:.:ELLIE:.:
The bus ride to Doncaster was almost four hours long, and I forgot my headphones and a book so there was nothing left to do but to stare out the window.
I really didn't get why people thought the countryside of England was so beautiful, every town we passed looked dead to me. People were walking around like zombies looking sad about their lives, they probably were for living in those shit holes.
Doncaster was no better, I had lived there my entire life but it still never felt like home to me.
It was just a place where I was born and had to grow up, nothing else.
Eventually I got so bored from the trip that I fell asleep and woke up as the driver called out that Doncaster was the final stop.
I gathered my things and got off the bus to see Dave's car in the parking lot.
He was leaning against it while talking in his phone.
"Yeah, she's here now" I heard him say as I came up to him and waved lightly. "Your mom" he mouthed and pointed to the phone.
Then he hung up and pulled me in for a tight hug and rested his head on my shoulder.
"I'm sorry about how I acted in London" He said. "I know I was an idiot"
He sounded genuinely remorseful and I couldn't help but feel bad about the night before.
"It's okay, I was just being emotional" I said with a low voice and let go of him.
We drove back to Dave's apartment and ordered some chineese food for dinner.
It was already 5pm and I hadn't slept for one minute, so as soon as the food was finished I fell asleep. My mind was racing with thoughts of red hair and glittering eyes and that contagious laugh, but I tried to push them away.
I remember vaguely how Dave carried me to his bed later at night, but I was too tired to even thank him.
---|-/---
I had spent two days in Doncaster, mostly in Dave's apartment while he was working, and I was finally getting some sleep at night.
I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. I checked the clock, it was ten after four and Josh's number was on the screen. I glanced over to Dave, before getting out of bed and walking out on the balcony.
"Hello?" I said with a sleepy voice as I sat down in the hammock.
"I'm sorry for waking you" he said.
"It's okay" I didn't want to tell him that he had filled my thoughts the whole day. Ever since I came here actually.
"Is something wrong?" I asked him, confused of why he was calling me in the middle of the night.
"Couldn't sleep." he said briefly. "Just wanted to hear your voice."
I sighed. I had tried to ignore the fact that I missed his voice too, and how his eyes squinted when he smiled. It was kind of addictive.
We talked for a while, I tried to keep it short so Dave wouldn't wake up but when we hung up I felt hollow.
---|-/---
The next day me and Dave went for dinner at my parents house, and Dave's parents would be there too.
We drove the short road to their house, Dave tried to make small talk but I was too wrapped up in my mind to take notice. I know he was worried about me, he just didn't know how to show it.
When all I needed was a pair of comforting arms around me, he tried to act like everything was normal. It wasn't.
I tried to act like it too, so I wouldn't ruin this dinner. I liked Dave's parents, they always helped me whenever I needed, his father even helped me with the move to London.
I let out a sigh as we parked on the drive way to the house that had been my home for the past 23 years.
"Are you okay?" Dave asked as he met me in front of the car and we started walking to the front door.
"Yeah, just sentimental I guess" I answered and smiled at him.
"ELLIE!!" Daves mom came out on the porch to meet us, and she hugged and kissed me so much I thought I'd suffocate.
"Hey Mrs. Harrolds" I greeted her and hugged her back.
Dave's dad and my parents came out to greet us too, and for a moment everything felt normal. It felt comforting coming home to these people.
"So how are you?" Dave's mom asked me concerned, referring to the accident.
"I'm okay, I think" I said briefly while my mind went some place else. Some place with red bright hair and dark glittering eyes that is.
I hadn't told Dave that I slept at Josh's place for a few nights, I figured it didn't mean anything anyway so he didn't have to find out.
But every second spent apart from Josh made me realize that it did mean something.
This feeling of denial had filled me ever since I met him. It was like a lion trapped in a cage that was my chest, trying to get out. I had to fight it though, I couldn't let it win.
We sat down at the dinner table and started eating while making smalltalk. I tried to keep up but it was hard since I didn't even hear what they said.
Everytime they changed the subject my mind wandered off to Josh's apartment.
I imagined myself sitting on his windowsill late at night, looking down at the city and talking about dreams and fears. Thats what we talked about the most. That and song lyrics.
"Maybe it's best if you would move back home for a while sweetie?" My moms voice brought me back to reality and I found everyone starring at me, waiting for a reply.
"What?" I asked confused.
My mom kept going.
"We just said that this accident must have been so hard on you, and we all agreed that it would be best if you came back home for a while, just to get some rest. I bet it's hard living in London now after all..."
I felt the lion claw inside my chest, and I put my hand over it in a failed attempt to shut it out.
"Yeah.... I don't know" I answered and looked around the table.
Dave looked at me with enthusiastic eyes. Of course he wanted me to come back home. Then he wouldn't have to move away, leaving his confort zone.
We could get married here, have kids and live a boring life and grow old together. That was a perfect plan for him.
But for me? I didn't want that. All I wanted right now was to go back to London. To get away from these people trying to tell me what was best for me, when they had no idea of what I thought.
"You don't really have anything holding you back there anyway, but here you have us, and Dave" my dad tried to convince me.
"uhm..." I tried to say something but the lion kept clawing his way through my chest and I had to gasp for air. I tried to fight it, I tried to tell myself that it meant nothing to me.
I looked into Dave's eyes and all I could see was blackness. Where was the spark? The fire? I couldn't breathe so I stood up and walked out to get some air.
As I stood on the front porch and focused on my breathing, I closed my eyes and saw Josh.
Oh god I can't do this anymore.
I walked back in just to meet Dave in the hallway, and I started to cry.
"I'm sorry" I said between my breaths. "I'm sorry I just can't..."
He looked at me confused and tried to take a hold of my shoulders, but I shrugged him off.
"I can't do this anymore" I yelled and I didn't even care that our parents could hear me.
"What are you talking about? What can't you do?" Dave asked confused.
"This" I pointed back and forth between us. "I can't be with you, I'm sorry"
As the words hit him, I saw the desperation and shock in his eyes. He had no idea. I had tried so hard to hide what I was feeling, and as the naive person he was, he never saw it.
Before I could think, I grabbed his car keys and ran out the door.
I started the car and backed out on the street, with Dave running after me. He reached the passenger door but it was locked. And I looked at him with teary eyes as I drove off.
The drive back to Dave's apartment was only ten minutes but it took me a good thirty minutes to get there because I couldn't stop crying. I ran a few red lights before parking outside the building.
I wanted to hurry in case Dave had followed me with his parents car or something, so I just threw all my things into my trunk and left.
Out on the street I called for a taxi cab.
"To the bus station please" I said. "And hurry"
---|-/---
:.:JOSH:.:
It was 8 pm and I just got off the phone with one of my friends, Mark. He wanted me to come with him to a show in Camden, some band he knew was gonna play one of their first big shows. I wasn't really in the mood for a night out but I needed to clear my head so why not.
I headed into the bathroom to freshen up and change my clothes, but just as I turned the faucet on I was interrupted by a heavy pounding on the front door.
Mark you fucker, I thought to myself.
I didn't even bother to look in the peep-hole before I opened the door, so I was pretty surprised to see Ellie in the hallway.
I could see she had been crying, but I was so caught off guard that I just starred at her.
A second later, she almost threw herself over me and her lips crashed onto mine.
Her legs wrapped around my hips and I held her up with both of my hands as I almost stumbled backwards into the apartment.
I forgot how to think, everything just went blank.
One thing I did know how to do though, was to kiss her back. Her mouth felt like fire, we were literally exploding together.
God I had wanted this for so long.
I pinned her to the wall but our lips never parted.
She kept on kissing me with such passion I was afraid she'd pass out from exhaustion.
A few minutes later, her legs loosened around my hips and she stood back on the ground, and my hands moved to her cheek and neck. She rested her perfect face in my hands.
Our lips finally parted, and she pressed her forehead to mine and looked into my eyes with her glittering ones, she was smiling.
I wiped the tears from her cheeks and smiled back to her.
"Hi" she whispered.
"Hi" I said back.
I stroked her hair from her face and kissed her forehead and she closed her eyes for a while.
I guess we were both confused of what just happened. But I know I liked it.
"What happened?" I asked her as we loosened our grip from each other and she walked over to the couch and sat down.
"I broke up with Dave" she sighed and a tear fell from her eye.
"And how do you feel about that?" I asked her and sat down beside her.
"Up until now I didn't know what I felt, I was just gonna come here and figure it out I guess"
"And did you?" I expected the worse. What if she realized she hated me and wanted to go back to him. I'm not sure my heart could process her leaving me again.
She nodded, and my heart was racing.
"Yeah... I just can't stay away from you" she smiled.
Oh thank god.
I leaned over and kissed her lightly and I could feel her smiling.
"I don't want to stay away from you either" I whispered.
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AUTHORS NOTE
DUN DUN DUN!!!
Last chapter will be up tomorrow, same time as today probably since I have to work!
Hold on!!