Chapter Thirty-Three
I'm laying on my bed, trying to figure out this whole day. In fact, it's only 9:30 in the morning, so I'm trying to figure out this morning. It feels like a whole week has passed since I woke up. I can't even believe this day is real. Eli found them. If that wasn't enough of a shock, I actually saw their grave. He really took me there. I'm glad about that. No matter how hard it was, it was good to go. I'm thankful about that part.
The part in the car? Now that, I'm not so glad about. I told him too much. I gave him too much information. I should learn to keep my mouth shut. I never used to be so chatty. Now, I'm not going to lie, it was nice to finally get some of that off my chest. It doesn't feel like such a heavy weight is sitting on me every time I look at Eli. That may sound strange, but every time I look at him, I feel like I'm not good enough to be near him. I don't deserve him, and he is right, deep down I do know he's not going to intentionally hurt me. I do know he's a good man, and that's what I don't deserve. I've done so many awful and dirty things, I don't deserve to have him in my life. While talking to him hasn't lessened that feeling, it has made me feel like I'm not lying so much to him. I feel awful for lying to him about things, but he can't handle the truth and I can't handle him knowing.
As I lay on my bed, trying to rest, I hear Eli shuffling round the apartment. It's sort of comforting, knowing he's here. I know he has multiple guns and he's been in the army, so if anyone does try to hurt me, he will protect me. I just don't want him to get hurt in the process. He shouldn't have to suffer for my past. I hear him talking to someone, I presume it's Ash, because I hear Eli laugh. Ash always knows how to make Eli laugh. Ash knows how to make anyone laugh, except Paul. But I don't think Paul even knows how to laugh. He's always so intense, like he's trying to figure everyone out all the time.
I stay in my room until noon, and the smell of food lures me out to the kitchen. Eli is standing by the stove, with his back to me, and I can hear him humming to a song on the stereo. I don't know how, but Eli must have heard me because without even turning to see me, he says, “Hey. Did you get any sleep?”
“No sir.”
“Was I too loud?”
“No sir. I just couldn't sleep.”
I didn't want to tell him that my mind was going 100 miles an hour or that I was scared to try to sleep without him in the room. That was something I didn't even want to admit to myself, let alone him.
“I'm making grilled chicken and salad. Do you want some?”
“Yes please. Do you need a hand?”
“No ma'am. You just relax right there. Would you like coffee?”
“Tea please? Cinnamon.”
“Coming right up.”
I almost chuckle at him. He's got the towel draped over his arm like a waiter and he's walking around like he has a board down his back. He shoots me a boyish grin and says, “There's that smile. I like that look on you.”
“Did you speak to Ash?”
“Yep. He's going tomorrow. My ma doesn't really give us a choice in the matter, although he's never going to turn down free food.”
“I don't think anyone would turn down you're momma's food, to be honest.”
“Fair point.”
We eat in silence for a little while and my thoughts are a million miles away. Eli softly taps his finger on the breakfast bar to grab my attention and when I look at him, he asks, “You ok? You're quiet. Well, more quiet than usual.”
“Just thinking. Bad habit, sorry.”
“Don't be sorry. If you need me to snap you out of your thoughts, I will. Sometimes Ash or I get caught up in the things we've seen and we have a silent agreement to snap each other out of it. Otherwise we'll just get stuck there. You want me to do the same for you?”
It's worth a try, and it's also not a bad idea. “Yes sir. That might be helpful.”
“Ash and I wait a few minutes and then we grab the others attention. You want to be brought back straight away or do you want me to wait?”
“I don't know.”
“Well, sometimes you need to think things over, so maybe we'll wait a few minutes and see how that works, yeah?”
“Yes sir. What time are you going to see your dad?”
“About 5. I'll be at least an hour.”
“Ok. I have a stack of files to go through before Monday.”
We just lounge around and watch a movie or two before Eli has to go.
Before he leaves, he says, “I need to go home to check my mail, messages and get some clothes so I might be a little while. If you need me, just call, ok?”
“Yes sir. I'll be ok. Have a nice time. Tell your parents....hi.”
He smiles, with a knowing look on his face. He knows that wasn't easy for me to say, but he doesn't comment on it for which I'm thankful.
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Eli's POV
I pull into my parent's drive at 5:20pm. I slowly get out of the car, not knowing how this evening is going to turn out. My dad was in the Army; he's an easy-going man, but he's not someone you cross. Not that I'm going to cross him, at least I hope not. But I will protect Dani at all costs. If that means falling out with my folks, then I will. I can't lose her and she can't lose me. Not when she's making progress. I don't bother to knock, I just open the door and shout, “Dad!”
I hear his voice, “In the living room, son.”
I poke my head into the kitchen to say hi to my ma, knowing that's where she'll be. She gives me a quick hug and I head into the living room. My dad is ready for our session, he's already in sweats.
“Hey dad. How was work?”
“Busy. We had a cop in, shot on duty.”
“I heard about it. How is he?”
“In ICU, but stable at the moment. Quite a nasty incident by all accounts. How's Dani?”
“She's ok. She asked me to say hi... What? What's that look for?”
“Did she really say that?”
“Yes sir, she did. She feels awful about last night, but she's not going to be rude to you.”
“I get the feeling she doesn't know how to be rude.”
“You'd be right on that.”
“Shall we get started then?”
We head upstairs to the gym and we start on the treadmills. As we jog at a relatively slow pace, he continues his questioning, “So, what's the deal, son?”
“With what?”
“Don't play coy with me, Elijah. You know exactly what I mean. I know you're more intelligent than that.”
I sigh and say, “I'm not really comfortable talking about Dani like this. I don't think it's right.”
“Maybe not, but it's eating at you. You haven't been yourself for a while now and I think it has to do with whatever happened last night. Want to share? I think you need to. Just give me the basics.”
I know I'm not getting out of this so I just decide to give him what we told the Cap.
“After her folks died, Dani went into care. Obviously, it's not a very nice place and something she doesn't wish to remember.”
“Understandable. She took drugs, didn't she?”
I stare at him in disbelief and I almost forget to keep jogging.
“You thought I wouldn't notice? I'm a doctor, Eli. Give me some credit.”
“Is it really that obvious?”
“No, I just know what I'm looking for. What happened?”
“I can't tell you that, but I don't want you to think she's some druggie or something. It wasn't her choice, that's all I'll say on the matter.”
My dad nods slightly and says, “Fair enough. She must be very intelligent, having the job that she does...”
“Very. She has a brilliant mind.”
“And she's been through some awful things, hasn't she? Probably in care, right?”
“Yes sir.” He already knows, there's no point in denying it. He's just asking the questions to be polite.
“Right. So, we just need to be careful around her. No sudden movements and no contact. Am I right?”
“Yes sir. She doesn't like crowds either, which is why she isn't coming tomorrow.”
“Makes sense. You going to tell your brother and sister about Dani?”
“Not right now, sir. They'll want to meet her and she's not ready for that. At the moment, I don't know how she'll react to having a child around. Speaking of, how is Fiona?”
Fiona is Maria's little girl. She's nearly 3 now.
“She's a little madam. She's into everything. Your ma and I just saw her last week and she wants to know everything.”
I chuckle at the mental picture I have of a little Maria asking inappropriate questions to everyone.
“So, back to the subject at hand. Don't think I didn't notice you try to change the topic. What are you doing about Dani?”
“Just trying to get her to trust me. As you can imagine, being in care doesn't make trust easy to establish.”
“No, I can imagine. How are you holding up? Obviously, only you know the details, but I can see it's weighing heavy on you.”
“I just.... I wanna hurt some people...” I can't stop the truth from slipping out. To be honest, I don't even know if I want to. Sometimes I feel like I want to explode with rage and burst with the pain and hurt. Maybe I do need to talk to someone, but I don't want to betray Dani.
"You know who they are?"
"No, I was talking in general. It just makes me so angry and so hurt that people can be so evil..."
"This has really got under your skin, hasn't it?"
"You have no idea."
"She's special, huh?"
"Extremely. She's so very special."
"What's so special about her?"
I sigh, trying to think of where to start and what to say without revealing too much. I decide to go for the easy option.
"She's got an amazing mind. She has a photographic memory, so anything she reads or sees she never forgets it."
I was hoping he'd just be shocked about the memory thing and not press further on that. But I know my dad too well.
His eyebrows shoot up and he says, "That must be difficult if she's got bad memories. They're never going to go away..."
I turn the treadmill off and shake my head sadly. I need to talk to someone about this aspect of it. Who better than my dad? He's a doctor so he'll know what my options are and I know I can trust him.
"Anything you want to get off your chest? Anything you wanna ask me, son? You can trust me. Whatever you say stays between us."
"That's the problem we're having now. We are making progress, but her memories are driving her crazy. She can't turn her mind off, she can't forget anything. She can't just put the past behind her and move on. I don't know what to do about that. I so desperately want to help her, and it kills me that I can't do anything about her memories."
"Does she have nightmares?"
I nod slightly and send him a grim look.
"Well, there are drugs..."
"She can't. She can't take anything. No form of drug."
"That bad?"
"That's what she told me. She said taking any drug is a slippery slope for her. I don't know how bad it was, but I do know she took pretty much anything she could get her hands on. She can't even take painkillers, not even the softest dosage."
My dad lets out a sharp breath, and I know it's not because he's unfit.
"Wow. I wouldn't have guessed it was that serious. She's done a remarkable job of covering that up."
"She's determined about the no drugs thing. So what do I do?"
"Well, there's a few options, I think. She could have electro therapy but there's no guarantee it's going to work. There are drugs that are less likely to cause addiction but that's not really my field. I can ask one of the doctors in the psych ward and see what he says. You want me to do that?"
“I don't want to betray Dani's confidence. She doesn't want anyone else to know about any of this. I feel awful for discussing it with you, but...”
“But you can't do it on your own. You can gain her trust, you can work on issues with her, but you can't explore the medical realm. You need someone to do some digging without raising any suspicions. I can do that. I won't give any names, I won't even say it's for someone. I'll just say I'm interested in the new techniques that are available. Is that ok with you?”
“Yes sir. Thanks. I might have to tell her though. I don't know if I can live with lying to her.”
“You're not lying, Eli.”
“Maybe not, but it's not being truthful with her. So many people have hurt and betrayed her, I don't want to be guilty of doing the same thing. If I don't tell her and she eventually finds out, she's going to assume I'm the same as everyone else. You don't know how much it has taken for us to get this far...”
“She does trust you, son. She just doesn't want to admit it yet. If she didn't trust you, she wouldn't let you comfort her and she wouldn't need you to calm her down. Just give her some time. You're a good boy, son.”
I smile affectionately at him and humorously say, “Boy? You won't be saying that when I beat your butt in hand to hand...”
“Dream on. Dream on.”
We do some hand to hand combat training and it's just gone 7pm when my ma calls us for dinner.
“Go ahead, dad. I'm just going to check in with Dani.”
“Sure thing.”
I grab my cell and dial Dani's number. She doesn't pick up at first, she never does, so I'm not surprised by this. I start to talk to the machine and then she picks up.
“Hey baby. How's it going?”
“Ok. How's the training session?”
“Not bad. My dad's good, but he's getting slow in his old age. You finished your work?”
“Almost. Are you coming back soon?”
“Do you want me to?”
“I was just wondering, sir.”
“I was going to have dinner here, but if you want me to come home I will. Are you ok?”
“I'm ok. I was only asking. Have dinner with your parents. It's ok, honestly.”
“Ok. If you need me for anything, just call me.”
“Yes sir. I will.”
“Good. I won't be too much longer.”
I say goodbye and hang up. Even though Dani said she's ok, I can't shake the feeling that she was holding something back. I decide to trust what Dani said, but I rush through dinner just in case.
As I'm shoveling the food down my throat, my ma says, “Eli, you're not a teenager anymore. The food is still going to be there if you slow down to chew...”
“Sorry. I need to get back. I've been out for quite a while.”
“I'm sure Dani is perfectly fine. I'm sure she survived just fine before she met you.”
My dad shoots me a knowing glance and interjects, “Connie, if he wants to get back to Dani, just let the boy go. You remember when we first started seeing each other....?”
I quickly, and almost too loudly and in a sing-song voice, say, “I don't want to know... Besides, Dani and I are just friends.”
“Sure you are.”
“Ma, don't even go there. Don't make it something it's not. You'll frighten the poor girl and that's the last thing I need you doing.”
“You didn't explain what happened last night...”
Was it only last night? Geez, it feels like a whole week has passed since then.
“She's not had an easy life, ma. Let's just leave it at that. She needs time to get used to people before she's comfortable with them. Just keep some distance while she gets to know you. You can't get too close to her, physically I mean. You need to give her some time. Ok?”
“Ok, ok. Don't leave it too long before you bring her back here though. I would like to get to know her.”
“I'll bring Dani back any time she wants to come here. But now, I really do have to go. Thanks for dinner, ma. And thanks for the session, dad. You need to step it up though if you're going to beat me next time.”
I chuckle at his mock annoyed expression and I head to the car. When I get back to Dani's, she has papers all over the floor and breakfast bar. I have no idea what she's working on, so I ask her about it.
“The Captain asked me to take a look at the files from the Russian bank case.”
“Turn up anything interesting?”
“I think so. The secret vault was empty when CSU went in to collect evidence. I'm sure it wasn't empty when you went in there. I think they ignored our calls to stall us, so they could empty it out. They're probably holding stuff illegally or hiding criminal's possessions. In any case, it's pretty much irrelevant now because I don't really know what to do next. There's no proof it wasn't already empty, so we have nothing to go on.”
“Unless we investigate the guy who owns the bank, see what his connections are. See who he has affiliations with.”
She doesn't say anything and I know she's uncomfortable with that suggestion.
“Aren't you intrigued to know what they are hiding?”
“I don't know. What if we come across something I can't forget? What if we come across something that I'm not comfortable with? What if it makes me remember? I can't freak out at work anymore, Eli....”
“Hey, hey. Don't panic. It's ok. I can kick it to Captain Greggson and let him know what you've got or we can look into it from here. You don't have to do this at work if you don't want to.”
She's frightened. I can see it in her eyes, and then I catch on to what her fears must be.
“Listen Dani, if you don't want to do this, we don't have to. I know you're probably scared we'll come across the people that took you...”
“They didn't take me; they bought me... That's even worse...”
She's probably right about that. By purchasing her, they thought they could do whatever they wanted. Like she belonged to them; like she's a possession, a piece of furniture or whatever.
“I know it can't be easy, wondering if you're going to come across them, but if we can pin something else on them, maybe we'll be able to put them away for that instead.”
“I can't see those eyes, Eli. Those eyes.....”
I see a tear drop from her eye and my heart is torn. I so want to find these scum bags and take them down, but I don't want to put Dani through any more torment and pain.
“Ok, ok. We'll give it to Greggson and I'll just keep a watch over the case. If I need your assistance, I'll ask you instead of showing you. Does that work better for you?”
She whispers, “Yes sir.”
“Good. Shall we clear all of this up?”
She starts putting all of the paperwork away and I notice that she's tired and stressed. I just watch her for a few minutes and then I whisper, “Dani?”
She jumps and drops a few papers. “Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Are you ok? You don't seem yourself.”
“I'm tired, sir.”
“Do you want me to stay in your room again? That seemed to help last night, didn't it?”
“I think so, sir.”
“Do you want to make some popcorn, grab some ice cream and watch a movie with me?”
Her eyes seem to sparkle a little as she says, “Yes please. What will we watch?”
I've come to learn that she's very selective in what she watches. Obviously, some types of movies hit too close to whatever has happened to her. That's why I usually let Dani choose. I'm trying to learn her taste in movies so I'll know better what to pick. I go with a pretty safe option. “How about Lord of the Rings? Have you seen that?”
“No sir. I've read the books though.”
“Ahh, you'll like the movies then. I'll go put the popcorn on.”
As we watch the movie, I silently watch Dani. Something seems different about her. Even though she's watching the movie intently, she seems a little more... relaxed I guess. Her face doesn't seem so pinched in fear. The way she's watching the movie is so cute. She's really drawn in by it. I suppose it puts pictures to the book, not that I think her mind would have any trouble with that whatsoever.
It's nearing midnight when the movie draws to a close and I can see Dani is really trying to stay awake. Today has been quite difficult for her emotionally. I'm sure she just wants to get a good night's sleep, and I'll do what I can to make it easier for her.
We get ready for bed and I settle on the lazy-boy in Dani's room before she gets into bed. I make sure my guns are by my side, just in case and I whisper a goodnight to Dani.
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End of Eli's POV