"Today, I am able to say that my teacher was right. A pious spouse is the blessing, a real blessing. I had been wandering lately but now I have a meaningful life to think for.
You entered as the abrupt stroke of breeze in my life and I was afraid of any hurricane. The last few hours had been the most difficult time of my life. I have faced atrocities of fate but this was like if someone was killing me. I was feeling stabbed, a hundred times. I was nourishing love and the seeds were buried deep in my heart. The insecurities, desires and wishes mean nothing when there is fear. There was fear.
I have always yearned for someone who could listen to me. I am the center of attention now but I have seen the times when people used to disgrace me. I wear expensive clothes but my arms had tolerated the weight of cheap bricks. I was young, very young, when the responsibility made me awake. I had to feed my family with no male member. My sisters were waiting for marriages and my mother used to cry every time. I took the decision at that time; the decision of not dreaming again. I buried the real Abdullah in the graveyard of my heart and continued spreading mud on his grave. Cricket was in my blood and I made no effort to reach the stadiums. I knew that this single wish would never stop flowing with my blood and I permitted it.
When I was dying every second on that bed I had wished for someone who would be with me, on my side. My family was giving me doubtful looks and it was the most dreadful time, even greater than that evening in that dark room. I had begged for my death. I had cried for removing the stains. I was helpless, totally helpless but then you entered in my life. Your healing fingers made that mud away and you uncovered the dreamer in me. I was perplexed at this decision of marriage and I was completely sure that we would part our ways someday but I was shattering again. I was not familiar to you but now I am. I had always slept by the echoing bangles, yes, those red bangles. It was new. It was different.
I can never forget the moment when I held your hand for the very first time and it trembled. An extreme wave ran through my body. It was for the very first time when I touched somebody. Today I know what it was. It was love, the same love that was sleeping in my heart. I wanted to say it all and make you mine but I was afraid of that hurricane. It haunted me. I had started dreaming but my inner eyes painted them in black. I can never forget the night when you applied analgesic on my aching foot. I never wanted you to touch my feet but that was the time when I felt like someone has finally reached at the suffering corners of my soul. I did not like it but I wanted it to continue. Your bangles were again echoing against my foot and the relief was inexpressible.
I cannot depict in words what I think of you. I am famous but deep inside I am a lay man whose life depends on his family. I am now a different man. I started changing for you, for me. It is selfish but yes I wanted to change for myself. I was tired of this dull life. Today when I see your accessories here on my dressing table, my bathroom, my wardrobe, my bed; I feel blessed. My life always lacked it. I have a mad crowd after me with lust in their eyes for me but never any such woman was my priority. I did not like marrying for this mere reason but your eyes were crystal clear when I saw you.
It was hard to control myself but now as you are reading it then you can feel the intensity of my love for you. I am going for a while and you are still sleeping when I am writing it. I was astonished last night and I was not able to tell you what I felt for you. You are my life, my wife.
Keep waiting.
I will be back soon.
Just blink your eyes.
Hubsy-Love. "
She blinked her eyes and then folded the paper again. A smile was stretched on her lips. Last night was after ages when she slept peacefully. Abdullah was awestruck and she was wonderstruck. The rain had gifted them fever but even her hot body was not capable to bear the burning sensations on her skin. She never knew that he loved her.
A shiver ran through her spine when his words echoed in her ears.
"I will send the divorce papers."
What he was up to? What if he had actually made it possible? The thoughts were terrifying every inch of her but now it was like a nightmare. She had been dreaming him since years but now facing his piercing eyes was more difficult. She had been craving to touch his arrogant nose but a shy woman in her always bewared her. Abdullah was gentle, in every aspect.
Sliding the dressing room door she was thinking of their conversation last night. She opened the wardrobe and his gestures made a sheepish smile on her lips. She remembered when they both started walking towards any safer place it was raining still. He had held her hand with a strange expression flowing through his body; the expression of getting a precious pearl, the expression of taking care, the expression of love. When they both had to walk in mad rain drenching them Kinza only had one thought. The water was making him totally wet and his coat was in car and to the worst, she had locked the car with key inside but he was pacified. His face was enjoying the drops of rain and she was just looking at him.
"Oh! Abdullah, how can I tell you that you are taking my breath away! Why you are so perfect?" She thought and at the same moment he turned his neck to her.
"I know. I am handsome." He chuckled and his grip tightened on her hand.
"Now don't stare at me like this. We are walking and we don't know what is beneath our feet. I am still dreaming and you know that your dreamer is not totally awake." Getting closer, he said.
Kinza felt a stream of blood racing to her face and she turned her neck towards the dark tree. It was very difficult for her to walk in the water wearing a sari as it was a gift of Abdullah and now it was ruining.
"Can you please stop looking at that stupid tree?" He asked a bid louder.
"It is getting difficult for me to walk." Kinza said looking at the sari plastered on her body. His eyes fell on the bottom of her sari and he pouted.
"I guess if you put your heels off then it would be easy to walk. We are moving in the direction towards home and if we continued walking like it then we will reach there by the morning, hopefully.
"I want to ease my feet and I will sit on that pavement." Pointing to the damp pavement she said.
Abdullah nodded and held her hand tightly.
"I am looking like a disaster. My hair is covering my face. It would be much grateful of him if he had not unclipped my hair." Murmuring, she said.
"Not a disaster only. A beautiful disaster, indeed." He said while laughing.
Kinza bit her lower lip and then eased her muscles.
"I have your clip in my pocket. Do you want it?" Abdullah now seriously asked.
"Yes. Give me." Her eyes beamed.
"What if I not?" He smirked.
"I am tired." She replied.
"Loving me would not be easy, I told you." Coming closer, Abdullah said.
"It had never been, I told you." Lowering her eyes she said.
"Then don't get tired. I am here to lift you up. I can still do it for you." Making her hair in a pony tail he said.
"What are you doing?" She asked with her lips trembling.
"I am trying to make you easy. I am no expert at hair styling." Winding her hair repeatedly, he said.
Kinza was feeling awestruck. When did her wishes come true?
"Is it fine now?" He asked from the back.
Kinza just managed to nod.
"Sit here." Taking her to the pavement, he said and she followed.
He placed his hands on the pavement and stretched a little, relieving his aching body. Kinza was observing him doing this exercise when he caught her. She quickly changed the position of her eyes when he sat closer to her.
"You are my wife, Kinza." And it seemed that the world stopped for her.
"I know that there were many hurdles between us lately but we both will take time to grow our understanding. I want you to get comfortable with me. I will cause no harm to you. You are a piece of Abdullah Ahmed, me, and you can talk with me freely on anything that is disturbing you. I will try my level best to take maximum care of you." His tone was assuring.
"You know what, I am dreaming." Kinza said while staring at the dark cloudy sky.
"And it is hard to believe that I am not." Turning her neck to him she smiled.
"You were a dream for me, Abdullah. Today when I am sitting with you here in this weather then I am walking down my memory lane. I have pictured us in every frame. I am finding it hard. I do not want to stop dreaming. I feel if you are like a bubble and I can never touch you as I am afraid. I am afraid of losing you again. I am terrified. I can never strengthen myself if you go away. I will die. I will stop breathing. I will stop dreaming. You are the most important person to me. You may find it dramatic but I do and I always wish for happy endings.
You have many of your fans who come to see you in action but I saw you to feel that I am breathing in the same premises as you are. Everything close to you is precious for me; your clothes, the ball in your hands, the pen in your pocket that day when the media was covering you, the glass in which you drink, the spoon you hold in your fingers, the pillow you use, the shampoo in that rack in your bathroom, everything. I am afraid of reality. I fear that if I open my eyes then I will never find you again. You are the only treasure I have and I don't want to lose it." She wiped her tears.
Abdullah smiled at her beautiful face and moved a little closer. He lifted her chin and looked in her eyes, watery eyes. Cupping her face in his strong hands he exerted force on her cheeks and nodded seeing her ambiguous expression; expression of fear, loss.
"I want to see you every minute. I was very practical man earlier but now I think that that I am no more that pragmatic human being. I need your support otherwise I will sink in the ocean of miseries. I am still combating a turmoil regarding my future but you, yes you, make me believe in what I possess. I possess you, Kinza. You are my strength. You are what I was made for and I am very grateful to Allah that He blessed me with one of the finest souls. I am honored to have you. You accepted me with my flaws, my imperfections, my losses, my damages and I can never reciprocate your love." He was honest.
"I feel as if we both are intertwined." Interlacing his fingers with hers he said.
"We are one. We had been one." Placing the hands on his heart he said.
"I cannot live without you and this thought makes me relaxed. I have found you and I will never leave you." He nodded a little.
Kinza was smiling with tears in her eyes.
.......
It was nine of the starry night and their reception was on full swing. They were sitting on the floral stage for the first time. Kinza's friends had encircled them and Mish was teasing them both. Blue sequins were beaming in the strong lights against the silver grey sleeves hiding her arms. The henna patterns were dark on her hands and she, for the first time in her life, believed in myths. Abdullah was gracefully dressed in a white shirt with black tuxedo suit. She had not been to home from the salon and she did not get to see him fully. Every inch of her was screaming his name and she was waiting for the time when she could see him, properly, without trying to look from the side of her eyes.
The time was passing with happiness filled in each moment and photographers were instructing them to make different poses. Abdullah was feeling her trembling hands and she just smelled his cologne, the favourite cologne, the cologne she used for herself since when in a candid interview he mentioned his choice.
.......
Reaching back to her room her mind was confused. She was entering in that room for the very first time being all dolled up. She had been there but that day the nervousness was different in every aspect. It was the night of their wedding reception, the reception of the beautifully chaotic wedding. She was sporting a regal bride look and her sixth sense was making her blush. Soon when the door was opened against her eyes then she felt that entering in own kingdom is always not that easy. Hira and Amna made her sit comfortably and then wished her. Kinza was just shyly smiling as the response.
The needles on the clock were moving and her heart was racing against each mere tick. Her palms were getting colder and the nervousness was travelling through her body. Abdullah was still out and she was alone in the room. Her eyes were focusing the henna on her hands. The patterns were delicate. She remembered how stubbornly she demanded sophisticated looks for the important night. The beautician was perplexed but by the time she got what Kinza was saying.
It was twelve when the door was knocked gently and her heart came in her throat. She quickly set the dopatta on her head and her head dropped lower. The door was opened and she heard the footsteps.
Abdullah was amazed at her concern. He smiled softly and closed the door. She trembled a little when she analyzed that he was coming closer. The same unseen wind chimes were striking against each other and the same crashing waves were touching the sea shores. He was standing still, dissolving her beauty in his eyes and she was just feeling insane novel sensations on her burning face. Her lashes were getting heavier and she was totally unable to lift them.
Abdullah was mesmerized by her beauty, or by the fact that there was no boundary between them to draw a line. He took a step further and extended his hand to her. Kinza turned her head a little and his strong palm captured her heart. Reluctantly, she placed her trembling hand in his and he helped her in getting up. Holding the heavy dress he looked in her eyes and she blushed. Smiling at her gestures he thought of not disturbing her so he shifted his gaze to another point. They both were walking in the dimensions of the room when Abdullah stopped in front of the mirror. Kinza was facing it directly while he was standing by her side.
"I am hypnotized." Turning her to himself he said.
"You are beautiful." Fixing his eyes on her shimmery nose pin he admitted.
"Why do you cast this spell every time when we meet? Is it necessary to make me loss my senses?" He was whispering and Kinza was feeling his words with her closed eyes.
"It is difficult to stop seeing you." Gazing at the middle stone in her headpiece he said.
"You are mine." Lightly touching the mole on the corner of her eyebrow he said. Kinza was still breathing and it was strangest thing on earth to happen.
"Oh, my love!" His finger touched the trembling eyelid and made it still.
"If you were at the level of my madness," tracing the features of her face he said.
"You would cast away your jewelry," sliding the dopatta from her head his grip tightened on her waist.
"Sell all your bracelets," he held her palms and kissed them.
"And sleep in my eyes." Her eyes finally opened and she saw her reflection in those oriental black ones.
The wind was making its way from the curtains and was leaving its presence on them. Her free strands were enchanting and the magician was busy in making her his only.
....
One year later
Blending the smoothie for Hira, Kinza was busy in her kitchen. It was the second day of her stay in Manchester as Abdullah was making a comeback in the stadiums. He was with the team members and his counseling sessions were being held. Kinza wanted to see him in action and Hira insisted her to stay at her place.
Clouds were covering the skies but narrow beams of sunlight were succeeding in making their passage through the white blankets. Abdullah was extraordinarily busy so the two did not have time to talk to each other. Kinza was missing him from the core of her heart as the big day was getting closer; the day of his first match after a great gap and their first anniversary. It was still hard to think that an year was spent with him. It was not the matter of days; it was of seconds, mere seconds measuring time from their first meeting to the each embrace when time stopped fleeing. She was still the same fan. He was still her celebrity. Her eyes still beamed when they caught his presence. She still had goose bumps when he came closer. She still felt being precious when doing any of his work. She still felt his body in the shirts hanging in the wardrobe. She was same. Her name was changed but internally, it was still hard to be grateful for living all of her dreams.
It was a shiny morning and she was sitting in the VIP enclosure with the families of other players. The stadium was bustling with the cricket lovers and her thoughts were revolving around the day when it was raining and she was looking at the back of his shirt in that empty stadium. His hair was drenching and the shirt was plastered on his beautiful body. She smelled that petrichor again, same as that blooming from the hard, dry pitch at that time.
Resting her back on the chair she thought of him at that moment.
"What he would be doing? He would be praying I guess. Did I place sun block in his bag?" She worried suddenly.
And at the very moment her phone rang. It was indeed a serene pleasure to see Abdullah calling her.
"AssalamoAlaikum." She excitedly said.
"Walaikum Assalam. Are you watching television right now? We are about to come in the fields." He replied.
"Yes, I am watching. I only have television to see you in action. Here many people are enchanting in the house." She smiled under her lips.
"Yes. Ammi told me that you were making tea for her so I didn't call you." His voice saddened.
"Oh! I am glad that you are talking with me on phone." She blessed Ammi silently.
"Why is there a great noise?" He was confused.
"There are many. We all are sitting in lounge after television." It was now getting hard to digest for her.
"Any wishes for the day?" He asked.
"You are the best. I know you will do it." She said in a whisper.
......
His eyes were focused and the same curiosity was beaming in the clarity of those valleys. The crowd was not cheering. It was silent. The eyes stopped to blink and with mouth slightly open, people were still. The umpire was looking closely and then he moved his fingers.
"In the name of Allah who is the most beneficent and the most merciful." His lips whispered and a great vacuum happened when he exhaled his breath out.
The grip on the ball tightened and his eyeballs rotated at the batsman on the crease. Understanding his body language he lowered his eyes to his legs and then looked behind at the union of those three sticks. He closed his eyes and then immediately opened them with the ball swirling in his hand. He tilted to his right side and held the ball perfectly. The crowd was loud again. The clouds were shimmering with the scorching sun. The applause was getting even more cheerful.
People were waiting and her whole body was tight. He was running and his wrist was moving, casting the same spell. The ball was moving fast and he was looking closely to his aim. The three sisters were weeping for their love as the villain had entered in the town. They were hugging each other when the ball touched them and the unity pierced. The merit won. The toil paid off. The pains healed. The fractures in the heart bled again. Abdullah prostrated.
Tears made their way through her face and she started hiccupping. The world came to know the lover, the passionate lover of the man whose head was on the ground. The commentators were congratulating and their eyes were fixed on the deep scene of love, unlike any other intense scene. The televisions moved everyone to tears seeing the bond between them.
Abdullah got up with his eyes flowing with tears and then he, smilingly, wept them. A sudden desire to see her tingled in his heart and he, hopelessly, turned to the crowd. His eyes were searching for her knowing the fact that she was not there. He was missing her; his wife, his love, his fan. She had been there in every tough time and he owed a lot to her. It was his day and he wanted to see her, to thank her for all she did. He wanted to acknowledge the sleepless nights she went through. He wanted to wipe those tears she shed in his memory. He wanted to call out her name loudly but it was not possible at that time.
Turning back sadly his heart skipped a beat.
He felt something strange and then his head turned a little and their eyes met. It was a second, a single second worth many galactic years. His eyes vividly sparkled and hers conveyed the message of confidence. He looked at her for another minute and crowd cheered at this union. Girls prayed to have such a moment in their lives while senior couples looked at each other lovingly, remembering the eras with Victorian dresses. Kinza smiled at him generously and he grinned at her, the sober grin in his green shirt, with his name embossed on it and on her heart.
.........
"Do you know when did I start loving you?" Playing with her hair on the shore he said.
She just lifted her eyes at the setting sun and then at his eyes and nodded in disapproval.
"When you stood behind me and said my name." He whispered her name.
She looked at him in confusion.
"When Amjad made me feel that you are not an ordinary girl." Wrapping a strand of her hair on his index finger he said.
"When he made me realize that you did not want an autograph, you wanted me." Her breathe ruffled.
"I had forgotten your face in the matter of minutes but it clicked back when you were taking my clothes out from the wardrobe the day when you entered in my house." He confessed.
Kinza was just staring at him. She was feeling light, like a feather that touches gently and moves on.
"I wish to recall our each meeting but I find none in my mind. I wish I would have seen you earlier. I wish I would have proposed you in the woods. I wish I would have enjoyed the snow with you. I wish I would have touched your nose in the watery streets of Venice. I wish I would have given you all that you wanted, earlier." Touching her nose he said while water made their feet wet again.
"I wish we see a sea shell and the curiosity of its inner side dims." He was inhaling the sea breeze.
"I wish we see a bird chirping by our window and we do not pout back at it." Turning at her chocolate brown eyes he said.
"I wish we see dew falling on the money plant and we do not dare touch it." Resting his forehead on hers he wished.
"I wish we see a rash wave coming to us and we do not tremble in fear." Wrapping his arm around her waist he said.
"I wish we excite at the pattern of our coffee but do not taste it." Moving his finger on the bracelet in her wrist he chuckled.
"I wish we see a shooting star but not make a wish." Pulling her closer he said.
"I wish we both remain in each other. You just breathe me and I just see you doing. I want nobody to distract us from each other, nobody. I wish to measure infinity with you. I wish to see new sides of each other, totally new, hidden from the world." He was near.
"I wish to compete with each other, no matter who wins. I wish to see you winning over me as I have already won you. I have given my all rights to you. I have given your address to the man in me, the man who wants to feed himself with love. The sun is setting and its reflection in the orange sea is breathtaking but I am crazier for you, for us. The sun is covering the whole sea but I am content at our tiny appearance shivering in the water. You have the right to do whatever you want to do with me. I am all yours." Lightly kissing her cheek he said.
She lifted her head and smiled at him with a silent tear in her eye.
"Abdullah, I choose to love you, ever after." Resting her head on his chest she said.
The Eternity perfumed her and her nerves relaxed. She was in his arms and he was her love, the love that meant springs only.
--------------------------
AssalamoAlaikum.
Our journey together has finally ended. TAL is the longest story I have written. It tried to capture the real moments of fandom in it. This story is a tribute to the fans of any celebrity.
Whether you are Kinza or Abdullah remember that it was the story only. It deluded in successful ways but life is not like it. You are running after a fantasy and fantasies are never real.
Keep yourself progressing in your life. You have a great world to conquer. You have a great to do. You have to prove your reason of existence. Life not always blesses us. We often feel delicacies running deep in our souls but the tough times always wait.
I am thinking for my future here. I am a student and my vacations are going to end soon. I had been just on Wattpad these days and now it is such a pivotal part of my life. I am not bidding a farewell but my subjects are demanding.
I have imagined myself in Kinza and I have deeply felt her emotions. I have pictured a true gentleman but everyone of us is perfect, imperfectly. Abdullah is not real. He does not exist in great numbers. He was a fantasy and I'm honored that I painted my idea of an ideal man here.
I would like to know your favourite scene. I will be writing a chapter in which I will answer your questions as I have many to answer already. Send me your queries about the two love-birds or me. I will try answering each, for sure.
I am thankful to you all who donated their time to TAL. I am seriously blessed. I will be updating my letter here to truly show what I feel every time when your comments or votes reach me.
I will come up soon again with another story. I have to write impressive characters for my life. I need to do it desperately.
Until then,
Byeeeeeeeee.
Allah Hafiz.
*The time when you realize that you are nothing! Thank you so much for all your love! *