As I sat in the back row of the courthouse, watching a judge talk to my parents, it was all I could do not to break into tears.
There was my whole world ripping itself apart, and I had to watch.
Sachi sat a few rows ahead of me next to her fiancé, Kenzou. Her head was resting on his shoulder, and every few minutes he would whisper something I couldn't hear, but Sachi's shoulders always moved up and down as if in a calming breath.
Meanwhile, I was alone. I kept picking at my fingernails, desperately doing anything to distract this torture. It felt like there was a monster in my stomach, tearing at the different parts of me until I was a heap of nothingness.
I wiped at my eyes for the umpteenth time. Sure these last few years with my parents hadn't been so great, but we were a family. We were always supposed to be together. Now my mom and I didn't even live in the same house. Sure, she was the one who cut the final chord by cheating, but she was my mom. I loved her, no matter how much I didn't want to.
I stared at her, sitting at the front next to her lawyer. She looked tired and overworked. A coffee mug with a lipstick stain sat in front of her, growing cold, but she made no move to touch it. Even though I couldn't see it from where I was sitting, I knew there was a dent on her finger where her wedding ring used to sit.
My father still wore his.
When Sachi and I were little, he would tell us that our mom was a princess, the most beautiful of them all and the only woman he ever loved. I would climb into Sachi's bed, hugging my teddy bear tight, and he would sit in the white and pink rocking chair, always telling us a new story of the two of them every night. Now I'm not sure how many of them were real, but my mom was always there, leaning against the doorframe, stirring a cup of tea and listening, with a smile that once seemed permanently etched on her face.
The idea of love not lasting forever was still so new to me. My parents were getting a divorce, for crying out loud. And the boy I had been dating for almost four years broke up with me. I still couldn't help but think about how pathetic we were. Akio and I were never in love, so I don't know why we stayed together. Sure, we made sense, but I was starting to realize that relationships, with anyone, needed so much more than that.
As discussion of more legal things came up, I carefully pulled out the second Harry Potter book from my purse. Ruby had leant it to me after I finished the first one. I liked them a lot, but I think that even if I didn't, Ruby wouldn't give me a choice but to read them all. I was just over halfway through this one, so I opened it up to where I left off and started reading, putting all thoughts of the divorce out of my mind. It's nice how books can do that for you.
The squeaking of the benches being released from their stress as people stood caused my head to snap up. I hastily shoved my book back into my purse and got to my feet.
I tried to weave my way through the crowd and out the doors as quickly as I could, but just as the warmth of the sun found its way onto my skin, I felt a sharp tap on my shoulder. I repressed a sigh and turned to face my mom. We were actually the same height, but she wore five inch heels that allowed her to look down at me literally as well as figuratively.
"Hey mom," I managed, my voice small. Every fibre of my being was hoping to escape this conversation as quickly as possible.
"Saya," she said, her voice as authoritative as ever, "it's time for a talk."
All I wanted was to revert to the age of a toddler so I could throw a tantrum and get out of talking to my mother.
She started to examine her new manicure, a clear indication she was impatiently waiting for me to agree.
"Okay," I muttered finally, reluctance ringing its way through my voice.
Mom smiled, but there was nothing kind about it. I instantly thought of Mr. and Mrs. Amberley with their warm smiles and shining eyes. They actually had laugh lines, a sign that they were happy people. I frowned at the realization that my parents just weren't anymore.
Dad, of course, tried to be happy for me. But he was hurting, and I knew it was all he could do to get out of bed in the morning. Mom, on the other hand, was a different kind of unhappy: irritable and unreachable. I suppose I could relate to the latter, for I never really wanted to talk about my own feelings. I preferred to work things out alone. Though I did the exact opposite the other day after Ruby and Sapphire had picked me up from the club. I poured my heart out to them like I've never done with anyone.
Regardless, I still didn't want to spend any time talking with my mom. Though of course that didn't matter, because soon she was practically dragging me to her car.
I leaned my head against the window, and a small smile grew on my face when we drove past Amberley's. The ugly van was parked outside, and plenty of people were milling in and out.
Soon mom pulled up to a coffee place, and we headed inside. I sat with my eyes on the table, holding the warm cup tightly in my hands.
"Saya," mom said, sounding tired. "Look up, would you?"
I obeyed, but seeing the look on her face made me want to put my head back down. Her eyes screamed disappointment and the harsh lines of her skin showed weariness. "I'm aware that you and Akio broke up."
All of a sudden it felt like my heart was trapped in a metal compactor, each quickened beat only crushing it more. I couldn't talk about this. Not with my mom, not now.
"You know?" My voice was small, like a child's.
"Sachi told me."
I was puzzled. "Sachi knows?"
"Faith told her."
There it is, I thought. Leave it to Faith to start gossiping about me the second I make her mad.
My hands tightened even more around the coffee cup, my knuckles turning white. "Oh?"
Mom nodded and sipped her drink. "It was a stupid thing to do, Saya."
I grit my teeth. "You didn't even like Akio when we started dating."
Mom rolled her eyes. "That's because I didn't know anything about him. Once I met him I realized that he was a nice boy, and his family-"
"Was rich?" I finished the sentence for her.
She looked appalled. "Pardon me?"
I shut my eyes for a moment to concentrate. "You were going to say that, I know you were."
Mom crossed her arms. "I was going to do nothing of the sort."
"You were thinking it!" I insisted, my voice raising. "When you found out they had money you could hardly wait to shove me into a wedding dress and send me down the isle!" My heart began to race, and I could feel it slamming against my chest.
Mom started stammering. "I-I just wanted you to be well off. Is that a crime?"
I glared at her. "Shallow, is what it was."
Mom straightened up and met my glare with her own cold, piercing eyes. "Saya Kei Mori, you will not speak to me that way! I am your mother."
"Then why haven't you been acting like it?" I cried desperately. People were starting to glance over, but I could hardly care. "You're never here for me nowadays, you don't make me feel wanted! It's like I'm an object you had no use for anymore, and you threw it away, leaving me behind for someone new, someone better, to pick back up. Someone who cares about me..."
"Saya," mom said, her voice calm again, albeit confused. "What are you going on about?"
I pushed the coffee cup away from myself and got to my feet. "I have to go."
"You're being ridiculous," mom chided. "Sit down."
I shook my head. "No."
"Why can't you be more like your sister?" Mom sighed. "She would never do this."
The way I felt upon hearing those words, she might as well have punched me in the gut.
Unable to even speak, I grabbed my purse quickly and spun on my heel.
"Saya!" My mom called as I rushed to the door. "I didn't mean that!"
But it was too late, she couldn't take back what she had said to me.
I took in a breath of fresh air as I stepped outside and began walking to the only place that made sense: Amberley's.
The bell chimed overhead when I walked in, and I slid into the booth I sat in when I first came here. It was a Tuesday afternoon, and not too busy.
Suddenly a dark skinned boy with long dreadlocks came up to me with a pen and a notepad. He must've been the new employee they'd been looking to hire. "I'm Dallas," he told me, "and I'll be your waiter. What can I do for you?"
I wiped at my eyes that I only just realized were filling with tears, and cleared my throat. "Um, can I t-talk to Jules Amberley?"
The boy looked puzzled. "Jules isn't working today... uh, are you okay?"
I chuckled a little at how awkward Dallas looked. "No," I remarked quietly. "Not really."
Dallas thought for a moment, then sat down across from me. "Is there anything I can do for you?"
I glanced over my shoulder and out the window. The ugly van was still parked there. "Yeah," I stated, turning back around to face Dallas. "Is Ruby here?"
Dallas nodded. "She can solve anything, and her shift is just about over." He regarded me for a few seconds then added, "I'll go get her."
He got to his feet and disappeared into the kitchen, the door swinging behind him.
Not a minute later, Ruby came out, apron bunched up in her hand. She peered around the restaurant before her eyes landed on me. She smiled sadly and headed over, sitting down where Dallas had just been. "Hey Saya, what's going on?"
I looked at the table. "I just got in a fight with my mom. She told me she wishes I was more like my sister."
"Oh wow," Ruby murmured under her breath. She reached forward and grabbed my hand. "It definitely is hard to be the younger sister, but you're your own person, and a..." she paused, seeming to search for the right word, "superlative one at that. If your mom can't see that then she needs to take another look."
I smiled. "Dallas did say you can solve anything."
Ruby chuckled. "He's a sweetheart."
"Do you like him?" I asked all of a sudden, tilting my head to the side in question.
Shaking her head, Ruby told me, "He's great, but not really my type."
"Dan'll be happy to hear that," I pointed out.
Ruby laughed again. I was starting to think the Amberleys smiled as often as they spoke. "In his dreams."
We talked a little while longer before Ruby asked me a question. "I'm supposed to go help Saf and Jack go wedding cake tasting, wanna come?"
I knit my eyebrows. "They asked you to help go wedding cake tasting?"
"Of course not, I convinced them to let me come because, well... cake." She shrugged. "You can come too. It'll help take your mind off things."
I adjusted the strap of my purse. "Let's do it."
Ruby stood. "Excellent. We've just gotta stop by my house first. Let's go."
So I climbed into the passenger seat of the ugly van that I was starting to love and Ruby drove off.
"Can you get the third Harry Potter book for me?" I asked as we took off our shoes at the front door. "I'll be done this one soon."
"Sure," Ruby confirmed, making towards her bedroom. She stopped, "Jules' room is just right there," she told me, pointing to a small hallway leading off from the kitchen. "Go say hi." She smiled slyly and headed downstairs to her room.
Hesitantly, I walked into the kitchen and down the hallway. The door at the end was opened partially, so I knocked on it lightly. "Come in!" Jules called through the room.
I pushed the door open the rest of the way and stepped inside. Jules was sitting cross legged on an unmade blue bed placed in the middle of the room, his eyes focused on the TV screen in front of him, and he was wearing a headset. Dog the German Shepard was sleeping soundly on the ground. Jules was playing a video game that seemed to take place in some futuristic wasteland. The walls of the room were painted a deep green, and the far wall was covered nearly entirely with pictures, save for the window.
I sat on the desk next to me and regarded the wall of pictures. There had to be at least one hundred, and they were scattered variously. They all seemed to be pictures of Jules and his friends, though some were of scenery and animals. I recognized one near the top right corner. It was from the weekend. The seven of us were seated around the table at breakfast, all smiling towards the camera.
Mrs. Amberley insisted we let her take the picture, because she thought it was just a great moment. For them it was a regular Saturday morning, but for me, it was beyond memorable.
"Saya!" Jules exclaimed, his eyes still on the screen. "What brings you here?" There was some static from the head set, and Jules spoke into it. "Yeah she's over... Oh my god Dan, shut up you pervert... Okay, sure."
Jules paused the game and turned to look at me, pulling down the head set so it was around his neck. "Isir says hi, Cash kind of grumbled, and Daniel said something that I won't repeat. But other than that, what's up?"
He looked like a little kid, blinking at me with his puppy dog grey-blue eyes. "Ruby's bringing me along for Sapphire's cake tasting," I explained.
"Damn, I forgot that was today!" There was more static from the headset and Jules lifted it to his mouth. "You heard that? ...Saf wouldn't approve... yeah I can't argue with you there."
He finally took off the headset and got to his feet. Jules rubbed his hands together with anticipation. "Let's go taste some cake."
"Everyone's coming?" I asked. "Is that okay."
"Probably not," Jules chuckled, turning off his T.V, "but we won't know until we try."
He sauntered out of his room and Dog stood up lazily, then trailed after him. A second later Jules reappeared in the door frame. "Well, c'mon."
"R-right," I stuttered, sliding off the desk and following Jules to the kitchen.
"So what'd you do today?" He asked nonchalantly, sitting at the breakfast bar.
I spoke before I could think. "I got in a pretty bad fight with my mom," I confessed. The frustration of it all came back to me again. I shut my eyes tight. "Sorry, I didn't meant to tell you-"
Jules suddenly cut me off by wrapping me in a bone crushing hug, burrowing his head in my shoulder. I could feel his heart beating calmly against his chest. Everything about his hug was warm and comforting, and I tried to remember the last time I felt this safe.
I think it was when Sachi and I were little, during a thunderstorm. Our Dad had helped us make a fort out of blankets and lay down in it to watch Disney movies with us. He promised us everything would be okay, and we believed him, and it was.
Now I hugged Jules back, and it was as if he too was promising me everything would be okay. And I was completely content to believe him.
After a few moments he kissed the top of my head and pulled back. Jules didn't say anything, instead he gave me a sympathetic smile. I was grateful.
Just then Ruby walked into the kitchen, book in hand. She had changed her outfit and tied her hair up. "Here you go," she spoke, holding the book out to me.
I thanked her and put it in my purse, where it fit snugly against the other book.
The three of us headed outside to the van, and when Ruby opened the door, Dan, Isir, and Cash were already sitting inside.
"H-how did you get here so fast?" I stammered.
Daniel, who was of course sitting shotgun, smirked. "Don't worry about it."
Isir and Cash were sat in the middle two seats, so Jules and I climbed in the back. I had to sit in the centre because there was a pile of boxes to the left.
"Why are these here?" I asked, gesturing to the pile. I tried not to bump Jules' shoulder as we were now sitting side by side.
As Ruby started up the van, Isir turned around with a stupid grin on his face. He glanced quickly between Jules and I before saying, "Reasons."
Jules chuckled a little, and I felt the vibration on my side. "They're like this all the time," he commented, for my benefit.
"I'm beginning to see that."
Soon enough, the six of us were entering a fancy bakery in the next town over. The smell of countless pastries as we stepped inside was nearly overwhelming. Soft music was playing from somewhere overhead.
"I wanna eat everything in here," Dan insisted, almost in a daze. He and Cash wandered off, probably searching for free samples.
Not too far away, Sapphire stood next to a young and fit Polynesian man as a short, stocky woman talked to them. They were standing next to a table covered in cakes.
Sapphire rolled her eyes when she saw us, but then beckoned us over with a wave of her hand. "Excuse us a second, Marie," she told the woman.
Marie regarded us carefully before going off to talk with some other people.
Sapphire put her hand on the man's shoulder. "Jack, this is Saya, and you remember Isir and my little brother and sister."
"Jules and Ruby," Jack recounted, a warm smile on his face.
"And Saya, this is my fiancé Jack."
I shook his hand. Jack seemed like a really nice guy, quite tall and handsome. "Nice to meet you," I remarked.
"You too," he nodded.
"So," Sapphire spoke, "I'm assuming you six are here to eat cake instead of helping us out?"
We all nodded sheepishly.
"How did you know there were six of us?" Isir asked.
Sapphire shrugged. "Dan and Cash are probably somewhere around here."
"You talkin' bout us again?" Dan's voice came from behind us, and we turned to see him and Cash, food stuffed in their mouths and cradled in their hands.
Jack chuckled and put up his hands in defence. "All good things."
"Sure," Cash said, and causally handed me a chocolate cupcake. I took a bite out of it, the flavour rich.
"We could never say anything bad about the two of you," Sapphire joked.
Everyone was silent for a moment, pretending to agree with her statement before simultaneously bursting into laughter.
I swear I'd laughed more with these people in the last couple weeks than I ever had with Faith and Carly.
The rest of the afternoon was spent tasting cakes and joking around. On the table I noticed a binder with Sapphire's name on it. Without really thinking, I flipped it open and thumbed through pages upon pages of wedding details. About halfway through, a few sheets of torn notebook paper caught my eye. After reading for a few moments, I could tell it was a poem.
Just as it started getting captivating, the binder was snatched from my hands. I glanced up in alarm to see Sapphire clutching it to her chest, her eyes wide.
"I don't normally let people read my poetry," she explained in a rushed voice. "That's why I hid it in there." Her face was growing redder every second.
"Sorry," I apologized. "I just came across it! It's really good," I insisted. "You could do something with it."
Sapphire regarded me as if I had just suggested we go ride unicorns in Narnia while reciting Bohemian Rhapsody at the top of our lungs. "I could never," she muttered.
"You already have a fanbase!" I pointed out, referring to her blog. "We literally love everything you do."
Sapphire chuckled a little. "I keep forgetting you're a fan." She said it like she wasn't fond of the word. "It's just weird, since you're one of my best friends."
If I had been drinking something at the time, I would've done a spit take. "I'm one of your best friends?" I repeated, my voice quiet and encased with awe.
Sapphire nodded. "Of course you are!"
Before I could say anything else, a new song came on overhead and Jack immediately sauntered over. He took Sapphire's hand and used the other to put the binder back on the table. Then he walked out to the open space and started waltzing with her. "It's our song," he insisted as Sapphire giggled helplessly.
"We have, like, eight songs!" She protested as he spun her around.
"And they're all amazing because they're ours."
"You're such a dork."
"That's so cute," I pointed out, unable to take my eyes off them as they danced around the bakery. People regarded them with blank stares as they glided by, obviously confused by their antics.
Cash, who was beside me now that I had retreated to stand with the group, coughed. "It's alright."
I tilted my head up at him. "What, you don't think they're sweet?" I teased.
Cash suddenly stiffened, seeming extremely uncomfortable, and he wouldn't meet my eyes. "Not that," he muttered in a choked voice. "I just don't like that stuff anymore."
"Anymore?" I repeated, knitting my eyebrows.
Cash's blue eyes widened, like he made a mistake. Then he stood up a little straighter and walked to the other side of the group.
I tapped Ruby's shoulder, as she had been standing on Cash's other side. "What was that about?" I queried.
Ruby pursed her lips. "Um, it's pretty complicated," she explained slowly, seeming to be choosing her words carefully. "But the just of it is that about two years ago, Cash was in a relationship that didn't work out... He doesn't like us talking about it, you know?"
"Was it really that bad?" I asked, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.
Ruby nodded solemnly, her brow furrowed. She seemed to be remembering whatever had happened. Finally, she turned back to me. "I think that girl broke his heart."
I looked over at Cash, who was now joking around with the guys. I ignored his smile and stared at his eyes. They appeared dark and sad, which wasn't like him. He may have not been the happy-go-lucky type like Jules, but I couldn't help but notice how much he had changed at my words.
I could only wonder what had happened to him to make him act this way.
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Hey everyone! Did you like this chapter? I'm really excited to finally introduce Jack, Saf's fiancé.
And now there's some mystery about Cash's love life. If you're interested, after TRON is finished, I'm planning on writing a short story about what happened to Cash! Would you read it?
That's all for now, so please vote, comment, and share this story with a person who gives good hugs.
~Paige