A few years ago this man came to the medicine man I was learning from. One of my roles as an apprentice was to listen whole heartedly to the person that came for healing or answers.
As this man spoke of his troubles and dreams he kept on having a thought came to mind. My teacher taught me there are no random thoughts if something pops into your mind while listening to someone it meant the spirits are helping you understand or telling you a message for the one in need of help.
"I know you aren't a love making doctor but I need to understand why this woman keeps coming back into my life. We go our separate ways but always end up bumping into each other when we are down and out, why does it keep happening?" He spoke to the medicine man beside me. The brown haired healer closed his eyes as he listened to the man speak, "okay turn the light off and I'll see what's going on there". Off the lights went and the healer spoke in our language and shook his handmade rattle. I understood bits and pieces he spoke, mainly asking for assistance to understand why these things were happening to the man on the chair. The shaking stopped and i had turned on the lights an headed back to my place letting Gray, the medicine man, get his thoughts in order. Sometimes the spirits spoke to fast or backwards and we had to put the pieces together.
"Some times the spirits bring people together in times of help. This woman you speak of is meant to be a permanent person in your life, If you want her to be. The two of you are what people call soulmates. Sometimes a soul mate is a best friend, a sister, Aunty or uncle. But in this case she's your companion to grow old with, only if you go forward with it", what Gray had told Kevin made him think for awhile. It was also what I had thought as Kevin spoke before Gray turned the lights off.
"But what of these dreams I have in which I'm underwater and wild animals like bears or lynxes try to attack me. I know her family is very traditional when it comes to our culture could it be them trying to hurt me because I took her away from them", Kevin had tried to make sense of his dreams by himself and sometimes that was difficult to do. Certain things mean different stuff it isn't always what it seems.
Gray Closed his eyes and then turned towards me, "what do you know gather" he asked me. My eyes squinted as I lit some sage and cedar to gather my thoughts an air. It wasn't a surprise that Gray had turned to me, this was my fifth year under his care, and I often helped with people searching for help.
I had my own bundle and it had to be used daily to honour my gifts. I turned off the lights and pulled out my pipe, putting the pieces together. Placing the tobacco into the bowl and holding up the flame towards it, lighting it up. As I lit my pipe up I prayed to the creator and spirits to help guide me in understanding this mans dream. As I blew out the smoke from my mouth I seen two male figures working together to stop this couple from being together. I finished up smoking my pipe and placed it back in it place.
"First off her family aren't trying to hurt you. They're happy that you're making her happy. Your dreams about the Lynx and the water are trying to tell you who is trying to hurt you. There are two men that want this woman you spoke of they want her to be alone so they are sending stuff your way that's why you keep losing touch and coming together again. However the Bear spirit is trying to help you but you haven't feasted them like you were supposed to before so their strength isn't really working as well as it should. Once you feast the bears the strength they are giving you will happen." I finished explain what was shown to me. Kevin nodded his head letting me know he understood. Gray had stayed quiet and I knew I hadn't forgot anything.
Kevin had gave his thanks to us, shaking our hands and taking his leave. There was no need to give him anything. He knew what feast he was meant to do and how do go forward with it. Gray had already given him the Medicine bag for protection he asked for. The only thing they could do was pray he was guided in the right way he needed to go.
Kevin went on with the feast. He got up early the following day and sought out food for the bear. A variety of food sat on his counter as he placed a good amount of each into his container. After placing the food he then went out into the bush. Tightly wrapping the tobacco tie around the body of the tree. At the trunk of the same tree his food offering had already been placed. His prayers nonstop as he did the offering. The only worries he had was the woman. Soulmates, huh. Who would have thought they were real. He wasn't sure he wanted to get wrapped up in her situation with medicine. But it wasn't her fault these men wanted her to themselves. What would happen if they did go long term? Would these men leave them alone. Never the less he had felt like his mind was at ease now that he understood his dreams.
This woman they spoke about had also had questionable dreams about Kevin. She knew her feelings were strong for this man but she also knew how he was as a person. They had been friends for a decade and sometimes people show more than they mean to. She picked up on people's vibes and thoughts.
Adeline asked her mother that night if she could help bring some clarity to her thoughts and dreams she couldn't interpret. After her mother was done giving guidance to the people waiting in her living room she went last.
My mother waited from with in the shake tent. I passed her the tobacco offering and gift underneath the canvas. Taking a deep breath I spoke to her describing my reoccurring dreams, "Well I've been having two dreams the first one is of this man turning around to face me with open arms but when he goes to speak I look up at his face and it's blank and he's speaking incoherent words. Like my ears don't work and I start to get heavy, like weights pulling me down, and I fall towards the floor slowly but it hurts me and I feel it when I wake up. The second dream I have is of the same man but this time I'm at kokums and its busy as a beehive. My best friends are running around in a hurry trying to keep me in the one room, and in the next room there's that guy in a tuxedo surrounded by my brothers. Dad comes to me and tells me to calm down and go wth the flow. Koko is there in the background urging me to go forward to the man in the next room. I hear her voice in my mind telling me it's going to be okay and then I wake up". The cylinder structure shook from the inside and the mumbling of other voices can be heard from within. When I was younger I always thought there was multiple people inside but I watched them set up the tent and I never left. I only seen my mama go inside and come out in the end. Kokum told me it was the spirits talking to mom but also using her to voice their words. Sometimes multiple voices would talk at once and then the shaking and words stopped. "The first dream you had is false. It's someone trying to confuse you, they're trying to make you second guess yourself. Which you are doing. The second dream however is your future or one of the paths it can go. This man you are talking to is serious about you but he is scared of the baggage you carry around with you. Your family intimidates him because there's so many of you that believe in our ways and he's never been around so many people that are open about how we live"
"What am I supposed to do to stop them from doing that to me, did I offend them or something else?" I questioned my mama wanting to know more.
"No you aren't doing anything wrong these people that are doing this to you don't want you to be happy in life they want you for themselves just because of who you are as a person." Mama spoke to me. As she said these words they slowly rolled out of her mouth and into the air. It was like they were trying to stick inside my mind so I could understand more. My head bobbed up and down letting her know I was listening.
Mama told me what to do so the negative stuff stops or slows the impact. I went on with the offerings I needed to do and let the dust settle for a few days before I went on with my daily life. Kevin had pulled himself away from me a month before and I knew better then to wait for him. He was going through medicine sickness as well but he refused to talk to me because I was a healer as well. Some part of him was afraid to let me know he was flawed, but we all were my open mindedness was always a bit strong around others. It wasn't until a few days ago I got a message from Kevin he wanted to have coffee the following day but i hadn't replied. I didn't even open it until I knew I wasn't busy. I opened it a few hours before he wanted to meet so I typed my message quickly and went towards the coffee shop he wanted to meet at.
Our coffees were ordered and we sat there in silence occasionally looking at each other. It often went like this when we met. First the silence then after that little talks about ourselves and then what we really wanted to talk about. The conversation went from random topics but we each thoroughly expressed our feelings and views of whatever topic we were on.
Coffee dates happened for a few months until we decided to go out and test the waters. In the back of my mind I thought of the future I had seen of us. I wondered if he thought like I did. We never discussed the future with each other, I always made sure to stay in the present when I talked to him. Some people are afraid to know what awaits them.
We had been dating for four months now and I started to have second guesses and dreams of us. The dreams were of various things and others made no sense but sometimes they could be clear as day. I was so fed up I asked for my mamas help once again. There was only chaos in my mind, my spirit felt restless and there was a knot in my gut telling me something was wrong.
"I'm scared mama I have a bad feeling and reoccurring dreams. Something here isn't right and I want to know what and why." My voice said quietly and hushed. I felt embarrassed to be asking for my moms help again. Which was weird because I always talked to my mama about everything. She wasn't only my mama but my sister. Our relationship didn't always need spoken words.
Mama pulled me into her ceremony room. The room smelled of earthly roots and the air was smoky from previous ceremonies she had done that day. She sat me down beside her bundle, tossed a skirt my way and asked me to sit so I could touch her pipe comfortably for a long period of time. Mama exhaled the smoke in each direction not inhaling the tobacco fumes into her own lungs, she held the smoke in her mouth until she went onto the next direction. While mama did that I held the base of the pipe and prayed for clarity and guidance for my troubles. The drum, rattle and whistle happened after we finished smoking the pipe. Mama put the bundle in its given space and she opened her light brown eyes focusing on me, "Explain your dream to me and then tell me what you saw".
"Well I dreamt of Kevin and I. We get married, buy a house, and build a family together", squinting my eyes I visualized my dream in my head. "I see him in the distance with his back towards me and his shoulders are hanging low along with his head. I call for him and he turns back. He has this smile on his face but when I look into his eyes the suffering and sadness in them makes his smile phoney. Then he withers away as if he was disintegrating from the air, like broken film". That was my dream and as I paused to let my mom envision it. I processed the thoughts and pictures that stood out from my ceremony. I seen two paths one was dark and almost covered in dead grass, the other one had been red and as you looked forward there were multiple roads ahead going different ways. The words suspicion and fear repeated over and over getting louder as they echoed on. "Then while I prayed for guidance the words suspicion and fear got crazy loud while he walked backwards on his red path in life. He walked away from the two paths that lay ahead. One was dead and the other a continuation of his journey in life."
Mama thought some more on my situation. I knew she had seen something from the spirits and wanted to get the words right for me. "Okay, it's like this. I'm not going to beat around the bush I'm just budging right on through", that was her comforting side before she spoke bluntly. "He is reliving his old life. Being with you makes him think of the past and that scares him because he's comparing your to another person. It's engraved into his mind that you are different but also there's that lingering fear he'll wake up and find that he regrets what he did. The marriage part is what scares him. That's why he was walking backward on his path in life. I wants to go back to when he got hurt so he can fix it somehow. But since the past is the past there's nowhere to go because it's not possible." Clenching my eyes closed I felt them water seeping through the cracks.
"Can I help him? I do love this man, mama, and I want him in our lives he makes me happy and we connect. You guys said we could have a future together if we went out. What happened?" My voice cracked as I spoke my mind. I knew in my soul that things had changed for us the gut feeling finally dispersed and the negative energy flow out of me. I didn't want to start over but when the Creator wants you to go another way he will show you and let you decide.
Kevin hadn't taken to the idea of us going our separate ways but he also didn't want to make me sad or hurt. The fear was still there. Fear that I would cry into the arms of my parents and ask them for help, but that's where he lets the negative ideas weave themselves deep within his mind. The rational part of his mind is fogged because he wants to see the bad in what I do, even though he knows I wouldn't use my gifts or medicine in a negative manner.
A month later I received a voice message from him hoping I'd be okay and wondering if we were okay as friends. In the end of his message he asked why we broke up so I told him.
"Hey Kevin. I'm just returning your call. Everything is okay with me, nothing new. It's good to hear from you and we are okay as friends I just wanted to give you space before I explained anything. I know you after all. Here's the short version, I had a dream of us in the near future and it wasn't great. We weren't happy or content with what he did for each other but we both loved each other to much to ask for a divorce. Seeing as we both wanted to be married once. I asked and the spirits said you were going backwards on your journey in life. So I had to walk away from our path together. Talk to you later Kevin". I hoped he understood what I had said. After all he knew how much I depended on my dreams and signs. He also knew I didn't tolerate people that ignored reality. Since his reality was his past I couldn't do nothing but hope he'd come back to the now.
**
The start of the story is in another persons point and as you read on it changes. I did my best so readers don't get confused with who is talking.
I made this story really quickly last week. It was a for a friend that asked me to tell them one so i made this one up. Hopefully you guys enjoyed it to.
-Em