Chapter Thirty-Eight
Eli's POV
My whole body goes cold when I hear the Cap's voice. I know something is seriously wrong and I need to get down to Dani's office immediately. I can't wait for the elevator and I can't give the guys an explanation. I take off, running for the stairs. I throw over my shoulder, “Scott, take the guys out for a break. Now!”
“Yes sir.”
He knows better than to ask questions. He must know something is very wrong, because he then shouts, “Call me.”
I run down the 3 flights of stairs, probably jumping more than I should. I can't afford to fall and injure myself, but I need to get to Dani as quickly as I can. My heart drops into my stomach when I burst into Dani's section of the floor. I assess the scene in less than a second and it doesn't make for a good picture. Cain and Paul are here. I can't see the Cap and I can't see Dani. I just see Cain restraining Paul, who is trying to twist and pull out of Cain's grip. Cain glances at me and says, “Under her desk... I'm moving him to the locker room.”
I nod briefly and rush for Dani's desk. I find the Cap there trying to calm Dani down. “Cap, it won't work. Give her space. Let me in...”
The Cap shuffles out of the way, but I notice that he doesn't leave the area. I can't think about that now, I need to focus on Dani. I kneel in front of her and my heart breaks. She's a complete and utter mess. I don't know what happened, but I take in her appearance and I can take a few guesses. Her clothes are disheveled, her hair is all over the place and she's sobbing and trembling. I whisper, “Dani? Baby? It's me. It's Eli.... Can you count with me?”
I wait to see if she responds or if she can even acknowledge I'm here. Nothing.
“Sweetheart? It's Eli. I need you to concentrate on my voice baby.”
Still nothing. Well, that's not technically true. She's muttering something in Russian, but I can't make out what it is. My Russian vocabulary isn't that vast and she's talking too quickly for me to even catch a few words. I do something that could fully backfire, but I have to grab her attention somehow. I slowly reach for her and place my fingers on her leg. I hear the breath catch in her throat at the same time as she lets out a strangled sound of pain. She puts one hand on her head, like she's hurt her head and I'm even more worried.
I glance at the Cap and ask, “Did she hit her head?”
“No, not that I saw. Eli...”
“No, no. Don't tell me what happened. I can't deal with that right now. I have to deal with this first. I just need to know if she hurt her head.”
“No, I don't think so.”
“Right.”
I focus my attention solely onto Dani and send up a prayer for the right thing to do. I do something I haven't had to do in a while. I take my gun out of it's holster and slide it towards Dani. While I vaguely hear the Cap protest the action, I ignore everything he says. Dani is way more important right now.
My gun catches Dani's attention and she quickly snaps it up. Her breathing is erratic and I can only imagine what her heart rate is like right now. I try again, “Dani? It's me. Point the gun at me. You know like we used to do? That's it, just listen to my voice. I need you to listen to me. I need you to count with me. You need to slow your breathing down sweetheart...”
She just sobs and I can see the gun shaking in her hands. She can't count. She's got herself into such a state that there's no way she's going to be able to count at this stage. I close my eyes and go back on all the things I've had to do to help calm Dani down. I know I can't reach for her hand coz she'll probably shoot me right now. Yes, she's that bad. She doesn't even recognize it's me.
I take a deep breath and quietly sing 'Gravity' by John Mayer. I get halfway through the song before Dani whispers, “Eli?”
Thank goodness for that, she finally knows it's me. While she's nowhere near calm, she knows it is me.
“Yes baby, it's me. How you doing?”
“I can't breathe...”
“Shh, ok, ok. Don't panic sweetheart. You want to give me your hand?”
She doesn't want to, I can see it, but she's scared. She's scared because she can't breathe and because of whatever happened. Her breathing has to take precedence or she'll pass out or die. “Baby, you need to get your breathing down. Just let me help you with that and then you can slap me, take your hand away or do whatever else you want. Just let me get your breathing and heart rate down...”
I didn't think she'd go for it, but slowly she gives me her right hand. I place it over my heart and close my eyes, using my army training to slow my own heart down. I hear her counting the beats and it feels like a lifetime before her breathing is at the higher end of normal.
She quickly snatches her hand away, but she mumbles a thank you before she does.
“You want to stay under there, baby?”
She wraps her arms even tighter around her legs and her grip on my gun is stronger. “Don't panic, Dani. You can stay there if you want to. I'm not going to leave you on your own. I'm here now and I'm staying...”
She lets out a sob and she whispers, “No one was here....”
I thought my heart couldn't break any more, but upon hearing her broken tone and her despair it obviously can. I feel awful. Whatever went down probably wouldn't have happened if people were nearby. I can't even think about what happened yet. I might just rip that gun out of her hands and use it on someone.
I whisper, “I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm so sorry no one was here... I have to talk to the Cap, you going to be ok for a minute?”
I go to move away and she nearly screams, “No!”
“What? What's wrong?”
“Don't leave me, please... He'll come back.... Please....”
“Shhh, ok, ok. I'm not going anywhere. Just hold onto my gun, Dani. I'll stay right here.”
I sit on the floor by her desk, not really knowing what to do. I obviously can't discuss anything with the Cap in front of her because it might set her off again, but the Cap doesn't think about that. He just walks over to me and stands by my knee as he asks, “What's going on, Eli?”
I sigh, deep and heavy. “Honestly sir, I don't know. I think you're probably more in the loop than I am here. No, I still can't hear about it, please. I have to get her home, but I don't think she's ready to go just yet. And no, I don't know when that will be.”
The Cap whispers, “I need to get him out of here...”
“Which one?”
“Which one do you think?”
“Well, they both don't have a great track record when it comes to Dani, do they?”
“No, I guess not. I couldn't have contained this without Cain here though.”
“I'll have to thank him for that later...”
“Eli?”
I turn to face Dani again. She shakily hands me my gun and whispers, “Thank you. You can use it better than me...”
“Do you feel safe enough without it?”
She scoffs a little at my statement and I kick myself for saying such a dumb thing. She takes a deep breath and scoots towards me a bit. I instinctively raise my right arm and she tucks herself against my side. I carefully wrap my arm around her and hold her securely against me. I hear her take a really deep breath and let it out slowly, like she's trying to relax against me, even though she's trembling.
The Cap watches us for a few seconds and then he says, “I'll give you a few minutes. I'm going to try and straighten this out in there.”
I just nod slightly, too taken up with Dani to answer. I run my fingers through Dani's hair, trying to smooth it out a bit and also trying to help her relax. She seems to like it because she takes more steadying breaths. Eventually she whispers, “My momma used to brush my hair for me...”
“Did you like it?”
“Yes sir. She had a way of making me feel relaxed. She'd brush it before I went to bed and I'd just fall asleep straight away... So much has changed.... so much....”
I close my eyes and try to control my emotions. I don't want Dani to see or feel the battle that is raging within me. The warrior/protector in me wants to just walk into that locker room and beat Paul to a pulp, but the logical cop in me knows I can't just do that. I feel so conflicted. For once I just want to let go of that conflict and be free to do whatever I want.
After about 20 minutes, I whisper, “Baby, I need to know what we're doing. If you want to stay here all night then we will, but I have to let the Cap know what's going on. Do you want to go home or stay here?”
“Go home. I need a shower.... I need to shower.... Oh no.... I think I'm going to be sick....”
I grab her bin as quickly as I can and hand it to her as she upchucks the contents of her stomach. There's not a lot in there to bring up and she really can't afford to lose whatever was there to begin with. I reach for her bag, knowing there's a bottle of water in it, and I hand it to her.
“We'll go home whenever you are ready sweetheart. You just let me know when that is.”
“Just, just give me a minute.”
“Sure thing. Do you need to use the bathroom? I can walk you there...”
“No! No sir. I'll wait til we get home.”
“Ok.”
Almost ten minutes pass before Dani says she's ok enough to leave. I'm worried about her behavior though. She seems spaced out and not with it at all. I don't know whether that's a good thing or not, but its definitely not normal for her. The Cap appears as we're gathering Dani's things and she stiffens at his presence.
He speaks softly, as if he thinks she's going to break at any moment. “I'm sorry, Dani. Just take however long you need. When you're ready to come back, you just turn up. Not a moment before, ok?”
She doesn't speak a word, she just nods, while keeping her eyes on the ground.
“Eli, call me as soon possible. Where's the team?”
“Ash took them out to eat. Call him and let him know they can clock out. Ask him to make sure all the weapons are locked up as well, please.”
“Will do.”
As we approach the exit, I have to make a judgement call. There's no way Dani is going to make it walking down 30 flights of stairs, so I say, “Dani, we need to take the elevator...”
Her breath hitches but apart from that, it's like she doesn't even hear me. “I know you don't like the elevator, but I don't think you're going to be able to walk down all those stairs. I won't let anyone come near you, I promise.”
As I guide her onto the elevator I can feel her stress and panic. I mumble things to her in Spanish, just to keep her mind focused on me and nothing else. As the elevator stops a couple floors down, I seriously think Dani is going to pass out or have a heart attack. Once the doors open, I see a man and a lady standing there, waiting. I smile at them both and say, “Would you mind getting the next one please? We've got evidence here...”
They nod appreciatively and wait for the next ride. I do this a couple more times, at every stop we make and once we are out of the building, I hear Dani actually take a deep but shaky breath. Thankfully, I drove to work this morning, so we don't have to worry about getting back to Dani's house.
Once we're in the front door, Dani takes off for the shower. I just leave her to it and call the Cap.
“Hey Cap. We made it back to Dani's?”
“How is she?”
“I don't know. She hasn't said a word since we left. She hasn't even acknowledged I'm here. Where's Paul?”
“Cain's still got him in the locker room. We're dealing with it, Eli. It's not going to be an easy situation though. I can't get much out of him.”
“Much? That means you got something. What has he said?”
“You don't want to hear this right now. You need to take care of Dani...”
“With all due respect, Cap, don't tell me what I do and don't want to hear. I'm out of the building now; I can't go in there and hurt him. Just tell me...”
I hear the Cap sigh and then he says, “He said it was Dani. He said she approached him; came onto him...”
I growl and my blood is boiling. “What?!”
“Eli, I told you you wouldn't want to hear it. We're sorting it. Cain is having some words with Paul now.”
“Words? I'd like to share a few punches with him right now. What's going to happen, Cap?”
"I don't know, Eli. I honestly don't know. I mean, we have a duty to report this. We're cops, we have to report something like this. And I know what you're going to say. You're going to tell me Dani won't want that. The problem is, Cain and I saw it. We saw part of it at least, and we can't not take this further. We are obligated to pursue something like this if we think there's a strong enough case. We can't just sit back and do nothing..."
"I understand that, sir, but how do you think that is going to play out? One look at Cain's drug issues, his history with Dani and it's going to be dropped. That's not even taking into consideration Dani's drug history and her past. Do you really think that's going to pan out well? Think about this Cap."
He sighs and I can hear the stress in his voice. "I don't know, Eli. We need to think this through properly and plan our moves very carefully. He's a shrink, Eli. We can't just go at this blindly or hastily."
"I know, I know. I don't care who he is, Cap, he's wrong and he needs to be punished. Even if it's not through the justice system, he still needs to be punished. I can't even believe I'm saying that."
"Since when do you break the rules? You're so straight down the line I can use you as a straight edge. First the Cain thing and now you're still trying to punish Paul quietly. What's happened to you?"
"Dani happened to me. She's been through too much already. I can't put her through any more. If I can prevent her getting hurt again, then I'll do whatever I can."
"You're a good man, Eli. I need to check in with Cain."
"Tell him to call me. I need to talk to him."
"Will do. Ash wants you to call him too."
"Ok."
After I hang up, I let out a shaky breath. I can't believe Paul would say such a thing. I can't believe he'd do something like this. I must admit, this completely blind sided me. I didn't see this coming at all.
I can still hear the shower running, Dani must still be in there. I don't want to crowd her but I am extremely worried. She hasn't said a word since we left the precinct. I can't even get her to acknowledge me.
I quickly send Ash a text saying, 'Can't talk now. Got a situation with Dani. I'll call when I can. Can you hold the fort at work for a couple days?'
I get a response immediately, 'Sure thing, I'll head up the team. Is Dani ok? Are you ok?'
'Not really ok, either of us. I can't go into it now. Just stay away from Paul.'
I know I probably shouldn't have said that but I have to warn him somehow. Ash reads between the lines and the response I get makes me want to smile in spite of everything.
'I'm going to kill him! Tell me what he did and I'll hold him down while you beat him.'
'I don't know the details yet. I'll speak to you tomorrow. Thanks man.'
I chuck my cell onto the breakfast bar and run my hands over my face. I honestly don't know what to do right now. I want to hurt Paul, I want to shout and punch things but I know I can't. I'm just fighting my emotions when I hear the shower turn off. I wait, almost holding my breath, not knowing what I'm going to face when Dani appears.
About 15 minutes later Dani shuffles into the living room and perches herself on the couch. She doesn't say a word and she doesn't look up from the floor. I pop the kettle on to make her a peppermint tea and I place the steaming cup on the coffee table in front of her.
I sit opposite Dani, just watching her, taking in her appearance. Her eyes are glassy, like she's off somewhere else in her head. I whisper, "Dani? Baby?"
She stiffens but doesn't look at me or answer. I just see tears trickle from her eyes. Her hands are excessively trembling as she wipes her tears away.
"Sweetheart? Can you drink your tea? Can I do anything or get you anything?"
Still nothing, just tears and trembling. She's perched on the couch like she's ready to run at any moment. I sigh and whisper, "I'm just going to change. If you need me just shout, ok?"
I don't really expect an answer so I walk into the spare room to change into some sweats.
It's a long night. I sit up all night with Dani. She doesn't sleep, she barely even closes her eyes. Every time her eyes shut, she jumps and they fly open again. I didn't know someone could have so many tears stored in their body. She just keeps crying and I don't know what to do. I've attempted to comfort her, but every time I go near her she backs off so fast and let's out a little yelp, like she's physically in pain.
My anger is sitting just below the surface. I'm not mad at Dani, but I really want to kill Paul. I've put off calling the Cap and Ash because, honestly, there's nothing I can tell them, nothing I can say. Besides, talking to them will only cause my anger to spill over and that's not something Dani needs to see. I just try my best to contain the anger and help Dani in any way I can.