I could try to compare waking up in the hospital bed to the many times I woke up after a sleep attack. They both shared similarities in the disorientation I felt before familiarising myself to my environment, in the way my mind and body felt sluggish and desperate to know how I had ended up this way.
One difference, however, was that unlike when I have a sleep attack and my mother, father, Chase or now Scott was there, I now lay alone.
Another difference. I felt relieved in my solitude.
The presence of company would distract my thoughts from their rampant search for order in my fragmented consciousness. In the silence, momentarily interrupted by the incessant sounds of the machines around me, my stomach tumbled in on itself as I remembered with distinct clarity, falling down the stairs. I groaned as I recalled the moment my torso landed on my oddly bent arm, the snap of the bone inside. I was a puppet with no master, my limbs sprawling without purpose.
By being knocked unconscious, I was saved from experiencing the agony that I knew awaited for me in consciousness.
My eyes roamed around the room, wide with a degree of panic that I fought to control. I took inventory of my surroundings. Vibrant flowers. 'Get Well Soon' cards. A painting beside my bed. I smiled. I was alone yet surrounded with reminders of those I loved. Then I saw the half full cup of water beside me and I swallowed with sudden thirst. I shifted up the pillow into a sitting position, reaching past my right arm, enveloped in a white cast with a sling around my neck and picked up the glass. My hand shook. I felt weak and limp.
After taking several gulps, I looked around the room once more and rested my head on the soft surface of the pillow, closing my eyes for a moment.
The sound of footsteps interrupted my thoughts and I immediately opened my eyes to witness the entrance of Tessa, holding two plastic cups of hot liquid. Her eyes were downcast, but once raised, as she began to place the drinks on the table opposite the bed, they widened followed by the sound of a sharp intake of air.
"Morgan!" She said, rushing towards me. Before I could speak, she placed both hands on my cheeks and patted them before squishing them together, making my mouth into a pout.
"I'm so happy you're awake."
I made a gurgled laugh, swiping her hands away from my cheeks.
"That was an unusual welcome." My voice was husky, dry from disuse. I coughed once before continuing. "Where is everyone?" I asked.
Tessa looked towards the door, her mouth opening but it closed once another figure approached, two more coffee cups in his hands.
I exhaled, taking inspection of his familiar appearance to dampen the haziness of my mind. He looked tired. His hair was standing slightly off his head, the telltale sign of fingers running through it while his eyes, as they casually looked around the room before noticing me, were drained of vibrancy. My stomach clenched with worry.
He stopped in the doorway, mouth slightly agape.
"I hope one of those is for me." I said, attempting a wobbly smile.
He gave a surprised burst of laughter, then plopped the two cups beside the others before joining Tessa on the opposite side of my bed. His smile was warm and overwhelmingly relieved as he placed his palm on my cheek, his fingers tickled my temple as he leaned down to brush a kiss on my forehead.
"Don't ever do that again. Do you understand Peters?" He said, his voice washing over me like opium.
"I won't. Not on purpose." I promised, taking the his hand into one of my own.
"Don't mind me," Tessa coughed. "I wouldn't want to ruin this little moment."
Scott grumbled at her while I smiled, fighting off another wave of pure exhaustion. He noticed quickly, reclining back into the seat behind him with my hand still in his. I took a deep breath and turned to him.
"After I fell, what happened? How long have I been in here?" I asked, watching his face, measuring his reaction to correlate with my worries over any permanent damage done to me.
Tessa stood from her chair.
"I'm just going to ring Chase and your parents. They'll want to know you're awake."
"My parents are here? Did they leave their cruise?"
"Yes and yes." Tessa replied, giving a brief smile before disappearing through the door to make her call.
I turned back to Scott, imploring him silently to answer my previous questions. Without further prompting, he began.
"You fell down a lot of stairs Morgan. The doctors said you were fortunate not to have severe head injuries-"
"So there is no permanent damage?" I said, failing to control the hopeful tone in my voice. He squeezed my hand.
"We don't know for sure. They'll want to do some tests now that you're awake."
I nodded my head, suddenly feeling a wave of moisture to my eyes. I didn't feel damaged, yet the terror of more health difficulties to add on to my condition was enough to choke the air from my throat.
"Let it out if you need to." Scott said as I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. I shook my head, willing myself to stop.
"I'm fine." I replied, taking several more breaths. We sat in silence as I controlled the lump in my throat and eventually I felt settled enough to speak. "How long have I been out?"
"Eighteen days."
Eighteen days.
I could only imagine the worry I had put them all through as they watched me in this bed. My parents would be out of their mind with worry, as would Chase. My friends too. Scott.
"I can't even remember how I ended up falling. It happened so quickly." I said, shaking my head as if to bring some clarity to my thoughts.
"We thought Chloe tripped you for a while."
My eyes snapped to his.
"Did she?"
"No. We watched footage from the camera in the hallway. From what we saw, she didn't do anything on purpose. You lost your balance."
At least there was that. Chloe had destroyed the performance which seemed bad enough, but to think that she would set out to hurt me physically as a manifestation of her own vindictiveness was too much to even think about. We had started out as friends once. To end like that, it would be too painful.
Tessa entered the room once again, biting her lip to withhold a smile.
"They're all coming now," She said. "You should have heard how happy they were."
I could only imagine the relief on their faces. It was a relief that they wouldn't have to sit and worry anymore. I prepared myself to reassure them as much as I could through plenty of smiles and an upbeat tone.
When they arrived my plan seemed to fall apart. My mother cried when she saw me and I returned the sentiment, relieved and desperately glad to see her again after so long apart. Once I saw my father's wide smile and warm eyes settle on me, I erupted into even more tears. Chase squeezed me so hard I could only cry more. Tessa continually left and reentered the room, calling people to tell them I was awake and soon Piper had her arms wrapped tight around my shoulders, threatening severe bodily harm if a repeated accident should occur. I could only laugh. It was somewhat disorientating to be in a room full of people talking at the same time, full of exclamations of how worried they were and their relief to see me awake when I could barely concentrate on one line of conversation. Eventually a nurse arrived to check me over before explaining that I needed to rest. I nearly exploded with relief, followed by guilt when I saw the disappointment in my loved one's faces. Scott approached and gave me a brief kiss, promising, like the others who were leaving, to be back soon and once again, I was alone.
I slept long and hard, awakening to the same seconds of familiarising myself to the hospital bed and it's implications. The same nurse reentered, introducing herself as Helen and transporting me into a wheelchair to conduct a CT and MRI scan before returning me to my room and giving me pain medication for my arm.
"It's a good thing you're awake," She said. "I don't think the hallway floors would have survived even another day of pacing. You're a lucky girl. With a lovely family."
"I know." I said softly, picking at the white bed sheet with my fingers.
Minutes after my parents returned, a tall, rigid looking women entered and introduced herself as Dr Edwards. She exchanged brief greetings with us before picking up my chart and scanning it with unrestricted concentration.
"I am glad you're awake Miss Peters. May I call you Morgan?"
I nodded.
"Well Morgan, due to you having narcolepsy, we will have to take caution with your progress. You did suffer a mild traumatic brain injury but your scans look good and I see no permanent damage," She flipped through more pages in me chart. "There is a possibility that you might suffer from slight headaches as a consequence but I am positive with continued pain medication and some well needed rest you can make a full recovery."
There was a trio of exhales. My parents gave each other and quick relieved glance. The worry that I would have permanent damage had been weighing on them, yet they made sure to seem positive towards me.
"Thank you doctor." I said, taking a deep breath as I tried to expel the anxiety from my mind.
Dr Edwards remained for a further five minutes to answer more questions from my parents before retreating from the room.
"I'm sorry you had to leave your cruise." I said into the silence of the room.
Their response was immediate.
"There is absolutely nothing for you to apologise for sweetheart. Where else on earth would we be when our daughter is hurt and in hospital?" My dad said, furthered by my mother stroking my forehead and telling me how silly I was being.
"Where is Gran?" I asked, finally realising her absence. My father looked at me for a moment before lowering his gaze to bed sheet.
"She's being stubborn," My mother said almost begrudgingly. "Somehow, she thinks this is her fault. Which is absolutely ridiculous. I'm not her biggest fan but even I can see that it was nobodies fault."
I recoiled slightly at the thought that my Gran actually blamed herself. The thought had never even occurred to me to blame her or anyone else. Well. Except Chloe. I told my father to call her and force her if necessary to get here now. It seemed imperative to that I speak to her at that moment. To think that she was at home blaming herself made my stomach feel tight with sadness.
It was nearly an hour later when she stepped through the door as my parents stepped out. My father gave her a kiss on the cheek as she passed while my mother offered an encouraging smile. I could not remember a moment in my life where my grandmother looked uncertain. Yet there was she, hovering beside the door as if she was unsure of her place. A lump formed in my throat.
"In what world is my lack of balance any way your fault?" I said, trying to keep my voice soft. She finally met my eyes and I saw finally how tired she looked. My guilt tripled. "Gran, please sit down."
"I am not a dog. Do not tell me to sit down."
Ah. There she was. The little chihuahua. I bit back a smile.
Eventually she sat down on the seat beside me and observed the now silent machines around me.
"It wasn't your fault." I tried once more.
"Then who's fault was it?" She replied quickly. I blanched, not understanding her logic at all. "I sat in that audience and watched that madwoman describe you as a freak. What did I do? Nothing. I sat in shock. Instead I should have stormed backstage and had it out with that girl myself rather than you."
I could only stare at her, trying not to display the pity I felt. The only explanation for her behaviour was that she felt unconscious guilt after my accident and to deal with how she felt, she decided to blame herself to make sense to herself. It made absolutely no sense.
"Gran, I was there. Therefore I can positively say, without hesitation, that it was in no way your fault. Even if you had of been there, it would probably have still happened. Only you would have witnessed my fall which, as I've been told, was not very pretty. Count yourself lucky."
She furrowed her eyebrows before turning away. I had just begun to believe that I had gotten through to her when she spoke once more.
"I should never have brought you both here. It was too soon. You weren't ready."
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes which was extremely hard.
"Stop it," I said, beginning to replace my pity with annoyance. "I love it here. I love the people. Forcing me to come here was the best thing you ever did for me. Don't you dare apologise for doing it."
Her weary eyes met mine once more and neither of us said anything as our wills fought a silent battle. When I believed she would leave, one of her cold hands grasped one of mine. She squeezed, harder than I thought possible yet I returned the gesture. Once again, I fought back the tears in my eyes. I had never had a moment of mutual affection with this woman like this. It seemed only right to sit here with her. To exchange her guilt for my own for the way I always behaved towards her, with reluctance and annoyance.
"Your hair is diabolical Morgan. I would have hoped someone would have brushed it for you."
Thus marked the end of our sweet moment.
I grumbled, as was expected and was compliant as she took out a brush from her handbag and tugged at the knots in my hair, yet as she turned to address the 'birds nest' that was the back of my hair, I could not help the small smile that crept onto my face.
*Note from Author*
Hey everyone! I hope you enjoyed the chapter. We're getting close to the end. Eek!
It's taken me a little longer to get this chapter uploaded because I've been going back to the beginning and editing each chapter whilst simultaneously writing this one. Therefore I apologise for the wait.
I would just like to say a MASSIVE thank you to every single person reading this. The amount of love/votes/comments you all are giving to these chapters is blowing me away. It just makes me so grateful. So thank you once again. You're all awesome.
I hope you all have a lovely day!
~Claudia