Sami and Radia both began to attend the counselling sessions regularly. Sometimes they fought and they'd leave mad at each other. Other times, they'd pour out their hearts and leave happily. Things were still going slightly up and down.
Since he was on a quest to reconnect with Allah again, Sami contacted the Shaykh who helped him the first time he was going through severe difficulties. The Shaykh arranged for them to meet and then gave Sami some advice on dhikr he should focus on.
This helped Sami deal with the suggestion by the counsellor, that he might actually have been suffering from Ambivalent Attachment Disorder. She advised him to find a specialist in the field to help him. She also advised some family counselling with his mother, father and sister.
It all hurt, Sami couldn't deny that. But then he reminded himself that he was a Muslim and he knew his purpose in life. He knew where contentment lay. It was in the remembrance of Allah. He knew he could get through this difficult moment in life. His daily dhikr was helping him remember the only One who could help him.
One evening, Sami came home from work to find his mother and Radia talking.
"Asalamu'alaykum," he said, surprised to see his mother. She rarely came around unless Sami asked her to.
"Wa'alaykumusalaam," they replied.
"How are you?" Sami asked his mother.
"Alhamdulillah, I'm well. You?"
"Alhamdulillah, I'm well too."
"Are you sure?" His mother asked with some concern.
"Yeah, why?"
"Mum has to talk to you about something. I'll go and start preparing dinner," Radia said, getting up. She was about to leave the room when Sami stopped her.
"I'll make dinner today," he said, making an excuse. He didn't want to admit that he was nervous to be alone with his mother. Radia dragged him out of the living room. She put her arms around Sami's neck and looked into his eyes.
"She wants to talk to you. And I think it's best she does so alone. Don't worry though, everything will be fine, in'sha'Allah," Radia assured Sami, giving him a quick kiss as she walked away. Sami felt rather confused as he took a deep breath and went into the living room.
"Is everything okay?" He asked.
"Come, sit next to me," she motioned to the seat next to her. Sami did as he was told. "Sami, my son, be honest with me. Have I ever wronged you in any way?" Sami looked up, shocked.
"N...no," Sami said, though he felt like he was lying.
"I asked you to be honest. What about when I wasn't home while you were young?"
"Why are we talking about this?" Sami asked, feeling old wounds re-open. His mother took his hands in hers.
"Where did you think I was when I was out?"
"At friends' houses," Sami admitted, painful knots forming in his stomach.
"What friends would let me stay around their houses so long? I need to explain to you what was happening in my life. I was working. Your father forbade me from doing so and said his earnings were more than enough. That was true but I was angry. Manahil was out of control and you weren't easy either. You'd call me and then ignore me and you'd throw a lot of tantrums. I'd ignore your tantrums to discipline you but I think I went too far. I was stressed and depressed and I felt like I was losing control. So I rebelled and started working in a clothes factory. It was my escape. I didn't tell you or Manahil in case you blurted it out to your father." For a while, Sami stayed quiet. He could only remember his childhood through his own naïve eyes. He had no clue what was going on with anyone else. Things were such a mess.
"I feel like I don't know anything anymore," Sami said, running his hands through his hair in frustration. "How did you end up with him?" He asked, referring to his father.
"Your father? Well, to be honest, he was so charming. He swept me right off my feet."
"Why are you still with him now?"
"Because I still love him. And to be honest, since his second marriage, he's been far nicer to me."
"You don't deserve this though."
"I do deserve this," Sami's mother whispered. Her eyes filled with tears as she continued to speak in a low tone. "Don't think I don't know how I've treated you. I was never there for you after the first few years of school. I was selfish and self-absorbed. I justified all my silliness to myself. And then through your teens, I barely knew you. I began to feel guilty but it came out in frustration at you. Do you know my biggest regret in life?" She asked, wiping away her tears. Sami shook his head as he felt himself begin to shake. "My biggest regret are those words I said when you were leaving for university. Sometimes, I'd look at you and see a stranger and it hurt me so much. When you were walking away, I thought I was losing you for good. So I said, my days of rest are here. I don't know why I said it. I haven't rested since." By now, Sami had tears in his eyes too.
"Don't cry, please. We all make mistakes."
"Your entire life, I've made mistake after mistake."
"It's okay. Things are fine now, aren't they?" Sami asked, wishing his mother would stop hurting and the tears would dry up.
"Are they? Does the past still hurt you?"
"I try not to think about it."
"Is this the relationship you want with me?"
"I... I think so..." Sami said, though he knew it wasn't true. Sami wanted the kind of relationship Harris had with his mother. Sami had met Harris' mother a couple of times and both times, Harris joked with her, teasing her and hugging her. That's what Sami secretly desired but concluded it was impossible.
"I don't. I want to go back in time and hold you as a baby again. I want to do it all over again properly."
"It's okay," Sami said, leaning closer to his mother. "Please don't cry," He begged. His mother put her head on his shoulder.
"Forgive me, I've let you down."
"No, you haven't. You're my mother, you don't owe me anything. I owe you everything."
"I love you, Sami. Make sure you remember that. I always have but I didn't know what to do. I didn't have any support or anyone to guide me. I didn't know the mistakes I was making. Everything was wrongfully justified." Sami's mother clutched his shirt, soaking it with tears and Sami's heart tore. Never had he imagined his mother would be apologising to him. Rather he'd convinced himself that everything was his fault.
"Everything's okay now though. I see you and Manahil all the time. I'm happily married to Radia and my training at work's going well. Things are okay," Sami assured his mum, kissing her head. "And I love you too." Sami realised this was the first time they'd said this to each other and he felt a glow inside himself through all the pain.
Sami held his mother and looked up towards the door to see Radia peaking in and wiping away her tears. She quickly disappeared when she saw Sami looking at her.
"I hear you and Radia were having some problems," Sami's mother said, startling him. She moved back, facing Sami.
"Yeah, we did but we're getting better now," Sami replied, scratching the back of his head.
"She's an amazing girl. I'm proud that you chose her."
"I'm happy I chose her too. I'll admit I was scared of losing her but I'm more hopeful now that things will work out."
"Why did you think you'd lose her?"
"Because she's an amazing girl. Whereas I'm just me."
"You're amazing too, masha'Allah. Don't belittle yourself. You're successful and handsome."
"Thank you," Sami said, feeling shy.
"Can I come in?" Radia asked, sticking her head through the door again.
"Come, come," Sami's mother said and Radia joined them.
Sami saw how Radia spoke with his mum and realised that this whole conversation was due to Radia's efforts. His mother was right, Radia was an amazing girl. And she was his girl.
***
For a whole week, Radia felt like stress and tension were going to blow up her brain. She was fed up and even felt a little guilty playing the blame game and asking Sami to get counselling. It was revealed to her exactly how much Sami was impacted by his family's situation during their counselling sessions.
Sami always told Radia things were fine now. But they weren't. The distance with his family affected Sami in many more ways than both of them had realised and things were not resolved. For this reason, Radia made it her goal to at least make an attempt to resolve these familial issues.
First, there was Sami's mum who Radia had to make Sami reconnect with. She prayed her heart out that their relationship would become like a normal mother and son relationship. Then there was Manahil. When Radia first married Sami, their sibling relationship was the best one in the family. But lately, that was deteriorating and sometimes Radia felt like it was her own fault. Then Radia had to deal with the most distant family member, Sami's father.
The last one was a challenge but Radia was prepared for it. She phoned Sami's dad and asked when he was scheduled to visit them again. Radia then had to arrange a time with her father-in-law to meet him. It was all so odd and formal that she felt like she needed to hug her own dad to feel like she was back in reality again.
Later, when she was reflecting upon the phone conversation, it really hit Radia what Sami's life was like. A stranger to his own father. A stranger for a father. She couldn't fathom the idea of having her own family members be strangers to her. Even the quietest family member in her family, Madia, was very much included in their jokes and teasing. For the millionth time, Radia felt her heart break for Sami.
Before attempting to speak to Manahil again, Radia spoke to Sami's mum and begged for her to talk to Sami openly. It took a lot of patience and encouragement from Radia as she sat in her mother-in-law's house while Sami was out playing football with his friends.
"What is there to talk about?" Sami's mum asked when Radia told her to open up to him.
"Do you think you raised him right?" Radia asked, hoping it wouldn't cause any offence.
"Well, he's turned out fine."
"You know, I think you're a great mother and Sami agrees. But you've been through a very tough time and I think that might have had an impact on Sami. Our counsellor claims he might have Ambivalent Attachment Disorder due to issues from when he was a baby."
"I haven't heard of that disorder since Sami was in year one."
"You've heard of it?"
"One of his teachers claimed he might have had it. She said his behaviour was showing symptoms of it but we never really did anything about it. But I think Sami became better on his own."
"He says you were out a lot when he was a kid."
"He had his uncle Ahsan down the road though." So the excuses started. Radia tried to remain patient as the justifications began. Radia tried to explain things in Sami's point of view, the loneliness he felt and how difficult it was for him. But then the response was always about how difficult things were for her.
"Did you comfort Sami when Uncle Ahsan passed away?" Radia asked. This made Sami's mum freeze. It was the question which finally brought the self-pity to an end.
"I... not really."
"Why?"
"I didn't know how. He was so quiet."
"Uncle Ahsan was like a father and a best friend to Sami. If you weren't there for him then, what about all the other less important times when he may have needed you?" Finally, Sami's mum seemed to have realised her mistakes and it sparked some sympathy for her son.
Radia almost regretted it ten minutes later when she was trying to comfort a sobbing and remorseful mother-in-law. But the scene she experienced the next day was worth it.
When Sami and his mum properly made up, Radia felt a joy which she couldn't explain in any words. She felt like she'd finally done something right for Sami. She hadn't realised until then exactly how much his joy meant to her. It only made her more determined to fix things between Sami, his sister and father.
Late in the evening, Radia hovered by the door, waiting for Sami to return from dropping his mother off home. When Radia heard the rattling of keys outside, she opened the door, startling Sami.
"Asalamu'alaykum," he said, amused.
"Wa'alaykumusalaam. What took you so long?"
"I went to pray Isha," Sami replied, walking past Radia, into the house. Radia followed him.
"How do you feel?" Radia asked and Sami turned around with that gorgeous geeky smile that he did when he was trying to stop himself from grinning too much.
"Like the luckiest guy in the world," he replied as he came closer to Radia, putting his arms around her waist. He kissed her on her nose and Radia put her head on his shoulder.
"Good, I'm glad."
"Thank you, Radia. Seriously. Jazak'Allah khair. I don't know how I'll ever make it up to you."
"Don't be silly. I didn't do anything. Anyways, I still need to pray Isha," she replied.
"Okay, go and pray then."
"You need to let go of me for that."
"Fine," Sami said, letting go of her.
When Radia had finished praying, she turned to see Sami sitting on the bed reading Qur'an. She folded the prayer mat and sat next to Sami.
"Recite to me please," Radia requested. Sami began reading out loud and Radia closed her eyes, taking in the wonderful recitation. When Sami finished the surah, he closed the Qur'an and turned to Radia who had tears in her eyes.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"Do you know what you just read?"
"I understood little bits and bobs. I don't understand as fluently as you do." Though Radia couldn't speak Arabic and struggled to understand modern Arabic when it was spoken, she was taught Qur'anic Arabic to the extent where she could understand the Qur'an's recitation. Radia asked Sami to open the Qur'an again and she went through the surah with him, explaining it all.
By the end, the two felt like they'd bonded over the most marvellous thing.
"We should do this more often," Sami suggested and Radia agreed.
This was to become their nightly routine. A habit which would bring them together every night no matter what they faced during the day. They found that for them, it was the best cure to their relationship issues. Of course, there were many things that needed to be addressed and dealt with but Sami and Radia knew now for sure that they were united as one. Whatever obstacles they had to deal with, they would do so together with Allah as their ultimate guide.