Rose and I were walking arm in arm, smiling, happy, and I heard my name called, a wonderful sound in my Papa's tongue. I turned, surprised, curious. Wind Runner was at the end of the street, stretching his hand out toward me, beyond him the wild open space of the prairie. The look in his eyes was distinctly yearning, pleading for an answer. Converging like a sea of hungry wolves, white men swarmed around the brave warrior, rifle barrels gleaming in the sunlight faces full of hate. Suddenly terrified I screamed warning, but my voice was gone, no sound coming from my straining throat. I moved to run to him but I felt my arm jerk, held fast in a tight grip.
"No, Jaynie," my sister's voice was sweet, persuasive, but her eyes were utterly flat, emotionless. Her features were stiff, unforgiving. "Let the savage die. You don't need him."
I fought against her, struggling to get free but her fingers dug into my arm, blood dripping from beneath her nails. Echoes of thunder cracked wretchedly loud in the stillness. Heart cold with despair I watched in horror as Wind Runner fell, his body shuddering wildly with each impact of rifle bullets. His expressive black eyes found mine, clinging to me as life faded from them, his body sagging to the ground. I started screaming.
"Let the savage die, Jaynie," Rose's voice was a hypnotic whisper in my ear, snaking unwanted apathy through my veins. "Let the savage die."
My eyes snapped open with a jolt of fear, my skin wet with cold sweat. My heart was racing, throat dry and I started to tremble. Beside me, sleeping deeply and undisturbed, was Rose. I sat up slowly, watching her as though she would suddenly transform into a viper and strike at me. I had been without the dreaded nightmare for months, and its return shattered the peace I'd known so briefly. Shaking, I got up and stepped over her to the ladder, climbing down.
"You okay?" Her voice made me jump and I whirled around to see Mamma in the doorway of her room.
"I had the dream."
"Honey," she came to me instantly, wrapping me in a comforting hug. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"It's always the same, Mamma," I tried to slow my rapid heartrate. "I just...it's been so long."
"Do you want me to stay up with you Jaynie?"
"No." pushing my hair back behind my ear, I met her eyes. "I'd like to take a walk."
"Jaynie-" her protest died although the worry in her features did not. "Be careful."
"I will. I'll return."
Taking a clean shawl from the hook near the ladder, I left the house moving out through the silver moonlit yard. The air was warm, crickets chirping happily in the brush. My bare feet were silent on the green grass.
"Miss Jaynie?"
Looking up with a gasp, I took a step back as Toby appeared from the shadows, blowing smoke from his lips. The tip of his cigarette glowed faintly in the dark. I wrinkled my nose at the scent as he rubbed it out. A common habit among all races, yet I did not care for it, and was grateful Frank had given it up soon after marrying Mamma.
"Where're you goin'?"
"For a walk." I paused, wrapping my shawl tighter around my shoulders. "I need the fresh air. Why are you up?"
"I like the night," he grinned easily. "You want comp'ny?"
"No, thank you." Glancing back at him once, I moved toward the small river and belt of trees with Toby's eyes following me, concerned. Instead of stopping at the banks of the waterway when I reached it, I hiked my sleeping gown up and crossed to the far side. Scarcely had I got there when I felt his presence, though I had not seen him yet.
"Wind Runner?"
"Yes," he was hushed, then appeared from the shadows. I looked up into his face, seeing his features stiff and aloof.
"Why are you here?" taking a few steps closer to him I reached out. His fingers closed over mine, as he let a faint smile curl his lips.
"I watch over you, Butterfly, as I always have."
"You fear for my safety?" I watched his expression change a little as his grip on my hand tightened. "Why?"
"You rode with that white man," Wind Runner's eyes flashed a little.
"You were watching? I thought I felt something..." My eyes cast about before returning to his.
"After yesterday morning, I do not trust those white men, and then I see you alone with one of them."
"Toby will not hurt me, he's promised-"
"What is a white man's word worth? They lie as easily as they breathe!"
"Not all are evil!" I defended. "Some among my mother's people are good...like my father, Frank Colter."
"You prefer the village of the white eyes?" Censure bloomed in his gaze, striking out at me with vicious force. "You choose them over your people?"
"White and Indian are both my people," for the first time I said it out loud, and Wind Runner's lip curled in disgust. It hurt my heart, the look he gave me then.
"Can't you try to understand?" I pleaded. "I am part of two worlds, born to both. I cannot just accept one and reject the other without losing a piece of myself. I am both!"
"Which path will you choose, Butterfly? Do you still want the life among our people?"
Always I had answered yes, always my heart had pulled me toward the lodges of my father's people, but now- moving closer to him, pulling his hand into both of mine, I searched his face.
"I am not ready to choose,"
"My Butterfly," leaning down, Wind Runner put his forehead against mine. "Your heart is torn."
"I had the dream again," I closed my eyes, increasing the pressure of our contact. "It brings bad omens...I can feel it. Stalking Elk came to me, he offered to help me find my path."
"Will you accept his offer? He is wise, and knows many things."
"I have not decided."
"As long as you straddle the line between white and Indian, you will never be at peace. At my village you will be accepted, can you look into my eyes and tell me the same is true here? Will the white eyes accept you?"
My lips moved without sound, furrows deepening in my brow. I could not answer him, not satisfactorily. Shifting a little Wind Runner brushed the edge of his lip over mine sparking ripples of heat up my spine as my eyes flew open. Locking gazes, I tilted my head back letting him take another taste of my lips. I could not think clearly anymore and leaned closer, allowing Wind Runner to fold me into his arms as our kiss deepened.
Abruptly I pushed away, feeling a jolt of shame flood my mind. Mamma would be furious, and Frank deeply disappointed! Here I was alone in the middle of the night kissing a man! Wind Runner caught my hand I as I moved back.
"Are you angry?"
"No," facing him, I couldn't find the words. "I...I just...I'm confused."
"Come with me," he urged. "Return to the lodges of my people."
"I don't know," looking down at our tangled fingers, I could not tell which were his and which were mine. "It's not that simple."
"It is simple, you only have to accept it. I see you," His voice purred softly, tempting, teasing. "I see you as you are, for who you are. Don't you see me?"
"I see you," whispering, I put his fingers to my lips, kissing them gently. "I have to think about this though. I cannot answer you right now."
"Do not delay," he urged. "I want to take you home, as my bride."
"You have not said you love me," I countered, striving to slow my thundering heart, calm my jittering nerves. Everything inside me suddenly fell silent waiting his declaration, the public acknowledgement of what had been between us for some time. His smile melted my resistance, shining light into every corner of my heart.
"Do you need to hear it, Butterfly? Haven't I proven it time and again over the passage of years?"
"I would hear it," unable to break away from his dark eyes, I took a step closer to him. "Tell me..."
Circling his arms around my waist, Wind Runner drew me tightly against his chest, leaning down to gently brush his lips over mine, then again. Each time our skin met, tingling heat surged in waves gathering force through my body. My muscles grew weak, unable to sustain the onslaught of powerful emotions. Starting to sag against his chest, I felt Wind Runner move, his arm cupping beneath my knees lifting me as though I weighed nothing. My arms circled his neck as our lips met again, this time in a long, lingering embrace that spun my entire world inside out.
"I love you," he murmured softly. "I have loved you,"