Saturday February 19 2010
WARNING: Strong Violent Sexual Content
Erica and I had a blast at the Galleria mall. We bought dresses at Forever 21 and shoes at Traffic then we had frozen yogurt at the food court.
My dress was a midnight purple with no straps and was just a few inches over the knees, it was a party dress and it had a sweetheart neckline and the back was covered. My shoes were black heels with big realistic diamond imitations and the heel was large so I stood 5’6 instead of 5’4. I spent about fifty dollars in everything.
Erica’s dress was the same model as mine but in a rich midnight blue and she got small black leather boots with a small heel that only made her 5’2 into a 5’3. She was a little disappointed the dress was so “long” but she liked the color so much she went with it and loved the idea of going in the same dress much to my surprise. She spent about the same money as me.
***
A car honked its horn and we were sure it was Dylan. I peeked out the window and of course, it was Dylan’s car.
“Yeah, it’s your brother.” I assured her.
“Yay, let’s go!” She leaped and grabbed my hand running down the hall and I nearly fell.
“Erica!” I accused her
“Sorry!” She put her hand on the door to open it.
“Wait let me tell my mom!” I yelled at her.
“It’s okay girls, have fun!” My mom yelled from her room. I should have known she would have heard all the chaos of the heels tapping the floor and our voices already.
“Thanks Mom, bye!” I yelled for her to hear.
“Bye Mrs.P!” and Erica pulled me out the door shutting it behind me.
We walked to the car and slid inside.
“Hey Ev, Hey Eric!” Dylan used the same excited tone as Erica, they were so alike that is was scary. Dylan had the same tan skin and light brown hair as Erica but they didn’t share the same green eyes, Dylan had a hazel color almost as light as mine and had a nice fit body but no where close to the best I had seen, Jacob was better and ashamed to admit it, so was Tyler. Dylan was much like Stifler from American Pie but he wasn’t mean or disrespectful, at least I didn’t ever see him be like that.
“I’m not a guy Dylan! Last time I checked I had a vagina just like you. It’s E-R-I-C-A.” she always got so mad when he did that.
“Hush up hoe.” he smirked at her and I had to step in. I didn’t want to hear them bicker the whole way, I knew she wouldn’t let it drop.
“Dylan, long time no see!” I greeted him and smiled.
“Got that right gorgeous.” he winked his eye at me and I rolled mine chuckling.
“You’re never getting her Dyl, so don’t even try!” Erica laughed and I was disgusted.
“I would never, she’s like the little sister I’ve never had.”
“Hey! I’m your little sister, fuck face!” Erica protested.
“I know, I’m just fucking with you.” and we both laughed at her. We drove to the guys house till we got there in a good hour or so. The house was around UM and UM was obviously in Miami.
This house was grand and beautiful and it stood out against all the Miami Beach mansions. It was something like a beige color but I couldn’t be positive since it was dark outside and all I had as evidence was the paint with lightbulbs close to it. The house had about ten windows just in the front of the house and beautiful huge trees at both sides of the lot that in the sun would cast a beautiful calming shade.
But hiding the calm beauty of the house was the horror of a college party. I had thought high school parties were wild but this put the high school parties to the level of a tea party at the Buckingham Palace, well not that bad but close.
The toilet paper was all over the grass and hanging from the trees which made them look like ghosts and there were six of them. Did they use the toilet paper as decorations? Well if they did, they should try something better.
The guys soaked each other with the hoses and girls where running around butt naked around the whole place, not just the pool. There were two mattresses on the ground outside the second floor windows and people jumped off into them. What if they missed?
The cars where all over the street- moving side to side because people were using them for things other than driving- and ruining the rich grass around the neighborhood. The music here was five times louder than the one back at home since there were probably many expensive stereos and a DJ inside, so loud to the point I could barely hear myself think, and people were smoking all around the place, so that the air had a disgusting smoky smell.
People danced outside with bottles of beer and other drinks that were definitely not Sunkist. There was a jacuzzi overfilled with people making out and millions of soap bubbles were inside the jacuzzi and overflowing onto the grass and there was a huge banner on the roof of the house that said: Party like it’s 2012!
The elegance of the house was only a fading shadow and the remains were a madhouse.
As always I was overwhelmed but happy of the thought that I wouldn’t have to feel this overwhelmingness again for two weeks.
Just be strong... I don’t want to go inside! I thought
Dylan, like Tommy, dropped us off and went to look for a parking space, irritated that there weren’t any nearby.
Erica took my hand and steered us inside.
I would always dance at the parties at home but I didn’t want to dance here, I knew no one and they were in college, and what they would want me to do afterwards was something I didn’t have in my plans.
So I told Erica I would go get some punch and she said okay. I didn’t tell her I wasn’t coming back because I knew she wouldn’t notice my absence. I searched the house for somewhere to go because, honestly, I didn’t want punch and I didn’t know where the kitchen or anything was. I started to feel awkward when guys would stare at me with an inviting smile and I just walked away pretending I didn’t notice them.
Yes! There was a couch and it was empty, I took a seat hoping there would be no one to come and sit here later.
I would glance at the time on my phone every fifteen minutes and it felt like forever but I had only been at the party for about an hour and a half.
I had tried to think but all the people created distractions and it was hard to think with all the music and noise.
A guy started to walk towards me and my empty couch and I figured out that being undisturbed for the whole party was too good to be true.
The man was tan and fit, he was muscular, had brown eyes and brown hair and was a towering six feet or so and he sat next to me. He was good looking but I didn’t want small talk right now.
“Pretending you don’t see me?” he chuckled
“Yeah.” I forced a small grin. That was exactly what I was doing.
He chuckled once more before he started to speak.
“How come I haven’t seen you around?” He asked with a flirty smile
“I don’t come here, I just came with a friend.” I answered flatly, hoping he would grow bored and leave.
“Really, who?” It wasn’t working.
“Dylan.”
“Miller?” I always new Dylan was popular so it came as no surprise and I nodded. Dylan and Erica were just meant to be in the popular group.
“Wow, how come you’re not dancing?”
“I just don’t want to.” would he keep trying to engage me in conversation when it was clear I didn’t want to talk?
“You’re really gorgeous, you shouldn’t just be sitting here when there are a whole bunch of guys talking about you willing to spend the night.”
“I’m fine here, thanks.” I smiled unwillingly
“Okay, well I’m Todd Lipton, what’s your name?” There was something about him and his manners that sounded like an act, deceiving and suspicious for some reason, and it didn’t make me feel safe.
“Evelyn.” Not bothering to add the Natalia Pearce.
“That’s a beautiful name, can I get you something to drink?” This guy honestly thought he can make me get drunk and get laid. Did I look that innocent?
“No, thank you.”
“There’s coke, it doesn’t have to be alcohol.” I looked at him and he smiled.
“Coke?” I hadn’t noticed but I was thirsty.
“Yeah.”
“Thanks.”
He stood up and disappeared into the crowds of people.
“CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!” The words resounded around the house and I saw the people hovering over something, interested, putting their hands in the air and repeating the same thing- chug.
I looked down moving my head side to side trying to see what they were so intrigued in and between two people there was an opening where I saw Dylan upside down, legs in the air balancing himself with his hands, with a black thin hose connected to the keg in his mouth. His face was blood red and Erica was in the crowd cheering. The chug turned into Dylan and I shook my head. When he stood up, he would feel all dizzy and nauseous and puke on people and then no one would be laughing and cheering so much. No wait, they would.
I saw Todd step into my view holding a blue plastic cup and coming to me.
“Here you go Evelyn.” I didn’t like it when he used my name. His smile and eyes were happy and I couldn’t read them, seeming as I usually could tell by a person’s eyes what they were thinking, but his eyes were malicious and blank but still happy. I pushed it away since I didn’t care what his problem was.
“Uh, thanks.” I grabbed the cup from him.
“I’m going to dance, if you want you can come.”
“Maybe later.” I lied hoping he would leave. He smiled and left. Thank God!
I took a few sips from my cup and started to think of things like Jacob and me,school and the three week deal, how sweet that was going to be.
I drank more than half the coke and somehow started to feel a little dizzy and the room about me blurred a bit. Must be the lack of sleep and how badly I laughed yesterday.
Tomorrow I will sleep for hours with my phone off and I would tell my mom to tell Erica I was sick and in bed and didn’t want to see anyone. I would read The 13 Little Blue Envelopes, watch some movies and sleep.
My head moved and I saw the room falling. Why was my head so heavy and why did it hurt so much? Probably the noise.
I began to daydream until I found I was losing feeling and control of my body. Why do I feel so weak? This was weird, now I was getting confused.
I tried to move my hands to the phone that lay on my lap but I couldn’t. I was being a prisoner in my own body.
Suddenly, my head snapped back and it fell on the head of the couch.
What the fuck? Now I was scared.
I had lost complete movement and control of my body to the part that I only felt like I was in a cloud, drugged. But why? I wanted to cry but I found no tears, there was nothing to cry about, or was it that I couldn’t cry?
The cup in my hand was forgotten, I hadn’t noticed or felt it and I couldn’t see it now when my head was motionless on the back of the couch but I felt a cold ooze on my bare leg and it became clear I had spilled it on the expensive couch but I didn’t care.
My vision was much too blurred and I didn’t have the strength to keep my eyes open, I could only see through the acute openings I fought hard to keep open. Everything seemed so normal, like nothing changed but I was disappearing.
Why was this happening? I didn’t understand. I wanted to scream but I was motionless, paralyzed I couldn’t even open my mouth to whisper.
The sounds of the people were now one, they were a combined commotion and I couldn’t make anything out, it was as if I was a stranger in my own world.
I was helpless until Erica would notice I had been gone and that would be forever. I would be at the mercy of these people when they simply thought I passed out from drinking too much, it was something normal to them but not to me, I hadn’t drunk anything. Why was I like this!?
Where is the voice that has always been there to whisper, yell, scream, talk, laugh, giggle, chuckle and sing? I needed it now more than ever but it went to sleep with my body as well. I was the only thing alive but my body was dead, asleep, tired. When would it return?
My eyelids drooped down but I was completely aware of everything, I was awake, fighting what my body wanted. To sleep, to rest, but I wasn’t sleepy.
I felt a pair of big arms on my body and alarm went in me. I was in the air and someone was carrying me. Would they take me home? Was it Dylan?Jacob? What if it wasn’t?
I tried to open my eyes and through the tight opening I saw people on stairs and I felt like I was moving up, climbing. I get it, I was going up the stairs but where? The bathroom? Would they let me wash my face? The thought of cold water seemed like the answer to me, maybe if I spat some on my face my body would notice it wasn’t time to sleep yet and get me the hell out of here.
The people didn’t notice that I was laying in someone’s arms going to God knows where. Why wasn’t God here right now, helping me? Why was this happening?
My body was on something soft in a second, something comfortable and big and my head lay on a soft cloud or was it a pillow? It was a bed. Oh no.
Why was I here?
“Lock the door and leave.” an angry masculine voice commanded. To who?
“Okay, have fun, you owe me.” I recognized the voice as Todd’s and I heard the soft shutting of a door in my ears. The sounds no matter how low, were a pain to my sensible ears.
Have fun? You owe me? Oh no. No no no, God please no.
A sudden unexpected breeze entered my body and I felt exposed. The man’s hands where taking off my clothes. No! I wanted to scream but I could not and it came out as a weak moan to which the man chuckled. He kicked off my shoes.
Why was this happening to me? How?
Ow! Ow! What was that? No! Please, no! I tried to scream but I couldn’t and another moan escaped my lips.
“You like that, huh?” He dove in even harder. More pain, more. No! No! Ow! Oh my God!
“You’re so gorgeous. If only you were conscious.” He played with my hair and as much as I wanted to slap his hand I couldn’t. His hands now roamed over my naked body and I tried to squirm around as a hint for him to stop but he found it humoring and laughed evilly.
Now the painful sensation in my lower body exploding and my body moving rapidly up and down. Ow! No! Please! I tried to scream but the usual came out.
“Harder?” No no no! He dove in even harder, stronger and the pain expanded to a throbbing hurt, a burning fire, I wanted to die, I wanted to be with my father. Ow! No! Please! Stop! I fought to keep the pitiful moan inside so the pain wouldn’t increase.
I wanted to open my shut eyes, to see who was doing this to me. I wanted to ask why. I wanted to yell STOP! I wanted to scream NO! but I couldn’t. The only thing I could do was open my eyes narrowly and see the monster who was eating me up inside out.
But I saw nothing. I was scared, frightened, horrified, afraid, fearful, terrified, every synonym for scared was the exact feeling I felt.
Why could I only see this? A blurry room where nothing was as it would usually be. Blended like the colors of an artist’s pallet.
The only thing I saw was a pair of eyes.
A pair of blue sapphire stones in the richest color of dark blue I had seen in all my life. The color put Erica’s dress to shame. Erica. The name made me want to scream. She had gotten me into this.
His eyes were beautiful but they were not in the right person. They were being used against their will, like I was. The beautiful shade of blue eyes, were dull, malicious, angry and I wanted to run away from them. His eyes were the only thing I saw of him and the whole place around me.
“You better not tell anyone about this, okay?” I couldn’t answer or nod my head.
“You’re not going to answer are you?” His voice had a threatening tone.
He dove into me fast and hard and it hurt so much. His grip on me tighter. Another tear escaped my eye.
“Aw poor baby.” I heard a menacing and cold laugh from the man and it scared me. I wanted to die.
I felt a sudden pressure on my lips, the man had opened my mouth with his tongue and kissed me. His lips and tongue rang down my neck and I felt my chest moisten and a colder wind on me. I was disgusted and crying rapid tears that left no noise. Every time the man kissed me he didn’t stop the pain, he never stopped, he went in deeper and harder and the pain never seceded. He thought his kiss would make me feel better but I only felt worse.
He went harder than usual and it caught me by surprise, hurting so much more, I moaned trying to yell but he just went in deeper and deeper and deeper till it hurt too much to bear. His hands pressed into my shoulders holding them down hard. He had pressed his hands flat down into my chest crushing my bones. He didn’t care that my chest and shoulders were hurting instead using them as support to hurt me further. The pain was excruciating, agonizing, tormenting and most of all torturous. All my screams stayed inside my paralyzed body. I couldn’t do anything to protect myself, I was at the mercy of this man. I moved because he moved me, I cried because he made me and I couldn’t scream or yell for help.
But now I had something to cry for and slow silent tears ran out of my eyes and fell down my cheeks. I felt like my life had ended and as much as I wanted it too it did not.
***
I woke in Erica’s room the following morning.
I hadn’t thought of last night, I couldn’t bear it yet, but I would think of it later. Eventually it will catch up to me.
The man left me in the room. He dressed me up and simply left. I lay in the room, eyes closed while he dressed me. My eyes were closed but tears had still poured down them in a quiet rush. His words were an echo in my brain. “You were a fun toy to play with.”
Erica had finally noticed I was gone at the end of the party and Dylan and she drove us to her house. Where I lay thinking I was dead on the plush bed.
I pushed myself up from her bed and a sudden stab of pain went inside me. Ow! and I remembered last night, I remembered all the times I said Ow! in my mind and I quickly shoved the thought away in my box and I walked out her room, phone and purse in hand. Tiny tears going down my cheeks like yesterday- I shoved the memory away.
I had to leave, find isolation and at five in the morning it would be something easy to do.
Barefoot, I opened the door and stepped outside. I shut the door behind me and started to walk east.
I walked with my head low, my eyes drooping down on me, tears running down my cheeks and a sense of paranoia at every sound I heard along the way. A cat’s meow, a car’s swoosh of tires and music, an opening of a door, the sound of footsteps, the voice of a person, the howl of a dog, the laugh of a man and the sight of blue eyes. I had never been like this.
I walked and walked for what seemed like five minutes, not knowing where I was headed but I walked east until I reached the beach at six fifteen in the morning. I hadn’t known where I was going all along but inside I did.
I wanted to see the pale sun, hear the calming waves crash on the shore, hear the seagulls squeals and see them dive in the water, I wanted to feel the blazing sand on the hot bruised soles of my bare feet, to smell the salt of the water and feel the wind on my face, to see the clear blue sky with puffy white clouds, to feel the sun’s warming heat on my bruised and sore body. I wanted to feel the calm nature around me and the security of the lonely beach. I wanted to be safe.
I walked slowly, still in shock about everything I had gone through in a period of only five or six hours, until my feet dug in moist sand and water tickled my toes. I took in a deep breathe, inhaling the soothing wind and slowly sat on the sand. I didn’t care that my bottom was getting wet and the dress more ruined. I was glad the dress was getting wet and full of sand. I would burn it, dispose of it, throw it in the ocean, I’d do something to get rid of it. It only had bad memories. The box in my head rattled but I closed it shut.
I was alone in the world, in this world that I was held stranger in yesterday, in the world that I was still facing exposed. The box rattled. I was alone with no one to help me, I was once again at the mercy of the world. The box rattled. Anyone could come to me now and take the little bit I had left, my broken life. The box rattled, rattled so hard and fiercely that it opened wide and I remembered all the pain I had felt, the tears I had cried, the screams I tried to scream, the moans that escaped in their place, the voice of the cruel man, the fear I had felt, the torture I endured, being held against my will, being taken advantage from, his eyes and the drink I had drunk.
The drink. The drink. The DRINK. Tears became sobs and they escaped me quicker than normal, my breathe coming out unevenly, my chest heaving up and down. It was the drink, the drink Todd had given me. Todd. I hated that man almost as much as I hated the cruel man that did such a thing to me. Why was I so innocent, so naive? So stupid?! I should have known. He put something in my drink, how else could I have gotten like that? I should have known, I shouldn’t have trusted anyone. I had seen the malice and deceit in his eyes, why did I trust him? Why wasn’t God there to help and shelter me? Why me?
I dug my hand into the sand with a fierceness and without knowing, started searching for sea shells as I had done with my dad when I was a little girl. I cried harder. I want to be a little girl! Why do I have to feel such pain? The seashell I had in my hand was soon a ton of shattered peaces in my hand. I could feel the blood ooze from my fingers. Two days ago I was laughing with my friends, I was a child two days ago, but now I had lost it all. All of it. Lost. Gone. Gone with the wind, the wind that caressed my cheeks had taken away my innocence and given it to someone else.
I wanted to keep my virginity, to give it to the right man. Not to a scoundrel like the man who had taken my only sense of purity, my only dignity, something I was so proud in. The gift God had given me. God. Was there even a God? I didn’t think there could be anymore after all the things I had seen with unprotected child eyes.
My innocence, purity, virginity, happiness, pride, laughter, smiles, and joy was gone. In the place of it stood the cold characteristics of paranoia, fear, horror, terror and walls. Walls that were now guarding me wherever I went, not letting me get exposed, walls that were protecting and ruining me. I would miss the laughs and smiles, my innocence, my virginity and myself. I was now on the other side. The side of cruelty and war, not anymore in my land of fantasies and love with candy and sugar and a safe haven. Not even this beach was safe anymore, in its place of warm blue water with calm waves and light blue skies stood the ice cold black water with gray skies and sharks, with waves that could tear a boat apart and drown a person into the black cold mist of the once beautiful ocean. Everything I saw now was in another world.
I wanted my father. I wanted warm soothing arms around me telling me it would be okay, with a bandage and a lollipop in their hand and a wide warming smile on their faces. I wanted to have to worry about getting a booboo or a cut and not finding a bandage. Being in the bathroom with no toilet paper, getting the question wrong in a homework assignment, missing my favorite T.V show, not knowing which ice cream flavor to get, and being late to the movies. I wanted to be a kid again. I wanted to be me.
I stood up from the sand, not wanting to know what was going on inside the waters and started to walk away from the beach I used to love visiting, holding my father’s hand. I missed him so much. Why did he have to die? Stupid cancer! I broke, snapped. I let out a loud screeching scream that the people up in the hotels would hear of and laugh. But the scream was too late, it came too late, much much too late. A whole six hours late.
My eyes drooped down on me, I only slept four or five hours. I walked slowly like a dead woman in the chilling wind till the sand became cement and I walked home and made it at eight fifty two in the morning.
_____________________________________________________________________
I take this as a serious situation and I give all the victims of this act my respect. I do not wish to offend anyone by writing about this and I want to get my word out to you. If you or anyone you know has been raped or you know someone involved in this act, don’t stay quiet and speak now. You can be saving another person’s innocence and an Evelyn somewhere out there will thank you one day.
This was really difficult for me to write but I had to suck it up since this is what gives the plot to the story. I hope it wasn't too bad a chapter.
The pic on the side is.... well, the thief.
VOTE COMMENT FAN!!! Thanks:)