Chapter Thirty
I can't help but be a bit scared after Eli's revelation. It seems to be quite a heavy subject. I really do want to trust him now; I just can't quite seem to take that full leap of faith. I'm trying, really I am, but my past keeps throwing things in the way to stop me. My mind can't or won't allow me to just give in fully to Eli.
We quickly clean up the dinner mess and Eli watches some baseball while I read a book before bed. As we head into our rooms, Eli says, “Dani, please try to get some sleep. You'll crash again if you keep missing sleep. I'll be here if you have a nightmare. Ok?”
“Yes sir. Good night Eli.”
“Night sweetheart.”
I'm locked in that awful room..... Always this awful room. Sometimes it makes me want to scream. Other times I want to know what's outside of these four walls, but then I think maybe it's worse out there and maybe I don't want to know. Somehow, though, I don't think it can get much worse. I've had a few days off because the last guy ruined my body. Apparently, I wasn't up to standard, so they drugged me even more and left me to 'heal'. I suppose I should be thankful for the small things and at least I've had a few days on my own. Although my body is a complete mess and I can't 'enjoy' being on my own. It allows my mind to open up to everything and that's never a good thing. I can hardly move because everything hurts so much. You know, it's not even the pain that's the worst thing. The worst thing is the smell. The smell of sweat, seeping wounds, dirty men with their dirty deeds, burning flesh and shame. Now, I don't know if an emotion actually has a smell, but it sure feels like it.
Just when I think I'm drifting off into drug haze in my solitude, the lock slides open and a rough looking man walks in. I hear the guy on the other side of the door say, “You've got 40 minutes.” They only ever talk Russian in here. My brain ponders that thought while the man appears in my line of vision. He looks cold and rough; his gray eyes cold like steel. He's a big man, with stubble on his chin. He speaks in Russian as he says, “Take them all off.... Now.” I don't need to ask what he means, it's a common line. I do as he says and he smirks. “Now dance.” Again, I do as he says, hurting inside and out. Ashamed of myself, but knowing my body can't take much more of a beating. I'm obviously doing something wrong, because he stands right behind me to guide my body, deliberately brushing his body over mine. When I don't do it exactly as he wants, he grabs my hair and kicks my legs out from underneath me. I land in a heap on the floor and almost cry out in pain. I can't even begin to describe the pain that shoots through my body, even through the amount of drugs I have been given. “Do it again.” This is his thing; control. As we go through this process a few times, I can see he's getting excited. When his body is trembling with power and excitement, he roughly throws me on the and does what they all do eventually; has his wicked way with my body. I have to bite back the tears, because everything hurts me. It's almost like I'm floating above my body and watching everything, but I'm also feeling all of the physical pain as well.
I wake up screaming and Eli is at my door in a heartbeat. “Baby, I'm coming into the room. It's just me...”
I don't answer, I just sob. I can feel the bed shaking underneath me and I briefly wonder why. I don't have to wonder for long, because Eli says, “Baby, you're shaking. What happened?”
Before I can stop my mouth, the words flies out, “Viktor...”
I hear Eli gasp and that does nothing to calm me down. I think he forgets himself for a minute, because I hear him grind out in Spanish, “I should have punched him when I had the chance...”
I freeze, but I can't stop the shaking. He doesn't cover up what he previously said, but he asks, “What happened baby?”
I sob, “I can't...”
He sighs, a deep, sad sigh. “Dani, I'm not going to hate you. I'm not going to think any different of you...”
“You think that now, but you will. I can't take back those words if I say them. I can't, Eli...”
“Shh, shh. It's ok Dani. Listen to me. I don't think anything you say can be worse than what my mind has conjured up. But if you're not ready to tell me, then I'll just wait until you are... I just want to know how to help you... I want to know how to comfort you...”
“I just want it to stop. I want it to go away. I don't want to remember anymore...”
“I know you don't, sweetheart. I don't know how to change that, but I'm going to try. You want me to stay in here?”
“I don't know.”
“I'll just sit on the chair until you fall asleep, ok?”
“Yes sir.... Eli?”
He pauses on his way to the chair and turns to face me. I slowly stand up, and before I can second guess myself, I wrap my arms around his neck and hold onto him. I think he's shocked, because his breathing stops for a few seconds and he doesn't move. After he realizes what's going on, he whispers, “I'm going to wrap my arms around you, ok Dani? Don't panic, baby. It's just me...”
He wraps his arms around my waist and even though I tense up, I don't retract or run away. Instead, my heart breaks just a little more and I can't stop the sobs that rip through my body. Eli just holds me and strokes my hair every so often. I know he's whispering things to me, but I can't hear what it is. I just know that I'm using this man for comfort. I don't know why or how I got to this point; I only know that he comforts me. I can't explain it; he just makes me feel safer and … comforted.
The rest of the night was pretty restless, but not as bad as the first nightmare. Eli stayed on the chair in my room and it was like things quietened down a little because he was there. We're both tired and we're just leaving for work. I have no idea what's in store for this day, but I don't know if I can get through it. I look at Eli and he looks tired too. I whisper, “How do you do it, sir?”
His head snaps towards me as we walk and there's a confused look in his eyes as he asks, “Do what, sweetheart?”
“Get through the day. Aren't you tired?”
“Yes, but I served in Iraq and Afghan with less hours sleep. So, a few hours here is better than what I got out there. I'm ok, honestly. How are you?”
“Tired, but I'm used to it.”
“I wish I could make it better...”
A truth slips out before I can stop it, “You already do...”
He looks shocked, “I do? It doesn't seem like it.”
I'm embarrassed but I have to tell him, it's like a compelling need to clarify. “You weren't here before. You make it more... manageable.”
He shoots me a smile and says, “That's good to know. We'll get there, Dani. Somehow we'll work it out. Just hold on to that. Ok?”
“Yes sir.”
As soon as we step onto our floor, the Captain meets us. “Dani, the bank are not being very helpful. I want you to dig up anything and everything you can on them. Something doesn't seem right. I'm going to speak to the manager today.”
“Yes sir.”
I sit down at my desk and open windows on all four of my monitors. Eli whispers, “I'll see you later. Make sure you take a break and I'll check in with you later.”
“I'll see you later, sir.” I hesitate and then whisper, “Stay safe, Eli.”
He smiles brightly at me and quietly says, “Always, sweetheart. Always.”
My research on the bank throws an interesting curve ball. One that shocks me to my very core. The bank is owned by a Russian businessman. As you can imagine, anything to do with Russians is a touchy subject for me. Ash passes my desk as I find out this piece of information and he clearly sees the distress on my face.
“Dani? What's wrong?”
I don't answer, I just stare at the screen in disbelief. I think he's worried, because he goes to get Eli, who is by my desk not even a minute later.
“Dani? Talk to me... What's wrong?”
I'm still in shock and I can't even form words, which is ridiculous. There must be plenty of banks that are owned by rich businessmen. Why does this bother me so much? I let out a shaky breath and I hear Eli whisper, “I'm coming round to look at your screen. Don't panic, it's just me.”
He reads the window that is open on my monitor and I hear his breathing change when he reads the part that shocked me. It's like he's fighting to keep control as he grinds out in Spanish, “Do you know him?”
My voice is quiet and shaky as I say, “No sir... Just a shock...”
“I can imagine. Do you want me to take over?”
I take a deep breath and close my eyes for a few milliseconds. “No sir. I can do this... I have to do this... The Captain will notice... I have to be strong, right?”
He lets out a deep breath and then he says, “No, you don't need to be strong. You are strong. But I understand what you mean. If you need me for anything, just call me. I mean it.”
“Yes sir, I will.”
Eli softly brushes his fingers over mine before he stands up and goes back to the opposite side of my desk.
“Thank you. I need to speak to the Captain.”
“Sure thing. See you later.”
I gather all the information I have, and then I go into the Captain's office. This is something I'm not looking forward to explaining. I just hope I can hold it together long enough to pass on the information and get out of there.
(Eli's POV)
I frown as Ash and I walk away from Dani's desk. I'm worried this is going to hit her all of a sudden and she's going to panic. That won't be good, especially if she's in with the Captain at the time. She's trying so hard to hold it together in front of the Captain and the team. I can't fault her for that, I just hope nothing ruins it for her.
Once we're out of Dani's earshot, Ash asks, “What was that?”
“What?”
He throws his hands back towards Dani's general direction and he says, “That. What was all of that? Her panicking, you speaking Spanish to her, checking whatever it was out, and don't think I didn't see your finger brush thing either... Care to explain?”
“Not really. She just found out a piece of information that shocked her. Just leave it at that.”
“Spanish?”
“Yes, she speaks Spanish.”
“And the hand contact? That shocked me the most. How did you even manage that without her freaking out, man?”
I sigh and say, “Ash, you're my best friend, and you know I tell you pretty much everything. However, I can't tell you about this. It's her story, not mine. I'm working with her, just leave it at that. Please?”
“Huh, you really do like her. You just like being the hero, don't you?”
Just like Ash, make light of every situation.
“I guess it's my default. Thanks, Ash.”
“For what?”
“For leaving it alone.”
“I know you'll talk about it when you're ready. I know you have to get the ok from Dani first. It wouldn't be fair for you to give up her story without asking her. Just know that I'm here whenever you need me. I can see it's weighing you down, so whenever you want to talk, I'm here. Even if you just want to go for a drink, I'm down with that.”
“Thanks man. Let's get this training out of the way. We've got a protest to control later on.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(End of Eli's POV)
I manage to brief the Captain on the bank information without freaking out, which is a very good thing. It's put me on edge though, so when Paul appears near lunch time, I feel like I'm sitting on the edge of a knife blade.
I jump back as Paul sits on the edge of my desk, and he smirks at me. “What's wrong, Miss Romanov? You don't want me to sit here? Is it because I'm not part of the team?”
I try to calm my breathing and then I say, “I didn't see you come in. Busy, sir.”
“Is the Captain available?”
“He's on the telephone, sir. It might take a while.”
“Ok, I'll wait. I need to speak to him about Cain...”
I visibly tense at the mention of Cain's name, and I know Paul notices it. I mentally curse my body for reacting in such a way, but I know there's nothing I can do about it.
I manage to say, “When he's off the telephone, I'll tell him you're here.”
“You don't like me mentioning Private Anderson?”
“It's none of my business, sir.”
“Oh, but I think it is. The details of your little incident are a little sketchy at best. How about you fill in the blanks for me? Now, I know he was on drugs, because he is rehab, but there's a hole in how they found out that little piece of information.”
“I don't think this is appropriate, sir.”
Eli would be proud of me, but it's the truth. It's not appropriate to talk about Cain with this man.
“Really? Was it that bad? What did he do to you? He's not the one who's made you scared though, is he? That's something someone did a while ago, isn't it?”
I don't know what to say. I don't want to answer him because he is going to read into any answer I give him. Also, it's not right to be talking about this. Instead I just say, “If you'd like to take a seat, I have work to do, sir.”
He smirks, like he knows something, like he's figured out a big secret and it makes my skin crawl. He slowly moves away from my desk and sits in the waiting section, while I continue with my work. I keep an eye on him so he can't catch me off guard again, but because I'm watching Paul out of the corner of my eye, I don't see the Captain appear. I jump when he calls my name.
“Yes sir?”
“I need you to talk to that scum bag...”
My eyebrows shoot up in confusion, “Sir?”
“That Russian bank owner. He's on line 2. I can't get anything out of him. He's pretending his English isn't very good. He doesn't know you can translate.”
“Sir, I don't think....”
“Dani, I need to get some information out of him.”
“But I haven't spoken Russian in a long time...”
He shoots me a disbelieving look and says, “I know you haven't forgotten it. Just translate for me. I'll tell you what to ask, you just have to translate. Ok?”
“Yes sir.”
Defeatedly, I pick up my headset, switch to line 2 and proceed to talk in Russian. Paul is watching in increasing interest, but I can't worry about that. The Captain tells me what to ask, and I rattle off the questions. He's right, the guy is being cagey. He's hiding something, I don't need to be a cop to know that.
After the call is finished and I hang up, the Captain asks, “Well?”
At first I go to speak in Russian, forgetting myself for a second, but after I get a few words out, I switch back to English and apologize. It's amazing how quickly you slip back into what's normal. Before I met these guys, I didn't really speak English. I only spoke Russian in that awful place, and because I didn't have any contact with people afterwards, I spoke to myself in Russian.
The Captain snaps me out of my thoughts, as he says, “Dani?”
“Sorry sir, just recalling the conversation. He's hiding something. His answers are not forthcoming or consistent.”
“Would you transcribe the conversation?”
“Yes sir.”
“What's your advice?”
“Sorry sir? My advice?”
“Yes, what would you do if you were me?”
“I can't comment on that, sir. I don't know your job, sir.”
“No, but you know people. You've been here long enough to know how it works. What's your take on it?”
I knew what I would do, but I didn't want to admit that because it was a hard thing for me to say. However, he won't stop until he gets an answer, so I simplify my answer and say, “Start an investigation into the bank, sir. There's something off about it. He wouldn't tell me about the secret vault. He didn't even admit it was there, even though we know it is. I'd get the cops to scan all the boxes in the vault, if the bank hasn't cleared them yet. That might give you some information.”
“Good girl, that's what I thought too. See, I told you you were good. Get Captain Greggson at Organized Crime on the line, I'll kick it to him.”
“Yes sir.”
“Paul, how can I help you? You seem to be popping in a lot recently.”
“Just wanted to have a chat with you about Cain. He's due for release on Friday...”
Paul watches me as he says that, and I can't stop my involuntary flinch at the words. Eli said he wouldn't be back, I have to trust that.
Once the two men have disappeared into the Captain's office, Ash appears at my desk with just one word, “Russian?”
I squeak a little because he scares me, which causes him to apologize.
“Russian and Spanish?”
“Yes sir.”
“How many more languages do you speak?”
“6 in total, sir.”
“6?! How the heck...?!”
“Learnt when I was young. The brain has the ability to learn up to seven languages by the age of seven.”
“6? I thought it was 5, Dani.”
“I learned another one, sir.”
“When?”
“Been working on it for a little while.”
Ash interrupts mine and Eli's little conversation, “So, what do you speak then?”
I sigh, not really comfortable revealing this, but I know I can't escape it. Eli looks interested too, so I say, “Russian, Spanish, Arabic, Italian, French, and Hebrew. I can pick my way through a few Baltic languages because they're similar to Russian... Please don't tell anyone though...?”
“Your secret is safe with us, right Ash?”
“Yes. But wow! You're quite something for a small package. Anything else you're hiding? Actually, yes there is...”
They see the panic in my eyes and I'm dreading the words he's about to speak. I don't know what he's going to say, so I'm relieved when he says, “The speed you read that file. How?”
Eli quickly answers, “Speed reader.”
“You knew about that, Eli?”
“Yep. Don't hate because I knew. I am your superior after all.”
Ash mumbles, “Always the CO card. Why do you got to play that way?”
“Because it's the truth.”
I decide to change the subject, “How was training?”
Ash groans and says, “You obviously didn't have a word with Eli, because he's working us even harder...”
A tiny smile tugs on my lips and Eli knows exactly what I'm going to say next. “I did have a word with him.”
“You did? Well, it didn't work.”
“Er, yes I did...”
“Huh?”
“I asked him to make you work harder... Can't have you unprepared for ops...”
At first he's shocked and then he catches on that I'm joking. He laughs and he can't actually speak yet. Eventually he says, “You made a joke?! Wow, what have you done with her, Eli? I like this new Dani.”
He chuckles a little more and Eli joins him. I can just manage a small smile, not quite able to work up to a laugh. It's like my heart is too heavy to allow a laugh or a full smile to erupt, but the guys aren't offended or upset by this. They seem to understand I'm not being difficult or offensive; they seem to get that there's more to the whole situation.
While Eli and Ash are talking by my desk, I carry on working, just listening to them in the background. A few minutes later Paul and the Captain walk out. I visibly tense up and Eli shoots me a questioning glance. I avoid eye contact, because I know he's going to be able to read me. He's going to see there's something wrong and I can't allow that to happen. Before anything can be said on that matter, Ash takes things into his own hands and he says to Paul, “What are you doing here, shrink? You seem to be sticking around a bit recently. A bit like a bad smell....”
Eli almost growls, “Ashton...”
“Sorry, my bad. I mean, feel free to pop in any time you want...”
“Don't worry, Sergeant Scott, I will. I must admit, deflection through sarcasm is usually a sure sign something is wrong...”
I can't actually believe this. There's a testosterone slinging match happening right in front of my desk. I just want them all to go away. It's getting overbearing and too much for me.
Ash actually laughs, “Good one, Paul, good one. If you knew even the slightest thing about me, you'd know that that statement means absolutely nothing. Sarcasm is my language, not a cover up.”
“Well, Ash, maybe you should book a few sessions with me, see if we can work on that...”
I can't take any more. I stand up and rush off to the coffee machine. I can't deal with all of that. Not only do I find it scary, because they're all just congregating in front of my desk, but also both Paul and Ash are being openly rude to each other. I can't deal with that. I'm just expecting someone to throw a punch or something, and seeing as I'm usually the one who gets punched, I'd rather take myself out of the situation completely.
I grab on to the worktop where the coffee machine is and I try to steady my breathing. I start counting and I'm at 47 when I hear someone whisper, “Hey, you ok?”
I let out a little squeak before covering my mouth. I steady my heart and whisper, “Eli, you scared me...”
“Sorry, I didn't mean to. Everything ok?”
“Just too much for me out there.”
“Ash is being a jerk. He's yanking Paul's chain because he know he can. For a shrink, Paul is being pretty dumb and taking the bait.”
“He's a creep...”
I gasp when I realize what I've said and I quickly whisper, “Sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that. Sorry...”
“Hey, hey. Calm down. You're right, he's a creep. And I can think of a whole load of worse words for him. Did he say anything to you?”
“No sir. I just don't like him.”
“Neither me. Clearly Ash doesn't either.”
“Clearly.”
“You ok now?”
“Yes sir. I just don't want to go out there until they've gone. It's too much.”
He presses me for an explanation so I tell him what my fears were.
“No one's going to throw punches. Well, Ash knows better than that and I really don't think he'd lower himself to Paul's level to do that. But certainly no one is going to punch you. I can promise you that. You don't need to worry about that. If Paul is hassling you, you need to tell me.”
“Yes sir.”
“Ok. Let's get the rest of this day done so we can go home. I'll make enchiladas tonight if you want.”
“That would be nice, thank you.”
A/N: Another update :) I'm not sure if I'm happy with this one, but I wanted to get it uploaded incase I can't upload for the next few days. My puppy is going in to be spayed tomorrow :( She's a clingy little thing, so I'm not sure how's she's going to take the whole thing. Wish her luck guys! Thanks for reading and let me know what you think :)