Sitting in front of the rinks change room mirror, I sit with my knees to my chest. This had become a routine of mine. Fridays after assistant teaching a skating class for 3-5 year olds, I sit in the change room staring in the mirror with earbuds in, and the monster staring back at me.
Yes, I have given my reflection the name "The Monster", more so for the fact that, that is what I see. There are plenty of other reasons, but those are all better left unsaid.
I established this routine one day during grade seven after my "friends" decided I wasn't pretty enough to be part of their "popular group". "Monster" quickly became my nickname from the girls.
Friday, March 7, 2014.
Now every Friday after school, or skating lessons, I sit staring at the monster that ruined my life. I do this as a sort of 'self reflection', similar to what you do in school after working on a project. Except this is for my appearance, or well, life in general.
About forty-five minutes after the class ends, the city's hockey team has practice. That was fine, but there are only so many change rooms, and normally as I leave, some of the players are already showing up.
My brother, Jacob Graves, is on the team so I have to wait for his practice to end before I can go home. This normally isn't an issue. But recently, a boy that seems to hate my guts for no apparent reason, got traded to the team. He must have heard about the whole "monster" ordeal, because that's all he calls me.
The door creaked open, oh lord please save me.
"Oh the monster, is still here." The taunting voice echos through the room. I quickly grab my things about to exit the door, wiping tears from my eyes, when a strong grip pulls my arm, "woah why are you crying?" is he actually concerned? " Did you fall on the ice, you poor little monster." Nope. The menissing laugh followed me out the door.
I sit in the bleachers with ear buds still in my ears, waiting for the practice to start. Foot steps come from behind me, expecting it to be a mom, dad, or girlfriend of one of the boys I stay focused on my phone, seeing as there is the whole stadium it is very unlikely they will sit super close to me. But, knowing my luck, they sit right beside me. As the moment is filling with awkward air I stay completely still, pretending to text a non-existent friend.
"What's up?"
You have ear buds in, pretend you don't hear them.
The person rips the left bud out of my ear, "I asked, what's up."
I turned to see Mitch staring at me.
"What do you want Mitchell?"
"Sky, I'm a jerk I admit, but you are my best friends sister so I feel the obligation to ask what's wrong."
"You're not going to care, you are one of the things that wrong. Oh and thanks for really caring." I roll my eyes.
"What did I do?" Defence evident in his voice.
"You call me monster, you put me down, you don't help the fact that I already hate myself because of those girls! Why don't you just go to get ready, practice will start soon."
"I didn't know! What do you mean you hate yourself? You're gorgeous! I mean, ew." He looked down at his shoes.
"You didn't know that calling me a monster was gonna make me feel like a piece of trash?"
"I just heard your friends call you that."
"So you thought it was some cutsie tootsie name you could use when bullying me?"
"It's not like I wanted to be rude to you." He mumbled.
"Why were you then?" This starting to make me mad, very mad. I can't believe he had the audacity to do that.
"Because I was told that if I took any chance on telling you how I felt that I would be seriously injured."
"And who why would that matter?" I questioned with a raised eyebrow, still slightly confused as to what he saying.
"Because your brother could put me in a coma with a single punch. Sky, don't be insecure. No one should be insecure, we all have our differences, and preferences, but that doesn't mean we aren't all beautiful in our own ways. Looking in that mirror searching for flaws is not going to prove anything. You've only seen yourself twice, taking a picture and looking at the image and staring in the mirror and looking at your reflection. You don't see the way your eyes light up when you talk about something you love. You never see how beautiful you look when you really smile. It's honestly so sad that we don't see ourselves when we really look our best." The tone in his voice was one I have never heard from him, a tone of sincerity.
"What makes you say that?"
"We all have our insecurities. Some are just better at hiding them, sometimes they just build walls to hide them. But that doesn't mean that they don't have them."
"That's a good point, Mitch." I looked him in the eye, "So what do you have to hide then?"
He chuckled, shaking his head, "Now that would take the fun out of you finding that out yourself. How about after practice we go grab a bite to eat and you can start trying to figure that out?"
"I would love too but 1, I have to take my brother home. And 2, how am I supposed to trust you after how you've treated me before?" I raised my eyebrow at him.
"Remember the walls." He hinted, "Plus, you can drop your brother off and then meet up with me."
I let out a heavy breath, "Okay."
-Three Years Later-
I walked down the empty halls of the large school during third period, heading to the washroom.
Walking into the bathroom I noticed an underclassman, most likely a freshman, staring at herself in the mirror. I didn't say anything to her, I just walked into a stall. As I walked back out too wash my hands I noticed she was still there. While washing my hands I decided to speak up,
"You know, the mirror doesn't really show you what everyone else sees."
"What do you mean?" She looked at me with wide eyes, almost as though she didn't expect me to say anything to her.
"Someone once put it this way for me," I recited word for word as Mitchell had said to me during our freshman year, "so don't put too much thought into what that mirror shows, it can't show the inner you."
"Um, thank you. I really did need that. You know, I was planning on ending it all today after school. But I don't think I can, not now." She pulled me into a hug, "thank you."
"You're very welcome. I'm Skyler by the way." I smiled as she pulled away.
"I'm Paige." She smiled, a true smile, the type of smile that makes the person's eyes brighten.
I walked out of the washroom and back to the classroom.
The closer it got to lunch break the harder it got to concentrate, all I could think of was thanking Mitch again. When the bell finally rang I was the first up, an out the door.
"Thank you." I mumbled into Mitch's chest, wrapping my arms around him as soon as I reached his locker.
"And where is this coming from?" He asked as he wrapped his arms around me as well.
"I talked to a girl today, and told her what you told me," I pulled away from his grasp slowly, "it just made me want to thank you again."
Walking to the cafeteria all I could think of was how far we had all come. Mitchell and I started dating last year. We about to graduate, I was accepted to the University of Toronto. Mitch and most of the other boys on the team were starting on the London Knights or Erie Otters, some on other teams, in October.
I had developed meaningful relationships with some other students, Mitch included.
It definitely took a lot for me to trust him after everything but it has been worth it so far. Since that time at the rink he has helped me try to get over my insecurities, and now, with all my new, true friends, and new outlook on life, I couldn't be happier.
***
So this is the short story I wrote for class. this can stand alone, or I will be writing a story going into detail of the relation ship so feel free to read that also. :)
Mady