A/N: i guess since i'd had this idea for so long, that's why writing it's going so quickly? haha idk but HERE'S ANOTHER CHAPTER
----
My Mom and Leo's Mom decided together that we needed to see each other in person, so that's how Leo and I ended up sitting on the couch, a large gap between us, in an awkward silence.
When I was told I had to see him, I almost screamed. It didn't help I had been in a terrible mood all the time lately, and talking to someone for more than two or three words turned me into crazy hormonal angry and mean pregnant monster.
Over the phone, all we ever really texted about was baby stuff, like when I had appointments, how things were going. It was all we could think to talk about anymore, even though that topic was a weird one for us too.
I shifted uncomfortably in place as I received a harsh kick to my rib from Rome, as if to say, 'talk to my fucking Dad, what the fuck'.
I put a hand on my stomach and moved it back and forth like, I'm sorry.
Rome and I had built a good relationship, though I still thought she'd get along better with Leo. When she finally got out into the real world, they'd instantly click.
"Do you wanna see the nursery now?" I asked him out of the blue, turning to look at him for the first time in about five minutes.
His eyes widened, and it's possible my voice sounded harsher than I intended it to, just because I was always annoyed—I might have scared him. I really didn't care. I wanted to go to sleep. I also wanted to be skinny. I also was hungry.
He nodded. "Sure," he answered, smiling tightly.
"'Kay, come on," I mumbled.
I stood up slowly and started toward the stairs, Leo following.
In the pink-pink-pink room, he looked incredibly uneasy, and looked around it like he hadn't ever seen anything so girly in his life. He didn't have a sister or anything, and I don't think any girl he'd ever known was the type to wear too many dresses.
"It's pink," he observed.
I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, Leo, she's a girl. I told you that."
"Oh, I know," he said, sounding surprised by the edge in my voice, as he didn't deal with edges well. "I like it."
"Whatever," I brushed it off, waving a hand.
He pressed his lips together tightly as he tried to maintain his usual calm nature, then turned his back to me, looking in the crib.
"I like this," he said, reaching down and picking up the llama by its head.
"Yeah, Luke gave that to me—or, to her," I told him about the gift my ex-boyfriend had brought me, a month ago now.
"Luke was here?"
I shrugged. "Yeah? So?"
"Nothing. I just didn't know you two were seeing each other."
"We're not."
"No, I didn't mean seeing each other, seeing each other, I just meant—"
I sighed just loudly enough, just annoyed enough to get him to not finish his sentence, then I asked him, because I was tired of wondering and also just plain tired, "Leo, do you like me?"
He met my eyes after avoiding them for a long time. "What?"
I sighed again. I knew he heard me. "Do you like me? You never tell anybody anything so I can never know how you feel. But you used to like me, I know that—"
"How do you know that?" he asked, interrupting me, holding out a hand in front of him.
"People told me."
"Who?"
"That's not important! Do you like me now or not?"
He looked to the wall beside me, and he didn't say anything for a moment. "I'll always have feelings for you," he finally said, his voice insecure in a way I hadn't ever known it to be before.
"Always?" I repeated the strong word. "Even if I'm mean to you? Even if I don't feel the same way? Even if we don't talk anymore?"
He rolled his eyes, and laughed, a not-at-all funny, very short laugh. "Yeah. Yeah, Olivia, no matter what the fuck happens, because I'm a piece of shit."
"No," I said, shaking my head. "You're just... a really nice guy—I'm not nice enough." I paused. "No, you're really important. Cause you like me for who I am, even though I'm... the way I am, you know... and even though I look like this," I said, motioning to my body.
He didn't look away from my eyes. "You're beautiful," he said slowly.
"Please kiss me," I blurted out so quickly the words ran together in one long string.
But he understood me, because I barely even closed my mouth before he was pressing his lips into mine.
My hands were around his neck, and his were at my waist when we started to move back, up until my ass was against the dresser. I put a hand back on top of it to keep from hurting myself. He ran his hand against my arm and up to cradle my chin, so softly I wondered for a second if he'd been practicing with someone else. I guess that wasn't my place, though,
As hard as it was to do, I remembered the baby between us, and I pushed him away.
"I'm not gonna do it, you know!" I told him, loudly but not yet yelling.
He furrowed his eyebrows at me. "Um... I wasn't expecting us to—"
"No! Not that. I mean... all of this," I corrected, motioning around the room.
"What..."
I don't know what about that moment set my mind off. Maybe it was the intimacy that made me think I should tell Leo the truth, what I'd been thinking lately.
"I can't be anyone's mother. I just can't. And I'm not going to."
"Well, Olivia, you—"
"I know," I cut him off, because I knew what he'd say. "But this baby isn't mine. It's my parent's. They'll take care of her; they'll be great with her and I won't. My baby is far away, off into the future, with my husband, and my house, and my thirtieth birthday."
It was silent for a second as he looked down at the floor, crossing his arms in thought. Finally, he shook his head. "That's not fair," he said quietly.
"I know that too. But I also don't care. There's nothing else I can do. I want to be someone, and she'd only hold me back."
He closed his eyes and took a step away from me. "You don't sound like you," he said.
"Yes I do," I argued. "This is who I am. You just never knew before. But you like me anyway."
He looked back at me for just one second, then he looked down again. He opened his mouth like he would say something else, but closed it quickly.
That was when he decided to walk out, and probably because he knew I was right.
----
A/N: i know what you're thinking, olivia is getting around. kissing luke last chapter and leo this one, wild
i'm really sorry this chapter ended up so sad? i started thinking it'd be a cuter, at least semi-happy one? idK WHAT HAPPENED