Chapter Two
“I’m Not Loveable…”
As I stood in line waiting to get into the concert arena, I felt like I was going to pass out from either my nerves or from how numb my body completely was. It was a winter day in New York City and I was kind of upset about the fact that they still made us wait outside even though it was below twenty degrees out.
Today was the day that I was finally going to meet the boy that literally meant everything to me, Justin Drew Bieber. I've been waiting for this day my whole entire life and after working my ass off to afford the ticket I've been crossing off the days on my calander for almost two months now. It's hard to believe the day is finally here but if I don't go inside soon I won't be able to meet him from getting damn frostbite.
“Everyone with a meet and greet ticket for Justin Bieber please make your way inside and head towards the escalators.”
I glanced over to see a security guard ushering people in so I gripped my meet and greet pass and quickly rushed in, thankful to be surrounded by warmth finally. The area i was in was a huge open space with security guards literally everywhere you looked. When I spotted the escalators I got a jolt of excitement throughout the lower part of my stomach and I swear I couldn't make it over to them fast enough.
I wonder if he's going to like me. I mean, I've read my bieber experiences online and I've tried to figure out the best possible way to talk to him and get the most time with him but i'm almost certain when I lay my eyes on him all of my thoughts will completely leave my mind. My goal today was to get a kiss on the cheek or something at least. Hopefully i'll be coherent enough to ask him that.
“Ticket please.”
I quickly snapped out of my daydream and handed my ticket over to the security guard who looked like he obviously didn’t want to be there. He was in all black with an earpiece in his ear and he had a look of disgust on his face. I couldn’t blame him really. If I was sixty years old and had to work an event with a bunch of teenage screaming girls I’d be pretty pissed off too.
At the top of the escalator, I was then taken to the line where I had to wait to have my picture taken with Justin. Trying not to throw up, I took in my surroundings. The meet and greet area was a large open space from what I could see. The ceilings were high with big chandeliers hanging down and they had Justin Bieber food for everyone set up on a table. I glanced over to see food with Justin’s face on it and was shocked to see people actually eating it. How can they be hungry at a time like this?
The line ahead of me was made up of about twenty people and surprisingly it was moving rapidly fast. Moving up closer in the line I noticed the backdrop screen where we would be taking our pictures with… holy shit. There he was. I stopped dead in my tracks, not being able to move. My heart started picking up speed and my palms began to sweat as I took all of him in. He was wearing black vans, khaki shorts, a white button up long sleeved shirt and a black snapback. He was even more flawless in person. His hair was styled just the right way and his eyes were the dreamiest color brown you could ever imagine. Scanning my eyes across his face, they settled on his lips. They looked so soft and plump. They’d probably feel so good kissing my neck… or my stomach… or my-
“Are you ready?”
I jumped and blushed at the interruption of my dirty thoughts once I realized the security guard was right in front of me.
“U-Um yeah, sorry.”
I suddenly realized I was next and I felt practically all of the blood drain from my face. Security pushed me forward and I was then in the arms of Justin Bieber. I looked up into his eyes and when they locked with mine it looked like they were full of emotions that I couldn't explain. They didn't look happy, no, they looked sad even. It was nothing like I expected him to be today. I expected him to be all happy and go lucky that he was getting to meet his fans but if I was being honest with myself, why would I think that? This was probably the last thing he wanted to do today.
Seeing his eyes filled with such hurt and sadness, I said that only thing that felt right even though it would probably be the biggest mistake of my life.
Leaning in close to his ear I whispered, “I love all of the things you hate about yourself.”
As soon as the sentence escaped my lips his eyes grew wide as he let the words I said sink in before he leaned down and whispered back, "I'm not loveable."
I couldn’t believe the words I just heard. How can such a beautiful human being be so insecure about himself? He meant everything to me. There was nothing he could ever do to disappoint me, ever.
“I-I beg to differ.” I stuttered. “If you let me I can show you.”
The security pushed me around so I was forced to take the picture. I remained emotionless, not even processing what was happening, as Justin remained silent trying to process what I had just told him.
Licking his lower lip, his eyes locked with mine again as if he was trying to tell me something secretly.
Before he had time to answer, security began pushing me towards the exit. I couldn’t believe it was already over. Did I just meet Justin Bieber? I couldn’t believe it was done and over with, that was it. As I began making my way to the exit all I could think was that I honestly hoped Justin took in everything I said and realized he was beautiful inside and out.
“Wait.”
I whirled around to see Justin staring directly at me.
“Come back.”
I was in complete and utter shock. I turned around to see if there was someone else behind me. I mean, that would be a reasonable explanation. “Me?” I mouthed and pointed at myself, not being able to actually say anything. Justin slowly nodded and I began to make my way back to him as all of these thoughts flooded through my head. Oh my god you’re such an idiot Sophia. You shouldn’t have said that. He’s probably so pissed at you. Why do you have to screw up everything good that happens to you?
I shook the thoughts out of my head when I stood face to face with him.
“What did you mean when you said you could show me how to be loved?”
Wait he actually heard what I said? He actually listened? He remembered?
“Uh…I…” My voice trailed off, not knowing what to say. Even with my throat getting drier and my palms getting sweatier I managed to find the courage and say, “I meant if you open yourself up to me I can show you how easy you are to love.”
He then chuckled and shook his head.
“You wouldn’t say that if you really knew me.”
“So let me find out.” I replied, our eyes making contact. There was that sudden electricity between us again and I know I wasn’t the only one that felt it.
“I don’t exactly tell people about myself sweetheart.” He snapped.
“So let me be the first.”
I’m not sure what had gotten into me, or how I was becoming so brave, but I liked this sudden push of confidence I had. Justin’s eyes scanned my face and I couldn’t help but notice how beautiful they were.
“What are you doing after the concert?” His gaze was so intense it felt like he was looking directly through me.
“Nothing I can think of.” I replied.
My answer wasn’t a lie. I had come to the concert alone because I could only afford one ticket and the only plans I possibly thought I’d be having after the concert was going home and sleeping to be honest.
“Good. Meet me here after the concert. I want to know how you could possibly make me feel loved.” He said, his sentence filled with nothing but complete and utter sarcasm.
“If all you called me back for was to make fun of what I said then I’d rather leave.” I snapped.
Shocked at my sudden outburst, he chuckled and threw his hands up jokingly in defense.
“Whoa calm down, I was only kidding.”
Rolling my eyes I replied, “Okay well I’ll go enjoy the concert and I’ll meet you here after maybe.”
“Maybe?” He asked, his eyebrow arching up in response.
“Yeah… I said maybe.”
Laughing to myself, I slowly walked back out of the meet and greet area, feeling his eyes burn into my back every step of the way. Once I was out, I leaned my back up against the wall and let out a huge sigh of relief. What the hell just happened? How did I even say that? What was I thinking?
I groaned and hit my head gently against the wall. I obviously was going to meet him afterwards, I’d be stupid not to. I’m not even sure how I stood up to him. I guess I just wasn’t about to have him think I was this fan girl who would do whatever he said, because I wasn’t. I’ve been a pretty independent person my whole life so I don’t exactly let people push me around. Not even if you’re Justin Bieber.
I honestly can’t even believe this happened. I was just expecting to go and take a picture with him, hopefully get a hello or something like that. But now he wants me to meet him after his concert? Me? I never expected this. I mean, I’ve been a fan for as long as I can remember and I always told myself to never expect this to happen because it was just a fantasy. I don’t even know what to think. I mean, I feel so happy that he really listened to me. I care about him so much, I really do. I’ve always wanted to explain to him everything that’s happened in my life and how he taught me to never say never and to never give up, how he saved my life. I was finally going to get the opportunity to do that tonight.
Taking myself to the bathroom, I looked myself over in the mirror. Why would he want to meet me afterwards? My hair was too curly, I was way too short and I was in no way sexy. I was wearing a semi-short black lace dress; a cute pair of black flats, and around my shoulder laid a brown satchel. I wonder what he thought of me? There’s not much to think of my subconscious snapped at me.
Shoving the thoughts out of my head, I took out the red lipstick from the front pocket of my satchel and re-applied it to touch up my lips and tried to make my blonde curly hair look presentable which resulted in an epic fail. Sighing, I exited the bathroom and found my way inside the arena, eager to find my seat.
--------
The whole concert was a blur. I was way up in the 300 sections so there’s no way he could have seen me but he was honestly such an amazing performer. I couldn’t believe I was actually about to hang out with him and tell him everything. This is so unbelievable.
As the huge crowd made their way to their designated exits, I headed towards the meet and greet area, unable to contain my excitement about what was in store. I rounded the corner expecting to see Justin, but he was nowhere to be found. Maybe he was just taking a long time to wrap up everything backstage.
Or maybe he just didn’t give a fuck and didn’t want to meet you.
I decided to wait, hoping and praying he was just late. I made my way to the far side of the meet and greet area and sat down on the plain grey carpeting. Taking out my phone, I checked my messages and of course there were none. I was never the popular girl in high school and I wasn’t the most sociable. I’ve never had a boyfriend either. I guess I just wasn’t like everybody else but I don’t really think that’s a bad thing. All of the kids at my school used to party all the time. Smoked some weed, drank some alcohol. I was never into that ever since what happened to my parents. Call me a loser, but I have my reasons.
--------
Thirty minutes went by and there was still no sign of him.
Are you serious?
I tried to hold back the tears as I slowly got up. The arena was starting to close down for the night and I was going to get in trouble probably if I stayed where I was any longer. How could I have been so stupid?
Told you so.
I angrily shook my head.
“Un-fucking believable.” I muttered.
How could I have been so naïve to think this would actually happen? This was how my life always worked out though. I get handed something good and I screw it up.
Reaching into my satchel, I grabbed my bus pass and started to head for the door, my vision blurry from the tears.
“Going somewhere?”
I jumped and dropped my bus pass when I saw Justin standing by the door with red leather pants, a white beater on, and a towel around his neck. He looked so good.
“Oh um, no I thought you weren’t-“
“Gonna meet you here?” He interrupted. “I’m not really into the whole ditching girls thing. I’m not that much of an asshole, despite what some may say. I stopped to take pictures with some fans, sorry.”
“No it’s okay…” I said, blushing at my accusation. I bent down to pick up my bus pass.
“I’m really late getting going and the arena’s about to close. I can’t even believe you waited this long. I have a hotel I’m staying at that we could go to or we can just forget this ever happened.” He said as he looked at me intently.
Hotel? Why does he want to go to a hotel to have a conversation?
I was really confused but I just decided to go with it.
“Do you want me to go with you or forget it ever happened?” I replied warily. I had no clue of his intentions because he seemed so distant.
“I don’t want anything, it’s up to you.” He laughed and shook his head. “By the way, I never caught your name.”
“I’m Sophia.” I stammered, “Sophia Castro.”
“Well Sophia…” He said, his voice trailing off and taking a step closer to me, “What would you like to do?”
Part of me told me to go, but the other part told me to stay. His gaze was so intent when I looked at him that I kept losing my train of thought. He was so closed off. I couldn’t tell if he wanted me to go with him or if he wanted me to just leave.
It was then that I realized I was going whether he wanted me to or not. I need to know more about him, I need to figure out who he really is and I'm going to make him open up to me if it's the last thing I do.
“Sure.” I said with a reassuring smile, “Let’s go.”
Justin held the door open for me, flashing me a dazzling smile, his teeth perfectly align and pearly white. This may be the wrong choice and it may be dangerous, but it felt so right.
Sliding into the limo next to him, I looked out the window wondering what a night in Justin Bieber’s hotel room had in store.