January 7
Jay
"Mom?!" I yelled her name.
"Yes?!?" she replied.
I ran down the stairs.
"Mom, can I please borrow the car?" I asked her, almost out of breath.
"Justin, you need to rest. You've been out all break."
"Mom, I just need to see someone really quickly," I said with a convincing smile.
"Why can't you ask your brother for his car?" she asked.
"I already did, but he wouldn't let me, and you know my car isn't here. Can I just use yours, Mom? It's important." I said.
"Honey...I thought you two broke up?"
My mom knew me very well, after all.
"We did, Mom, but-"
"But what?" she interrupted.
"I just wanna see her."
"I'm still upset about what you did to her. I expected better from you, Justin Drew."
"Mom, I-"
"I really wanted to meet her."
"You will meet her, Mom," I said.
"When?" she asked.
"I don't know. Hopefully soon."
"Fine. Just bring the car back before midnight, sweetie," she said.
"Thank you. I love you." I lowered my back and kissed her forehead.
+
Shit. Shit. Shit. I couldn't believe I was actually about to do this.
My heart was beating out of my chest, and my hand was now shaking on the wheel.
What if she wasn't home? Or worse:
What if her father answered the door?
I closed my eyes momentarily, before focusing my attention back on the road.
"Turn left onto I-75 North," the built-in GPS spoke.
++
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I was getting closer.
"Your destination is on the left."
I came to a stop in front of a huge house.
I looked at the time, and it was 6:42 PM.
I took a deep breath as I took the keys out of the ignition. I fiddled with them, thinking about another plan, just in case anything went wrong.
I finally got the courage to get out of the car. I slowly walked on the driveway, to the door steps.
"Oh, God. Please," I whispered.
I rang the doorbell. I stuck my hands in my NorthFace jacket and waited. About 20 seconds later, I heard the door unlocking. The door opened, and I was met with a gorgeous lady that Trinity resembled. It was most likely her mother.
I cleared my throat and smiled.
"Good evening," I said.
"Good evening. Who are you?" she asked.
She spoke with an islander accent. Trinity did say that her mom was from the Virgin Islands.
"Oh, umm. I'm Jay, a good friend of your daughter Trinity. It's so nice to finally meet you, Mrs. Portland," I said.
Her eyes squinted.
"Wait a minute. You look familiar. Jay as in my daughter's ex-boyfriend, Jay?"
I nervously chuckled. "In a flesh."
She wasn't amused.
"Why are you here?" she asked.
"I, uhh, I came to see Trinity."
"And why is that?"
"I would like to talk to her," I admitted.
"You can't do it over the phone?"
"I could, but I would like to speak with her in person."
"Oh, so now you want to," she said.
I knew what she was trying to say, but I pretended like I didn't hear it.
"I thought you were from California?" she asked.
"I'm from Georgia, but I moved to California while I was in high school. For the break, I'm staying with family that still lives here," I said.
"And you just decided to drop by my house without warning?"
"I'm sorry. Is Trinity here at the moment?" I asked.
"No, she went out with friends."
"Oh, really?"
"Yes," she said.
Great, just as I planned. I simply nodded.
"Okay, well may you please tell her that I stopped by?" I asked.
"I suppose, but I'm certain that..." Mrs. Portland continued talking but I wasn't listening. My attention went behind her, where I saw a girl walk past us. She glanced at me for a quick second and continued walking.
"Trinity?" I asked.
She swiftly turned around and stared at me. Suddenly, her eyes widened.
"Jay?" she asked.
I glanced at Mrs. Portland, and she rolled her eyes at me.
Trinity came by the door, and I unintentionally smiled. She looked so beautiful.
"What are you doing here?" she whisper-yelled.
"Well, you've been on my mind a lot, and-"
Mrs. Portland scoffed.
"Oh, please. She clearly wasn't on your mind when you were having sex with another girl."
Before I could say anything, Trinity spoke up.
"Ma.." Trinity said.
"What? Are you really going to defend him? After he hurt you?"
"I wasn't defending him, I just-can I please just talk to him for a bit to figure out what's going on?" she asked?
Trinity's mom sighed.
"Okay fine..." She said and disappeared upstairs.
Trinity gave her a small smile, but when she saw me, her smile faded.
"May I come in?" I asked with pleading eyes.
Trinity
This situation was very unexpected and awkward. I didn't notice it was him at first, since his hair was a buzz cut.
When did that happen? Never mind. The real question is: Why would he just show up like this? What if I wasn't home?
I knew it would be terrible to just tell him to go home, so I moved out of the way, and he stepped inside of the house. He nodded while he looked around.
"Nice place," he said.
"Thanks," I replied.
There was a silence.
"Can we sit down somewhere? Where we're not really heard?" he asked.
"Okay." I led him through the living room and kitchen. "You want anything to eat or drink?" I asked, not trying to be rude.
"No, thank you," he said.
I opened the door to the patio. It was getting darker outside by the minute, but the patio lights were on. Jay and I walked, until I sat down on the sofa while he sat in the chair across from me.
"So, hey. How have you been? You look great," he began.
"Thank you. I've been good. What about yourself?" I spoke.
"I'm alright."
"You got a haircut, I see," I said while nodding.
He put his hand on his head and rubbed it.
"I did. My hair in the front was getting annoying. You like it?"
"I do actually. It kind of suits you."
"Thank you," he said.
"You're welcome, but on another note, aren't you supposed to be in California? How'd you get here?" I asked.
"I came back home for Winter break, and since my car is back in California, I got here by using my mom's."
"Oh..makes sense," I said.
"Yeah...your mom lied and said that you weren't here," he replied.
I chuckled. "Really?"
He nodded and said, "She told me you were out with friends."
I didn't blame my mom. She was just looking out.
"Wow."
There was another silence.
"So why are you really here Jay?" I asked.
"Like I said, I just wanted to see you."
"Well, here I am," I said and did jazz hands.
"Hey," he said.
"Hi," I replied.
We laughed.
"No, but seriously, I know there's another reason to why you're here. Tell me."
"Umm we broke up back in-what? July? It's January," he said.
I nodded, signaling him to continue.
"Do you miss me....us?" he asked.
A sly smirk was plastered on my face.
"Oooooh I get it. You came here because you thought you could get back together with me, correct? Exactly how long did it take you to get here?" I asked.
"Two hours and thirteen minutes," he said. "I realized that if I can possibly rekindle our relationship, I should make a valiant effort and do it. I should stop being scared, you know?"
"Yeah, but you do remember that you cheated on me, correct?" I asked.
"I do remember, yeah. Am I proud of it? Definitely not."
"When were you going to tell me? Be honest."
His mouth opened to say something, but it took a while for words to come out. "Eventually. Not too late."
"Eventually being when? When we were a few more years into our relationship enough for me to just brush it off?" I asked.
"That's very late, but I wouldn't even expect you to brush it off even if we were dating for 10 years, and that's exactly why I was hesitant to tell you, but yeah, eventually," he said.
"So what if I told you that I would never get back together with you? What would you do?"
He sighed and rubbed his temples.
"I don't know... why are you asking me this?" he asked.
"I just want to know."
"I would obviously be heartbroken, do you expect me to be happy?"
"No. I'm just really confused, like...do you understand that this conversation wouldn't be taking place at all, if you never went out with that girl?" I asked.
"I know, I'm sorry Trinity. I really am."
"You've told me like a thousand times, Jay," I said.
"But you still haven't forgiven me," he spoke.
Jay got up from his chair and sat next to me on the sofa. He looked me in the eyes and said, "I love you so much that scares the me. I never felt like this about anyone. We've known each other since senior year... Senior year, love. That's a while. And I'm sorry that this took so long—that I took so long. As cliché as this sounds, my life is nothing without you. I tried to move on for a while now, but I failed. I would catch myself clicking on your contact or on your Twitter page. You're afraid that I'll hurt you again—I get it—but please believe me when I say I won't.You and I have invested so much time into each other. All the laughs we've shared, all the stories, I know everything about you. You know everything about me. Don't you think we should try to fix our relationship? Why give up? Not that many long distance relationships last, but we managed to do so without even meeting each other. You're my best friend, Trinity. You support me through school and music, and you see the good in me when others don't—when I don't.
This Winter break, all that I was looking forward to was seeing you. Unfortunately, today was the only day I could show up. I'm going back to Cali in two days, and I wanted you to have assurance—to show you that I still do care about you and us. I'm genuinely sorry for messing things up," he said.
I pursed my lips and sighed.
"Please, sweetheart..." He grabbed my hands. "You're my favorite artist. I love listening to you.. connecting with you... Let's just start over, that's all I ask."
I could hear the pure sorrow in his voice. I started to feel weak because I didn't know how to tell him..
"I'm sorry, I just need more time," I admitted.
He stared at me for a few seconds before he let my hands go. He stood up from the sofa and sighed. I stood up also.
"I'm sorry, Jay. It's just-"
"I know I can't force you to be with me again. It's fine. I get it. I should just get going...I'll see you later..."
"Jay, stop trying to make me seem like the bad guy."
"That's not what I'm trying to do."
"So why are you acting like this?"
"You think I'm supposed to be happy that you don't want to give me a second chance?" he asked.
"You'll always be apart of my life, whether we're together or not. I care about you, and I need you to know that you don't need validation from me or anyone. You shouldn't depend on anyone to make you happy. When you build yourself up, no one can break you, and after you're built, you'll thank yourself. I'll still support you through everything," I said.
"Thanks," he said. "I just wanted things to be different, but.." He shrugged.
"Do you want me to walk you?"
"Sure," he responded.
We walked off of the patio side by side.
"I heard that song you wrote about me," I brought up.
"Trust?" He chuckled.
"Yeah, I loved it. You really have a gift with words."
"Thank you," he said, smiling. "So you've been lurking my Soundcloud, huh?"
"Nooo, Nev and Max told me a while ago."
We reached the driveway and stopped in front of a white Range Rover.
"This might be the last time I see you for a while. I'm not coming back for spring break or possibly the summer," he said.
"How come? You don't like it here?" I asked.
"Hell no. There's nothing to do here. The only thing I like about Georgia is the World of Coca Cola and you."
I giggled. "Well, that's understandable."
He moved in front of me and placed a part of my curly hair behind my ear.
"I love you a lot, and I want you to know that I learn from you everyday. You're so strong and wise. I couldn't ask for anyone better," he said.
I smiled and he held out his arms. I hugged his waist, while he brought my head closer to his chest and rested his head on mine.
"Thank you." I mumbled against his jacket. He smelled so good.
We pulled away and smiled at each other. His eyes moved across my face and stopped on my lips. My smile faded as it became silent.
"Can I just..." Jay trailed off.
He rested his hand on my cheek and his soft lips quickly touched mine. My eyes widened, but then I shut them and kissed him back. The kiss was slow just like I wanted it to be. My heart was pounding out of my chest. It felt like I was in another world.
His free hand slid down my back, causing a shiver to run through my body. He brought my body closer to his.
We continued to kiss for a couple of more seconds until he pulled away. I subtly frowned as I flickered my eyes open.
"I've been wanting to do that since forever. Sorry I caught you off guard," he said and put his hands in his pockets. He looked down and chuckled.
"It's-I'm-I'm fine," I said.
He took keys out of his sweatpants pocket and unlocked the car with them.
He opened the driver's door and got in. He shut it and rolled the window down.
"Maybe you can visit LA for the summer."
"I'll think about it.."
"I'll take it." He started the engine.
"Can I FaceTime you later? Probably tomorrow?" he asked me.
Those words actually came out of his mouth for the first time.
"O-Of course," I said and smiled.
"Cool. Bye, Trin."
"Bye, Jay."
I took steps back from the car. We just stared at each other.
"What's up?" I asked.
"I'm waiting for you to go back inside before I leave," he said.
"Why?"
"I'm making sure no one attacks you."
My eyebrows wrinkled.
"No one is out here but us," I said.
"It's dark. There can be animals lurking in the bushes. You never know."
I playfully rolled my eyes and walked up the driveway to my doorsteps.
"I love you, brown eyes," he yelled out the window, loudly.
I'm pretty sure the whole neighborhood heard.
"I love you too, PB&Jay," I said.
When I realized my front door was still locked, I went inside my house from the patio door.
I slid the door shut and met my mom in the kitchen.
"Is he gone?" Mom asked.
"I believe," I said.
"Good."
"You don't like him anymore, Ma?"
"He hurt you."
I watched her as she poured a glass of red wine.
"The people you meet turn out to be either a blessing or a lesson. Which is that boy?" she asked me while she put the glass between her lips.
"Both."
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