♫-Chapter 44 *unedited*
She’s talking to angels, counting the stars
Making a wish on a passing car
She’s dancing with strangers, falling apart
Waiting for Superman to pick her up
In his arms
“So I’ll schedule the surgery for about a week and a half…sound good?” Dr. White asks, peering up from his clipboard.
I sit in the seat, my hands clasped tight as Teegan lies propped up against pillows, his face blank.
He nods, his eyes hard to decipher.
The doctor clears his throat, getting up to adjust Teegan’s Iv.
“Stay strong,” the doctor murmurs quietly, resting a hand on Teegan’s shoulder before exiting the room.
Teegan doesn’t say a word as he stares off in space. I don’t say anything either.
We just sit there, breathing.
It’s funny how just a couple weeks ago we were fooling around, believing that Teegan could never get sick.
But here he was, stuck in the hospital and on the verge of losing everything.
Coughing, my throat clenches in an ache but I quickly dismiss it, trying not to show my discomfort in front of Teegan, he was already beating himself up about the incident.
Staring at my hands, I listen to the quiet tick of the clock, everything slowly settling into my brain.
The doctor was going to do a surgery not to save Teegan’s hearing but to save his life.
They were going to get the tumor out.
Even saying that word was hard to believe.
In the beginning, it was just the prospect of Teegan losing his hearing but all of a sudden, it became Teegan nearly dying.
I would say things like this didn’t happen in real life, to people like me, but it did. Maybe not all at one like this, but it happened in real life.
People died-
All the time.
And that’s what scared me the most.
Knowing that something in his brain could kill him in any second and I couldn’t do anything. Here he was, the great love of my life, and yet he was on borrowed time, wishing not to die.
My chest tightens again and I don’t even realize I am crying until the first drop plops onto my clasped hands.
And then another one drops. And then another.
As I sit here, silently crying, I feel so much anger at myself. Why was I crying when I wasn’t the one in pain and about to die.
I look up briefly to see Teegan watching me, his jaw clenched tight.
His eyes are glazed slightly as his eyes smolder with a pain no one will ever be able to explain. Maintaining eye contact with me, he shifts, opening his arms.
I stare at him, sniffling, the tears sliding down my face.
Standing up, I shuffle over and slide onto the bed.
Teegan wraps his arms-slightly less muscular but none the less his- around me, enveloping me.
He holds me so tight it almost hurt. With his lips on my neck, his breathing quiet, he silently rocks us back and forth.
Never saying a word, Teegan kisses my cheek, my neck, my hair, anything within his reach, his touch soft.
We all have things in this world that we miss because we know what it’s like to lose it.
Teegan missed his music. When he sang, it something more than just a cute boy singing the lyrics to a love song, it was passion, it was beauty.
It was a piece of him.
And now, even though it wasn’t impossible for a deaf person to be a singer, he was having to go through this major setback.
Last week, their almost record deal dropped them saying that ‘They (the company) would pick them up again once Teegan got better”. Zach still hasn’t said anything to Teegan about this, not wanting to upset him.
Teegan was so silent, so quiet about everything. He took everything in on his shoulders, never saying anything about it. He knew that right now, he wasn’t the only one hurting. He knew that with him sick, the boys were having to have a set back on their dream as well.
The day Teegan even remotely suggested for the band to break up and have the boys go their own ways was the day all hell broke loose.
Zach stormed away in a fury, so pissed with tears in his eyes. Tro couldn’t even look us in the eye as I walked quietly away, his firsts clenched. And Trey? Trey only sat in the chair, his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking.
It broke Teegan’s heart-even though he never said anything. Teegan only clenched his jaw and adamantly told them that it was for the best.
And that’s what’s so great about Teegan Kemps. He was willing to sacrifice everything for the people he loved. He took the weight and soldiered through it all, because…that’s what he did. He was Teegan.
He’s the type of person to keep his problems to himself, who remains positive despite all the odds.
With the surgery, the fear, the pain, the disappointment, I don’t even know how he can handle it.
Stroking my hair, Teegan places a tender kiss on my neck, his chin resting on my shoulder.
“I love you,” he whispers softly.
~*~
“This is going to sound weird, but I swear, I heard you scream as they pulled you away,” Teegan whispers softly, staring at the wall behind me as I sit in front of him.
“You were-“ I break off, shutting my eyes as the memories fly back. “You were dead. Your heart stopped. How-“
“I don’t know,” Teegan whispers, taking my hands. “but I just… I don’t know. All I know is that I heard you scream and when I woke up, you weren’t there.”
He takes my hands in his own, pressing them against his lips.
“What are we going to do?” I murmur quietly.
Teegan strokes my cheek, his lips flat in a grim line. His eyes were guarded.
“What are you not telling me?” I ask suspiciously, not liking the knot forming in my stomach.
“Nothing,” He says quietly, his eyes watching me carefully, like he thought I was going to disappear. His fingers brush against the tender skin on my neck and I stiffen.
Teegan draws his hand back, hiding back his hurt.
“I’m sorry,” He says brokenly, looking away from me.
“It’s okay you weren’t-“
“No, It’s not. I could’ve killed you,” Teegan grounds out, glaring at the wall so hard I was surprised nothing caught on fire.
“But you didn’t. It wasn’t you. The doctor said things like that happen all the time when a coma patient wakes up-“
“Stop,” Teegan says slowly, his eyes brimming with anger. “Don’t defend me.”
“No,” I snap. “Stop beating yourself up over something you didn’t have control over.”
“All I remember is waking up again with the same thought of getting to you and somehow, I ended up breaking Tro’s arm and choking you,” Teegan says.
“Stop-“ I say.
“I can’t!” Teegan yells, making me jump. “I have no control over what my body does.”
Automatically, my body coils away, my eyes guarded. Teegan stares at me with wide eyes, breathing hard as we both take in the circumstance.
I wasn’t angry at him at all. People snapped. Nobody could carry the weight he was carrying forever, sometimes people needed to vent it out.
I knew all of this…so why did I jump back?
I knew he wouldn’t hurt me, it was just like my body had a mind of its own.
“Are you…are you scared of me?” Teegan asks slowly, his voice cracking
I stare at him, his eyes full with hurt and deep down, I know I can’t lie.
“I don’t want to be. I know it’s not your fault.“ I say softly, my eyes watering. I couldn’t lie. I believed with all my heart that the person who broke Tro’s arm and choked me wasn’t really him.
Teegan visibly shrinks away, his body tense. “No,” he whispers mostly to himself. “I understand. I was choking you-“
He tappers off in the end, burying his face in his hands, his shoulders slumped in utter defeat.
He lets out a throaty sigh.
Unsure of what to do, I just sit there, watching him carefully.
What could I do?
It wasn’t like I could snap my fingers and make everything okay.
It seemed like the only thing I did was make things worse for him.
When I scoot back slightly, prepared to leave and give him space, he speaks up.
“Do you remember that day you saved me?” Teegan ask quietly, his voice muffled from his face in his hands.
I sink back into the bed, my knee brushing his.
“Yeah,” I say softly.
Teegan pauses for a moment, rubbing his temples. “Don’t judge me, but I remember thinking to myself, man, this girl is beautiful.”
I blanche, totally taken by surprise. I blink rapidly, my cheeks flushing. “Teegan-“ nobody ever called me pretty.
Teegan laughs softly, the tender noise gentle and loving. “All I remember is feeling like I had to have you. That despite everything going on-knowing that I’d probably only hurt you- all I could think was that I wanted you. Even now, you’re too loving and kind for your own good. It didn’t matter at the time, but I distinctly remember taking one look at your eyes and knowing that I was so screwed.”
Teegan looks up slightly, his eyes boring into mine, his hands pressed against his lips.
“I say this to myself every time to try and make myself feel better but at the end of the day, at times like this, I can only look at you and think how in the world did I get a girl like you? Maybe it’s because I’m going deaf that attracted you to me, maybe it was some external force but all I can say is thank God You’re here.”
I swallow hard, beyond words.
Looking down at my lap, I feel so choked up, I can barely find the breath to contradict him, to tell him the truth. To tell him that it wasn’t him who lucked out, it was me.
Teegan places his thumb and forefinger under my chin, gently lifting my head up. His obsidian eyes shine bright as they stare into mine, the truth and utter desperation to hold onto the hope that we’ll be together forever, burning bright in both of our eyes.
This may not be fairyland or fate but as Teegan lowers his face, his lips gently capturing mine and igniting a path of fiery electricity, I can only think of one thing at the moment.
He was my burning star settled into the darkened, night sky. He was burning bright, this fragile boy with the guitar, and the only suitable place for him was high up there, in the sky for all the world to see.
All stars die in the night. People say that some shine brighter than others but in the end, it’s the ones that die with a big boom of fiery combustion and cosmic ecstasy that makes stop the world on its track.
Life was unpredictable and you couldn’t hold a moment in your hands, making time stop and just hold on for a little bit.
Teegan pulls me closer to him, his hand on the back of my neck and the heat from his body seeping into my bones as he deepens the kiss.
As tears drip down my face, the fear of losing him so close and tangible, Teegan only kisses them away, his touch comforting and something I don’t think I’ll ever be able to go without-
Because he was my guitar boy.
He was the boy that almost got ran over by a car on a rainy day.
He was the boy who shined so bright, the only place the earth could put this special boy was in the sky.
He is the boy that I don’t want to let go of for one moment.
~*~
A/N- Guys, i am being completely serious when i say that the end is literally only a couple chapters away. i am trying to stall and hold on becuase i don't want to end the story but i want to enter it in the watty's and the only way to do that is to complete it :(
I am doing NanoRimo for my creative writing class and i am posting the first chapter today. It's called "Just Keep Swimming." it's set in the beach and may be a little different, idk, please check it out and tell me what you think. i will officially start writing it on November 1 and it ends at the end of Novemember so get familiar with this book becuase i will be working on it a lot.
As for "My Hired Boyfriend" i will still be updating that as well :)
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Love you all.