Chapter Nineteen
Derrick and I got on the train to California, and before I got on it, a force inside me tried preventing me from not doing so. But I fought back and successfully got on the train.We sat by the window and I felt a cold breeze across my face—the weather was marvelous, it was September and I instantly remembered that Eliza’s birthday was in September, I hoped for a way to tell her ‘Happy birthday’ and to tell her how much I missed her around. I also realized that I skipped my junior year in high school, I was disappointed, but Derrick told me that if I passed junior year’s exams, I would get promoted to senior year, he promised to help me with that year’s studies as well.
Derrick tried to make a conversation several times, but I told him I was tired and I’d sleep until we arrived. But I didn’t sleep, I just closed my eyes and started recalling all the incidents that occurred through the past year; Jake, my sister Sarah and the car accident I got into which Derrick saved me from, the scary Darkened and her whispers to me, the cutting, the mental hospital, befriending Eliza, our escape from the mental hospital, meeting Ashton, working as a maid, stay at Derrick’s apartment in Virginia, him confessing his love for me, escaping to New York, stay at Trent Collins’ place then finding out he was Samantha Collins’, my psychiatrist, younger brother and finally going back to California with Derrick. It all flashbacked like watching a movie, an action-romantic-adventure-thriller movie, and every movie needs an ending—and I sincerely hoped for a happy ending. I was still 17, I had life ahead me and everyone agreed that I was sick, and to be more precise—schizophrenic.
* * * * *
Everyone seemed so happy and relieved about my return, I felt neutral though. Neither happy nor sad, I switched off my feelings for some time till I saw what happened after my return. I definitely went back to the same hospital, although I wanted to change it, but they knew better than me. Back to the same pale white room, it was even colder now, duller and it had no life—just like my soul. I spent like an hour or more alone in the room, waiting for the doctor or anyone to come to me. The room was so quiet that I could hear my own breaths, along with the rhythmic sound of the clock on the wall; ‘tick, tock, tick, tock..’. My mind was so focused on the ticking sound that I was shook when the door opened. It was Samantha Collins.
I tried to hide my smile when I saw her, as I remembered how I stabbed her in the shoulder back in New York and honestly, it was pretty devious of me.
“Yeah, me again.” She said as she made her way to my bed.
“Hey, Dr. Collins.” I casually said while still fighting to hide that smile.
I could see her smile too, the situation was funnily awkward.
“Sorry ‘bout the stab.”
“Nah, it’s okay, I’m used to that.” She replied casually.
“I’m sorry about everything, but you should know that your brother made a ‘client’ of him rape me.” I informed her in a broken voice.
“Christina..” she began.
“He’s a drug dealer!” I exclaimed.
“He’s not. That’s what you thought, my brother works in a medicine company which provides us and almost every hospital in California with medicine.”
I looked at her confusingly.
“Here’s what really happened, Christina; you had a migraine back at that time and he gave you an aspirin injection, then you passed out and he brought a doctor to see you, and after you woke up you thought that the doctor was a rapist and you attacked Trent and his girlfriend for that.” She explained.
I froze. I couldn’t believe that my illness made me see things like that, it made out of these truths perfect lies, these lies seemed to convincing to me and I fell for that. A million questions popped in my mind, what exactly was true and what was not?
“Dr. Collins, I want to know everything.”
“You will, honey. Just tell me everything you imagined.”
And I did tell her every detail.
The next day, I had a surprise visit from my family; my father, mother, my big brother Tyler, my bitchy sister Isabella and little Harry. As well as Ellen, my ex-best friend. It was nice to see them all, there’s a part of me that missed them. They looked so cautious while they were greeting me, but they tried that with smiles. It was sad, though, they looked like they were dealing with a wild monster—however I resembled monster with my behavior.
“Tina, love. We all miss you so much and we’re all here to tell you about everything you need to know.” My mother said in a loving tone while softly squeezing my hand.
I nodded.
“Is Sarah really dead?” I asked.
“Darling, no need to ask questions, we’ll fill you in with everything.” My dad replied.
I nodded again.
“Christina, when you were 8, your twin sister, Leah passed away in an accident.” My mother started.
My mouth opened in speechlessness.
“Yes, you had a twin sister, you were so much alike; you were identical, literally. You were best friends, you were the same. You did everything together, you couldn’t do stuff without each other, you were both so attached like strings and when she passed away, you lived in denial, you couldn’t believe that she died. Then you gradually started erasing her from your memory, we were very shocked to see that. We consulted doctors and therapists, they said we should try to make you remember her and make you get over that accident but we failed, then we noticed that you started adapting to weird behaviors, we could catch you talking to yourself, screaming at night, you grew very detached from us, we tried our best to get you closer to us but you viewed us as monsters, careless parents and horrible siblings..”
“You used to call me a bitch.” Isabella made a side comment.
“As I was saying, you grew introverted and detached, then we noticed cuts on your arms, we tried to stop you and you didn’t. And Christina, Sarah is your cousin and she died many years ago and you were never that close, she’s also the opposite of what you imagined. Also, you kept mentioning someone called Jake, he doesn’t exist, Tina. That was all a result of your mind tricks, everything was a lie.” My mother finished.
“Except Derrick and Eliza, they were the only true people whom your mind didn’t try to deform. They truly exist like you viewed them,” Ellen started. “It was so heartbreaking to see you drift away, Christina. You are my childhood best friend; You, Leah and I had always been a group and you started drifting away eventually. I tried my best to not to lose you and did the impossible to keep you close to me, but failed. It broke my heart. I really love you, Tinny.” She continued.
I was already weeping as they talked, it was beyond shocking—it was indescribable. It was like living a life other than your own, waking up and realizing that your whole life from A to Z was a lie, the people were lies, the incidents, the love and tears—everything was a lie. And what’s more horrible knowing that you created these lies and you believed them—then you laugh at yourself for believing them.
“I’m so sorry..” was all I could murmur.
My mother hugged me so tightly and said “Aw, sweetie. Don’t you ever apologize for something you couldn’t control. We all love you very much.”
“Yeah, we do. No matter how crazy, psychotic, creepy, murdering you can be, you’re still my little sister and I love you.” Tyler said humorously.
I laughed. I laughed from my heart.
“So, can I enter now?” Derrick interrupted as he opened the door.
“Sure, son!” My dad answered then he gave him a pat on a back.
“I brought you chocolates, they’re fancy and expensive.” Derrick told me as he grinned.
I smiled, “Thank you for wasting your money on me.” I teasingly said.
“Nah, it’s okay. I’m a gentleman.” He sarcastically replied.
We laughed.
“Oh, by the way. Eliza is here. I mean in hospital, she has been here for over a month.” Derrick informed me.
“Really!? I want to see her now!” I said in the most excited tone ever.
“You’re not allowed yet, young lady. You will soon.” My father told me.
It all seemed perfect, that nightmare was coming to an end. I was content and relieved, but there was a big ache in my heart that grew stronger as I remembered that Jake didn’t exist.