Edited - 7/28/19
Calum
"Matthew?"
Luke grinned at the man, but it seemed forced. He was an actor, he could have faked the smile better. I guess he wasn't in the mood to put in the effort.
"I haven't seen you in a while!" This Matthew guy walked closer to our table, smiling at Luke. He then turned to me, both eyebrows raising.
"Oh, you're.. you're Calum Hood! You're from 5 Seconds of Summer!"
I nodded slowly, smiling a little and trying to remember why he seemed familiar. "Yeah, hey man." I greeted him, shaking his already extended hand.
"I'm Matthew Drent. Nice to meet you." Matthew had light brown hair cut short on the sides while the front was a mop of curls. Like Luke's, his eyes were blue.
"I'm sorry," I tilted my head. "Have we met before? You look kind of familiar."
I heard Luke start coughing up and I turned my eyes towards him. Before I could ask what was wrong, Matthew spoke up.
"No, man, I think I would've remembered if I met you." He grinned, turning back to Luke. "So, Luke, how's Jake? I haven't heard from him much either."
"He's uh, well, he's working as a personal trainer now so he's pretty busy. Meredith's going great, too." Luke replied.
Who?
"Ah, well, I understand. You're a pretty busy guy too, I hear. You're working on a new movie, right?" Luke nodded. "Well, I'll be sure to catch it!" He gave Luke a firm pat on the shoulder.
Matthew then turned to look at me. "Again, nice meeting you Calum. I'll leave you to your date." He winked then waved goodbye to Luke before walking off to a table on the other side of the place.
"Um," I began. "Matthew—he really does look familiar to me."
Luke was silent, staring at his lap.
"Luke? You okay?"
"Matthew was uh.. He—" Luke visibly swallowed, adam's apple moving up and down. I narrowed my eyes, leaning in slightly.
"What? What are you trying to say?"
"He was the guy you saw me kissing that night at the restaurant."
Oh. Oh.
The image of Luke and Matthew kissing years ago played in my head, and everything I said that night that led to us not talking for over 3 years—It was like I was remembering it again for the first time, though it really wasn't.
"What?" My voice was barely above a whisper.
Luke nodded, slowly meeting my gaze. I didn't know what my face looked like, what expression I was showing, but I felt a whirlwind of emotions. First I felt anger, then guilt, and now I'm frustrated because I was confused on how I should react, what was even appropriate at this point.
"Jake and Meredith. They were the ones who were with you that night?"
"Yes."
"Ah." I nod once, taking the milkshake Luke had ordered for me and sipping silently on the straw.
Luke's gaze was on me, but I was looking at the table. "Say something?"
I lowered the glass, taking a slice of pizza. "I don't know what to say." I mumbled, taking a small bite from it. "I'm not sure what to feel, Luke." I confessed quietly.
"Are you mad? Please don't tell me you're mad because Matthew talked to me."
I wasn't mad, but his sentence rubbed me the wrong way. "Why shouldn't I be mad?" I mumbled. "You were mad when you saw Kayla's text." It was a dick thing to say, but with everything going on on my mind, I truly didn't know how to handle the situation.
I was overwhelmed and I had no idea as to what was right or what was wrong at the moment.
Turns out that that was the wrong statement to make. Luke's eyes widened, then he screwed them shut. "Do you think that this is the time to bring that up?"
His voice was calm, and I knew it was because we were in a public place with probably more than a few cameras pointed at us at all times. It would send the wrong message if people knew we were fighting now.
I kept quiet.
"Okay, alright. If we're going to be discussing this sort of stuff, we're going somewhere without a damn audience." Luke called the waitress, voice and features neutral as he asked for the bill.
---
I slid into the passenger seat and Luke got in the driver's. We closed his car doors and he turned on the engine. We told Chris we didn't need him standing by, and we told him we'd call him if we needed him. He said he'd take my car to the condo.
A minute passed without either of us speaking, and suddenly Luke let out a frustrated sigh. "I didn't plan on kissing him."
"Did you become a couple?"
"What?"
"After that night," I said. "Did you two date?"
I can see Luke's jaw working. The car hasn't even started moving. "We dated on and off for a month."
"Oh. Wow."
"Oh wow?!"
"I don't know what you want me to say, Luke."
"You have no right," He gritted his teeth. "Absolutely no right to be this way after what you did."
"I said I was sorry."
"Yeah, okay," Luke scoffed. "And sorry just makes everything better."
"It may not be enough, but it could be a start. I made a mistake, I know, and whatever reason I did that for it was not right."
I saw how Luke's knuckles started turning white, he was holding on to the steering wheel too tight.
"I remember everything I said to you that night I snuck into your room, the night beofre I left. You have to know I meant every word." I shifted in my seat until mybbody was turned towards Luke. "I know I hurt you, I know that kiss—"
"Which kiss?" Luke whispered, his tone unreadable.
"The kiss with Kayla, Luke. It was nothing. I loved you and—"
Luke snapped his head towards me. "What did you say?"
"I said I loved you. Luke, I loved you, and I know I promised—"
I stopped when Luke began to shake his head. "You've never said that before."
"Said what?"
Luke's grip on the steering wheel loosened until his arms fell back to his side, back slumping against his seat. "Love. You never said that you loved me."
"I thought I said that to you before I left?"
"No," Luke shook is head. "You said you liked me, that you felt something deeper than like."
"I thought you knew? I kissed you, Luke. I loved you."
"Don't say that!" His voice rose, breaking slightly and surprising me. "You can't say that you kissed me because you loved me. You kissed that girl!"
"Luke," I whispered. "Don't do this. I'm sorry, okay?"
"You were my first love." My chest constricted, hearing those words. I let him continue and kept my mouth shut. "It took me a while to even figure out what my feelings for you were. You made me realize that I liked men, and through the most difficult times I've experienced, you were there. I had spent years convincing myself that we could never be together. The most perfect guy I've ever met was also the person I couldn't be with. You proved that wrong, you proved everything I thought wrong, and I was happy. Then, you just—"
I waited to see if he'd add something else. "Will you ever be able to forgive me, Luke?"
Luke contemplated the idea while turning the engine on. He backed up from where we were parked, driving until we were caught in traffic.
"Probably."
"Probably?"
Luke glanced at me for just a second before his eyes were back on the road. He nodded once.
But that was good enough for me.