Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
- Erica Jong
Leah was lying on the grass when the first sun rays brushed her face. She liked where she was; not really awake, but not asleep either, rather in a soft, sunlit corridor that ran between the two. It was a welcome change from last night. After Jared left, she'd sprinted out of that room, choosing to occupy open space. She'd presumed the backyard would calm her fears, but the night had been dominated by tossing and turning, worry running too deep to dismiss.
It'd been impulsive asking Jared to take her to the live world and she was beginning to regret it. Even though he'd agreed, the memory of his anger when he'd been tied to that chair haunted her.
Leah's thoughts were interrupted as a shadow fell over her face, blocking the warmth with a dark stillness. She cranked one eye open to find Jared standing over her, hair backlit by the sun.
Leah resisted the impulse to flinch back and regarded him, noting the dark shadows under his eyes. He wore the same clothes as yesterday, the material uncreased.
"Get up," Jared said. "We need to go."
Leah stood quickly, brushing rogue leaves from her clothes as Jared turned and started to walk towards a car parked in the driveway. She ran to catch up, reveling in the stretch of her legs after such a long time cooped up.
"Are we near Narra?" she asked, slowing her pace to match his stride.
Jared glanced at her. "Not really."
Leah swallowed, unsure how her next words would be received. "I want to go back there."
He stopped and spun to face her. "I thought you wanted to go to the live world."
"I do, but I need to see Zarah first."
Jared's eyes clouded, a hand ran through already messy hair. "I don't think that's a good idea."
Leah tried to hide the mistrust from her expression. "Well, I do."
Jared's jaw clenched. "I'm not your chauffeur."
"I know," Leah said calmly. "If you don't want to take me, that's fine. I'll find someone else."
Jared glared at her and then turned away, muttering under his breath. "Fine. Get in."
Leah opened the passenger door and jumped into the car. Two hiking packs sat in the backseat and she turned to rustle through them for a water bottle. Before she'd turned back around Jared hit the accelerator, launching them forward and sending her crashing into her seat. She hit awkwardly and bit her teeth against a whine of pain.
Jared snickered and she glared at him.
"Was that really necessary?" she snapped.
He smirked, but didn't respond as they pulled onto the highway.
Leah turned to stare out the window, watching the tarmac glide beneath them.
"Why do you want to see this Zarah girl anyway?" Jared asked eventually, tearing Leah's gaze from the landscape.
She turned to find him examining her, one hand resting lazily on the wheel. His expression was blank, but she knew not to trust his apparent indifference. Every time Jared felt something, he'd throw up walls. He was almost as good at hiding his thoughts as she was.
"I want to say goodbye," she said.
Jared snorted. "That's bullshit."
"No, it's not."
"Fine. What's the other reason then?"
"I —" Leah cut off and glared at him. "There isn't another reason. I just want to see her before I leave."
Jared's eyes flashed a darker blue. "What about your parents? You don't care about them?"
Leah turned from him, knowing her expression would give away too much.
"They aren't my parents," she said softly. "And they wouldn't let me go. I can't see them."
Jared was silent for a moment. "I don't know. From what I heard around town, that drunk you call a father wouldn't really care. He'd probably kick you back out the door."
The bitterness in his voice was so extreme she felt winded and she rounded on him.
"What the hell is your problem?" Leah snarled. "Why are you helping me? You obviously don't want to."
When his eyes connected with hers they were astoundingly dark.
"No, I don't. But whatever sent you down here screwed with your memories. Taking you back to the live world is probably the only way you'll get them back."
Leah sneered at him. "And you expect that I'll tell you whatever you want to know the moment I remember?"
"Obviously," Jared snapped.
Leah turned away, glaring out the windscreen, and they stayed silent for the next hour as they made their way back into Narra.
Once they were a block away from Zarah's street, Jared pulled over and grabbed a hoodie from the back seat. They were still in an area dominated by bushland and low hanging eucalyptus leaves grazed the roof.
"Put this on," Jared said, throwing her the jacket.
Leah looked down at it. "Why?"
"Because you've been missing for over a week. If someone recognises you, they'll report it."
"You aren't coming?"
"No, I'm going to stay here. You have an hour."
Leah smirked and pulled the hoodie over her head, vision momentarily blocked. "You're eager to leave. Scared you're going to get arrested?"
When she pulled her eyes free of the material she found Jared closer than before, leaning across the arm rest. Startled, Leah flinched back into the door and he smirked.
"No, I'm not," Jared said, his voice low. "The police couldn't catch me, and even if they did, I'd kill them."
Leah snorted, trying to hide her rapidly rising pulse. "Was that speech meant to scare me?"
"No, it's meant to warn you," he said, reaching across her to open the door, his arm brushing her waist. "Don't do anything stupid, Leah. I promise, you'll regret it."
Leah glared and jumped out, slamming the door behind her.
"You have an hour!" Jared called, voice muffled by the glass.
Leah turned and started to jog away, pulling the hood up as she went.
...
By the time Leah reached Zarah's house her skin was thrumming with impatience. She'd controlled her speed the whole way there, cautious not to draw attention, but it'd cost a few precious minutes.
She glanced around, checking no one was looking, before she scaled the bricks and slipped through Zarah's window.
Someone gasped and Leah turned to find Zarah sitting on her bed, book in hand and mouth hanging open. For a moment, they just stared at each other, but then Zarah made a strangled noise and launched forward, barreling into Leah with a rib breaking hug.
Leah choked back a sob, allowing all the emotions she'd been suppressing to bubble up in the familiar embrace.
When Zarah pulled back, her eyes shone with tears.
"Leah, where have you been? No one knew where you'd gone. I've been so worried!"
Leah smiled tiredly. "I don't have long, so I'll explain quickly."
As Leah recounted her last week, she watched her friend's face pale. When she finished Zarah turned and sat back down on the bed, staring at her in horror.
"You're still alive?"
Leah nodded.
"Oh my god." Zarah's jaw appeared determined to dislodge from her face and drop to the floor. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"
"I would've if I'd known," Leah answered. "I knew I was different, but that was it. I can't remember anything before living with Alice and Brenton."
Zarah's gaze melted, glazed with a pity.
"This world is for repeats. Not everybody comes here. Those who die happy and content don't stay long. They move on."
Leah shifted, unsure how to react to that information.
"To be here without any idea what you need to correct or atone for, I can't imagine what that would be like."
Leah knew what Zarah was saying, it was written beneath every word. I finally understand you.
"Why does no one talk about it?" Leah asked.
"It's a bit of a taboo subject," Zarah said. "No one here is what they wanted to be. Many had hard lives or ugly deaths, sometimes at each other's hands. It's easier to just ignore it, to work on yourself."
Zarah was watching her uncertainly, her gaze cautious. "Alice never mentioned any of this to you?"
Leah looked down at her hands. She'd been avoiding thinking about Alice, about the fact that she must've known what Leah was and never told her. It made her feel sick. Her whole life she'd been constrained, rustling with secrets that only Alice could see.
"No," Leah said softly. "Never."
Zarah fiddled with her sleeve awkwardly. "I'm sure she had her reasons."
Leah nodded and glanced at the clock. She didn't have long left.
"I need to get back to the live world," she said. "I don't know what happened to me there, but I have this feeling that it was bad, that something terrible is happening and I'm involved. Jared wants to take me, but I can't trust him. Do you think anyone else would —"
"No," Zarah's voice sliced Leah's apart. "You can't trust anyone else. The moment you disappeared Brenton told everyone what you are. I didn't believe him until now but there's been search parties looking for you for weeks now. If you end up in the wrong hands you'll get kidnapped and traded."
Leah stared. "What?"
"It's rumoured that if someone is alive they can connect back to that world," Zarah said. "That you can talk to people from there. Everyone here has some unfinished business. Some people will do anything to complete it."
"But I can't do that!" Leah exclaimed.
Zarah looked distraught. "That's even worse. They'll presume you're just defying them and hurt you."
Leah's breathing had become erratic. "What do I do then?"
"Go with Jared," Zarah said. "I don't think you could trust anyone else to get you there."
"But I don't trust him."
"I'm not saying you have to trust him," Zarah said, her words agitated. "You just need him to lead you in the right direction. You obviously know how to handle him."
Leah wasn't sure she agreed with that, but she nodded, her head swimming.
Zarah ran to her desk and pulled out a small black square, handing it to Leah.
"What's this?"
"It's a tracker," Zarah said. "Dad puts them on the cars he fixes at the mechanics in case they get stolen. Keep it on you. If you stay in one spot for too long, I'll come find you."
Tears pricked the back of Leah's eyes and she hugged Zarah. "Thank you. Thank you so much."
Zarah pulled back, smiling slightly. "It's alright. Good luck, don't do anything stupid."
Leah's grin felt cracked. "I probably will."
"I know," Zarah said, ushering Leah back to the window. "Find me when you eventually come back."
Leah nodded.
"Can I ask you one last thing?" Leah said. "Could you look after Alice for me? Just, make sure she's okay?"
Zarah's smile was strained and Leah could see the tears hovering behind her eyes. "Of course."
"Thank you," Leah said and crushed Zarah into a final hug before swinging her legs over the ledge and dropping to the ground. She straightened from her crouch, pulling the hoodie up once more and making her way back down the street.
She kept her head low, wanting to sprint back to Jared. Zarah's warnings had successfully tripled her paranoia at being spotted and she walked quickly. Leah was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn't look up as she rounded the corner and she slammed into somebody.
"Sorry," she said quickly, trying to side step the person without making eye contact.
"Leah?"
The familiar voice sent her head shooting up and she came face to face with Arelie, an unfamiliar man trailing close behind her.