he knew how much our mother loved it..."
My lips twisted at the mockery in his tone.
"You're making fun of your brother now, but cheesy-ness runs in your family," I pointed out. "Clingy, cheesy and corny..."
"I am corny?"
Tumango ako, nagkibit-balikat naman siya.
"Horny din ba?"
I pinched a big chunk of his cheek. Tumawa-tawa naman siya.
"Tia, we might crash!"
"Hindi! Dapat ka parusahan! You have a dirty mouth!" I hissed at him. "At anong crash? Auto-pilot this thing. I will pinch you harder!"
"Right, auto-pilot!" he rambled to himself. "Sex in a moving vehicle..."
"What the hell?"
He had a big goofy smile on his face nang sulyapan niya ako.
"I was just kidding! The windows aren't tinted..."
Hinampas ko na ang hita niya.
"One tiny inch from that, baby, and we could both get in trouble."
Tinakpan ko na ang magkabilang tenga ko and glared at him.
"Why are you talking dirty?!" I shrilled. "That wasn't part of the plan! This should be a wholesome car ride!"
Tumawa naman siya at nailing.
"Okay, sorry, I'll stop. I just," he sighed, with no plans of wiping off that smile on his face. "It just feels right having you sit beside me again..."
Hindi ko na siya pinatulan sa huling sinabi. I let his fingers clasped mine the entire trip. Na maya't maya'y hinahalikan niya o hindi kaya ay pinaglalruan tuwing nababagot. Napapailing nalang ako at hinahayaan nalang siya.
Huli na rin naman na ito...