(AN) Eeek, I left you on a bit of a cliffhanger, didn't I?;) Oooooh what will happen? o.O is Hunter safe? Or is he being ripped to pieces by his douche of a dad....? Read to find out...
Who thought the picture of Hunter was seriously yummy?!
God, I want my own Hunter.
Or just any cute, emo boy with a lip ring.
Funny me saying that, cause I already have a boyfriend....
He's so not my type though.
I like emo cuties with a lip ring ^.^
I'm rambling like I always do so I will leave...and you can read...and that rythmes!:o
Hehehe, remember! 20 votes till the next chapter!(:
I love you! XXX
I'd fallen asleep in James' arms last night, after putting up a good struggle to get out of the door. How could I just sit there when Hunter was in danger and it was all my fault? I felt like a pathetic excuse of a life. And hell, if anything happened to Hunter then I wouldn't hesitate to shoot his Dad in the face.
I woke up with a gasp, and immediatley sat up from James' chest. He smiled at me, and I thought about slapping him. How could he smile?
"Why are you smiling?" I demanded.
James took my hand and smiled more. "They found Hunter."
I felt as if a massive weight had suddenly been hoisted up off my chest. I could finally breathe again, finally smile, finally...worry about where the hell he had been last night.
"Where did they find him?"
"Funny story." James murmured. "Hunter came back last night about a half hour after you fell asleep. Chris had got back by then and went up, to see if he was ok."
"And was he?"
"Well, his lip ring had been pulled off so his mouth was all bloody."
I squinted my eyes. "Who would run up to someone, rip out their lip ring, and run off?"
James sighed. "That's the bad part actually."
"How?"
"Well, Hunter didn't get home on his own last night. When Chris asked him how he'd managed to get back, Hunter said that a man drove him."
A man.
A man could be his Father.
Right?
But if it had been his Father, wouldn't Hunter have been able to realize?
"It wasn't his Dad." I said immediatley. "Hunter would have freaked if it was his Dad."
"You're forgetting that he was absolutley off his head. He could barely stand last night, practically crawled through the door. When Chris asked if he recognized the man, Hunter said yes. Apparently, the man kept staring at him and touching his hair and...come on Kat, you don't have to be a genius to work out that it was his Dad."
"But his Dad's an ass!" I exclaimed. "He wouldn't have just drove Hunter home and not done anything! If it was his Dad, he would have taken Hunter out of state and probably killed him!"
"Maybe he changed...?"
"No." I hissed. "Don't even say that."
"Kat-"
"Hunter was with his Dad last night and it was all our fault."
"I know it's our fault, but-"
"Where's Hunter?" I demanded.
James laughed nervously. "Throwing up in the bathroom."
I wasted no time whatsoever and immediatley pulled myself up off my bed. I darted out of my room, down the corridor and threw the bathroom door open.
Seeing Hunter, I let out a sigh of relief.
He looked a mess...well a mess for Hunter. His hair was scruffy, dark circles covered his eyes and a deep cut had formed on his lower lip where the ring used to sit. He was in nothing but his skinny jeans, so I got a good view of his perfect body. That was another thing to love about Hunter; he didn't need a 6 pack to look amazing. He looked mesmerizing just with his slender arm muscles and skinny chest.
Chris was there with him.
He was hovering over Hunter's arched body, rubbing his back softly as he coughed a few more times into the toilet.
Chris looked up at me.
Hunter didn't.
"He's back." Chris said motionlessly.
I tried to hide the guilt in my voice. "I realized."
"Do you guys...wanna talk?"
I nodded eagerly.
Too eager.
Chris pat Hunter on the back before standing to his feet and ruffling my hair on his way out. The door closed and I sighed awkwardly.
"Hunter, I'm so sorry."
He barely looked up. "For what?"
"Getting you into this mess."
"It's just a hangover, Kat."
I rolled my eyes. "I meant about what happened last night."
"What?"
"Do you remember anything about last night?"
"No."
"Has Chris told you what happened?"
"Yeah."
"So why aren't you freaking out?"
"Because I don't fucking remember and I don't wanna fucking remember!"
"Hunter-"
"Look, I don't blame you for last night." He said, voice becoming more gentle and quiet. "I'm just pissed off at myself because if it really was my...Dad last night, then how come I didn't do anything about it?!"
"You were drunk, it's not your fault." I promised.
"If it was him, then why the fuck didn't he kill me?!"
"I don't know." I admitted. "But what I do know is that it is not your fault what happened last night. You did what any person would do, ok? And if it was...your Dad, then shouldn't we just be thankful that he didn't hurt you?"
Hunter shrugged. "If it was him, then why the fuck didn't I realize?!"
I was about to reply, but Hunter kind of interrupted me by leaning his face over the toilet again and violently throwing up. Normally, I hated seeing or hearing people coughing anything up, but with Hunter it was different. All I wanted to do was comfort him.
So, like I had back in Cyprus, I headed over to Hunter and knealt down behind him. I hovered my chest over his back like Chris had, and I wrapped an arm around his stomach; gently rubbing it.
"Get off, Kat." He muttered.
I rolled my eyes. "Shut up and throw up."
I could tell that Hunter was going to snap back at me, but he had to empty his throat first which took quite a while. I felt bad, mainly because it was me and James that had got Hunter so drunk...and now he was going to be in the bathroom for the rest of the day.
"Seriously, can you go?" Hunter asked.
It was more of a beg.
He sounded desperate.
"Why?" I whispered.
"You know why."
"No I really don't."
Hunter sighed. "You're fucking making me want you, that's why!"
"Oh my God, stop being such a dick!"
Hunter seemed shocked at my insult; and after flushing the toilet, he faced me with a glare. I knew that there was no point in physical fighting now because he was too weak to raise a fist.
So, I simply blew out a sigh.
"Look Hunter, last night wasn't about going to a party and having fun. It was about me trying to get you to open up to me. But everything backfired and went to the worst possible scenario. I get that you're insecure about yourself and you tend to hide your feelings, but it's mentally ripping me apart knowing that you want to be with me. Do you think that I don't have feelings for you? If you do then you're absolutley stupid! I have feelings for you Hunter and I want to be with you! I know you want to be with me too so don't fucking deny it! Man up and be who you are!"
"Kat, why do you have to be such a bitch sometimes?!" He demanded. "Yes, I wanna fucking be with you. But that's selfish of me to do that because I know that I'll hurt you!"
"No you wont!"
"I fucking will and you know it! You know that I'll run off if I get upset, that I'll get drunk when I'm angry, that I'll insult you and strike out at you when you piss me off! I wont take your feelings into consideration and I'll be freaking out 24, 7 that you just feel sorry for me. I'll hurt you and I'll mess you up!"
I reached out for Hunter but he jerked away. "Hunter, what's the real reason you wont act on your feelings? Because I just saw the look you had in your eyes, and I know you're lying."
"I'm not lying." He muttered.
His finger reached up to his lip but then it dropped back down.
"You don't have your lip ring to grab this time, Hunter."
Hunter let out a nervous laugh and then looked down. "Can I do something?"
"What?"
"Can I kiss you one last time?"
And even though I wanted him.
Even though I was so pissed at him.
Even though he made me want to scream, I shook my head.
He simply nodded. "Alright."
"It's just...you've been throwing up so your breath probably stinks."
Hunter chuckled and grabbed the back of his neck. "I can live with that."
"Later?" I whispered.
"Later." He agreed. "Can you do me a favor and get me a shirt?"
"Get it yourself."
"And I'll throw up on the landing..."
I rolled my eyes. "Fine."
"Thanks."
Smiling at Hunter, I left the bathroom and headed down the hall. After stepping into his bare room, I skipped over to the drawers and pulled out the 1st shirt that I saw; from Oli Sykes' drop dead clothing range. I liked to think that I was the one who got Hunter into Bring Me The Horizon...he never liked them until I forced him to listen to Chelsea Smile repeatedly until he loved it.
I was about to leave, but then I saw something small and black sticking out from Hunter's clothes. Curiosity got the better of me and I took hold of the black object. As I pulled it out, I realized it to be a small journal of some sort.
I became a serious bitch at that moment, and I kept the journal with me.
After I threw Hunter the shirt, and said goodbye to James, I headed back into my room and flipped the small book open.
Then, I understood Hunter completely.
July 13th 2008
Kat is a bitch. She can't keep out of anyone else's buisness and she's constantly bugging me. I didn't want to go to the wedding, but Chris made me. It was boring as fuck. That new wife of his is just as much of a bitch as her daughter. I can't wait till Chris realizes what a whore he's married.
How the hell can't he see that she's a manipulative slut?
I should probably tell him about the texts.
But then he wouldn't believe me.
Chris fucking hates me.
I don't give a shit though.
Dad's are supposed to hate their children.
August 31st 2008
The bitch is an absolute whore. Why the fuck did Chris marry her? I didn't think she was actually seeing anyone else. I thought she was just texting guys. But I ditched school early and came home. Guess who was being screwed on a kitchen table by my therapist?
The bitch.
After Dr Brown left, she got more pissed than I'd ever seen before.
She started crying.
But I just called her a bitch.
I didn't think she'd actually do anything. But she took the kitchen knife and told me she'd hurt me if I told Chris. She kept saying she was sorry, but that I had to keep it a secret.
I wasn't that scared of her though.
But then she said that Chris wouldn't believe me anyways. That he'd get mad at me and send me to a family who would treat me like my Dad did.
That shut me up.
September 21st 2008
I HATE MY FUCKING LIFE!
September 22nd 2008
Chris is such a bastard! He's hid every fucking razor in the house from me. What the fuck can I do now?! Nothing else works like the razors do!
November 6th 2008
SUCH A BITCH! SHE'S SUCH A FUCKING BITCH!
STOP FUCKING SCREWING GUYS WHEN CHRIS IS AT WORK! STOP THREATENING ME! STOP BEING SUCH A WHORE! WHY DON'T YOU JUST FUCKING KILL ME?! I WONT BE ABLE TO TELL YOUR SECRET IF I'M DEAD, WILL I?!
December 11th 2008
Kat.is.a.bitch.
December 25th 2008
This is the 1st Christmas where I've not been locked in the basement all day. This is the 1st Christmas where Dad hasn't came up to me and said 'here's you present' and then beat the shit out of me. This is the 1st Christmas that I've ever got a real present.
Kat got me a camera.
Chris probably brought up that I like cameras.
He probably bought it and wrote Kat's name on it.
Why would she get me a present? She hates me.
January 1st 2009
6 days ago was my 1st real Christmas. Today is my 1st real birthday. I mean...I guess I freaked out when Chris tried to sing 'happy birthday.' I shouldn't have kicked the cake off the table. It's just weird though. I had no idea that you were supposed to have a cake on your birthday.
Kat got me another present.
Green Day, Bullet In A Bible DVD.
How does she know I like this shit?
February 12th 2009
I can't stop scratching at my wrists. I need a fucking razor. I need a fucking, fucking, fucking razor. I can't stop. I need one now.
March 1st 2009
I found a razor, so I can stop the constant scratching.
But I can't use it...Chris is still checking me for cuts.
He looks fucking everywhere.
My neck, arms, chest, stomach, legs, back, wrists.
I need him to stop.
March 15th 2009
He stopped checking.
I can finally give myself the pain I deserve again.
May 26th 2009
Angry.
May 27th 2009
PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A LIFE!
May 28th 2009
I WANT TO DIE!
May 29th 2009
Dad, I'm coming.
July 14th 2009
Chris didn't tell Kat about what I'd done to myself. I'm glad. She'd think I was attention seeking or something. He just told her that I was going to a boarding school for a little while.
Little did she know that I was in hospital for 1 week.
Then a psyciatric ward for the next month.
I still scratch.
But Chris is watching me 24, 7 making sure I don't cut.
August 7th 2009
Why the fuck is Kat growing on me?
December 25th 2009
I attempted at being 'civilized' today. I wrote a card to Chris and Kat. Not to the bitch. I thought I was doing kind of ok at having my good act on. But then I refused to eat the dinner that the bitch cooked. It wasn't cause I hated her. It was just cause...I suddenly felt like I had no control.
I couldn't cut.
Scratch.
Scream.
Die.
I couldn't do anything.
So I thought about restricting food.
That was ok, right?
January 3rd 2010
4th day without eating anything. I feel like I'm gonna die. But it's ok, at least I'll die in control.
January 6th 2010
Exactly 1 week without eating.
January 10th 2010
I'm out of hospital now. I don't remember what happened. Chris was asking me if I was ok one minute, and then the next I was hooked to an IV. Chris was upset, asked me why I'd starved myself. I just said I wanted to be in control.
Now, I'm in that fucking psyciatric ward again whilst Kat believes I'm at the boarding school again.
March 10th 2010
I feel kinda bad.
Kat doesn't deserve the shit I say to her.
Neither does Chris.
I can't help it though.
It just comes out.
August 10th 2010
Kat's got me into bring me the horizon. I kinda like them. It's just, their songs are really triggering. Make me want to cut. Weirdly, instead of searching for a razor, I went to Chris. I told him I wanted to cut and he took me outside to his car. I kept thinking he was taking me to the hospital but he parked at a house, telling me his friend lived there.
We went inside, and his friend was kinda nice.
He was called Callum.
He was disabled, in a wheelchair.
He held out his hand and there was a white scar on his wrist. Callum obviously saw that I was curious and he told me how he used self harm to escape the fact that he could never walk. I told him I was sorry, and he said it was ok. Then, I asked him how he stopped wanting to cut.
Callum said he never stopped wanting to; that the urge would be there forever. But that when he wanted to cut, he'd keep himself busy. He said that guitar was one way. So he got his guitar and handed it to me, told me that when I felt like hurting myself, I should get the guitar.
He showed me how to play a few chords and then told me i could keep the guitar.
I didn't want to though.
He asked why I didn't want to.
I said, because then you wouldn't to be able to stop yourself from cutting.
December 25th 2010
Callum came round for a bit. He said he had a present for me and then handed me his guitar. I said no for the same reason as last time, but he said to take it because he'd found another way to resist the urge.
I asked what.
He said, love.
January 1st 2011
16 years old.Chris gave me 'the talk.'
Fuck my life.
March 16th 2011
We're going to Cyprus in a few months. Good. Then the bitch is gonna have to find some new bastard to screw when Chris is out.
November 15th 2011
In Cyrus. 2nd week. Already been in hospital and Kat's in my bedroom. Our bedroom. Fuck Chris. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Screw him to hell.
No, it's actually not that bad.
Kat is still growing on me.
But I wont act on it.
No matter how much I fucking want to.
I don't wanna hurt her.
She's started to show more interest in me.
I think she cares...?
Which is why I can't tell her how I feel. If she cares now, she'll care more once she finds out I like her. And if she starts to care too much, then when I die, she'll be upset.
I like Kat, and she reaches out to me.
But suicide reaches out more.
That was the last entry. I felt myself crying, crying badly. So many secrets had been revealed, so many lies, so many shocks. My Mom...had been cheating? Hunter had attempted suicide before? He'd been in a psyciatric ward twice for cutting and for starving himself?
The reason he wasn't acting on his feelings was because he wanted to kill himself?
Oh my fucking God.
7 pm, and I had been biting my tongue the whole day. I hadn't put the journal back in Hunter's drawer, mainly because I wanted to confront him.
I was scared though.
Would he be pissed?
Probably.
He'd be pissed as hell.
But it had to be done, right?
I couldn't even look at the bitch. Hunter's words were growing on me and I was now calling my Mom, 'the bitch.' How could she threaten Hunter? Cheat on Chris? Chris was the most loving man in the world. He was kind and generous and he'd helped Hunter through so much! I needed to tell him about my bitch of a Mom. He deserved to know.
But...would he stay with her?
If they divorced, would my Mom try and take me away from him and Hunter?
Or would I be able to stay with them both?
I guess I needed to talk to Hunter about this.
Luck was on my side.
The door was swung open and a red eyed Hunter stepped through. I wondered why his eyes were so red, but I blamed it down to the hangover.
"You ok?" I asked, slightly nervous.
I was worried about bringing the journal up.
He'd kill me.
Hunter nodded, stumbled forwards, and I immediatley jumped up to my feet. I grabbed his shoulders, steadying him to stand properly.
"You're not drunk again, are you?" I asked, raising an eye-brow.
Hunter laughed emotionlessly. "Just tired."
"Ok.." I frowned. "Did you want anything?"
"To talk..."
"About?"
Hunter wrapped both arms around my waist and then sighed.
"I'm sorry for all the shit I've said to you and for all the times I've hurt you. I just pushed you away because you were growing on me and I didn't want to get close to anyone. But I'm sorry, ok? You didn't deserve it, any of it. Cause you're kind and amazing and beautiful and everything good in the world. You and Chris are just the best people anyone could ask for. And I'm sorry for ignoring that. I was just...scared."
"Hunter, you don't have to be scared." I whispered, tracing a finger down his cheek.
"I'm not scared anymore."
"Really?"
"Really." He promised. "Everything's gonna be ok."
Leaning closer towards me, Hunter's knees gave out for a few seconds.
"Hunter!" I gasped, pulling him up again. "Are you seriously ok?"
"I'm...fine." He murmured. "Just..."
"What?"
"I really wanna kiss you."
I half smiled. "I really wanna kiss you too."
And so I did.
Hoisting Hunter close to me by the back of his neck, I smashed our lips together. Once again, it was a thrilling, intoxiating moment which sent vibrations of passion up and down my body. I would remember this feeling for the rest of my life. It was too powerful to forget.
Hunter bit down on my lower lip and like the other night, I opened my mouth enough so that he could slip his tongue in and let it battle against mine.
"Kat?"
Hunter's voice was muffled against my lips.
"Yeah?" I whispered back.
"Kat, I..."
The kissing stopped and I waited eagerly for what Hunter was going to say. At least 10 seconds passed and I let curiosity rush me.
"You what?"
Hunter's body crashed down on mine with a force so hard that it knocked me to the floor. I was about to playfully shove back, but then I realized that Hunter wasn't moving.
Frantically, I lifted his body up off me and then held him up in an arched sitting position.
I tried to look into his eyes but his head flopped down.
Eyes closed.
I slapped his cheek. "Hunter?!"
No reply.
I slammed his body down on the floor, jumped on top of his stomach and shook his shoulders widly.
"HUNTER?!"