The blackness was starting to fade and my mind was becoming sharper and sharper as the seconds passed.
There was a light pain in my lower back where my hip bone was, but it was bearable, uncomfortable at the most.
I cranked my eyes open and took in my surroundings. I was lying in a hospital bed, wearing nothing but a hospital gown in the after surgery recovery room.
I reached down and grabbed on to my wrist to check my charm bracelet was still there. It had become one of my most favourite possessions and I was still yet to take it off.
Unlike the normal doom and gloom hospital rooms, this one was alight with colour. Because I was still eighteen, I was classed as a kid, so I got my treatment on the kids ward. Which if I may say so was the coolest place on this earth.
The rooms where themed and painted beautifully on each wall was a difference scene. The room I was in was under the water themed and on the walls was exactly that.
The water was a light shade of blue and reminded me of the time my dad, my mum and I went to Italy. I remember standing knee deep in the crystal clear water and watched as the tiny silver fished weaved their way around my legs. I felt beautifully free. It was amazing.
A huge dolphin was placed at the top of the wall, diving between the waves graciously and the rest of the water was filled by a rainbow of colourful sea creatures.
The colours really changed the atmosphere in the place and I think for the first time in my life, I was great full for my age.
Logan was perched in a chair to the left of my bed, he chest slowly rising and falling as he slept.
A small smile spread across my face, as it always did when Logan slept. There was just something so peaceful and calming about a sleeping Logan. I sat watching Logan for a good 20 minutes, until the door swung open and Craig bounced in wearing his professional 'at work' face as he clutched a clipboard.
"Hey. How you feeling?" He asked as he scanned over the pieces of paper clinging onto the clipboard.
"I'm fine. Just my hips aching and I feel like I could sleep for years. Is that normal?" I asked as I sat upright, winching slightly at the dull throbbing pain in my lower back.
"Very normal. Basically what we did was drill into your hip and remove a tiny bit of your bone and the spongy stuff inside, or the marrow as us medicals would call it. So yeah, your going to be a bit sore for a few days. Whilst you fly back to London and pack your stuff up for your semester here, you're bone marrow gets sent to the lab and then examined to see how far gone the cancer is. From then, we determine the next steps regarding your treatment. Sound okay to you?" He asked, expecting me to take that huge piece of information in at once.
"Erm, yeah. Gimme a second to digest that all. Anaesthetic and big medical words don't mix well." I laughed.
"Now, you seem well enough to leave. Just don't do anything drastic and get plenty of rest. If you start to feel dizzy or sick, get Logan to bring you in straight away. Have a safe flight back to London and i'll see you in a week." Craig smiled.
"Thanks Craig, I'll see you then." I replied as he left the room.
I slipped out from the creaky hospital bed and grabbed my bag containing my clothes. After changing out of the faded grey hospital gown and into my tracksuit, I wandered stiffly back into my room, making sure nothing came into contact with my plastered hip.
"Logan.." I whispered "Wake up."
After sighing heavily and rolling over awkwardly in the too small for his body hospital chair, Logan's eyes slowly fluttered open and he sat up.
He yawned and rubbed his eyes, "How long have you been up?" He questioned, looking slightly confused as he took in his surroundings.
"Only half and hour or so," I said as I shoved my things into my travel bag and slipped my shoes on, "Are you ready to leave?"
"Sure am. How are you feeling?" Logan asked as he swung my bag up onto his shoulder and grabbed my hand.
"Like I've been shot in the core of my hip." I forced a smile, " I just need to get back to my apartment and crawl into bed with the most unattractive, oversized t-shirt and a soppy film for the rest of the trip."
"I'm afraid Renee and Harper have different plants for you.." Logan trailed off with a sheepish smile.
"Oh shoot, the leaving party." I groaned, remembering the plans we made before I got my crappy news.
"We can cancel if you don't feel up for it." Logan said as he pulled my through the doors of my room and out the hospital.
"No, its fine. One night wont kill me." I smiled.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Dad, this is really not a suitable time to have this conversation. I'm trying to get ready for our leaving party. I'm home in a few days, we'll talk about it then." I sighed through the phone for what felt like the hundredths time as I slipped on my dress for the evening and awkwardly zipped up the back.
"You're having a party? Rhiannon, you've just been diagnosed with cancer. You need to take it easy. And that's why you need to come home. You need to be around family, stability." He said through the phone in his 'attempting to give strict orders as a strict father' voice.
"And what, throw away everything I've worked for and hide away in a cave? No thanks dad, I think I'd rather have a life before or if it gets taken away from me." I said bitterly.
I didn't mean to be horrible. I was just so fed up of people tugging me in all different directions and having no control over it. All I wanted at that very moment in time was normality. To go to sleep at night and not worry if I'd wake up. To make plans for the future and not worry about if I'll get one. Normality, a foreign word to me.
I realised that the line had gone quite, and guilt hit me like a ton of bricks.
"Dad, please don't be angry with me. I just cant change my life because of something like this. If I don't have normality I'm going to end up going crazy. So please, relax and don't worry about me. See you soon." I said in a soothing, less harsh voice compared to the tone I spoke in earlier. After all, he's just a father who's kid got diagnosed with cancer half way across the world. He's bound to worry.
I heard a faint 'I love you' from the other end of the phone, then the line went dead. Taking a deep breath in, I gazed at my reflection. I looked different, and I wasn't sure why. Everything was the same, the way I did my hair to the way I applied my make up, nothing had changed. It took me some time to realise what was different, but it finally clicked.
It was the way I wore my smile.. slightly strained and not the way a smile should look. No body else would notice the difference, but I could. It wasn't the smile of a girl who just got given her dream after wanting it so long. It wasn't the smile of a girl who had just had the best summer of her whole entire life, probably the best summer any eighteen year old girl had ever experience. Nope, it was the smile of a girl who had just been diagnosed with leukaemia. And let me tell you, it was a sad smile. The saddest a smile smile could get.
"Rhi, what are you doing up here? The party's downstairs douchebag. Lets go already." Renee yelled over the thumping bass spilling out from the speakers downstairs as she tore through my bedroom door like a mini hurricane.
"Nothing, I just got off the phone with my dad." I said as I stood up and straightened out the red dress that I wore like protective armour for the night.
"Ohh, I see. How is he coping?" She said sympathetically as she rubbed my back.
"Nope, that is it. None of that tonight." I said as I pulled away.
Renne looked at me like I'd turned into a psychopath over night, "What are you talking about?"
"That.." I waved my arms around her face, "that sympathetic 'I'm sorry you've for cancer' look. It's driving me crazy. Just for tonight, I am Rhiannon. Just me. Not the girl with cancer. Okay?" I grinned.
Renee looked at the floor, attempting to wipe away a tear without me seeing, but failing of course. "I just don't no how we got here, you no? This was suppose to be the summer of our dreams, not the summer of our nightmares." She sighed as she sat down on the edge of my bed.
I slid down next to her and rested my head against her shoulder, "Yup, I know the feeling. It's weird though right, like I have cancer? Who would of thought it."
"But anyway, let's just have tonight, okay?" She smiled as she pulled me up and into one of her bone crushing hugs.
"Deal, let's do this my friend." I grinned as we left the comforts of my room and make our way down stairs.
At that very moment in time I was so confused as to why Renee and Harper wasn't on the party planning career path. What they had done to the apartment could put any party planners with a university degree to shame.
The theme for the night was 'The Magic Of Winter.' seen as we had Christmas in a couple of months.
All the furniture from the apartment had disappeared miraculously. A blanket of snowflakes and icicles hung from the ceiling, glittering gently in the moonlight that shone though the open glass wall on the far side of the apartment.
In the middle of the room was an actual fountain, but instead of having just water, silver glitter was added to give the effect of ice. Multiple tree's that had shred it's leaves a long time ago surrounded the outside of the room, wrapped in beaded white fairy lights that danced with the music.
The apartment floor was completely covered in fake snow and along one of the walls was a huge castle carved elegantly from ice.
Six hours ago the apartment was untouched, now it had been completely transformed into a magical ice kingdom. I was stood at the top of the stairs, completely speechless.
When I finally manage to get my head around the idea of tonight; I made my way down the stairs and spotted a lady dressed as a ice fairy.
I watched her as weaved herself through the crowd of dancing bodies carrying a silver tray containing neat flutes of liquid, I'm assuming some form of alcoholic beverage.
I was mesmerised but her fairy costume that I completely jumped out of my skin when I felt a pair of arms snake around my waist.
"London." A familiar voice slurred from behind me.
"Jesse!" I spun round and pulled Logan's sister into a hug, "I didn't think you was able to make it tonight!"
"Ahh, missing a few weddings won't hurt, I hope." She laughed through a hiccup.
"Somebody's drunk. Let's get you outside." I laughed as I pulled her arm round my neck and used my free hand to support her body.
We weaved our way through the crowd and eventually made it on to the balcony, which was of course decorated to the standard of inside the apartment, those beautiful fairy lights covering pretty much all of the outside area along with glittering snow flakes sparkling under the dim light of the moon.
We made our way over to the pile of huge bean bags and flopped down on them.
"How beautiful is this place tonight." I smiled, thinking off the magic that I was surrounded by.
"It's how I imagine my wedding to be. Snow filling the air whilst a gospel choir sings a tune. And I want ever inch of the church to be covered in those twinkling fair lights." Jessie smiled, following it up with a yawn.
As a light breeze picked up and took the temperature down, Jesse rested her head on my shoulder and shut her eyes.
Over the past few days Jesse and I have grown close. She'd been like my rock, sucking the seriousness from the situation and making me smile, a true friend.
"Oh, before I forget. I have something to ask you." She said as she attempted to sit up in her drunken state.
"Okay." I replied, raising one eyebrow curiously.
"I want you to be a bridesmaid at my wedding. I was suppose to ask you before but it slipped my mind." She smiled as she tried to focus on my face.
"What! Are you kidding me?" I screamed and jumped up, pulling her into a standing position with me.
"Nope, your like family to me now. And Logan loves you more than anything. It would be an honour to have you as a bridesmaid London."
I pulled her into another hug as warm tears started a journey down my face. I had my suspicion that Logan had something to do with this, seen as it was on my bucket list.
"Thank you, Jesse. You honestly don't no how much it means to me." I grinned like the Cheshire Cat.
"No, thank you. Your the one that's going to have to freeze your arse off in my winter wedding." She laughed.
We slumped back down and started taking about about wedding plans. After some time Logan and Archie slipped through the sliding glass door and searched the crown until they spotted us.
Archie was Jesse's soon to be husband and they were the the best matched couple I've ever met. Archie was gorgeous. I mean, really, movie star Abercrombie & Fitch type gorgeous. With his mop of styled curly brown hair, huge brown eyes framed by long dark eyelashes inherited from his Italian roots, you could see why Jesse was head over heals for him.
Not only was he easy on the eyes, he was one of the nicest guys I've ever met. I'd got to know him from spending so much time with Jesse and I now classed him as a good friend.
"There you two are. I got scared that you both ran of to elope." He smiled as he held a hand out to me.
I laughed as pulled myself up whilst Archie slid down in my place next to Jesse who was still attempting to sober up.
"Will you guys be okay out here on your own. I'd like to take my date for a spin on the dance floor?" Logan asked, already walking off.
"Sure, you kids have fun." Archie grinned as he sent a wink in my direction.
"Logan, really. All this time and you still think we're dating." I said with a roll of the eyes.
"You're probably the most stubborn human being I've ever met in my whole entire life." He sighed.
"And don't you forget it!"
As we stepped foot on the dance floor, the music changed from a heavy bass song to a slow, classical music type.
I raised my eyebrows at a guilty looking Logan, "Getting the music changed to a slow song as soon as we got on the dance floor. We'll, aren't you the smooth guy all of a sudden."
"I don't no when your talking about." He said as he flashed me a toothy exaggerated smile.
Logan pulled me closer as the piano solo drifted through the air around us. He put his arm around my waist grabbed one of my hands with his, holding it over his heart. I wrapped my arm around his neck and rested my head on his shoulder as we swayed gently to the music.
We was lucky dance was a requirement when you studied musical theatre, because as I looked around the room, I saw a bunch if couples dancing out of time or stepping on each others feet. Very messy. But with us, we kind of just went together, like a puzzle.
'There is a house built out of stone
Wooden floors, walls and window sills
Tables and chairs worn by all of the dust.. This is a place where I don't feel alone
This is a place where I feel at home.'
This was one of my favourite songs in the world. One of my dance auditions was to this song. I looked around the room for a second time, wondering how I could be so lucky and unlucky at the same time.
Lucky that I had the most amazing friends humanly possible. The kind that would move mountains if I asked them too. Lucky to have had the opportunities that I have. Lucky for the life I've had. But then be so unlucky to get diagnosed as soon as things started working out for me. Go figure.
I leaned my head on to Logan's chest and listened to the pattern of his heart.
'By the cracks of the skin I climbed to the top
I climbed the tree to see the world
When the gusts came around to blow me down
Held on as tightly as you held onto me
Held on as tightly as you held onto me..'
There was one thing I knew for sure; there was no way I was going to give up without a fight, I had too much to loose.
'And I built a home
for you
for me
Until it disappeared
from me
from you
And now, it's time to leave and turn to dust..'
The song slowly faded out and the room went silent. After a few minutes, I heard the squeak of a microphone then Renee's drunken voice boom through the speakers.
"Erm, hello. Hi. Is this thing on?"
"Oh, no. What the hell is she doing?" I asked Logan as I tried to get a better view of her.
"I eh, I don't now." Logan replied as he scratched his head.
I narrowed my eyes at a guilty looking Logan who shuffled on his feet. And then it clicked together. This had something to do with their little secretive outing they took the other day.
"Whats going on buddy. I don't like all this shady side to you." I said accusingly.
"Stop talking and you'll find out!"
I sighed and rubbed my temples in an attempt to mentally prepare for the news Renee was about to deliver.
"As you all know, this is suppose to be mine and Harpers leaving party." She slurred, trust Renee to be drunk already.
"We'll, a few days ago I auditioned for a dance scholarship for the same school as Rhiannon, and I got it! I'm staying in New York!" She yelled just as my jaw hit the floor.
I looked at Logan who was grinning at me. "You did this?" I screamed.
"Yeah, I saw her rehearsing the other morning downstairs in the gym and spoke to Phil. He agreed to see her audition and she got the scholarship too."
Renee shoved her way through the crowd and appeared next to Logan's side, grinning from ear to ear.
"You's to, are dangerous!" I laughed as I pulled them both into a hug.
I couldn't believe it. Renee was not only staying in New York, but she was going to the same school as me. I couldn't stop smiling.