Friday February 18 2010
I had promised Erica last monday that I would make it up to her from missing our movie night. She said she was coming over to watch it today so I went into the closet to quickly pick out some comfortable clothes to sleep in. I knew she would fall asleep in the left side of my bed as usual on movie nights.
I changed into a short purple shirt that I had cut because of a little accident.
When I was painting my room purple with neon hand prints all over the walls, Erica had tripped on the paint bucket and fallen back on her butt with her hands painted pink in the air. She had gripped my shirt and sadly ruined it. It was one of the funniest things of life and every time I thought of it I laughed.
I had also put on some nice black cotton shorts and the white bunny slippers Erica had given me.
I picked my hair up in a side ponytail and went to make the Orville’s Movie Theatre Butter popcorn Erica and I loved so much. I stayed watching the bag grow and listening to the loud “POP, POP,POP” in the lit up microwave. I stopped the microwave at one since the end beeping sound annoyed me and with the tips of my thumb and index finger, I held the sizzling and still popping bag in my hands. I went to search for a big salad bowl and dumped in the popcorn. I saw the steaming air rise and boil in my face.
I took it to my room and set it on the bedside table. I sat down in the beanbag chair with a book and waited for Erica until the doorbell rung.
I walked out of my room and to make sure it was my best friend, I peeked out the door’s window shutters and saw Erica’s face. I unlocked the door and put the alarm code 0213- my birthday- and let her in. My mom forced me to have the locks on and the alarm on when she was gone. Today she had a meeting at the hospital with all of her assistants.
“Hey!” Erica hugged me.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“I got this movie American Pie. Dylan says its hilarious and he let me borrow it. So here it is!” A bright smile made its way on her face.
“Did you make the popcorn?”
“Warm and ready.” I sang
“Okay let’s go!” We went to my room and she popped the movie in the DVD player. The plasma screen changed from black to a bright display of music and people.
***
The movie was perverted and disgusting but it took away from the seriousness that my life took at times. I don’t think I had laughed that much in a movie since The Proposal.
I searched the internet on my phone and looked for Dominoes pizzeria’s number. We thought of the perfect accent to give to the person. Redneck. It was my turn to talk in this prank call since last time it was Erica’s. Either way I had the best redneck accent from us two.
We dialed the number and the phone and waited for 4 rings till the person picked up.
“Hello, this is Dominoes pizza, how may I take your order?”
“Well Ma’m, I want five boxes of the ones with the stinky dead fish in it, what’s it called?” I looked at Erica and she fought to keep a straight face on but succeeded. Thankfully, I did too.
“It’s called anchovies M’am.” She replied politely
“Okay, well put that and I want five cheese, five pepperoni and 5 bottles of Coke Ma’ m.” I said.
“Okay Ma’m, do you want the party discount?” The lady asked
“Nuh-uh Ma’m, it’s just me and my hippopotamus of a husband. It’s our fun night so we need the energy.” Erica let out a giggle and I fought not to let one out myself. I was being disgusting and rude but there always came a time when I just forgot the world and behaved like a stupid teenager.
“Okay? Well Ma’m can you tell me your address please?” She asked and in her voice I heard disgust. I wondered if she was imagining the picture I had given her.
I looked at the house next to Erica’s and the number was 362.
“Yes Ma’m, 362 NW 31 St. Fort Lauderdale, Florida. You aren’t in California right, cause I ain’t waiting hours and hours and hours for my pizza, Miss.”
“No were not in California Ma’m, we’ll be there in 45 minutes.” I heard annoyance in her voice and Erica covered her face with a pink feather pillow.
“Alright Ma’m. Thank you Ma’m.”
“Your welcome and thank you for your-”
“Yeah, whatever, bye.” and I hung up the phone.
Erica and I burst out laughing like a volcano holding its lava in too long. We knocked down the empty bowl of popcorn when our backs hit the bed.
“Oh my God, oh holy fucking shit, Evelyn! You were awesome, oh my God we have to-” she trailed off laughing and started to speak again. “To go outside and hide in their bushes and see what they say of the shit we just put them in.”
“Erica, it’s freaking eleven!” and I burst out laughing again, this was hilarious and a bit stupid but when boredom attacks us we strike back and hard.
“Who cares? Mr. Collins has such a temper and I love seeing him get mad. This will be epic!”
“Fine but you better not laugh or make any noise. I don’t want to get caught!” I giggled
Erica lifted her right hand and locked her mouth with an imaginary key. She put it in her “pocket.”
“I pinky promise.” She swore and we joined pinkies.
“Let’s watch stupid YouTube videos in the mean time!” I suggested.
“Okay, Okay!”
For a whole half hour we watched YouTube, laughing at Antoine Dodson’s interview, movie clips, family guy clips and corny, stupid remakes of movies like Twilight, and music videos.
“Okay Erica, I think we should probably go now since its been like a half hour, they could be coming any minute now.” I exited YouTube and turned off the computer. I was feeling a bit nervous but we had to finish what we started so I stood up from the green desk chair and Erica stretched out her hand to from the floor. I helped her up. We walked through the hall and out the door.
“Erica, remember, you can’t make any noise whatsoever.” I reminded her.
“I know, relax!” She smiled.
How could I relax? I didn’t usually do things like this but sometimes it was good to just be crazy with Erica and let everything flow. I was glad I wasn't alone in my room, waiting for my mom to come home from work.
“Fine, come on.”
We looked to both sides of the street, and at the usual emptiness, we crossed it. My best friend and I walked on the Collins’ grass to the tall pink flower bushes to hide behind them.
“Make sure nothing is showing.” Erica whispered.
“Okay.” I whispered back.
“And now we wait.” I said impatiently and we fell into a long silence. We waited and waited, making sure we made no noises so none of the family members would wake up to check out what the source was. We kept waiting for what seemed like forever until finally, head lights were becoming visible through the right side of the road and the low sound of wheels rolling on the floor was audible. Suddenly a small fear with a twinge of paranoia came into me as I wondered “What if its not the pizza guy?” I quickly dismissed the thought. No one could see us so we were safe.
“I think that’s him.” Erica whispered. I watched as the car that we thought might be the pizza guy passed us by the street and again we were alone. Erica and I laughed quietly at how quickly our hopes were crushed.
“False alarm.” I joked, still chuckling a little.
The lights of a new car and its sounds were getting closer. The car parked in front of the Collins'. The car was an old, small, and hunter green Toyota that had a triangle-shaped cone laying on the top of the car. It advertized Dominoes and its number. It was the pizza guy after all, thank God, no more waiting.
“He’s here! I wonder if he’s hot.” Erica said too loud and I covered her mouth too late. I put my index finger to my lips, my eyes as wide as a deer’s. Erica smiled at my panic and I shook my head in disbelief at how careless she was.
Through a small opening in the bush I could see the man going up the three porch steps, struggling with a huge stack of pizza boxes on a little metal cart. He rung the door bell.
Erica was watching too and disappointment entered her face, no he was not hot. He had a bit of a five o’clock shadow and he was really overweight. His hair was messy and a weird orange color, his skin was an unhealthy pale white and I wanted to look away.I had the feeling that Erica did too. I smiled and fought the urge to laugh at all the pizza boxes. I ashamed that they might go to waste.
The man rung the bell twice more until grumpy old Mr.Collins opened the front door. Erica and I couldn’t see his face since we were at a different angle but I could imagine him. Eyes half open, mouth moving so slightly at the words he spit out that you wouldn’t know he was talking unless you heard his voice. He was the only one in the room, his hands on his hips and his left foot tapping the floor angrily, just like that day Erica’s brother mistakingly threw his football at a window when we were playing catch two years ago. I never liked the man, he always frightened me. I thought he had some serious issues. He probably needed some sort of anger management pills or therapy. Poor Collins’ family.
“What do you want at this time of the night, damn it!” Mr.Collins raging voice asked.
“Uh, Sir, you ordered fifteen boxes of pizza and five bottles of coke earlier.” The man said in a strange and funny gay voice, sounding confused. Erica and I almost blew our cover at the sound of the man’s voice but surprisingly kept our cool.
I looked at Erica at the same time she looked at me and we smiled at each other then turned to the little show.
“Uh, nuh-uh, young man. I didn’t order nothing and neither did my wife.”
“Jack, what’s wrong?” I recognized the voice as Mrs.Collins. I wondered how it was that such a nice and calm lady could have married such an ass.
“This guy here says we ordered pizza, fifteen boxes to be exact. You didn’t do that Sara did you? I’ll be damn pissed if you did!” The man said to her, not at all caring that there was a man three feet away from him.
“No I did not, Jack.” She replied with a hurt voice.
“Mommy?” Cain’s seven year old voice asked sounding worried. Oh no, I was feeling bad now. Cain was autistic and he got frightened and angry quite easily, but he was a nice little boy. I met him when he wandered out of his house as I was outside getting the mail. I asked him what was wrong and he didn’t speak or at all act like I was there. I heard a woman’s voice yell “Cain, Cain! Where are you?” I looked around the street and found the noise was right next to Erica’s house where his mom stood, worried and yelling at the top of her small voice. I was sure this little boy was Cain so I took him to her. I knew she was Mrs. Collins but I never met her. She was quite amiable and was kind to me, inviting me in for coffee but I said my mom was expecting me home. She thanked me and nearly kissed my feet explaining that Cain was autistic and I felt an overwhelming fear that he would wander off again but no one would be there to save him. This happened a year ago and ever since I had always felt bad for him.
“Yes dear, nothing’s wrong, come on.” I heard fading footsteps and I looked at the two men.
“Sir, we got a call from you saying you wanted fifteen boxes of pizza, five anchovy, five cheese, and-”
Mr.Collins grabbed the pizza guy by the collar of his blue uniform shirt.
“Listen hear, dumb ass! I ain’t done gone ordering fifteen pizzas and five cokes anytime. Now get your ugly fat ass off my property! And give me one of those damn pizzas!” Mr.Collins snatched two pizza boxes and two liters of coke from the man who was not objecting at all. He looked frightened and scared.
“Get off my land before I put a big restraining order on your ass and a lawsuit to that stupid company of yours! Saying I ordered pizza when I sure as hell didn’t! Go on, get off fat ass.” The man was already by his car and opening the trunk. He put everything inside with shaking hands. Mr.Collins kept rambling on till he shut the door with a loud bang. The man got inside his car and started speeding down the street.
It was a show. A funny, stupid, mean, aggressive, rated-R show that Erica and I enjoyed watching through surprised eyes.
“Let’s go!” she whispered and involuntarily I ran down the street hearing Erica’s footsteps trail behind me. We laughed all the way there. When we got to my room, we didn’t stop laughing till we recalled every hilarious moment that we fought so hard not to laugh in. Our heads throbbed so much that we crashed on the pillows and fell asleep. If someone didn’t know we weren’t on crack they sure would have thought we were.
***
“Come on get up!” I heard a mumbling voice but didn’t give it much thought and fell asleep again.
“Ow!” I yelled. Something slammed into my back twice and I shot up, sitting on the bed.
“What the hell was that for Erica!?” I screamed questioning. Erica was at the side of my bed with her head cocked slightly to the side and a yellow pillow in her hand.
“Come on silly, I did it because we have to go to the mall!” Erica laughed like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“What do you mean? Why?” She hadn’t told me anything!
“I just got a text that there’s a party tonight at my brother’s friend’s house! Ev, don’t tell me you don’t want to go, it’s a college party, with college boys and college drinks! You still owe me! Please!” She explained and begged.
“Erica I full filled my obligation to you yesterday, remember?”
“I know, I know, but it’s a party like no other. If I thought high school parties were fun, then this will be even better, Ev!”
“Your brother actually invited you to this?” How could an older brother invite a little sister to a party? Didn’t they usually want to get rid of them?
“Come on Ev, you know my brother and I have always been like this.” She lifted her right hand curled her middle and index finger together. They had always been pretty close. Yet, if he cared so much about her then why would he be exposing his freshman sister to a college party where she would go crazy and guys would take advantage of that?
“I know you’re close Erica, but I hate high school parties and now I have to go to a college party? You’re crazy!” I whined.
“I know, I know and I’m sorry but I promise you wont go to anymore parties for one week.” She said frowning. One week? As heavenly as it sounded, I would have to make it longer.
“Three.” I bargained
“Two.”
“Deal.” Two weeks no parties! Heaven on Earth! I would go to this party, take it like a woman, and avoid parties for two weeks!
“No givesies backsies!” I pointed at her.
“I promise.” And we pinky swore.
“Dress up, we’re leaving.” She commanded.
“Don’t you have to-” She was already perfectly dressed in my clothes and ready to go.
“Wow.” I said surprised. She gave me a wide smile and jumped in the air clapping her hands.
“This will be so much fun!”
“Of course.” I murmured sarcastically.
“Cheer up you old grouch!”
I gave her a murderous glare and went to my closet to change. I told my mom where we were going and asked her permission. I kissed her goodbye. My mom gave me the keys to her white Mercedes Benz and off Erica and I went with our licenses, cell phones, and some money to spend.
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Pic on the side is Erica.
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