She had been with Mish since whole day. Exclaiming like a teenager she was not looking like a married woman. Kinza had missed those all flavors in her abrupt marriage and now when Mish was blushing at the name of her fiancé she was remembering the very recent past. It was more than a month since her marriage but she was the same; the girl who used to crave for his single glance, the girl who became an insomniac after peaceful slumbers, the girl whose prince charming was busy in setting his own life.
While taking a short nap she recalled the morning, early morning, when she was staring him jogging on the beautiful pavement. That perpendicular window had always helped her in looking for him. When she entered in the room the empty couch and bed worried her again but soon her eyes found him, appearing as the smallest dot in the scene against them. He was not facing her so the circumstances were in favor. Staring right from the window of his room she tilted her head and dopatta fell on her shoulder. He was now hiccupping after a great run and her hand had stretched involuntarily to wipe away the sweat on his forehead. Pulling it back, Kinza was smiling.
He took another hour for making the red bricked pavement his. He was taking the turn to the home when he sat on the nearby bench and his manager gave him the water bottle. She was observing the throbbing veins of his neck and heaved muscles of his arms and the goose bumps were irritating her. He was getting closer to the main gate when his eyes suddenly caught her. He rested there and covered his hands on his back. She was getting extremely confused but it was difficult to escape as Abdullah had seen her already. She slowly lifted her eyes to his face and he smiled back. A stream of red covered her face and Abdullah smirked. She was hyperventilating so without thinking of the other stupid reasons of stay she quickly turned away leaving the curtains cherishing.
She was lying in the Mish's bed and he was continuously striking her thoughts. When he was out of the country then she had felt her insane intolerance towards his non-presence but breathing in the same city, apart, was difficult, more difficult. Now it was four already and he was coming to pick her. Getting up, she quickly made herself in a fine state. Soon they were travelling back to home when he said,
"It would be good for you if you sleep for an hour or two otherwise you would not enjoy the ceremony. I have to see my lawyers so I would just drop you home and will be back by eight."
Kinza was also feeling tired so she welcomed his offer with open arms.
......
She looked at herself from every angle and each supported the fact that she was looking gorgeous. The rust colored sequins blouse with tight full sleeves looked breathtaking with the grey chiffon sari with rust floral print on the bottom. Sliding the bracelet in her wrist she again lifted her eyes and the mirror witnessed again. The free strands coming out from the beautiful twisted bun were moving in air merrily. She was comfortable enough as the men and women had different sittings.
Slipping the earring in her ear she closed her eyes. With her head tilted on her shoulder she looked at the heels placed beside the couch. It was eight already and Abdullah did not show up yet. A little worried she switched her glance to her wrist watch and sighed. She decided not to wear heels until he came and moved to the lounge. She was looking regal. The sari cascaded through the stairs and Amna exclaimed in joy.
"Oh my goodness! How beautiful she is looking, Ammi!" Helping her through the last step she said.
A big grin spread on Ammi's lips and she cupped her face. Kinza was blushing badly and the little girls were excited as their lovely auntie who used to give them candies without making their mothers know was looking like a real princess. Hira's daughter gently kissed her cheek and laughed. She reciprocated by hugging her tightly. They all were enjoying the cartoons when Abdullah suddenly entered in the lounge. Kinza got uneasy but Abdullah did not see her. He hurriedly greeted Ammi and his sisters and climbed the stairs towards his room. Kinza's eyes followed him going dressed in that blue t-shirt and jeans and she relieved her tight muscles. The time was moving fast when she realized that she should wear heels so she got up and moved.
"Abdullah is no safe now." Hira was smirking. Kinza looked at her and laughed.
Climbing the stairs slowly she was thinking of his reaction. Her hands were getting colder and she was unable to focus on anything. She clicked the handle of the closed door and entered with racing heart. He was nowhere and his coat was placed still on the bed. She moved towards the couch to buckle her heels and suddenly Abdullah's voice stroke her ears. She moved her head a little and found him talking on phone. His head was pasted to his shoulder with phone in the middle. His hands were moving but the grip on phone was interrupting him. Soon he turned to the room and his eyes collided with hers. It was a mere moment; the moment filled with silence, shouting eyes, racing hearts, smiling lips, love and longing. She was looking at the rug beside the bed when the floral patterns seemed blooming in his eyes.
"Oh! Yes. I am listening." Recovering quickly he said.
Kinza was feeling all topsy-turvy but she had no way out. He was talking on phone but his eyes were on her face. The top three buttons were waiting to be clasped in the holes on the opposite side and he was still not ready. The time was fleeing for the occasion and they were running late so she decided something. His single hand was struggling hard but it was not working out. She slowly got up from the couch and walked towards him. His eyes looked with an ambiguous expression and she lowered hers to the buttons. She tied the buttons with shaky fingers and looked down at her bare feet. The shiny black shoes were just a few inches away and her heart was thumping in its cage. Switching her hands to his collar she adjusted it and then cuffed up his sleeves. He was still on phone, talking attentively and gazing the movements of her hands. She turned to the side table and picked his watch in her trembling hands. He smiled a little and extended his arm to her side. Encircling the chain she was unable to lock it properly due to the hardness of the lock when suddenly his one hand approached there and signaled her to keep it tightened. The diamond in her finger was shimmering and its beams were trembling on the glass of the dial. She quickly turned to the dressing table and picked his hair brush and looked at him. His eyes were silent and he was busy in narrowing the corners while staring the ground. He was carefully listening when his hair moved in the brush. Kinza was styling his hair and the stills; from his press conferences, public appearances and that very first meeting in restaurant were capturing her thoughts. Remembering those all hairstyles she was smiling. That day she had the access to his hair and someday she would get hold of his heart. This thought was pacifying her internally.
The hair was not looking like what she wanted so she messed them up with her fingers and again styled them while standing on her heels, with aching feet. He was tall enough so she could not match his height. He was greeting the man on the other side of call at that time and her face was standing closer struggling to make his hair look better and she was continuously failing. Soon he picked the brush from her palm and moved at the mirror with a sober smile, locking his phone. She was standing there still observing him making his hair. He lifted it upward and then pressed the sides. It was new for Kinza so she was staring without blinking her eyes. Seeing right from the mirror his eyes collided with hers and he smiled under his lips. He picked Eternity from the table and turned at her side. Walking closely he covered the gap and extended the bottle to her hands. She looked at his collar with some unexplainable expression in her eyes and then he jerked his head a little. With trembling hand she grabbed the bottle and sprayed on his shirt. A few perfumed droplets fell on her wrist and her nose turned red. Quickly she recovered and turned to her heels. Sitting on the couch she lowered her burning face and touched the straps. His next step made her stunned. He sat on his knees and beautifully moved her hands away. Fastening the straps on her ankles he lifted his eyelids and her eyelashes shivered.
It was not the sequel of prince finding his Cinderella. She was not the Cinderella. Abdullah never had any shimmery shoe in his hand but she was the woman of his life. She was the queen of his heart. She had been walking on the roads leading to him. She was not an ordinary woman. She was his, only his.
....
The ceremony had been great. Mish was looking ethereal in pink attire. Her dress was complementing the fair skin tone she possessed. Now they both were sitting in her room and Kinza was teasing her.
"Mish, I will not forgive you. You made my life miserable lately. I will take revenge." Kinza was saying.
"Kinza, you are looking very glamorous today." Mish was in mood.
"Mish, you can twist things but I am still here." She replied, winking.
"I am serious. Sari looks beautiful. The choice is admirable." Mish was praising and she was drowning in those oriental black valleys.
"You have worn rust for the very first time. Well, tell me something." Mish was getting curious.
"Yes." She knew what Mish was thinking.
"Abdullah Bhai has gifted you this sari, right?"
Her eyes sparkled and she nodded in approval.
"He has great dressing sense. I truly admire his choice." Mish was honest.
"Don't pass me such death glares. I am just a fan, okay? And now I have a fiancé too so you should not be worried." She chuckled and Kinza pinched her arm.
...
It was getting late when maid informed them that Abdullah wanted to go. It was raining and the driving was not easy. Pulling her cheeks Kinza wished Mish and they started going back to home. It was twelve already and the streets were nearly empty due to rain and winter nights. He was constantly permitting the wipers but the shower was heavy. Kinza's heart was not feeling well. A sudden restlessness had griped her. Abdullah was worried also as the rain was drenching the windows and the front glass. It was dark outside and only their car was lighting the road. Soon they both got troubled when the car stopped moving any further.
Abdullah turned at her and said,
"Will you be okay? I have to go out. I need to see what has happened."
She just looked at her and nodded in worry.
"It is raining heavily outside otherwise we would have walked to any safer place." He was staring out.
"I will be okay. Please take care of yourself." She was totally perplexed.
"Lock the car. Key is still here." He assured and placed his phone and wrist watch on her palms and went out.
The engine had got excess water and it was impossible now to start the car again. He was worried as anything due to Kinza. She was with him in that mad night. He was not secure at that time. She was his responsibility and both of them were not that close to share that time of test. He looked up and the dark sky trembled in thunder. Kinza was afraid as well and she was not feeling fine in the car when he was out. The headlights were not also working and he was using a torch at that time. It was a total blackout as the road was leading to tunnels and no building was there. A deep wave of fear gripped her and she looked at the glass on her side. The rain was making strange patterns on it and Abdullah was not visible anymore.
She was feeling very disturbed. Every time she felt as if someone was sitting at the backseat. Her fear of darkness was encircling her and she was terrified. She peeked out from the glass window and shouted,
"Abdullah!"
The noise of rain made it impossible to vibrate his eardrums. He was not listening to her while fixing the car within his capacity.
"Abdullah!" This time she tried a little louder but only the water made a reply.
Her lips were trembling in desolation.
"Where are you, Abdullah?"
Tears were making their way through her cheeks. It was all dark outside and the water was flowing in a great speed. She unlocked the car and came out. Closing the door behind she looked everywhere but he was not there.
She walked an inch blankly and a tiniest spot of yellow light caught her eye. Her heart felt terrified again. She was on the verge of any difficulty. She was near to lose him again. Her breathe went uneven and she started moving there. Her whole body was dripping in water. Sari and heels made it more difficult. Her tears were dissolving in rain making only hot patches on her face. The light was coming closer and she was recognizing the hand in which the torch was when her head collided with something badly.
She was screaming louder when two arms wrapped around her waist. Fear overlapped the pain and she shouted out of her lungs.
"Leave me."
"I say leave me. Leave me." She was crying in pain but the hands were tight in grip.
"What if I say not?"
Her heart sank and then the yellow spot appeared again; in the dark, in the rain. With making waves on the broad forehead the dim bulb, concealed in plastic cover, enjoyed the piercing drops.
She was in a continuous trance. She had been like it earlier but this time it was different. It was raining; rain with him having her in his arms. The white shirt was drenching making wrinkles on the cloth. The water was cascading down through his hair to his face and she was mesmerized. Her earring was moving to and fro in the harsh winds but she was silent. Her body was silent. The grip was tough but she was feeling a never ending tranquility. It was a dream also. It was the fragment of similar imaginations, thousands of times. He was looking straight in her eyes and she was for the very first time not blinking her eyes. Her hair was totally wet and water was dripping, on his hands.
"Why you came out?" In the lowest possible voice he said.
She was living the infinity. She was not there.
"I am asking something." His voice hardened.
"Abdullah." Her lips parted and a small gap appeared.
"You can never take good care of yourself." His grip tightened on listening his name.
"Is it not important?" He was controlling himself. It was raining heavily and it had always been the positive vibe for their bond. He had signed the papers while the hospital was soaking. She had heard his voice with the rhythm of showers.
"Yes I do." She repeated his words and his eyes grew ambiguous.
"The car is not fixed yet." Closing his eyes tightly to stop seeing her beautiful face he said and she shivered a little.
"I gave you my phone. Give me." He said in a serious tone. His heart was on rebellion. He wanted to hold her in the same manner till new millenniums, till new galactic years, till when the meaning of infinity is measured.
She did not respond him. The time was passing and he was waiting for her answer.
"Kinza?" He said while staring at the drops of water struck at the eyelashes. It was no more controllable. The water was bringing them closer. They had wasted many precious moments of their lives.
His right hand loosened the grip and he placed the fingers on her cheek.
"Don't cry."
She lifted her eyes to his arrogant nose and then at the unshaven jaw line.
"Oh! Mish, how handsome he looks with this rough beard!" She exclaimed in joy.
"Kinza." Her eardrums vibrated again and then the chocolate brown balls travelled at his oriental black ones. She had always been good at reading his eyes; there was a time when she used to predict the result of his bowling while seeing the curiosity in his eyes, and now she was living the time when his eyes were speaking, aloud. He wanted to express what he had been feeling but there were some curtains parting the strong emotions into the gentle gestures.
It was raining more heavily now and she was tired of gentleness. She wanted to get scolded by him. She wanted to witness his anger. She wanted to observe his harsh side.
"Do you find it all easy?" He asked with the same curiosity in his eyes as if he was aware of the result.
"It had never been." Staring at the ripples she said.
Switching his burning gaze from her wet face he saw at the off headlights. The torch was growing dimmer and he was not able to see her face, nor did she was.
"I had been infatuated to an unseen person." Lowering down his head he said.
Getting out of his grip lightly her eyes widened.
"That unseen face haunts me. You had said that you are afraid of shadows. I am also. That shadow is the feature of my past. Its trail never leaves me." He was saying.
"That statement of love made me think for love. I don't know the person behind it but I have very strong emotions."
She was finding it hard to listen. The oscillations of her earrings had grown fast. She was trembling. She still loved him. She was still the same Kinza but it was difficult to share him. She was made for him but he was not hers. He had a past and she was finding it hard. She was not behaving skeptically but she was insecure.
"I often feel that it would harm you and I can never think of it. This thought makes me feel ashamed. I have buried it all in the graveyard of my heart but my body is still perfumed by that tiny bouquet. It was iris, my favourite." He was confessing.
She lowered her head. A rapid stream of blood passed through her body and she breathed digging her head deep; the same bouquet in her hands before sending it.
He understood the intensity of that silence. He was afraid.
"I wish that amnesia erases my mind. I want to have a happy life. The past is difficult for me. I craved for any pleasant moment lying in the bed with my bones fractured. I was tormented for nothing. Those tiny flowers made me smile. That was a change-bearer."
She was listening to him with a mad race in her heart but a tiny turmoil was still pressing in her mind.
"I can never forget the smallest sentence written in the extreme corner. I can never forget the strength it gave to me. I was combating with death and I had been begging for it. There was nobody to believe in me but that person did. How can that purple bow slip in my oblivion! It was elegantly displaying feminine grace."
Now the tears were running down her cheeks fast.
"I have made you sad. I feared the same moment since that fine evening when you entered in my house."
He was finding his body paralyzed. The dark features of his past were now finally hovering at her.
"She is nowhere. Nowhere in my dreams. I have you beside me. I still leave the choice open to you. If you want to go so you can. I will not stop you. You have the right to conquer an empty heart. You deserve a better man, a gentleman. You don't deserve me."
His eyes were trying to press the tears backward but his trembling lashes were speaking it all.
"I deserve a gentleman. You are true." His heart sank at this short sentence.
"So, Mr.Abdullah, she has made a decision. Decision of leaving you." Something shattered in his body.
"Yes. You do." Bearing the intense pain he said.
She could easily see the heaved veins. His forehead was saying it all.
"I have nothing. I am empty handed." She said.
"I have made your life miserable. You are my wife, my legal partner and I have done nothing for you." Tightly pressing his teeth he said.
"I only have the treasure of memories. I have told you." Staring at his painful face she said.
"I am happy that you made a wise decision." He lifted his eyes to hers.
"This is for one last time. I cannot even think of leaving you but it is good for you." Caressing her cheek he said. The gap between them was growing. It was many feet now. Once it was in inches.
"Please don't do this. I am about to break my nerves." She was feeling her heart aching.
"I will send you the divorce papers. Tell me if you prefer Khula." Walking away he said. The rain was wetting him and he was composing himself.
"I loved you. That person made me believe in love but I loved you. I loved you only. I can never love any other woman. I will not marry again. Marriage was not my thing, I told everyone. Now see, how miserable I am! I feared it rightly."
The clouds were thundering and she was learning to differentiate; differentiating between the reality and illusion.
"I am sorry. I am just taking what has been disturbing me out. I was really deep into this marriage. I never thought like it. I always saw you concerned and at certain distance. I knew that you are not comfortable with me."
"Stop it, Abdullah. I cannot tolerate it anymore." She said while moving further.
"Let the distance be there. I don't want to force this marriage on you." He said while resting his head on the wind glass.
"I want to cover this distance." She said in the lowest possible tone and he turned immediately at her.
"What did you just say?" He was astonished.
"You have heard it right." She lowered her head.
"I am not good for you. Still you have time." He quickly suggested.
"I am tired of thinking. I had been thinking since ages. A woman does not look good confessing." She displayed a beautiful smile.
"Are you serious?" He was still in doldrums.
"I love you, Abdullah." She screamed out of her lungs. Tears started rolling down her face, mixing with the waters from the sky.
Walking towards her he was stunned. He blinked his eyes and gently touched her trembling eyes. The hot tears were noticeable.
"Loving me would not be easy." He was still in disbelief.
"It had never been." She hastily said.
"I felt that we both are a single soul. You can never reach at the height of my passion for you. I still feel it as a dream. I am living a dream. I am not real nor are you. I had loved you since years, since ages. I had you in my slumbers. I had you beside me, invisibly. I felt you as you are mine. I had started feeling girly when I saw you. I was made for you. I am yours. No one can seal you in my heart. You are my lifeline." She was crying out loud.
Abdullah was speechless. This breathtaking confession was enough to take his life. When did his prayers get answered? He never knew that the love of his life was already in love with him.
His fingers slowly wiped her tears and then intertwined with hers.
"This is majestic. Would you be able to live with an insecure man who had been infatuated before? You are the second person who knocked at my heart."
With her fingers trembling she lowered her head.
"I am honored."
"How can you say it?" He was wondering at the golden heart she possessed.
"I am the only one. I was the first and I am the last as well." With her voice all teary she said.
"Kinza." His voice had fear.
"I am yours, Abdullah. You had loved me, I know."
"I am tired of riddles. I want to know what had happened." He was saying patiently.
"To me? I can start from now but telling you would take ages. It was me who sent you those flowers. It was me who cried by your bed when you were in coma. It was me who was disgraced at the same restaurant; where we went yesterday, for you. It was me who was standing by your side in each hardship. It was me who looked for you at every crossroad of life. It was me who demanded for a live-session. It was me everywhere. I know there would be many girls but I knew that our fates were decided. I knew the power of my Lord. I knew the depth of my love."
She was telling him but he was not listening. He was regretting. He was finding it difficult to maintain the gap between them.
"Really?" He could only say it.
And she nodded in approval with a beautiful smile on her face.
Pulling her closer he was still unsure.
"I had loved you. My each part is yours only. I was made for you." He assured her and she looked at him in dubiety.
"You can never imagine what I felt whenever you cried. You were crying for me but my heart was being torn in pieces. I faced the biggest challenge of my life, your dopatta. I did not want to make you uncomfortable. I was afraid but today these waters have washed my each fear away. I wanted to control my heart but each time it rebelled. I wanted you wearing a sari and see, today you are in my eyes. You are standing with me. I am standing very near. I can see my reflection in your eyes, even in the dark." He was smiling and the thunders were lighting their faces.
"I want to do something. May I?" He asked while wrapping his arms on her cold, damp body.
She looked at his eyes and then the hedge of lashes was dropped in the thousandth part of the second. Her heart was racing.
He unclipped her hair and ran his fingers in them. She was blushing but her mind was still counting the blessings in her life.
His forehead rested on hers and he said,
"Our love was autumned but the spring was waiting to shower the petals. We had been walking on the noisy leaves but now the roses are touching our faces. There is no thorn in between. We are here together. Together this rain is making us closer. These drops have been very supportive in our journey for waiting the spring of our lives."
Kissing her forehead he said,
"I love you, Kinza. You were made for me, only."
--------------