Well I know like everyone was super surprised at my the last chapter. Hey, so was I! But it's time to move on to the next part of the story. And don't you worry, everything will turn out ok.
I hope :/
enjoy!
Chapter 4: Keeping it a secret, oh and running into Paul...again.
I felt speechless, like all the air was shoved out of me, I could hardly breath at all. This couldn't be true, it just couldn't be. There is no way, maybe its......or.........no it's probably......
And now I'm in denial. Great.
This can't be happening. I'm just so surprised, and scared. I have a living thing inside of me. And it's half Paul's. It's going to be a reminder everyday of him. What the hell am I going to do?
"Holly?" Ringo's words pulled my mind back into reality, "You look worse, I'll get you a cloth." I nodded and sat up, my back on the arm rest. He came back over with a small cloth and I set it on my fore head.
"What am I going to do Rings?" I held the cloth with one hand, while looking at my belly with the other. I thing I was imagining it, but I could almost see a bulge at my stomach.
"I don't know, I can't really help. I don't know anything about kids." I'm gonna have a kid! Oh my god. A child, I am screwed over.
I sighed and felt the tears finally drip from my eyes. They left warm streaks across my face as they came down. Ringo saw this and came over to me, rubbing my check with the back of his hand. I felt a bit better to have a friend like Ringo there for me.
"Ringo," I sniffed the snot clogging up my nose, and looked at him through red and puffy eyes, "I need you to promise me something." I blinked, with more tears still streamed from my eyes.
"Ok, shoot." His hand brushed across the top of my head, in a friendly way, while he's eyes were still filled with worry for his good friend.
"Promise me you won't tell anyone." It was silent for a moment, as Ringo thought of what I wanted him to do. It was a lot of me to ask of my friend, but I really wanted to keep this between us.
"Not even Paul?" He finally asked me.
I barely shook my head in a response, "Not even Paul." He was the last person I wanted to know about this. Sure it was his kid, but if he knew, he would want to take care of the kid with me. And I really do not want to see his face.
Ringo pulled his hand to his side and nodded his head, "I promise I won't tell anyone, even Paul." Good, I'm pretty sure I can trust him now.
"Thank you Ringo." I stood up, with the cloth still pressed against my head, and looked at him. He tried to smile but I knew I was putting a lot on his shoulders. I felt bad about it but it was the right thing to do. Or at least it felt that way.
"I guess I better go. John wants me there you know." Ringo looked down at the floor, as he spoke. I lead him to the door and reopened it for him. He waved a goodbye and left my apartment. I lightly pulled the door shut, went over to the sink in the kitchen, and set the cloth on the edge of it.
I looked down at my clothes and realized my clothes looked horrible. A good depiction of how I felt on the inside. So I went over to my bedroom, to change into whatever I had in my drawers. It really didn't matter what.
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A few days went by after my little "discovery". I stayed in solitude for those couple of days, didn't answer the phone the once or twice it rang, didn't really leave the house. Strangely, my mind was blank for most of those few days. I thought about......nothing. It was pretty weird.
Then again I'm pregnant, and that's weird enough.
So, I decided to go out one night, or evening I guess. It got extremely boring to just sit around in my little apartment. I had a longing to see anyone I know.
I got dressed into clothes that looked descent enough to go out in, and locked my apartment before leaving. I traveled down the metal staircase and out of the wooden door of the building, into the streets of Liverpool. It was cold, as expected during this time of the year.
I don't know where I wanted to go. So I just started walking in one way, anyway that wasn't against the wind was find.
I paced myself as I walked down the sidewalk, at a slow pace. It was weird to be outside after being inside for so long. It felt like every person I passed, watched me with creepy eyes. As if they could tell I was different.
But I just pushed those feeling away and focused on the cement a few feet ahead of me. It's just me in shock about everything going on inside of me. Which sounds so nice, you know?
Then, a loud noise came from a block, or so, ahead of me. It got louder as I got closer and I realise it was screaming girls, with a hint of someone singing. And as I came to the source of the screams and music, I saw the name of the building all this was coming from and recognized it.
The Cavern.
And being the curious kind of person, I wondered what all these girls were freaking out about. So I went inside, down the stairs, and I pushed into the large metal door. And I was hit with a large burst of music. It was stuffy and crowded, messy and dirty, yet that happy go lucky feeling was strongest. This was the largest crowd I've ever seen at this place, it gets more crowded every time I come to this place. Wait, how many times have I been there?
I...............am not sure.
Well the large crowd died down as I realized the music was over. Who ever was on stage had finished up and once I was able to get a good look at the stage, the last person walked off into the backstage. I really had nothing else to do, so I leaned against the concrete wall, waiting to see who was next to play, while looking at the ground between my shoes. Maybe they would be a good band, or maybe not. Who knows?
But I didn't stay for long enough to see the next band, though.
"Holly?" And in the middle of all the noise, I could still pick out that voice. I looked up and, half way across The Cavern, I saw him coming towards me.
And of course, he looked amazing as he always does. Every strain of hair on his head brushed perfectly into place, whether or not he meant to do that. He had a simplistic suit on, with his coat over his shoulder, and the case for his bass in his grip.
I didn't want to talk to him, so I turned and quickly walked to the door, pulling it open and almost tripping up the stairs. I was trying to get away from him, without hitting my stomach.
Taking precautions now, hey I'm gonna be a mom, I have too.
"Holly, wait!" Keep walking, keep walking. I had to keep telling myself that. Don't look back, look forward. I was trying to walk home so I could lock myself back inside. I should have know better then to go out into the world. Who else would be the first person I would run into.
But I guess I was just really slow, because Paul caught up to me. I felt him come up to my side, and I just slowed down to a walk, if I wasn't walking already.
"Holly..." He was breathing hard, having to chase after me. He still had his bass in his hand, and his coat over his shoulder. I looked forward, not wanting to see his lovely face.
"You weren't at John's party a while ago." Small talk that I don't want to respond to.
"Oh yeah, I was, um, sick." Let's go with that for now, I was sick. Ringo will cover for me. I can trust him.
"Are you feeling better?" Please don't worry about me, Paul. I don't want that. I still can't believe I'm talking normal to this guy, I much rather die, in a hole, alone forever.
"I guess." No I'm not feeling better. Thanks to you, I'm actually feeling worse. I came up to my apartment building a lot faster then before, I was probably walking fast anyway and I ran half way there to begin with.
And I almost made it home, and I almost was able to leave and not have to worry about anything about Paul.
But something has to happen.
Right as I turned to go inside the apartment, I felt a hand on my should. I was pulled back to face Paul but before I could do anything about it.
Lips were pressed against mine.
It was wonderful, I can't lie about that. His lips were soft, and god damn amazing. I missed these so much, I did. But it made me angry. Why would he kiss me? It doesn't solve any problems between us, no matter how great.
I shoved him way and turned back around. I didn't want to say anything at all. But I did express sadness and anger through my facial expression. I could see the sadness in his eyes, like his eyes were dimming, losing their hazel color.
My legs carried me to the cement stairs that lead to the door of the apartment and I barely go to the second stair when I heard Paul behind me.
"Holly..." He sounded so helpless, I almost felt bad, "I need you." He was beginning to beg me. But I still looked forward.
"I...I...I love you. Please come back to me." I almost felt bad for him. And I love him too, but he is a player and liar. And he hurt me badly.
"Please leave me alone." And with that, I left him on his knees for me to come back. I did want him back but I didn't want the same pain anymore.
What am I going to do with this?