Chapter 22
"Amanda?!" I heard my mom yell.
I snapped out of my panic and focused on what she was going to tell me.
"Which hospital?" I asked her.
"The General, that's what the paramedic told me. They wouldn't let me drive up with him." She informed me.
Listening to her voice I knew she was crying and her panic was evident by the way she was breathing.
"Mom, don't drive. I'll come and pick you up." I told her.
"Justin is picking me up. Your dad was talking to him when it happened." She said between sobs.
"Okay. What about A.J. and Felix?" I asked.
"They're coming. A.J. wants to come..."
"Okay, I'll meet you at the hospital." I told her.
"Okay." I heard her say and she hung up.
I put my phone down and I could feel my body tremble from the shock.
"What's going on?" Blake asked making me jump. I had completely forgotten about him.
"My dad... they think he's having a heart attack, I have to go." I told him.
I zipped up my pants, grabbed my shirt off the floor and put it back on. I quickly looked around making sure I wasn't forgetting anything. I grabbed my purse and my car keys then headed to the front door.
"Oh no you're not." Blake said grabbing my keys out of my hands.
"Are you out of your freaking mind?! Give me the damn keys!" I yelled at him.
"You're not driving. You can't drive when your head is going in a million directions, that's the best way to kill yourself. I'm driving." He said.
I looked at him and he was fully dressed and ready to go, I just hadn't noticed.
"You're coming with me?" I asked surprised.
"Yeah I am. Now let's go." He said.
We rushed out of his apartment and I pressed the button for the elevator while he locked his front door.
When we got out of the building we both ran to his car and seconds later we were out of the parking lot.
We didn't talk. I kept looking outside the window, then at the clock. I knew he was speeding... he was going a bit too fast.
"Don't get pulled over." I whispered to him.
"I won't." He said and I noticed he slowed down a bit after that.
I wanted to arrive at the hospital as quickly as possible but getting pulled over by the cops and receiving a ticket would make the process longer. That was the last thing I wanted.
Looking out my window, I kept thinking back to when I was younger, before my brothers were born and before my parents were married. At the beginning when we started, the three of us, living together. The way my dad was so careful with me, so gentle. He always made sure I was okay. Walking through the apartment the first time with my mom and seeing all the toys he bought me. I was so happy but at the same time very nervous. I remember hoping he wasn't going to take my toys away like Jesse had done so many times.
I remember waking up in the apartment, thirsty and knowing he had left the house to go to work. I'd walk to the kitchen and he'd always leave me a sippy cup filled with milk that way I didn't have to wake up my mom.
When we started going to the park, we'd just sit on the bench looking at the play structure. He never complained and he was always so patient with me. When I finally found the courage to go on one of the swings, after every kid and adult had left, he would just come and sit on the swing next to mine. He never tried to touch me or make me talk, he gave me time knowing, hoping one day I'd come around...and I did.
No one could ever come close, I had the most amazing dad...there was simply no one like him.
He's going to be okay, he has to, I repeated in my head.
Paying attention to where we were, I knew we were getting close.
Blake didn't say a word since I told him he was going too fast. I was lost in my thoughts but I didn't know about him, I was glad he was letting me think and not be in a conversation where I'd have to think and respond. I wasn't in the mood and I was thankful he understood.
Once the car was parked at the hospital, we both ran inside and I ran to the reception area where two older women were working.
"Hi, my dad was brought in by ambulance. They think he had a heart attack." I said, out of breath.
"What's his name honey?" One of the women asked softly.
"Gibson. Derrick Gibson. My mom is probably here already." I told her.
"Go to the end of the hall, Section A, Room 9." The woman told me.
I left the station and quickly walked my way in the direction she had giving me.
As I reached the end of the hall I started looking for a sign that said, 'Section A' but I couldn't see it.
"Amanda, it's this way." Blake told me.
I walked up to him and we continued walking to where I finally saw the sign.
He must have good eyes because I couldn't see the damn sign from where we were. Who the hell would put such a small sign in a hospital?! It was ridiculous. They should put the sign bright red with neon lights with flashing arrows, but that's just me.
I knew I couldn't run in the hospital, a rule my mom told me more than once while growing up. I wanted to say screw the rule and run as fast as I could but instead, I just walked as fast as I could. Looking at Blake beside me, he was walking normally, him and his long legs while I had my short freaking legs. Damn him.
As I passed the rooms, my eyes staying on the numbers until I saw Room 9. When my eyes finally saw it, that's when I started to run.
I entered the room and I immediately noticed there was no bed. I saw my mom sitting on a chair with her red, puffy eyes holding Felix that was sitting on her. A.J. keeping his head down was sitting next to her.
"What... Where..." Were the only two words that escaped my mouth.
"They're doing more tests." My mom answered.
"What happened? How... Is he okay?" I asked.
I felt a hand on the lower my back, trying to calm me down even though it was impossible. I knew it was Blake and I now felt relieved that he came with me.
I took a deep breath and walked towards my mother because I knew she wouldn't be able to stand for long without her legs giving out from under her.
"He was talking to Justin on the phone. I could hear him laughing from the bedroom then I heard something hit the floor... I didn't hear anything after so I got up to check. He was grabbing his shirt, like it was choking him. Justin was still on the line, I told him what was happening as quickly as I could, and then I called 911..."
"But he's healthy." I said, mostly to myself. "It doesn't make any sense."
"He's healthy but always had high cholesterol. When we got here, they told us they gave him Morphine..., I don't remember the rest." She told me.
"Did it help?" I asked.
"When we arrived, they were doing some tests on him... The nurse told us to wait in here...he hasn't come back yet." She told me.
I could tell she was on 'autopilot'. She wasn't looking at me...she was in a different frame of mind. I couldn't blame her except I hadn't seen her like that in a long time. The last time that happened, it was at Jesse's house when he told her that my dad was marrying someone else.
I bent down so she'd look at me. When her eyes finally made contact with mine her eyes immediately filled up with tears.
"It's just too soon." She whispered to me.
That broke my heart. "I know." I whispered back.
I looked at A.J. and Felix. A.J. was looking at me with worried eyes while Felix had the stains from his tears on his cheeks. He was trying really hard not to fall asleep, his body and his mind fighting each other to see who would win.
I put my hand on A.J.'s knee. After a few seconds, his hand went on mine.
"Do you need anything? Coffee, juice, snacks...?" I asked all of them.
"Justin's doing that." A.J. informed me and I just nodded my head.
Seconds after he was mentioned, Justin walked into the room with his red eyes. He got my mom a coffee which he put on the floor, A.J. and Felix received their Orange juice.
"Do you want something? I can go back." Justin asked Blake and me.
"I'm fine." I told him and Blake shook his head.
"He should be back soon." Justin said.
"Did the nurse say anything?" I asked him.
"No." He answered.
I thought for a second, I guess he was either hoping or talking to himself... I decided to let it go.
"I called my parents." He said looking at my mom.
"What did they say?" She asked.
"Next flight out they're coming back." He answered.
I looked at my mom then back to Justin. My dad disliked his parents and my mom felt the same way. My whole life, well since I met my dad, I had seen them face to face a dozen times... They never bothered to be a part of our lives and they were always too busy with their vacations to see anyone of us, including Justin and his family.
I didn't know them well enough and I didn't want to. I knew I'd have to keep my thoughts and comments to myself and make sure I wouldn't say a damn word while they were here.
I heard a noise and we all looked in the direction of the door. A man was pulling in a bed into the room and I knew it was my dad. We all moved, making sure to be out of the way and A.J. stood up to see better while my mom stayed in her seat. My baby brother had finally lost his battle with his sleep while still on our mother.
I kept my eyes on my dad while the man arranged the bed in place and locked the wheels.
The color of his face...he looked so pale and his lips, they were so different than normally...not the usual color.
"The doctor should be here any minute." The man said then left without giving us time to say a word. I guess that was the point intended with his leaving so quickly.
I could hear the sounds of the machines that my father was hooked up to. The Oxygen mask that he was wearing was connected to the wall. I couldn't understand why some people kept saying in movies or on TV that the sounds of the machines were tiresome because they were music to my ears, certainly the machine for his heart. I never wanted it to stop.
I walked over to the side of his bed and just looked at him.
I must have been looking at him for a couple of minutes, just like everyone else, when I heard, "Stop staring." From my dad, his voice was weak but it was loud enough, even with the oxygen mask, to make me jump in surprise.
"Jeez! You scared the crap out of me." I said a bit loudly.
"How are you feeling?" My mom asked from the other side of the bed, placing her hand in his.
"Tired...dizzy... Buzzed..." He said each word slowly. He opened his eyes, looking directly at my mom. "Remember the night we had no power... We smoked that big..."
"All the kids are here honey." My mom said, cutting him off with a small smile on her face.
"Cigar." He finished. He closed his eyes again and we all looked at each other.
I heard Justin chuckle a bit but when I looked at him, he stopped immediately.
"Hello everyone," I turned to, look and an older man with a white jacket was in the room. "my name is Dr. Kross and I'm Mr. Derrick Gibson's Cardiologist." He looked at all of us then looked at the chart he was holding in his hands. "Only family members can be in here at the moment." He said looking at us again.
"We are all family members." My mom told him.
Her eyes never leaving the doctor, showing him no one was leaving. I wanted to smile, the only person that wasn't family was Blake but I needed him with me and my mother knew that.
"Alright, if everyone needs to stay in the room, please give him room to breathe and do not hover over the bed, everyone at the same time." Dr. Kross said looking at everyone. "Excuse me miss." He said to me. I moved out of the way and he took my place. Everyone except my mom moved away from the bed, doing what the doctor had told us. "Derrick, can you open your eyes for me." He asked my dad.
"The room spins when I open them." My dad told him. His voice was weaker than a minute ago, it was harder to hear him over the machines, his voice was groggy but the doctor heard him loud and clear which was really good.
"Yes I know, those are the side effects of the medication you were given, some in the ambulance and also when you arrived here. Other than the dizziness, how do you feel?" He asked again.
"Pain." My dad stated.
I could feel the tears forming in my eyes and Blake walked to stand next to me, putting his hand on my lower back.
"Well, we gave you quite a cocktail. In the ambulance they gave you Aspirin to chew and once you arrived we gave you Morphine for the pain, Oxygen therapy to increase the oxygen in your blood, Nitroglycerin to open up the arteries to the heart and help the blood flow better and Beta-blockers to lower the workload your heart has been under." He said to my father but looking at my mom and Justin.
"So it was a heart attack." My mom stated.
"The ECG proved that yes it was a mild heart attack which is still severe but better than the alternative. For now he won't need surgery, if he does in the near or distant future I'll refer him to a Cardiovascular Surgeon. Now, he needs a lot of rest and no stress... or as little as possible." He said and looked at everyone. "For the next few days, we will be monitoring him very closely to make sure he doesn't have another one. That happens and having him here will ensure that if he does have another heart attack we will respond immediately. Treatment is very important and the faster the treatment is, the risk of damage is lower." He said, mostly to my mom.
She nodded her head to show she understood.
"How long will he be here?" She asked the doctor, her voice breaking halfway into her sentence.
"It's too soon to know." He told her.
"Can I stay tonight...please." She asked.
"It's against the hospital policies but I'll break it for tonight but only one person." He said.
"Thank you." She said as tears rolled down her cheeks.
We watched the doctor leave the room but none of us moved, like we were frozen in space.
My mom was the first to move. She got closer to my dad and kissed his cheek. I barely heard her whisper, "I love you, mon amour" but I did.
When she stood back up and walked towards me taking my hand and pulling me out of the room I got confused.
Once we were out of the room she looked directly in my eyes, making sure my attention was only on her. My mother was back in control of herself and trying to control and make arrangements before falling apart again.
"Do you think you can stay at the house tonight with A.J. and Felix?" She asked, keeping her voice low.
"I don't have my car, Blake gave me a ride." I told her.
"That's fine. Do you think he would mind?" She asked.
Was she telling me that Blake could spend the night in their home?
"I pretty sure he would stay, if that's what you're asking but you don't have enough beds?"
"You could share a bed. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be the first time." She stated.
"Good point. It's just different being at the parents' house and everything."
"You both can stay in your bedroom. I know A.J. is old enough but I don't want him to be alone. I'd feel a bit better knowing the three of you are together." She told me.
She turned facing the room, "Blake, can you come here please?" She asked.
Blake slowly made his way towards us. My mom repeated what she told me and just like I knew he would, he said yes.
"What about Justin?" I asked my mom.
"I don't know. He has his own family to go see but Derrick and him...they're so close. Plus their parents... no stress will be very difficult to achieve." She answered.
"I can help with that." I stated.
She looked at me, "I don't doubt that for a second." She said.
Everyone knew I didn't like my dad's parents. They never made any effort to be in my dad's life, and the same for everyone else.
My mom's parents could drive me nuts at times, but I least they were always around if I needed them and vise versa.
"Go see your father for a bit and then... head home." My mom told me.
"Are you going to be okay here? Alone?" I asked her.
"I'm not alone, I have the love of my life with me. I just need to be here. If he has another one...I need to be here. I can't leave him alone, he needs to know I'm here with him." She kept repeating.
"It's not like before mom." I told her.
I knew she was talking about our past. About how she thought my dad had moved on so quickly, forgetting about her. When Jesse showed my mom the picture, from the newspaper, of my father and his then fiancé, she thought she'd lost him for good. Now she was showing him that almost 15 years later, she would never leave his side. That she would never give up on him just like he would never give up on her.
"I know. I just can't leave." She said again. I nodded my head and walked back into the room with my mom and Blake.
My dad's eyes were opened a bit but it was easy to see he was stoned out of his mind on pain killers.
Justin moved out of the way, letting me get closer to my dad.
"Hi dad." I whispered.
His eyes moved and stopped when they reached mine. "Hi honey."
"You're going to be okay you know." I told him and telling myself at the same time.
"Your old man is tough but I'm not moving from this bed until things stop moving." He said making me smile.
"That's good. You know I love you, right?" I asked as tears ran down my face.
"I love you too." He whispered closing his eyes again.
"You can't leave us behind. One day... if I ever get married, I need you to walk me down that aisle...you need to save me a dance because you're the only one who can do that job."
"That's an important job." He whispered.
"And when I have a baby... he or she will need her grandpa. You still have a long to do list so you can't go anywhere... and I need my dad around." I whispered to him. I didn't want everyone to hear me but I knew they could.
"I'll always be here honey...promise." He whispered with tears running down the side of his face.
"The boys and I are going home now. Get a lot of sleep and...don't give up. I love you so much...daddy. A dad better than you...just doesn't exist."
He smiled, opened his eyes and looked right at me.
"I love you Amanda." He said and I smiled a bit with my own tears running down my face.
I kissed his cheek like my mother had done and I slowly stepped away from his side. My head and my body were screaming with each step I took away from him. I didn't want to leave his side, I didn't want to leave this room because I was terrified that if I did, it would be the last time I'd see him.
I knew I couldn't cry too much. I tried my hardest to stay strong that way my brothers wouldn't see me break down or freak out. I needed to keep myself together for them, even though inside my head, I was panicking.
A.J. was next and he took his time with dad. No one had rushed me while I was with him and A.J. deserved the same.
I looked at my baby brother who was sleeping on two chairs. I guess someone put the two chairs together so he could sleep better but he looked so uncomfortable. I wondered how he could sleep in that position. I didn't want to wake him but he was too heavy for me to carry him to the car.
"I'll carry him." Blake said in my ear.
It freaked me out how well he could read my mind at times. It was strange...
"Are you sure?" I asked him.
"Yeah, but if you want to wake him...it's your decision." He stated.
"I think I will... wake him up I mean, so that he can say goodnight to dad and then we can leave. You might have to carry him to the car either way. I just... He needs to say goodnight if anything happens. I can't just... make him leave if...without saying..." I tried to finish my sentence but the words wouldn't come out.
"No, you're right. He'd be really angry waking up tomorrow morning knowing he didn't say his goodnight and tell his dad that he loves him." Blake agreed.
I looked at Blake and wrapped my arms around his. How can a man like that be so nice and still be single?
I kissed his arm then let it go and walked towards Felix.
I bent down, "Felix, wake up." I whispered.
When I got no response, I said it louder. "Felix, wake up."
He moved a little bit, starting to wake up. "Felix I need you to open your eyes and say goodnight to dad." I said to him.
His eyes opened wide like he just remembered where we were.
"We're leaving?" He asked me. The worry in his eyes made it clear to me he didn't want to go and I felt the very same way.
"Yes we are. Blake and I are staying over with you and A.J. Go see dad, give him a kiss. You can tell him anything you want. I'll give you a few minutes okay?" I told him.
It was only fair that he had the same amount of time as A.J. and I had. I could never take that away from him, no matter what.
He slowly stood up and made his way to our dad's bed.
I went closer to my mom again, "I'll come back tomorrow and I'm positive they'll be coming too." I said, referring to my brothers.
"That would be great. He will love that never much." She told me.
I gave her a kiss on the cheek and a hug. "I love you mom."
"I love you too baby. Try to keep the phone close if there's anything." She told me and I nodded knowing what she meant.
I watched Justin who seemed lost in his thoughts. I didn't get a chance to talk to him since arriving at the hospital.
I walked over to him and I put my hand on his back and he looked at me.
"We were laughing...talking, joking around and then... I just heard the bang when the phone hit the floor." He told me.
"You and mom saved his life. You were there at the right place, right time because if you wouldn't have been talking to him, no noise would have made my mom get up and looked or checked around." I told him and he slowly nodded. Just like everyone, my uncle's tears were finally coming down.
I don't think I had ever seen him cry before. He always kept it together somehow.
When we were ready to leave, we all stood at the door looking at our father on the bed with all the machines making noises and announcing to everyone his heart was doing well. I smiled at mom and left the room making sure my brothers were following me.
I didn't want to leave. I felt horrible leaving my dad there, even if my mom was with him, it didn't feel right. So many questions were going through my head, so many 'what ifs'. I kept repeating over and over in my head, 'He'll be fine. He'll be okay.' but still the 'what ifs' were right behind it.
Walking out of the hospital heading towards the car I slowed down as Blake continued and I waited for A.J. and Felix to catch up. When A.J. got close to me I put my arm around his shoulders and when Felix got closer I did the same to him.
"He's strong. He'll be okay." I told them, also saying it to myself.
Felix nodded his head but not A.J. I knew A.J. knew more about reality and how shitty life could really be but Felix...I didn't want him to give up hope.
"What if he has another one? Like the doctor said." A.J. asked me.
"If that happens, we'll deal with it when we get there. For now, he's doing well and we need to keep positive thoughts. Dad's strong and hard headed, I believe in him and if so many people can get through it, I know dad can too." I told both of them.
"Mom was so scared." A.J. added.
"I know, can't blame her though. He's the love of her life." I told him and he nodded.
"Do you think he'll stay here long? It smells weird in there." Felix asked me.
"I don't know Felix. I don't know how long he'll need to stay at the hospital." I answered. I didn't know what to say about the smell so I didn't comment, sometimes no words were better.
All their questions that they were asking, I had no idea what to say or how to answer. I just hoped I answered correctly and that everything would be okay. I knew for certain that our lives were about to change for everyone either way. I just needed to make sure my brothers were okay and hoped that my dad would recover and come home soon.
We got to Blake's car and made our way to the house. It was going to be very strange being in our parents' house without them there.
While Blake was driving, I asked him if he wanted to stop by his place to pick up my car, that way he could go into work in the morning but he refused. He was going to call in sick to be with us... to be with me. I was happy that he was staying. He gave me the support that I needed and that I wanted.
Felix fell asleep in the car and Blake had to carry him into the house, to his bed. The three of us then sat in the living room where dad had been only a few hours before. We didn't talk much, just stayed in our thoughts.
Hours later we finally went to bed. I knew no one would sleep much...except Felix. I turned and turned, unable to fall asleep until Blake put his arm around me, bring me closer to him. The warmth of his skin was enough to finally break me down. I cried and cried most of the night while he held me tight. He rubbed my back and kissed the top of my head until I finally passed out.
I hoped... I needed my dad to be okay. My mom was right, it would just be too soon.
****Please Vote & Comment! Thank You!!****
Hi everyone, I'm so sorry it's been so long. Still having health issues and I'm trying to find a 'save zone' where I can feel...not sick and actually do normal activities. I'm having difficulties finding that common ground.
I don't want any of you to think I've forgotten, that is not the case. I do what I can. Hopefully the chapters will come a little more quickly...I would love that. I do love to write, even edit as much as possible, it takes my mind away from reality. (Wish sometimes it would do it for a bit longer.) My Facebook page has info about what's been going on with me. I don't write all of it but enough to give you guys a heads up...
Thank you so much for your patience. It means the world to me. I'm so very lucky to have fans like all of you.
xxxx