Harry is driving us to the restaurant. I pick at my fingernails, chipping away the polish. I feel sick. "What were their names again?" I ask.
"Olivia and Zayn," he says. The pain in my stomach intensifies at the sound of his name. "That is the fourth time you've asked," he reminds me.
"I just want to make sure I get it right." I really just want him to change his answer. Maybe he was mistaken the entire time, and he actually meant someone else.
What is bothering me most is that I feel Zayn knows I am Harry's girlfriend. Harry had to have told Zayn about his relationship with me; he told Louis, right? If Zayn invited us for the sole purpose of seeing me again, I will be pissed. I told him I never wanted to see him again. He knew that. It is still true.
As we pull into the parking lot of the restaurant, I am literally shaking. Harry looks at me. "Are you okay?"
"I'm just cold," I say, even though it is warm in the car, and even though he knows it. Harry just dismisses anything he does not understand about me as a female thing, and I let him.
We apparently get to the restaurant first; Harry requests a table, and soon after, a waitress brings us to one.
I look over the same page in the menu multiple times. I cannot do this. In moments, Zayn will be here. I will have to associate with him. In minutes.
My heart is going crazy. Beating so fast that it seems regularity is missing from it. Harry looks up to the left. No.
He stands up. No.
He starts to speak, but I honestly do not hear what he says. "Jessie," he says. I look up at him, refusing to look at the others that I know are there. "This is Olivia and Zayn."
I stand up and force myself to peel my attention away from Harry for a second. Olivia. She looks nice. She is pretty. I shake her hand, try to smile, and mumble something.
She moves away, and Zayn is behind her. I see him for the first time in three years, and, my God, has he changed. Three years has matured every aspect of him; his jawline is more defined and covered in dark stubble. He is wearing a t-shirt, and I can see tattoos trailing all up his right arm. He even styles his hair differently, into a little quiff that makes me smile a bit.
My first thought is how are we going to act? Do we show that we know each other? Everything is going so fast, though. I let Zayn decide.
He shakes my hand. His hand is soft as it used to be, but his touch is firmer. "Hi, how are you?" he says. I can tell that his voice is a little different, too. Not just in how deep it is, though. It sounds more confident and relaxed than I remember.
"I'm good, thanks." We sit down, and my brain finally allows me to tune into the outside world again. Harry sits next to me. I sit across from Zayn, but I refuse to look at him now. Not when I can chance him looking back at me.
Harry is talking, starting up our conversation with one of his stories that makes everyone laugh. Zayn and Olivia are fixed into it. I have heard the story before, and it is definitely an attention holder. Olivia is smiling and laughing at Harry's words, and I can hear Zayn do the same. His laugh sounds almost the same as it did in high school, just the slightest bit deeper. I remember I loved his laugh. My eyes flicker toward Zayn. My mind is taking a while to believe that he has changed so much. After eyeing him for some time, I focus into his tattoos. I really like all of them, the ZAP is a little interesting, and I am confused as to why there is a girl on his arm. I move back onto his eyes. Brown, soft eyes that I used to get lost in have not changed much. It is nice to see something that has stayed constant on him. It reminds me not to be nervous; I used to know him well, we used to talk as friends, before all the shit happened of course.
He glances towards me. I can feel my cheeks flush as my eyes frantically try to find somewhere else to look. But they are trapped looking into his. He leaves me a subtle smirk before focusing back on Harry. I feel sick again. My heart is pounding in my ears, so I can hardly hear anything. But I can tell Harry is finished with his story. Zayn and Olivia are laughing to themselves about it.
I need to talk to Zayn alone. I have to figure out what our plan is- go along pretending we never met before today, or tell Harry that we have. I honestly do not know what to do, but I feel like Zayn already has everything planned, and not in a way that will be stress free for me.
"So what movie are we seeing?" I ask, trying to get my mind on an easier subject. I munch on the chips and salsa that were left on the table for us as comfort food.
"It's a horror movie I'm pretty sure," Harry says.
"Oh, great," I mutter. Horror movies are most definitely not my favorite.
"Don't worry, it's just a movie." Harry drapes an arm around me and pulls me close to him. "And besides, you'll have me." He rubs my shoulder.
I smile apprehensively. I want to smile sincerely at his actions, but for some reason the presence of Zayn makes me feel uncomfortable. My eyes unwillingly move towards Zayn, and I see him staring at me with the same smirk he had on earlier. I take a deep breath and release it unsteadily. I try hard to clear my mind of all the thoughts and memories of Zayn. I am here with Harry, that is all that matters.
*******
The four of us enter the movie theatre together. "I'm going to buy us some snacks," Harry says to me. "Can you guys save me a seat?" he asks the three of us.
I nod in response, though I wish he would stay with me. Olivia, Zayn and I start to walk at a leisurely pace toward the cinema. Olivia stops us. "I'm just going to head to the ladies' room first," she says.
"Alright," Zayn says. She leaves us. Zayn and I continue walking, finally able to really talk to each other.
I am nervous as hell but refuse to show it now. "It's been a while," Zayn says to me. "You've changed a lot."
"You too," I say. I wonder how I have changed. I feel the same; I know I act the same as I did in high school maybe with a bit less immaturity, though."What are we going to do?" I say, knowing now is the only time to talk about it.
"Harry has to know eventually, so I figure you could bring it up casually when you guys are-"
"Wait, why am I bringing it up? Why can't you?"
"Because you and Harry are closer. He would be more accepting if it came from you," he says with more than just a touch of frustration.
I cross my arms against my chest. I do not even want to see Zayn. Why is he making me do this when he was the one who planned our meeting altogether?
"Look, you know how sorry I was for everything that happened between us. We can't still be acting so childish about it," he says.
I look at him. "What are you talking about?" I answer snappily.
He rolls his eyes. "That bitchy little attitude, first of all."
I scowl at him, which has little affect on his demeanor.
"You know what I'm talking about. You shouldn't bicker with me like you hate me because of something I was so sorry about, especially since it happened so long ago." I scoff. Is he serious? "You can't even look at me half of the time. You did move on, didn't you? You can't still be stuck on something that happened in high school."
I look at the ground. His words have truth, though if I were saying them, I would change its deliverance. "I moved on," I say quietly. "But do you have to be such a dick about it? You can't pretend that you didn't know you invited me with Harry on the double date. Why did you do it in the first place?"
He smiles at the ground. "I-"
"Hey guys," a girl's voice says. It is Olivia. She comes right in between the two of us. "Man, you walk slow," she says. Now that I think about it, we were not even walking.
Harry comes up to us at the same time with popcorn and two drinks. He hands me one. The four of us go into the theatre, but Zayn and I hang back behind the other two. "This isn't over," I say to him.
"Oh, I'm scared," he says with sarcasm.
"Real mature." I roll my eyes and move up to Harry. He wraps an arm around my waist as we walk into the dark theatre. I am glad to be with him. That little interruption with Zayn gave me a headache. It is nice to know that reality is not with him.
We sit down, starting with Harry on the left, then me, then Olivia, then Zayn. As the trailers begin, I keep thinking about how much Zayn has changed. He was always annoying in high school, but he was never such a jerk to me. He talked to me with such hostility. Why would he invite us out if he only wanted to be awful to me? I recall Harry saying something about a bad breakup he had and wonder if that had anything to do with his behavior. I want to know what happened. Sounds like he is PMSing to me.
The movie is freaky as hell. I find myself burying my face in Harry's arm so many times. I have to tell myself that it is just a movie, but every time any suspenseful music comes on, I still hide my eyes. Harry has to remind me it is not real in order for me to get off of him. One time when I do, something pops out immediately, and I scream, causing Harry to laugh at me.
I start to freak out and forget how to breathe. Harry holds me close to calm me down. "Shh," he says. I close my eyes and try to slow my breathing. "Shut up, you're annoying everyone," he whispers to me. I look up at him, and he smirks at me.
I roll my eyes and sit back up in my chair, trying to look annoyed. I decide to suffer through the movie alone since Harry will not help me. He pokes me, and I shrug him off. I like to pretend I am mad at him, he gets really adorable when he tries to make me to talk to him.
Now that I am actually watching the movie, though, it is ten times worse. I try hard to not freak out again, now only giving small cringes when something happens.
Harry yawns and stretches, his arm landing on my shoulder, his attempt at making amends with me. I smile. He is seriously using "the move" on me? We have been dating for months. He looks at me with raised eyebrows, and I sigh and rest my head on his shoulder, accepting the offer I had initially denied. Thank God, too, or else I would have been scarred by everything I would have seen in this movie.
For the rest of the movie, my head is hidden on his shoulder. I doubt I even saw one quarter of the thing in total.
When it is over, Harry nudges me off of him. I move grudgingly. As the four of us walk out of the room, Harry and I split away from the other two. Not to talk about them behind their backs or anything, we just wanted to be alone together. We exit the movie theatre, and I come to know how cold it is outside. Harry slips his arm around my shoulder, knowing that the cold has an affect on me. I move as close as I can get to him. He kisses me on the cheek and whispers an inside joke we have in my ear. I smile and laugh. He grins at me, forming that dimple that I really love.
We slow down for the other two to catch up to us. They walk close together, but not like Harry and I. They do not hold hands; he is not trying hard to keep her close. Not to doubt any affection they have for each other. Besides, they have only been on a couple dates.
"It was fun," Harry says as we are about to separate to our cars.
"Yeah, thanks for inviting us," I say. "I'd love to do it again sometime." That last part was a lie. I would hate it. But sometimes you have to lie to spare feelings. I look at Zayn who is giving me an unforgiving look. He knows I am lying.
But his frown quickly flips up into a smile. "Yeah, anytime. It was great," he says to Harry and I, but mostly Harry.
Olivia starts off our goodbyes, and we go around hugging each other. When I get to Zayn, I hesitate. He pulls me in to an awkward hug. My head rests on his chest for a second. This reminds me nothing of the old us. He is warm and smells like cigarette smoke as before, but it is all emotionless. The quick hug makes me tense up rather than relax. I want to get out of it quickly rather than stay forever.
******
Harry drives us to his home. I cannot stop thinking about why Zayn was so hostile to me. Really, he was never like this to me in high school. People change?
My phone buzzes on my lap.
From Unknown:
Is this Jessie? It's me, Zayn...