Chapter Four
"You Don't Deserve It..."
I didn’t know what to do or how to react. I was on the floor huddled in the comforter bawling my eyes out trying to mentally think of what to do right now. I’m not sure how long I’ve been here but all I know is that I was beyond infuriated. Yes, I knew what I was getting myself into and I knew that it would be risky but I never actually thought that it would happen. But then again, it’s Justin Bieber. This is what he’s known for.
Shakily standing to my feet, the pain radiated throughout my entire body as I began to dress myself so I could get away from here and when I glanced over to the sheets I saw the blood. My virginity.
“Girls want their first time to be with someone special. They want it to be with someone that will be with them forever and I can’t guarantee that.”
Holding back another sob, I grabbed my satchel and quickly walked down the hallway we made out in, through the kitchen where the stupid conversation went down in the first place, and slammed the door to finally be outside of the room and away from the memories.
I felt like a whore. As much as I knew it wouldn’t be a definite thing that he would stay he said he would try and I guess he didn’t feel the same afterwards but couldn’t he have at least said goodbye to me? Couldn’t he have said one damn thing to me?
“I don’t make love, I fuck.”
‘Sophia I don’t normally do this kind of thing.”
I knew what I was getting myself into so why am I crying? Did I really think I could change him? This is just who he is.
Letting out a deep breath, I made my way out of the hotel room and down the hallway to the elevator. I probably looked like hell but I didn’t even care. All I wanted to do was go home. The worst part about all of this was that I was alone. I had nobody to turn to except my best friend Carina who was currently on vacation with her boyfriend somewhere in the South of France doing god only knows what.
I had no parents to call either. When I was nine years old they both died in a plane crash and I don’t exactly remember anything from that day except the social worker taking me away to find a foster home for me. I was such a troublemaker. I didn’t understand why god chose to take my parents away from me because it just didn’t seem fair and every foster home I went to I always did something to fuck it up. Whether that be because I yelled at them or I was just plain rude and wouldn’t speak to them. They were sometimes the sweetest people I just took my anger out on everyone around me.
Bouncing around from foster home to foster home wasn’t easy. I was just trying to study and get a high school diploma so that I could get out of the system and start a life for myself but it was at my last foster home in Brooklyn that I met Carina. She was the same age as me and she was the biological daughter of my foster parents. I was instantly jealous of her because she had a good head on her shoulders and she was stunning. But she never gave up on me.
I admit, I treated her like shit at first but in the end she was the only one who never stopped trying to open me up. I can still remember the day that changed everything, I was 15.
“Have you ever listened to Justin Bieber?”
Carina walked into my room and slowly shut the door. She was so gorgeous. Long black hair with bright blue eyes. She was so unique. She was everything I wanted to be and that made me so angry.
“No.” I snapped.
Stepping closer to me, she laid her ipod beside me with a pair of headphones wrapped around it.
“You know, when I get really angry and everything seems to be going wrong, he makes everything better. It might sound crazy but it’s true. Try listening to him.”
I rolled my eyes. This girl was insane.
“Thanks but no thanks.” I said and turned onto my stomach, turning away from her. I heard her let out a small sigh and she opened the door, shutting it quietly behind her.
Sitting up to make sure she left, I noticed the ipod still sitting on top of the quilted blanket.
“What the hell” I muttered grabbing it. “I’ve got nothing better to do.”
Slipping the ear phones into my ears I pressed play as “Down To Earth” began to quietly sink into my ears, the lyrics hitting every emotion I’ve been trying to hide for so long and I began to weep.
Carina must have been standing outside of the door because I heard her quietly sneak in and wrap her arms around me and I broke down, telling her everything.
Ever since that day not only did Carina become like my sister, but Justin Bieber became my lifesaver.
I felt a pang in my heart as I came back to reality. Maybe this was why it hurt so much. He was my life saver. He was the one person who was always there for me when nobody else was. I wanted him so badly it was almost like I needed him. When he practically threw himself on me I knew I wasn’t going to say no. Maybe if I had told him about my parents he wouldn’t have left me.
Get real my subconscious snapped.
I sighed knowing she was right. That’s just who is, all he does is fuck people.
Stepping out of the revolving doors leading me out to the big streets of New York City, I hauled over a cab.
“Where to?” the cabdriver asked with a look of pity on his face.
I blushed realizing how shitty I looked.
“115 South Broadway.”
I quickly slid into the back of the cab eager to get home to Carina and I’s apartment. I loved having a place to ourselves.
When Carina and I became best friends she taught me to believe in myself. I always thought I was worthless, never good enough. But Carina reassured me that wasn’t true.
“Soph” she muttered in disbelief. “How can you sit there and say you’re not pretty? You’re so stunning it’s not even funny.” She jumped on top of my bed and grabbed my hands. “Any guy would be crazy not to like you.”
“That’s easy for you to say Carina. You have guys falling all over you. I’ve never had a boyfriend before, ever.”
I saw her eyes widen.
“Sophia, we’re only 17. Be worried when you’re 40 with cats, not now. We have so much ahead to look forward to. Don’t worry about having a boyfriend. When the right one comes along, you’ll know.”
“Yeah I guess… I can’t believe we’re going to be seniors this year.”
“Believe it babe!” She said, her blue eyes sparkling with excitement. “After we graduate and turn 18 we’ll have our own apartment completely to ourselves.”
I grinned at the thought of that.
“A home that’s ours… a permanent home.”
As the cab driver pulled up to our apartment I slipped him a twenty and began to walk up the cobblestone steps. Reaching into my satchel pocket, I pulled out the house key and fumbled to unlock the door. After all this time I still can’t believe we had done it. I still can’t believe I had a permanent home.
Carina and I had graduated from high school last summer. Between my job at the diner and her job at the grocery store we had saved up enough money to buy our own apartment. Carina’s parents weren’t too fond of her moving in with me because they never actually liked me but I really didn’t give a shit.
Carina and I were both attending community college for two years. She wanted to be a doctor and I wanted to be… well I didn’t really know. I’m still trying to figure it out.
Walking up to my room, my heart crushed into a million pieces as my eyes scanned my Justin posters. He was everywhere in here. From the side swept hair to when he changed it to be more upwards. He was perfect and the life size cut outs stared back at me and it was like he was actually here but he wasn’t. This wouldn’t be some fairytale that I thought it would be. Instead, I’ll just go back to my normal everyday life and pretend that I didn’t have sex with Justin Bieber because nobody in their right mind would believe me so I grabbed some clothes out of my dresser and went into the bathroom so I could take a shower.
I stripped myself of my clothes, the pain still radiating through me that sent me flashbacks of last night, reminding me that he left. I slowly let the tears escape my eyes and leaned over to turn the faucet on.
Why did everything bad happen to me? Why couldn’t one thing just go right?
You don’t deserve it.
Hearing my subconscious, I tried to block the words out but they remained there like a dagger in my heart. Sobbing, I slowly entered the shower, the hot water hitting my skin. I didn’t want to go to work tomorrow. I didn’t want to think about him. I just wanted the world to stop so I could stand in this shower and cry my heart out. I wanted more than anything in the world to forget about last night and to forget about him.
NOTE TO THE READERS:
Sorry for the short chapter! I just wanted to give you a background on Sophia. Hopefully you guys understand her more and where she’s coming from. Thank you guys so much for reading! Because the chapter was so short I’ll be posting chapter 5 tomorrow night for you guys! The last 3 chapters have gotten over 600 reads and 13 reviews… I CAN’T THANK YOU ENOUGH. I’m so glad you guys are liking it as much as I do! I have so much planned for this story! I can’t wait for you to read it all. So until tomorrow… leave me a review and let me know what you think! Or tweet me @believeeexoxo and give me suggestions/comments. They mean so much! Ily guys