I wish I could go back in time when things were alright. How I wish I could press rewind and relive my not so great childhood. Maybe I could make some alterations and save a few lives. If only I could step back in time to the age where I didn't understand anything in life and everything seemed fine. I long to go back and race through the playground as I charge into Mum's sloppy kisses and to be embraced into Dad's warm arms.
At least when Mum and Dad were fine.
I exhale and watch the air escape from between my chapped lips as white puffy smoke. My arms tighten around my torso as the wind blows harder. I purse my lips together, struggling against the force of the wind which is hitting me from my right. The trees sway from side to side and the leaves brush against each other. Light rain is falling around me, landing in dirty puddles causing ripples to form.
One thing about where I live...Britain's weather is great. Note the sarcasm.
The School bell rings and children begin to flood outside wearing their big warm coats which make them look like cute little marshmallows. They swing their book bags around as they reach their parents who are also standing around the School gates with me. I turn my head and watch as a young girl is engulfed into her Father's hug before he picks her up onto his broad shoulders. She giggles when he holds her hands above his head and shakes them about. I smile at her as he walks past and she places her chin onto his bald head before moving it in a circular motion. Her Father winces and she stops after placing a kiss onto it instead. I laugh at her before turning back to everyone else.
Leaning my body onto the wall besides me, I begin to chew on my nails. They're not long, neither are they short but they somehow always make it into my mouth. It's a dirty habit and I really should stop but it's so damn hard. Yummy nails. Always a great snack for when you're hungry!
Only joking.
Laughter and giggles surround me and a warm, fuzzy feeling emerges inside of me. It's always great to be surrounded by happiness, right?
"ALVINA!" My eyes shoot up as I hear a familiar squeaky giggle. I watch as she races towards me with her little legs, causing her bobble on her beanie to jump up and down with every gallop she takes. Her book bag swings through the air, almost near to slipping out of her loose grip. "Alvina!" She repeats my name with a huge smile which shows off her missing teeth at the front of her mouth.
I grin immediately as she collides into my torso. I wrap an arm around her shoulder and place the other hand onto her tiny head which is pressed into my stomach.
"Nafisah!" I laugh and she lifts her head up to look at me whilst keeping her little arms wrapped around me. Her brown eyes twinkle around her dark eyelashes...how I wish I had dark lashes. "Salamu-"
"AS SALAAMU ALAIKUM!" She screams before I can finish off my greeting. She always wants to be the first one to greet me since I taught her how to actually pronounce Salaam. Her eyes show off excitement and she is full of energy after such a long day at School.
If only I could be this happy during College and after College.
I pout as I pretend to be gutted that I didn't get to greet her first. "Wa Alaykum Salaam!" I return her greeting and peck her forhead.
Nafisah immediately giggles and hugs me tighter as she places her head back onto my stomach.
"Do you want to let go now or are we going to have to walk to work like this?" I ask in a whisper as I realise many people have left and the playground is quiet once again.
She lets out a loud gasp and lets go of me before dropping her book bag onto the ground in shock.
My sister can be a little dramatic. "WORK?!" She screams in excitement and jumps around as she claps her hands which are covered in mittens. It sounds funny.
I nod my head eagerly at her and laugh before kneeling down to pick up the bag and hand it back to her. "Come on," I say and get back up after brushing my hands onto my knees. My hand slips into Nafisah's little covered hands as we walk outside the School grounds. "You can say hi to-"
"I can't wait to see Uncle Walid!" She cries and uses her other hand to hold my arm. She leans into my side and tightens her grip onto it before taking in a deep breath. "He always gives me sweets and he is so so nice!"
I laugh. "Shush! He's my Uncle Walid!"
"Ew!" She suddenly cries and sticks out her blue tongue. She's already been munching on treats as per usual. I wonder how she is sneaky enough not to get caught in the act by her teachers. Unless she's one of their favourites and let's her off. I doubt it. "No! How can your boss be your Uncle?!"
"Why not?" I reply and roll my eyes playfully.
"Because!" She whines as she drags out her words in order to grab thinking time. My sister isn't exactly the best person at sharing however with a little bit of persuasion, I am an exception.
"Because what?" I mimick her tiny voice as we cross the zebra crossing on the busy road.
"Just...because!" She cries and erupts into a fit of giggles as we walk through the dark streets. Our feet splash against the thin layer of rain on the ground as we walk.
The rain seriously messes up the day, not to mention my mood.
"Okay, okay!" I blow out a puff of air.
"Uncle-I mean, my boss is your uncle and not mine!"
"Yes!" She whispers in success and she lets go of my hand before running down the street. At this point in the journey she knew her way towards the building.
"Nafisah!" I yell and chase after her. Honestly, she drives me insane when she runs away without giving me a heads up. Why are kids like this?!
Nafisah turns to look back at me and she smiles sheepishly before waving her hand for me to get closer.
I scowl as I walk faster towards her with my best angry expression written on my face. "Don't run away! You stay with me at all times!"
She lowers her head in embarrassment and begins to fiddles with her bag. Her fingers play with the handle of the bag, scratching the back of her nail onto the blue material. "Sorry, Alvin." She whispers. I grab her hand, ignoring her apology and lead her into the old building.
As soon as we step into my workplace, the warm air hits my flushed cheeks and I kneel down to reach Nafisah's level before unzipping her coat and taking off her beanie, causing her hair to fly up in every direction due to the static. Her eyes don't meet mine as she chews on her bottom lip. I watch as she fiddles with her hair and quickly glances up at me. Her hazel eyes are full of regret and she instantly looks back down to the floor, averting her eyes away from mine.
"If that happens again then no more work for you." I say quietly as I pass the receptionist and head up the stairs with Nafisah's hand in mine.
I reach the first floor and instantly head towards Uncle Walid's room. I can never start my day without seeing him first seen as he is more or less my 'second Dad' and he has been ever since the age of eleven. I used to always tease Dad and tell him that Uncle Walid is better than him however Dad would then threaten me by saying "Tell Uncle Walid to buy you that new Matte lipstick then." before crossing his arms across his chest and pouting dramatically.
I smile at the memory and sigh quietly. Isn't it weird to think you will never get that moment back? Those beautiful moments that you shared? How I wish I would have cherished it much more than I actually bothered to. What an idiot I was. What an idiot I am.
My chest tightens a little and I slowly breathe out through my nose before shaking my head at the thought as if it would just get rid of the regret.
"Alvin...?" Nafisah whispers and I look down at her worried expression written all over her petite face. I wait for her to ask me what's wrong but she stares up at me for a little while as she opens and closes her mouth a few times. "What if I accidentally run away?"
I furrows my eyebrows. "What do you mean?" She confuses me a lot sometimes.
"You told me if I run away again then no more work for-"
I laugh at her innocence before patting her messy hair down. "It's okay, just hold my hand extra tight! Your big sis needs her little sister's warm hands!"
All of a sudden her grin widens and I smile back at her. Her eyes widen in delight and she opens her arms wide for a hug. You can never say no to a hug! I lean in with my arms open until I realise that she isn't even looking at me.
Thanks, Nafisah. Thank you dear sister.
"Hood HOOD!" She screams with her eyes expanded,full of happiness. Within a second she has pushed past me and her footsteps are crashing against the floor. I wince at the sound and bite my lip-I really don't want to be getting into any trouble.
I spin around to see Nafisah crashing into the arms of none other than my fellow friend - sometimes ally - Hudayfah. Her minuscule body is trapped by a woolly sleeved guy who spins her around in circles, causing her high pitched giggles to erupt.
"Nemo!" He calls her by the name he gave her ever since they first met which was only a few months ago. His Father had brought him over to my house to discuss something with Dad, however that turned into a four hour chill-out session with football and snacks...me having to serve the snacks as usual whilst glancing at Hudayfah to catch that famous smirk sprawled across his smug face as he made fun of me for being their 'little waitress'.
"Wow!" Hudayfah exclaims as he places her onto the ground. "You're looking-"
"Pretty?!" Nafisah finishes off his sentence as she tilts her head to the side and interlocking her fingers. She bats her eyelashes and sways side to side.
I swear she's a completely different person with him.
"More than pretty!" Hudayfah says with a playful roll of his grey eyes. His hand reaches for his growing black beard and strokes is gently, thinking of a better word.
This is all cute and all but still, it takes forever. I roll my eyes as I look down at my nails. This is all taking too long. I really need to get to work.
"Cute?...Nice?" Nafisah whispers impatiently and so he runs his hand over his beard harder in order to raise her impatience. He bites his lip and furrows his eyebrows, sending his eyes scanning the whole corridor only to get on our nerves.
I bite down on my tongue to hold back from saying anything wrong however it is all taking up a lot of my precious time and I have to give in with a groan. "Hurry up!" I say through gritted teeth whilst giving him a glare.
Hudayfah's grey eyes snap up to look at me as I place a hand on my hip and tap my feet on the ground. He smirks at me before pouting his lips and pretending to think harder.
Oh, he's getting on my nerves alright.
"Come on!" My little sister cries, throwing her head back and she dropping her arms to her side. She steps away from his towering figure and kicks at the carpet. A frown is etched across her minuscule face as she always does when she doesn't get what she wants. She pouts dramatically and crosses her arms across her chest just like Dad always used to do.
"...Little Nemo looks..." He looks down at Nafisah. "...Beautiful." Hudayfah says quietly and ruffles her hair only messing it up more than it was before.
I grit my teeth harder and my fingers begin to itch- I need to sort it out.
Her hair is a mess. Her hair is a mess.
Nafisah laughs shyly as Hudayfah places his hands onto her little shoulders before striding towards me. His smirk is still sprawled across his face as he raises his dark eyebrows. I force out a smile before quickly patting her hair down. Unsurprisingly, I hear his famous chuckle erupting.
"What?" I snap at Hudayfah. The corner of his eyes are crinkled up as he laughs, showing off his perfectly straight teeth. I'd always point it out to him, but since his ego has grown I'd rather fling out insults towards him even though they just amuse him.
"I did that on purpose, you know." He whispers and raises an eyebrow.
I roll my eyes. "Like I didn't know that!"
After sticking out his blue tongue at me, his smirk forms into a smile and he waves slowly. "Salaam, Al."
I give in and smile back. "I see you're not the only one who has been gobbling down sweets. Waalaykum Salaam, Hood."
"From the hood, that's right." He pouts out his lips as he pulls at the collar of his shirt thinking he's some sort of cool guy.
My hand immediately palms my face and I shake my head at his words. I guess from being around Hudayfah nearly everyday of my life since Year ten has made my body form instant reflexes. The face palm is the most frequent.
"Anyways." I say with a roll of my eyes. "How you been?"
"Alhamdulillah!" He replies as he plays with Nafisah's cheeks from behind her. Her eyes travel towards his huge hands and she furrows her eyebrows but allows him to carry on. "You?"
I nod my head. "Alright. How's everyone doing here?" I bite the inside of my cheeks, holding back the urge to let out some inappropriate comments.
Hudayfah runs a hand through his messy mop of a hairdo before exhaling "Meh. They're...great." He looks down at me and the corners of his mouth lift a little upwards.
I nod my head,knowingly. "I get yah."
Don't get me wrong-work is great! Uncle Walid and my (lame) friend Hudayfah entertain me and make me feel at home seen as I've known them for a long time, especially Uncle Walid as he was a friend of my Dad's. Plus the pay is great. I don't know how people here got to work out how much I get weekly, but it increased their disgust towards me. Since getting a job as a cleaner at the accountancy firm, I've got a lot of (extra) love and attention from Uncle, who is the rest of the accountants' boss. They despise the fact that a seventeen year old student who works part time should get such appreciation and awesome pay. Guess what they say? 'Uncle Walid only favours the girl because of what happened to her Father who was also his friend. '
What they don't know is that I've been favoured by him ever since we met-actually even before that! I'm my Dad's daughter so he always used to speak about me.
Pssh.
Hudayfah snorts and then his stupid smirk forms on his face once again. "What do you get now, Miss. Essa?" He says in his firm yet somehow croaky voice before tilting his head to one side. His hair falls across his big forehead and his grey eye pop out at me every time he bats his unusually long eyelashes.
Why do boys get to have long eyelashes?!
I raise my eyebrows and exhale, making him laugh lightly. "I get a lot of things, Mr. Zain."
His eyebrows raise in amusement and he lifts his head back up. "Oh, do you now?" He snorts before standing up straight. "Like what, Miss. Essa?"
Oh great. What do I say now? Something witty, a good comeback!
Think, think!
"...I-I get why you hang around here when you should really be studying." I say and he raises his eyebrows higher, urging me to carry on. "To see me,duh."
Hudayfah dramatically hits his hands onto his chest before gagging at my words. He falls to the ground, holding onto Nafisah by her arm and heaving for air. "I...can't." His grey eyes widen in mock horror as he stares up at the ceiling whilst shaking on Nafisah's arm. "Your words-th-they..." Hudayfah sucks in a deep breath before hitting onto the carpet, lying flat on it. He lets his hand fall off Nafisah's arm, landing with a plop onto his stomach.
His acting skills are terrible.
Nafisah stares down at his lifeless body, watching his eyes roll around behind his eye lids. She kicks him lightly on his side and he grunts a little.
Silence.
With that, I turn around to head towards Uncle Walid's office, completely ignoring Hudayfah's 'death' as he does this quite often. I guess I'm just a killer.
A Killer with good looks.
Kay, did I just kill it there? Ahem.
"So what?!" I hear Hudayfah's voice boom from behind me. "You're just going to walk away without crying over the loss of your loved one?!"
I roll my eyes though he can't see my face. "Who said your loved by me?" I smirk before turning my head back to look at him. "Or even loved by anyone?"
I spin my head back around before he gasps and I hear a thud which is most likely his hands hitting onto his chest.
"Wow, Al. That's just...wow. Kay."
I purse my lips as I hold back my laughter.
"See?" I hear Hudayfah whispering to Nafisah. "Your sister is evil."
She giggles a little before stopping abruptly. "Don't call my sister evil. Your evil for calling my sister evil when it is just evil to call someone evil especially behind their back! You're evil. Evil Hudayfah!"
I bite down on my tongue and close my eyes before I inhale slowly. Now that's my sister.
Rolling my eyes at Hudayfah's sudden loss of words, I knock onto the upper part of Uncle Walid's door which is made out of blurry glass. His silhouette can be seen at the back of the room and he waves his arms in the air.
"Come in!" His voice is raised in a high pitched tone as he sings.
His sing song voice is used for me and only me. I'm special.
I smile and turn the door knob before pushing it open. The smell of Islamic perfume instantly fills my nostrils and I sniff harder. My eyes land on Uncle Walid who is at his desk, typing on his computer. His eyes meet mine and he grins at me, making his eyes wrinkle at the sides. The chair he is sitting on rolls back as he stands up and walks over towards his mini fridge.
"Salaam, Alvina!" His cheery voice rings through his quiet office. He grabs out a can of lemonade before throwing one at me which I catch immediately.
"Waalaykum Asalaam!" I smile at him before taking a seat on the window sill and swinging my legs around. "How are you?"
"Alhamdulillah!" He opens a bottle of milk before gulping some down his freakishly long throat. I watch as his Adam's apple bobs up and down making me cringe. "Alhamulillah." He says again before sighing in delight and staring at the now empty milk bottle, raising it in the air.
I laugh whilst shaking my head at his actions. Uncle Walid isn't just your average Uncle who looks out for you like his own daughter, he's acts like one of us. Actually, scrap that. He acts like a child who has just woken up on Eid morning. That's him everyday.
"Did you want some?" I look up at him as his face falls a little with guilt.
I shake my head whilst laughing lightly.
"I don't drink milk-"
"WHAT?!" He gasps and throws the empty milk bottle flying behind him before he stomps closer towards me, pointing his index finger at my face. "You don't drink milk?!" I shake my head whilst smirking. "MILK IS GOOD FOR A GROWING GIRL!"
"Woman." I correct him and he raises his eyebrows before stumbling backwards, one hand on his heart whilst the other holds his palm up at me.
"I'm seventeen,Uncle." I say as he places both his hands up in surrender.
"You're a woman?" He says with mock disgust. "No! Little Alvina cannot be a woman! You are still a child! A child I tell you!" He bellows and raises his arms in the air.
"Na-ah!" I sing and shake my head violently. "I'm a grown woman!"
"Child!" He cries as he stomps his foot on the ground before crouching his body forward looking like a child who is about to throw a tantrum.
"Uncle." I whisper and his grey eyes look up sadly at me from where he is now sitting on the plump carpets. "It's okay, I'm still the same girl you met-"
"YAY!" He explodes in happiness as he jumps up to his feet and begins to clap his hands.
I burst out laughing as he begins to run- well, jog - around his office like a happy child. His suit flying everywhere.
"Uncle!" I grab hold of my stomach and he joins in with my laughter before settling down onto his office chair.
"You good?" He says in amusement and I nod before wiping away some tears which have made their way down my burning face.
"I'm good." I sigh and grin at him after opening my can of lemonade.
"So, do you want some milk now?" He asks and I quickly swallow the lemonade in my mouth before I start to laugh once again.
"Shush!" I say and point my index finger at him before squeezing my eyes shut whilst the fizz runs up my nose. Uncle Walid smiles before turning back to his computer screen.
I sway my legs around as I sip on my drink, turning my head to look outside the window. Not many people are outside as usual due to the miserable weather, however days like these are my favourite. Why? It's cold, wet and dark which means you can lounge around all day and eat all you like without having to feel regret over not bothering to go outside and enjoy the sunshine. You know what I mean?
I watch as Uncle Walid types a few things into some data input. I squint my eyes trying to actually read what he is typing- my eyesight is so bad. But still grateful for the fact I have eyes to see. SubhanAllah.
All of a sudden he turns back to look at me and I instantly straighten up, averting my eyes away from the computer screen. I don't want him to think that I'm snooping on him!
"What's up?" I ask slowly and place my can down besides me on the wooden window sill.
"Nothing." He replies before sighing and playing with the pen on his desk. A frown is etched on his face - an unusual thing to see.
"Go on." I say and laugh nervously. It isn't like him to act this way and this just makes me worried.
"It's just..." He laughs nervously too before looking up at me. His grey eyes soften as he examines my face for a few seconds before sucking in a deep breath. "I'll come by your house later-"
"Ugh." I groan and throw my head back, almost hitting it against the glass window behind me. "Uncle! Just say it!"
He laughs before standing up and walking towards me. "Shush, child." His large hand pats the top of my head, ruining my hijab.
"Uncle." I roll my eyes as his hands fall to his sides and I fix my headscarf back into place, making sure that the point at the front of my head is just right.
"Annoying much?"
He nods his head eagerly. "VERY!"
Within an instant he's back to his old happy self.
I wonder what that was all about. The hell?
My eyes follow him as he walks towards his calendar which is hung up on his cream coloured wall. His hands are clasped together behind his back and he leans on the tip of his toes before falling back continuously. His nose scrunches up slightly before he exhales and turns back to me.
I raise my eyebrows. "What's up now?"
Uncle Walid smiles at me before fixing his blue and white polka dotted tie. His hand runs over his almost bald head and he clears his throat.
"You're boring me!" I drag out in a sing song voice which makes him laugh.
"You are so impatient!" He states the obvious and I groan. The laughter stops and I watch as he stares at me for a little while with a soft smile spread across his lips. "Just like your Father."
My breath hitches in my throat and I sit up straighter before fixing my skirt which is crumpled across my legs. I purse my lips as I tear my gaze away from Uncle Walid and quickly clear my throat after looking back up and plastering a grin on my face.
"Well, I am my Father's daughter after all," I smirk and he nods. "And I'm very pretty." I place the back of my fingers underneath my chin whilst closing my eyes as I attempt to look cute.
"Oh! And let's not forget how big headed you are just like your Dad!"
At that I burst out laughing and jump off the window sill to make my way past Uncle Walid. His large hand is placed onto my head and he ruffles on my Hijab, fully knowing how to get on my nerves.
"What?" He whines as I look back at him with a glare. "I can't ruffle your hair so this is second best!"
"Mhm." I grit my teeth and pull my Hijab back into position before prancing out of his warm office.
"I'm not sorry!" I hear his voice yell as I close the door behind me and I roll my eyes.
He must be the most annoying person in my life.
I turn myself away and begin to walk down the unusually quiet corridor. My hands slip into my pockets as I kick at the carpet with every few steps I take.
Time to get to work, I guess.
Suddenly screams are heard from behind me and I let out a surprised shriek. My body spins around as I hear loud footsteps charging towards me and I immediately snap my eyes shut and my body becomes stiff. My heart is beating faster as the footsteps surround me, going round in circles as they violently spray a wet substance all over me. I muffle a scream and try to make them stop however being trapped within moist strings doesn't help.
Laughter booms through my ear drums and I wince at how cold the string actually feels on my face. A few seconds pass and they have stopped spraying and all I can hear is the rattling of a can as they try to get every little bit out.
I exhale through my nose and shoot open my eyes, only to realise that my vision is blurred out by many colours.
Silly string.
I grit my teeth and angrily release my hands from inside my pockets to push the strings off my jacket. My favourite jacket.
The two criminals are out of sight which means that they're hiding somewhere.
Away from my scolding and beatings.
My eyes scan the corridor as I try to figure out where they are hiding. Many walls block my view and I realise that they are hiding behind one of them.
As I mentally review ways I can get them back... Or get back at just one individual, I pluck off all the remaining string off my jacket,headscarf and skirt. I guess my little sister is a little too small to aim for my head and so she sprayed at my legs instead.
I guess I'll have to get her back somehow too. Something nasty, vile and causes pain.
OKAY FINE.
Not as harsh as how I will get back at the main culprit.
Out of no-where I hear a deep voice yell from behind me. His footsteps crash down the corridor and I spin around whilst my nails are digging into the palm of my hands. I watch as his dark hair whooshes back due to the speed the idiot is going at. His grey eyes are filled with excitement as his grin takes over his ginormous face.
Hudayfah halts to a stop in front of me as he looks down at me with a smirk, his shoes hissing against the carpet. I scowl at him in return, wanting to punch his annoying face however I can't touch his annoying face.
"Your makeover is not done." He whispers, sending chills down my spine.
"The hell-"
Instantly, his hand which is balled into a fist is brought up in front of my face. He lowers his face down to my level whilst keeping a good distance between the two of us.
"Don't you-"
My eyes shut and I scrunch up my
facial features immediately as I watch his lips blow into his hand. I feel the glitter fall onto my face and by now anger is seeping through my skin.
"Make-over complete." I hear him say in a robotic voice before I hear cheers from both the lame guy and my little sister.
"YOU ARE SO FREAKING ANNOYING!" I scream as my fingers swipe over my eyes. "DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND HOW FREAKING-"
"Shush, Al." Hudayfah says as he places a hand on Nafisah's head and the other on his hip. "You look good."
You know what. I wasn't just wrong. I was extremely wrong.
Hudayfah Zain is the most annoying person in my life.